I think I'm going insane

Ive been really shy and scared of most people for as long as I can remember, struggled with depression since elementary school, and have felt really distanced from society since I dont fit in at ALL around here. Ive thought of suicide occasionally since around 3rd grade, but now it has become my default thought when Im not thinking of other things.... talking and coming out to friends about some of my insecurities has helped but I still really feel overwhelmed, and I dont know where to run to. I dont know what you guys will think of me for this, but Ive often wished I didnt have any arms or legs, so that at least for a few minutes to feed me/ clean me/ move me around, someone would HAVE to actually pick me up and hold me for a little while. I really feel like Im going completely mad and I feel like its getting worse every day, talking go friends has helped but I just feel completely overwhelmed. I might be coming of as crazy or sick but I just had to share how I feel or else I feel like im gonna explode

Hey Daring Do,

First off, by you writing all of this down is a step - you said you were going to "explode" and I'm sure writing this down has put you at some ease. Has it not?

In a way, I know how you feel. What I can offer to you is to take your mind off of things by doing activies. For me, it was dance and painting as I felt as most beneficial therapy and acted as an escape (I too was depressed and was insecure esp in elementary because I was the only skinny girl there). You may think that I was only happy when I danced or painted but as time went on, I didn't have to always to those things to keep my mood up. It's weird, but it changed my life for the better. Perhaps you should do something that will keep yourself busy. Blogging? Or even having a journal handy. Volunteer at the animal shelter (animals are great at reducing stress) DO YOGA!

You mentioned that you have friends who have helped you, and thats definatley a good thing. You are not in this alone my dear!

And lastly, have you ever considered going to a therapist? They're experts with these types of things, and perhaps you could benefit from professional advice. You should talk to your parents about this and how you're feeling.

Hope this has helped. And take it easy. You have so much ahead of you.

-felicksssssss

^ I agree with Fel, doing activities that interest you will keep you mind of everything else and give you a reason to live. professional advice is also good... school psychologists etc..

my school doesn't have any kind of counselor, and my parents are too un accepting for me to try to do anything. Ive tried hinting and showing how upset I am around them hoping they'll get the hint and take me to someone, but so far the only person they've taken me to see was someone in fith grade who diagnosed everyone who came to him with one of the disorders he just so happened to write a book concerning. I just feel like I'm running out of places to look for comfort/help, I dont know what to do anymore.

Are you sure? Why don't you make an appointment with your guidance counsellor (those who is in charge of student timetables and switching courses) and talk to them about seeking a social worker. That's what they're there for. Your highschool HAS TO HAVE a guidance counsellor. I know my school did. Whenever we wanted to make an appointment, we'd fill out a slip and check off whatever. One of the boxes was "personal matters" so I'm sure you school has something like that. Either way, guidance counsellors are supposed to deal with those types of things. Make an effort to do that.

Do you know of any kids help hotline in your state? Something like this: Home | Kids Help Phone

That's what I can offer to you now.

And you need to sit down with your parents and have a long one to one with them. It worked for me, atleast. Atleast they will know that SOMETHING is up with you.

I have felt sad to and have been in the same position.Just remember one day you will find someone who is your friend forever.Sports are good no matter if your not good at them. I have developed friends who if I get pushed they knock em down. Its all in your head that your going insane. Wish you luck

Originally Posted by Daring Do

Ive been really shy and scared of most people for as long as I can remember, struggled with depression since elementary school, and have felt really distanced from society since I dont fit in at ALL around here. Ive thought of suicide occasionally since around 3rd grade, but now it has become my default thought when Im not thinking of other things.... talking and coming out to friends about some of my insecurities has helped but I still really feel overwhelmed, and I dont know where to run to. I dont know what you guys will think of me for this, but Ive often wished I didnt have any arms or legs, so that at least for a few minutes to feed me/ clean me/ move me around, someone would HAVE to actually pick me up and hold me for a little while. I really feel like Im going completely mad and I feel like its getting worse every day, talking go friends has helped but I just feel completely overwhelmed. I might be coming of as crazy or sick but I just had to share how I feel or else I feel like im gonna explode

You're not crazy. You sound like you've got clinical depression, but diagnosis over the internet by untrained people is, of course, not the most reliable thing ever.

What I'd strongly recommend is that you seek out a psychologist. Not a "councillor" or "therapist" since those terms may be unlicensed where you live. The first post in this thread has links to hotlines that can, among other things, recommend good people to see. Alternatively, your family doctor may be able to give you some good recommendations.

Originally Posted by Majoras Deity

I have felt sad to and have been in the same position.Just remember one day you will find someone who is your friend forever.Sports are good no matter if your not good at them. I have developed friends who if I get pushed they knock em down. Its all in your head that your going insane. Wish you luck

Yes and no. Depression isn't the same as being sad, and while friends can definitely help, they aren't a cure by any means.

Originally Posted by Felicks

I want to highlight Majora's Deity amazing point. Often times, these feelings of "going crazy" are all in our head. Think to yourself that YOU are the BOSS and that YOU CONTROL your feelings.

No, you don't, and thinking you do just makes depression worse. You know these thoughts and feelings are wrong, but you keep having them.

Now, there does exist "cognitive behavioural therapy", which has a fairly high success rate at treating depression, but it's not about forcing yourself to not feel depressed. Instead, it's about noticing when you're thinking thoughts that lead to depressive episodes and avoiding them.

True, you do have to realize your thinking them and make it stop and just don't bottle it up.

Originally Posted by John

No, you don't, and thinking you do just makes depression worse. You know these thoughts and feelings are wrong, but you keep having them.

I'm speaking about my experience, so it was for me at one point and MAYBE it is for her. I'm not intending at all to give 'bad' advice.

She also mentioned that her parents were not supportive in making her feel better, so seeking a psycologist right away would be tough (and she lives in the states; she's not as fortunate as us to see these people for free and they must be quite expensive, especially if her parents are not going going to support here)

The hotline link John provided is a step, and they are anonymous.

Now, there does exist "cognitive behavioural therapy", which has a fairly high success rate at treating depression, but it's not about forcing yourself to not feel depressed. Instead, it's about noticing when you're thinking thoughts that lead to depressive episodes and avoiding them.

I forgot to mention CBT. This worked great on me when I had severe despression.

And yeah, don't look for diagnosis on the interwebs. It just makes you more paranoid. (For future references)

Hope everything pulls through. YOU GOT DIS!!

Damn, it's the worst when the parents don't support you, and can't help you get to a psychologist.

Are you sure there is no counselor at your school? I think they all have to have them.. What grade level are you in? Is your school private or public? You may not know that there's a counselor available, but there should be.

That way, it's someone you don't need your parents for.

Furthermore, if you're almost in college, you're golden: it's very easy to get professional help in college without your parents even knowing.

Im out for summer now but im a rising senior, I really think as soon as I get settled in in college Im going to look up a therapist/doctor first thing. now if only I can keep from loosing it completely before then