OoT Retold

I don't think it's at all that great but I'm posting it anyways. My first 3 chapters aren't going to be so good since I rushed them.


Chapter 1

Deku Tree: Navi, where are you? Come here.

Navi: I’m here your holy woodiness. How may I be of assistance?

Deku Tree: I want you to bring Link here.

Navi: Ok.

Deku Tree: …

Navi: …

Awkward silence: …

Deku Tree: So? Off you go.

Navi: Aren’t you going to make a long over dramatic speech about how much the world needs Link and how you’ll be screwed if he doesn’t make it here in time?

Deku Tree: … Why would I do that? If I do, I’ll be already screwed by the time I’m done.

Navi: But that’s the way it’s supposed to be…

Dekut Tree: Do I really have to?

Navi: Nah. I’ll be back *Flies away*
-------
-In front of the entrance to Hyrule Castle Town-

Link: So what am I doing here again? *Steps aside as a horse rushes by* Isn’t that the princess? … Wait, how do I know???

Ganondorf: Which way did they ran off to?

Link: *Turns around* Holy crap! Has anyone ever told you you have a royal-family-size nose?

Ganondorf: What did you say about my nose?!

Link: Nothing…

Ganondorf: You insolent! You shall pay for that insult. *Shoots a magic ball out of his hand meant to hit Link but misses*

Link: Wow…

Ganondorf: *Shoots and misses again*

Link: Maybe you should try getting your nose out of the way.

Ganondorf: You’ll pay for this! I’ll- I- I- *Sneezes*

Link: *Gets blown away by the sneeze* ahhhhh! *Wakes up screaming* ahhhhhh!

Saria: Ahhhh!

Link: AHHHHH!

Saria: AHHHHH!!!!!! *Jumps out of the window*

Link: What the hell? *Looks out the window* Hey are you ok?

Saria: Yes I’m ok. *Whispers to herself* My broken dreams and hopes broke my landing x[

Link: Ok, that was weird…

Navi: And it’s about to get worse.

Link: AHHH!

Navi: Would you stop screaming? You scream like a little girl! The whole kokiri forest heard you!
-----------
Mido: Have you seen Saria?

Fado: She snuck inside Link’s bed to watch him sleep… again.

Mido: Oh… Wait, so all those screams-

Fado: Yeah, she’s a screamer alright.
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Link: I’m sorry. I had a bad dream and you scared me. Hasn’t anyone ever taught you to knock first?

Navi: With what?

Link: Oh…

Navi: The Deku Tree wants to see you.

Link: Why?

Navi: I don’t know. He just told me to call you but didn’t want to waste his time with explanations.

Link: *Gets out of bed* Alright, let me just get my boots and- *Jumps back on the bed pointing at the floor* AHHH!

Navi: Huh? *Looks at the floor* Oh, for the love of Nayru! It’s just a spider!

Link: Sorry… Looked an awful lot like something I dreamt.

Navi:*Sigh* Why have the goddesses chosen such a coward boy to save the world?

Link: Huh? Did you call me a coward? I’m not a coward! I just had a bad dream ._.

Navi: Well shake it off! The Deku Tree needs you.

Link: Alright… Let’s go.

AMAZING! I like how link is a coward.

Link: *Gets out of bed* All right, let me just get my boots and- *Jumps back on the bed pointing at the floor* AHHH!

Navi: Huh? *Looks at the floor* Oh, for the love of Nayru! It’s just a spider!

Link: Sorry… Looked an awful lot like something I dreamt.

Navi:*Sigh* Why have the goddesses chosen such a coward boy to save the world?

Link: Huh? Did you call me a coward? I’m not a coward! I just had a bad dream ._.

So funny.

It's an interesting retelling of OoT. I really liked the exchange between Link and Ganondorf.
Can't wait to read more.

LOL wow, I've never read anything so funny in meh life! om g this is sooo funny keep it up

I agree, this is the funniest OoT retelling I've ever read. please let this one make it out of the woods, PLEASE! none of the other ones make it out, like ever.

Oh wow, you guys actually liked it? Gee, thanks. I might be posting chapter 2 tomorrow.oh and if you liked this, you might want to check out my fs parody (link on my sig.) It's way better than this one.

Chapter 2

Link: *Comes out of his house* What a beautiful day.

Navi: Yes a beautiful day indeed.

Saria: Yahoo!!! You’re awake!

Link: Oh great… Hey Saria.

Saria: HI!!! =D

Link: Saria, what were you doing up in my room?

Saria: …Nothing.

Link: …

Saria:… So you finally got a fairy huh?

