Hey there ladies. Sometimes you've got a problem that you'd rather discuss with other women. That's why this thread is being brought back! If you've got ladyproblems of any kind come right on in here. This includes but is not limited to:
Family and friends
Health and wellbeing
Grief and coping
It'd be great if we could get some of you gals out there to sort of volunteer your services, be open to PMs from members who are too shy/unwilling to talk about their problems openly. If you'd like to do something like that shoot me a PM/VM and we'll take it from there.
And I'd like to give credit to my fabulous co-mod Breeze, since I stole a LOT of this post from her original thread! I totes appreciate you grrrl
So yeah, get posting
General thread rules:
-ZU rules still apply. That means no spamming, trolling, or flaming. This is a serious thread and any incidents of rule breaking will be treated accordingly.
-This is an advice thread. If you want to have a side conversation take it elsewhere. Please limit discussion here to help and advice.
Oh god I was hoping to not be the first post here.
Anyway this morning, my gramma asked me if I remember when I got molested.
Rest of the story in spoilers cos it's highly unpleasant. I'm trying to think of a way to write this in a tone that's not like "oh woe is me and my poor poor tragic life" but I seriously do need to get this off my chest and I feel awkward bringing it up with anyone else.
No, I don't remember the time I got molested, but Gramma has no reason to make it up. She just was wondering if it was a repressed memory or what. She got her answer, but right now I'm freaking out.
So basically she said "You were about four years old and I remember you'd put your hand over yourself a lot and you'd cry in the bath tub and stuff like that so I looked at you and your private area was bruised and bright red and really looked beat up and hurt. So I asked you what happened and you told me your mother's boyfriend did it. I had two choices, I'd call CPS and get a case going against your mother, or I could keep quiet about it and tell your mother to get him out of the house or else. If I picked the first option, you'd never see your mother again, plus your grampa would have gone after the boyfriend and killed him." (she wasn't exaggerating either, I promise)
Now I sit here thinking well how did this affect me as I grew up? Was it why I had sex at such a young age? Was it why I actually secretly hate my body and feel compelled to give it to other people to validate it's worth? I don't know. I guess I'm not even looking for a "why" exactly.
And my mom. She is awful. I complain about my mom all the time about how bad she treated me and how much she never gave a ❤❤❤❤ about me but this is on a whole nother level of ❤❤❤❤. She most likely was aware he was molesting me and she did nothing to protect me. Or she somehow wasn't even aware it was happening even though I made it so painfully obvious by the way my gramma made it sound how I acted and looked down there.
Anyway this whole thing is making me feel very unhappy and uncomfortable on a different level than I'm used to. Just imagining some creep touching child me and hurting me and not caring how I feel and my mom not caring...ugh.
I can't afford a therapist so I guess I just have ZU to turn to...help me? I don't know how to shake this off.
I'll approach this issue in espoilers, as this is what your original post was written in. :>
First of all: no, what you are doing doesn't sound like "oh woe is me and my poor poor tragic life", molestation is a nasty topic and it's horrible to talk about it. The reason why I decided to reply to your post is that I have been molested um, three times in my entire life, though none of them was this serious as your case. When these things happened with me, I read a lot about sexual abuse and visited a therapist, I'll try to write a bit about stuff I was told/have read.
Child abuse is different than "normal" sexual abuse, because the victim often represses it and doesn't remember the event, only later in her life, just as you said. I really don't think your grandma should've asked, forcefully making the victim remember - even with an innocent question like that - sounds rather harmful. I'm saying this so that you realise that yes, it's okay and perfectly understandable you feel that way. To be honest, I highly disagree with her decision regarding this abuse; the way you talk about your mum sounds like it's not only a sudden feel of why did you let this happen, but a general dislike towards her and I assume it has a reason why you feel this way.
However, let's not focus on this. Regarding child abuse, as there's not much to do police-wise - t this point, I doubt it's possible to make a move - you'll have to deal "only" with the long-term effects. Now that you actually had to "awake" and realise what had happened, it's time you find a way to cope with it. It has obviously affected you as a person: the fact that you seem to underestimate your body, which is flawless and unique of its own, by the way, pretty much shows it. You'll have to acknowledge this and work on it accordingly! I think it's a pretty good idea to ask for help online, it could work if you found someone in similar shoes, so that together you'll be to survive the long-term effects as well. I don't know who you could talk to in your family/among your friends, though remember that I've sort of experienced similar things you have and so if you want to talk, you can always approach me. The key thing first is that you allow yourself to be sad and upset, because this is a saddening and upsetting thing and this is a natural reaction. After that, just for everybody else, it's crucial to find out who you are - which is your journey to take and everybody has one, not only you - and I think meditation could help with that? I sound like Gamzee, but I think it'd be helpful to stay alone with yourself and think over what this newfound knowledge changes - and you'll realise that it doesn't change anything, because it's not what determines you as a person. In the long run, aim to maintain healthy relationships and force yourself to live a healthy life. Don't let yourself wallow in doubts and fear forever. Look into the future instead of fearing the past! It's hard to let this go, because it's part of what you are and it'll never really change, but you'll have to accept yourself with this and not despite this. A therapist would be real nice to have, because it helped me a lot after my issue - though I had to abandon it due to financial reasons too - but even one single talk with a professional, which could be affordable?, would make a difference.
I hope for the best, kezzie, good luck with this. (:
kezzer, I feel for you, no I havn't been molested, but I have had friends come out and tell me, and I know it's probably hard to think that really happened to you. If you ever seed some one to talk to just message me.
Ohmanohman. Can I request a PM from a lovely lady who sees this and is willing to help/listen? My question(s) are about, er, sex and I'd like it if someone who is more "experienced" in it to be the one to PM. This may be awkward but I really don't have any other girl to talk to about this and I'd just like some advice please and thank you ;-;
Do any of you lovely ladies have any experiences with the Implanon? I was advised by a doctor I saw today that due to my aura migraines, I shouldn't be on the estrogen pill, since it increases the risk of a stroke. We discussed my options (and I'm rubbish at remembering my pills anyway) and I think Implanon is the way to go.
Since it's a month on Panique, I'm curious as to whether you wound up going with Implanon or not. If you have, how's it working out for you?
Just to play devil's advocate to the positive post regarding it, my friend constantly had her period week after week for about half a year or longer when she got the implant, and her relationship with her ex quickly deteriorated due to her also being extremely moody most of the time. That being said, the following two and a half years for her was smooth sailing, I believe. I don't think that's overly common though.
I'm considering it or the pill myself, granted I had a slip up with my boyfriend the other week (condom broke without either of us realising it), never had these issues with my ex of two and a half years and here I am a little over a month into the relationship and already having a mishap, haha. Took the morning after pill, and now I'm rocking a rag less than a fortnight after my last ended, yay!
I don't yet, but I still want to get it. Full-time work leaves a pretty tiny window of opportunity in which to visit a doctor on a number of specific days of my cycle, which blows. Also it's gonna run me about $200 which I'm not insanely excited about coughing up, but I still intend on getting it at some point soon.