Coming Out

Brina, believe me, I know what youre going through, im in the same boat with you except a couple years older. Ive been through alot of turmoil about it and after coming out a few weeks ago to a LGBT friend, Ive been feeling alot more confident about myself and want to come out to a therapist or someone I could hold under patient confidentiality. My parents are intolerant of practicaly everything outside of 1950's era stereotypes, and I guess what Im trying to say is, if you need to talk to someone about this, feel free to message me, and im sure other trans ZUers would be more than willing also. Hang in there, I know its rough, I hope you get to a point where you can see yourself as beautiful and comfortable as YOU want to be, not as how others see you.

You're right. You're absolutely right. However... my brother and I don't have THAT kind of relationship. We don't really ever sit down and discuss personal issues based on the fact that he's a sarcastic dick (albeit a lovable one). I'm just scared because he's very stubborn and he could either turn out to be my greatest ally or my greatest adversary.

Well if it goes south and he is your greatest adversary then you'll get to face one of the greatest challenges and get the hard part out of the way early, not to understate what you're going through. I know that sounds terrible but if it is the case then you will have to face it some time and depending on how he hears it, it could be even worse. If he turns out to be supportive of you however, then from the get go you have someone with you, physically standing beside you to keep you positive.

The risk will be terrible but of all the other possible ways to go about it, I can't think of a better one.

Brina, I just want to say I envy you for being brave enough to even consider coming out about this, I still havent, although my mom sortof made me tell her something along the lines of "Ive always felt like a girl" but she never gave me a chance to explain. I hope your parents will hear you out and accept you when/if you come out, and I just wanted to say thanks because its people like you and some of my IRL friends who I've been able to come out to that have helped me work up the courage to even try to seek help. Youre a beautiful person, and I know affording treatment is a huge hurdle, one which I'm fretting over too. Try to find a health insurance policy that would help, or do what I plan on and transition in college. Many colleges have LGBT organizations that can help find you scholarships to offset the cost of education so you could put any money earned closer to paying for treatment. Also, Ive been practising with a tape recorder and a mirror and have been pretty surprised with the results regarding voice training. Im not singing Hatune Miku songs mind you, but if I were to pick up the phone and say, call for a pizza, the people on the other end refer to me as female when I use that voice. Also, another thing you could try is eating foods known to reduce testosterone/promote estrogen. I love fennel, and supposedly it is pro-estrogen, as is red clover and certain other herbs. point is, taking little steps to help feel more normal has helped me feel better about myself and kept me from being completely depressed, and maybe that tactic will work for you. And just remember, you dont have to "aggressively: come out, you could just start living like you feel like, and then if asked tell people you're trans. Whatever method you choose, just saying again that I'm here and listening, (and getting Skype)! Stay strong, sister.

You're right, but I can't imagine sitting him down and telling him.

What if I told my parents while he's still living at home and let him figure it out on his own?

Originally Posted by Brina

What if I told my parents while he's still living at home and let him figure it out on his own?

That is an option. It all boils down to what you feel most comfortable doing. If you feel this would make you less scared to be honest with your parents, then it might be a good option. You never know, after you tell your parents you may even feel comfortable enough to talk to your brother about it. Just take things one step at a time so that you are comfortable and as least stressed as possible.

In my opinion, I think you should focus on your parents first and foremost. You are a minor, so you will be living under their roof for a number of years more. It's important to get them to understand your feelings on things and get them on your side - they're the ones who can protect you from people's ignorance in the world to a certain extent, you know? With your parents on your side, I think thechallenges people with less understanding may pose will be easier for you to cope with.

Also, I have a serious question I want to ask - are you aware of the possible health risks of hormonal therapy? I'm not trying to scare you, but this is something important you should know beforehand so you can weigh the pros and cons.

And I just want to say too, my heart really goes out to you and once again, I hope everything turns out wonderfully for you. Whenever I hear of people saying they are this unhappy with their birth sex, my heart goes out to them - not as a "poor you" or pity sort of thing, but because I know how much I've always loved being a girl since I was old enough to pick out dresses as a toddler and can only imagine the pain I would be experiencing if I had been born a boy and had the same feelings inside that I have as a girl.

I know this is a tough time for you, but all negative things pass with time..life is full of challenges and you will make it through to happiness. :)

I would just like to say, I really love the accepting atmosphere of this community. It speaks volumes about the quality of the people and staff on this site. I love this community and hope to be a part of such a loving place for many years to come. ^_^

Remember this Brina. We will always be here for you. If you ever need to talk, my skype or inbox is always open. I'm sure several others feel the same way.

To answer your question Willow, I have a pretty good idea what the risks and benefits of HRT are, and in my mind the benefits outweigh the risks.

Your right Dash. This community really is amazing

Normally I'd tell you to come out swinging and tell everyone to ♥♥♥♥ off if they don't like it, but being 14 and in a conservative, religious home changes things. I'm going to be totally honest here: live the way you want to, dude, but don't make a big deal about "coming out" until you're stable enough to not need the help of your parents.

It sucks that you can't be entirely honest with yourself, but you have to weigh the penalties: is it worse to not be able to fully out yourself as transgender, or is it worse to endure the ridiculous bull♥♥♥♥ that will probably rain down on your head from your religious parents if you do. If you think the latter is worth it, then by all means go for it, but I can't say I recommend it.