I don't know how to do it

I spoke with a councellor for four months and she showered me in blame, and we came to the conclusion I had feelings for my best friend and talked bout that the entire time.

Bottling up seems like the way to go tho. Cos its like no one really cares a lot of the time. I talk to myself about things but that always sucks cos I'm mean and just beat myself down. And feel more worthless than before.

Then you saw a ♥♥♥♥♥ty ass counselor and need to see a new one, because a counselor, a true one, would NEVER shower you in blame. EVER.

How do I know this? I'm studying to be a counselor. There's something called unconditional positive regard. This is something we are required to give every single one of our clients.

Your counselor should have dealt with your bottling up of things and beating yourself up constantly, if they were a legitimate counselor. You NEED to see someone.

Find a new one. Tomorrow. Look into it. Do you get support from your family financially or do you have insurance?

Originally Posted by Tacoman

Men aren't sposed to cry and I got spanked for crying when I was lil, I cry tho.

There's that old saying that "Real men do cry", as corny as it may sound to some.

Also, I do not think that your family's problems is your fault. They are ones at fault for not respecting you, and are causing the problems themselves.

Originally Posted by Morgan*

Then you saw a ♥♥♥♥♥ty ass counselor and need to see a new one, because a counselor, a true one, would NEVER shower you in blame. EVER.

How do I know this? I'm studying to be a counselor. There's something called unconditional positive regard. This is something we are required to give every single one of our clients.

Your counselor should have dealt with your bottling up of things and beating yourself up constantly, if they were a legitimate counselor. You NEED to see someone.

Find a new one. Tomorrow. Look into it. Do you get support from your family financially or do you have insurance?

Exactly what he said. You need to find one tomorrow.

I'll look for one. It's so uncomfortable to talk to someone like that. And if I say I'm suicidal they'll cart me off to a hospital.

Tacoman, answer me truthfully.

1. Have you contemplated suicide in the last 24 hours?

2. Have you come up with a plan on how you would commit suicide?

3. If you have come up with a plan, do you have the means to carry that plan out?

You need to be 100% truthful with me here or I cannot help you.

Originally Posted by Tacoman

I'll look for one. It's so uncomfortable to talk to someone like that. And if I say I'm suicidal they'll cart me off to a hospital.

Well, at least you'll be getting some form of help out of it. That way, the future will look bright for you.

Yes I have.
No I can't plan cos it becomes a jumble in my head.
I do have sleeping pills and alcohol, and my knife tho those are means, they are just failures to tho.

I have no concious plan tho, so I'm not gonna kill myself anytime soon. I'm too far into my shell. I go by organization and planning I can't randomly do something. The closest to a plan would be leaving. I don't want my body found I just want to be forgot.

1. You have contemplated suicide.

2. You haven't planned it in your head because it becomes jumbled, but you're actively thinking about ways that you could possibly hurt yourself (with sleeping pills, alcohol, and your knife)

3. You say you have no conscious plan, but you have the means to carry it out. You're making excuses on why you wouldn't do it, but you HAVE the means and you have had the thoughts. That's strike three.

You need to go to a hospital. I am sorry. You need severe help, and therapy once a week is simply not going to cut it. At the very least, call a crisis line and talk to them. They can do more for you than I can do from my computer. I've used a crisis line many times in the past; in fact, I used one a week ago and they called me back today to check up on me.

You need help and this is not a sign of weakness. This is the fight for your life, and I know deep down you want to live, because we all have that survival instinct. I could have died two weeks ago, should have been in the hospital, but I forced myself to get better...because I didn't want to die. I was forcing myself to throw up in excess of 5 times a day in about 6 hours time and was the closest to death I had ever been. My family, although they abused me emotionally and sometimes physically as a child, helped nurse me back to health, and I'm not 100% right now, but I am SO MUCH BETTER.

Asking for help is not weakness. You need severe help Tacoman, and I don't say that lightly. Not one bit. I wish I could be there to help you, but I can't. I can only do this.

Alright I'll find one of those crisis numbers. I can't stand the thought of being locked up. I don't think I could handle that. I'll find a number and talk to them, like you said.

I see the pills and my knife as failures, they didn't work for me. I don't think I'd try them again. Thank you, all of you.

Wait -- you've tried suicide before? That changes a lot.

You need a psychiatric evaluation and need to see a counselor. You need to go to the hospital.

How could that change a lot? I'm no different now than then.

It changes my knowledge of your history and your psychological disposition. If you have a history of suicidal tendencies, which you now clearly do, you need to be evaluated by a doctor. NOW. I don't care if they stuff you up in a room. This is a fight for your life. You don't realize how precious that is.

I don't know how precious it is. I've never got to see a good reason for it. I've got a lot of thinking to do. Good night Morgan, thank you for showing me that someone'll care no matter what. I'll make a call tomorrow or I'll lock myself up.

You won't be locked up. If you walk in voluntarily can't they only hold you for a certain amount of hours? Here in Florida, in the US, it's 72 hours, if you're a danger to yourself or others.

I don't know. They just told me they'd lock me up and monitor me cos I can't be trusted alone. And I said no I'd get worse with no contact to my friend. That was three years ago tho I think so it might be different now.

I don't know Canada's laws about mental health but these people will WANT TO HELP YOU. You just have to put in the effort to try to help yourself.

---------- Post added at 02:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:22 AM ----------

If they were going to lock you up they would have just done it, not threaten you with it.

---------- Post added at 02:24 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:23 AM ----------

You have rights -- I suggest you find out about Canada's Mental Health laws to know what they can and cannot do.

---------- Post added at 02:36 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:24 AM ----------

I'm going to sleep. This is way too draining on me. Go to a hospital though. You need to. If you got locked away and monitored because they can't trust you by yourself, that may be the best thing for you right now because you are emotionally unstable and could potentially do something drastic to yourself.

Best of luck.

I just think the situation may be a little bit beyond merely having a one hour therapy session one time a week. Maybe if he were able to have several sessions a week to start out, that would work, but one hour isn't enough, with first having to go through a consultation, and then setting up an actual appointment; but if he's suicidal, and has tried it in the past, that makes the situation pretty dire. I was maybe a little stern about things, only because I thought it was the best way to get through to Patrick. Suicidal ideations are nothing to take likely, especially if you have the means in front of you to carry it out.

I couldn't make the call today. It seemed wrong. THere has to be a way for me to get passed this on my own.It's not worth a therepist or psychologists time to deal with someone liike me,

It is if you may potentially harm yourself.