Relationship Advice Thread

Is anyone, preferably a guy, willing to discuss something kind of personal over PM? Any help will be appreciated.

Shoot if you'd like, don't know how helpful I'll be though.

So, hey..Here's something I've wondered for awhile. Am I asexual..? You all remember my ex, right? Well..As selfish as it is and..As much as I feel like a jerk for it, I think Calypso was right..I didn't love her. But it wasn't lust, either. No, it was the IDEA of being inlove. Because I thought that if I fell inlove, my depression would be gone. It's gone right now, but...Its not because of my ex. So you can tell I'm a pretty selfish guy for having that kind of mindset. "All I need to do is fall inlove, and I'll be happy. That'll be the only thing in the world to make me happy".

So since I was never inlove, it brings back a question I've had in my mind for years. Why haven't I fallen in love? Why aren't I interested in anybody?

Its personal, and I won't go into the details..But I had a sexual encounter..With another..Guy, when I was younger. And it was unwilling..

I used to think that I was gay, because of that experience..But I don't know what I am..

I just don't feel attraction towards anybody. I don't care for nudity. A womans bare breasts just doesn't interest me.

I didn't realize it until I got myself in that big mess with that girl in September, but..I love being single. I love being alive. Most guys just want to date, and have one night stands (Not you guys personally, but most of the people I know in my city)

But I don't care for any of that! I just want to get a job, and enjoy life..Have fun with friends.

This is what I meant when I said I thought I was heartless a hundred posts ago (Like three months ago, I think).

Could it be a physical problem? Hormones..? Could it be because I'm a late bloomer? I'm almost 20 years old, but my family and everybody at my school always commented on how I look exactly like I'm only 12..Or 14 years old, at the latest..

^ Reasons could be:


A. You haven't found the right person for you.

B. Love might not interest you right now (just taking a guess).


You don't have to live a life with someone. There are a lot of people out there who do well on their own without a significant other in their life. It just might not interest them, or they just have never clicked in with it, or - they prefer to live on their own.

You're 19 right? You're still a bit young to get into something serious imo. I honestly doubt something is wrong with you. :p


Just give it time and let it come to you. Don't go looking for it.

Well, if you say so..It makes sense. But what if I don't believe in love? I believe in happiness, and I'm happy..But I don't really believe in love. It sounds like an amazing thing..And I'd like to believe in it, sure..But..I just don't. It doesn't seem real..And if it is, then I've sure seen it die quickly..

Maaybee its just not for me...Or something like that.

So you think everyone who says they're in love is lying?

You'll change your mind when you find the right person

How can you possibly know whether someone I'll assume you've never met is able to feel love?

Guys, we really do not need to make this about "oh, so why don't you think love exists." Someone is asking for advice, so please be respectful.

I was speaking rhetorically, so maybe it was my fault. What I mean was this: You are absolutely wrong about love not existing.

Originally Posted by Shadow

Well, if you say so..It makes sense. But what if I don't believe in love? I believe in happiness, and I'm happy..But I don't really believe in love. It sounds like an amazing thing..And I'd like to believe in it, sure..But..I just don't. It doesn't seem real..And if it is, then I've sure seen it die quickly..

Maaybee its just not for me...Or something like that.

That really depends on how you'd like to define love, and we all know there are different kinds of love. To further complicate matters, the love you feel for a significant other gradually changes over time.

So I don't think it's silly to question if there's such a thing as "love" or if you're incapable of feeling it because everyone has a different perception of what it is. That being said, I think the general concensus is that when you really love someone, you'll know it.

Sounds rough.. Yeah, see..I'd like to stay away from that. Maybe its my fault, you know? Never having been inlove myself. I grew up in a pretty rough neighborhood. It was a good fun life, but it was pretty devoid of typical affections. I was never the type of person who hugged friends, or anything. And the first crush I ever had spit in my face and called me a freak.

