Hello advice board, I was hoping you guys could help me out with a little issue I have.
Often times I find myself in this sort of social situation, and frankly I have no idea what to do. So here it is: I'm talking to a girl I want to become involved with and she's having a ♥♥♥♥ty day. Nothing seems to be going right for her. Usually when I'm talking to her on a day like this the conversation is slow-moving and very quiet. How am I supposed to relate myself emotionally when things like this happen? I'm generally bad at appealing to others' emotions in general. Does anyone have any advice they can offer me? What kinds of things do girls like to hear when nothing seems to be going right?
Usually I deal with stuff like this in different ways, though the most important thing to do is listen, and by listen I don't just mean to what she's saying. See, sometimes people will want advice, sometimes they'll just want someone to listen to them vent, hell, sometimes they just want someone to agree with them lol. I can usually pick this up by the tone of their voice, or even body language. Sometimes, I just outright ask, like what do you need from me, advice or someone to listen to you, because I'm picky about giving advice when the opposite end says they want it, but really they just want someone to hear them out.
In the case she does want advice, usually what I do is I think about my own experiences and try to relate to the other person. It doesn't have to be exactly the same situation, but I say something like oh, that's like this one time when I _______, and more often than not that establishes a connection and comfort ground for the other person, knowing that you can relate, or at least sort of relate, to their situation. Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be my own (though I prefer first-hand experience over another's). If I can think of something similar that I know someone else went through, and how they dealt with it, I share that.
If you can't think of a way to relate, usually what I do is one of these:
I ask them how they felt during the situation. I don't try to say ohIgetcha, but I ask them to expand on how they are feeling. Sometimes when they do go into more detail about it, I can think of other ways to relate, and I've found it actually helps them let off steam when they're not just relaying events, but speaking about how it impacted 'em emotionally.
Sometimes, I just say honestly I can't relate to you and I don't want to insult you by pretending I understand when I don't, but I'll listen to you whenever you need it. And I stick by that; I'm there when the need it, but I know I'm limited in offering advice so I refrain from it.
I hope this helped you some. I can think of other stuff, but not too sure if I should say because I don't know this situation well enough to pin-point which path I, personally, would take. Good luck!