Link: Yeah. Her name is Navi.

Navi: H-

Saria: Oh… So she’s a girl D:<

Navi: *Hides behind Link’s hat and whispers to him* Link I think we should go.

Link: *Whispers back* Yeah, the Deku Tree must be waiting for us. Saria I have to-

Saria: -Tell me something? =D

Link: Well, I need to-

Saria: -Get it off your chest? Need company? Need to sleep? *Runs into her house and comes back right away with a pillow* You can sleep right here or we can go over to my place and-

Link: Saria, I need to go see the Deku Tree.

Saria: oh… Can I come?

Link and Navi: NO!

Link: Sorry, the Deku Tree only wants me.

Saria: I want you too.

Link:… Huh?

Saria: Nothing.

Link: Ok… I’m just going to… walk away… very slowly… *Takes a step back*

Saria: *Takes a step towards Link* Has anyone ever told you how sexy your eyes are? <3

Link: *Gulp*

Navi: *Whispering to Link* She’s really starting to creep me out.

Link: *Whispers back* Same here… *Ahem* Saria, can I ask you a favor?

Saria: Sure! I’m listening.

Link: I just need-

Saria: *Checks her pockets* A penny? A paperclip? A rubber band? A band-aid? A Girlfriend? ;D

Link: I just need to borrow 80 rupees.

Saria: I don’t have that many rupees with me right now…

Link: Oh… I could really use them and-

Saria: Say no more! I’ll be right back! *Runs away*

Navi: Now?

Link: Now! *Runs away*
--------------
Mido: Stop right there!

Navi: Just let us go through. The Deku Tree is expecting us.

Link:*Catches his breath.* Yes Mido please *Looks around nervously* We’re in a hurry.

Mido: Ok. *Steps aside*

Navi: Really? Just like that?

Mido: Yes go on.

Link: Thank you Mido. *Walks into the narrow hallway which leads to the Deku Tree’s garden* Now-

-Three Deku Babas arise from the floor in front of Link-

Navi: Oh crap…

Link: *Comes out running* Mido why didn’t you warn me about those things?!

Mido:*Bursts out laughing* That’s what you get for taking Saria from me!

Link: What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Mido: Don’t play dumb! Fado saw Saria sneaking into your bed and we all heard her screams coming from your house!

Link: O_o is that what the whole tribe thinks happened?

Navi: Ha! *Whispers to Link* Mind explaining that one to him, oh great hero?

Link: -_- Shut up.

Navi: Let’s just go find something to fight those things off with.

Link: Ok =/
----Kokiri shop----

Shop owner: We don’t sell swords here, but I can sell you a shield.

Link: Should I?

Navi: Definitely.

Link: How much?

Shop owner: 40 rupees

Link: *Checks his wallet* Dammit! I’m a little short on rupees…

Navi: How many do you need?

Link: … 39 rupees.

Navi: …

Saria: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Link

Link: *Turns around* Oh… H-h-hi Saria…

Saria: I hear you need some rupees. I found the 80 rupees you asked for, but if you want ‘em, you’ll have to do a little something for me ;D

Link: I don’t like where this is going…

Saria: I do ^-^
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I had to delete and repost this because it wasn't showing up for some reason... so if a mod notices that, sorry. Glitch...

awesomeness. sheer awesomeness. keep it up, I can't wait for the next chapter.

I like this story becasue its very funny and I do hope you continue on to the next chapter, keep going

Chptr: 3
Link: So what exactly do I have to do for you?

Saria: You know what I want

Link: Saria, I’m not that desperate…

Saria: Really? Then I guess you can find your rupees elsewhere >.>

Link: Oh come on Saria! Don’t do this…

Navi: Link, like Saria said, I think we can find rupees elsewhere…

Link: If you have any suggestions, I’m listening

Navi: Uh… what about the kokiri bar?

Link: They don’t allow kids in there.

Navi:… What? If the kokiri never grow old, what’s the point of having a kokiri bar that doesn’t allow little kids in the middle of the kokiri forest?

Link: The world may never know…

Navi: Still, you can find money some other way. You don’t have to give in to her wishes.

Link: I think I have no other choice ._.

Saria: So that means

Link: Yes Saria. *Sigh* I’ll do it.

Saria: Ok let’s head over to my place then

Link: *Shivers* Let’s go.

Navi: O_o

----5 mins later----

Navi: So… That’s it?

Link: Huh?

Navi: She just wants you to mow the lawn?

Link: Yeah… Fado quitted a few months ago and she hasn’t done it since then.

Navi: So why did it seem like a huge sacrifice to give in to her?