Christ..That was dramatic. I've just never seen love. Love doesn't die. It's not supposed to die., Marriage between two people eventually turns into developing a disgust for the other. I think its just infatuation. Because it doesn't last very long..And if anything, those old couples who lived together up to their 90s? I don't think its love, as much as it is a platonic relationship. They're best friends.

I haven't heard either one of my parents tell each other "I love you" in over 8 years. Never seen em kiss. Nah, all my dad does is get drunk and yell at her all the time, calling her every name you can imagine. Not to mention, he's abusive toward all of us. But the only reason my mom never divorced him is because she doesn't want this family torn apart. But she's considered it a lot. Even before I was born, she considered it.

And I've never even heard one of em tell me "I love you". Personally, I wouldn't even be surprised if one of em hated me. And then there's my siblings. One of them went off and got married without even telling the family..Never even invited us to the reception. They think my parents are crazy alcoholics. Because they just picked up their things and left. We never hear from them anymore. They don't visit us on holidays, mostly.

If I get married, we're only going to last three years because we'll both be sick of each other. Then its not about love. It's just circumstantial. "Well, we're together now. And we have the responsibility of a child. It is what it is."

You say I'm young? I say I'm not young enough.

Who knows? Maybe someday, someone'll prove me wrong..'Sweep me off my feet'. Or not.

There's too much hate, and too much love in this world. But not enough joy, and not enough passion.

I don't understand. Are you expecting us to agree with you because of your anecdotal evidence and distrust?

No, I'm not. I'm explaining my reasons for my belief. I asked for advice, I'm givin' my reasons for why I believe this. I'm not expecting anybody to agree. I'm expecting someone to retaliate and tell me WHY I'm wrong, not go all out on criticism. Don't be a jerk about it.

Sorry, I didn't think you were accepting an opposing viewpoint. I would just use Occam's razor and say it's much more likely that old couples who say they are in love are telling the truth than that they're lying.

Originally Posted by Farron

Love and loss walk side by side.

I once loved someone. I lost her. Now I wish I was dead, because being dead would be easier than coping with the pain. She was my one and only chance. I tried everything I could. And she is gone.

I wake up every morning and I think about her. As I go through my day, I think about her nonstop. When I lie down, I think about her. When I sleep, I dream about her. And I wonder if I am ever going to stop thinking about her. I have spent so much time devoting every bit of who I am to her. And now I'm left in the lurch.

My life walked away from me. But I'm not dead. I'm just living.... as one dead.

This is the most ridiculous things I've seen in this thread. And it's a thread filled with a ton of nonsense.

No girl is "your one and only chance" as you put it. I'm gonna guess you're somewhere between 16-18 and you just broke up with your first ever girlfriend and are going into some sort of teenage "woe is me" angst. There are basically two ways you could continue forward. Either continue on this stupid path of yours and stay miserable or move the ♥♥♥♥ on, meet new/different girls and have fun.

Listen up because I'm gonna drop an atomic bomb of truth on your face: There are plenty of girls out there who are 10x better than the girl you just broke up with. Also there's plenty of girls who'll happily have sex with you if that's all you want. Just go to a bar/club/library/grocery store/etc. They're everywhere.

I feel like I've said this to someone here already. Oh well. Other than like 4 dudez here people don't know whats up.

You forgot pumpkin patches.

That's disgusting and you should feel ashamed for mentioning that.

You gotta go to other places. You gotta go to spin class, a farmers' market, pumpkin patch, given the time of year.

Originally Posted by Farron

I was totally serious. My circumstances don't even allow for meeting a new person. You don't understand the circumstances and I'm not getting into it here. But I literally can't "meet new/different girls and have fun." I would love for it to be that simple, but it's not.

Unless you're stuck in a hospital in a full body cast I'm going to call bull♥♥♥♥. If cops/air traffic controllers/fire fighters and even goddamned amputees can get some at bars/clubs you have no excuse.