Link: Didn’t you hear me? Fado quitted, and he quitted for a reason…

-A squirrel jumps out of the grass and onto Link’s face-

Link: AHHH! *Takes it off and throws it away*

Navi: What the… what’s a squirrel doing-

Link: Saria is an animal lover, and animals are as attracted to her as she is to them

-A cat jumps out of the grass and onto Link’s face-

Link: AHHHHH! Get it off!!! *Steps on a turtle and falls down* Dammit! *Takes the cat off of his face and throws it away* The grass is so high I can’t even see where I’m going!

Navi: *Laughs* The grass is high xD

Link: Shut up >.<

-An elephant arises from the grass-

Navi: Oh come on! It’s not even THAT high…

Link: *Gulp* W-w-w-what the hell is a f-freaking elephant doing here?

Navi: Shouldn’t you-

Link: RUN!!!! *Runs away*

---45 painful minutes later in the kokiri shop---

Link: Here! *Slams the rupees on the counter* Now can I get my shield?

Shop owner: Sure. *Hands over a Deku Shield*

DAH DAH DAH DAAAAAAAA! You paid 40 rupees for a piece of wood you could have cut out of Mido’s house! But now you have a shield! A DEKU shield! Don’t expose it to fire, real swords, water, or termites. It’s useful against other wooden weaponry, but sucks against the real things. Have fun with your new toy kid-o!

Navi: Ok… Now let’s go get the sword.

Link: But where are we going to find a sword?

Navi: I’m not sure, but I’m sure as hell we’re not going to find it here.

Link You’re right… I think I know who might help us…

---Know-it-all brothers’ house---

Know-it-all #1: Did you open the door using your action button?

Link: Huh? There’s not even a d-

Know-it-all #2: Your A button is your action button. The blue one.

Link: … Huh?

Know-it-all # 3: You should always pay close attention to what your A button says.

Link: *Whispers* I am, and it’s telling me to kill somebody…

Know-it-all #1: So why are you here for Link?

Link: How do you know my name?

Know-it-all #2: Duh?

Know-it-all #3: We know it all.

Link: Then shouldn’t you know what I’m here for already?

All Know it alls: … Shut up and tell us.

Link: Do you know where I can find a sword here in the forest.

Know-it-all #1: Of course we do. *draws a map* Just follow this map.

Link: Ok *Takes the map from know-it-all #1* Thanks.

Know-it-all #1: When you get there, you’ll see a whole close to the ground on the wall.

Know-it-all #2: You can’t just walk in into it.

Know-it-all #3: You’ll have to approach it and use your A button to crawl in.

Navi: Would you stop the A button thing? It’s getting annoying.

Link: Yeah… which one is that button anyways?

Know-it-all #1: I told you already… the blue one.

Link: Ok… *Kills know-it-all #1 (don’t ask how)*

Know-it-all #2: What the hell?! What was that for?!

Link: …Hee hee… oops? I guess it really WAS telling me to kill somebody…

Navi: I think we better go.

Link: Couldn’t agree more. *Runs out the door*

Originally Posted by Trickster

-A squirrel jumps out of the grass and onto Link’s face-

Link: AHHH! *Takes it off and throws it away*

Navi: What the… what’s a squirrel doing-

Link: Saria is an animal lover, and animals are as attracted to her as she is to them

-A cat jumps out of the grass and onto Link’s face-

Link: AHHHHH! Get it off!!! *Steps on a turtle and falls down* Dammit! *Takes the cat off of his face and throws it away* The grass is so high I can’t even see where I’m going!

Navi: *Laughs* The grass is high xD

Link: Shut up >.<

-An elephant arises from the grass-

Navi: Oh come on! It’s not even THAT high…

Link: *Gulp* W-w-w-what the hell is a f-freaking elephant doing here?

Navi: Shouldn’t you-

Link: RUN!!!! *Runs away*

---45 painful minutes later in the kokiri shop---

Link: Here! *Slams the rupees on the counter* Now can I get my shield?

Shop owner: Sure. *Hands over a Deku Shield*

DAH DAH DAH DAAAAAAAA! You paid 40 rupees for a piece of wood you could have cut out of Mido’s house! But now you have a shield! A DEKU shield! Don’t expose it to fire, real swords, water, or termites. It’s useful against other wooden weaponry, but sucks against the real things. Have fun with your new toy kid-o!

I liked the part about the squirrel and cat jumping onto Link's face. Oh, and the elephant...that was a stroke of genius. Keep it up!

Hope to read the next chapter soon.

That's good, very good. For once Navi and Link are on the same page! XD