(Pokemon) The Series of Friendship

This morning I woke up and thought of something. Wait... If my borhter's 22 and I was born 11 years after on the same day... that means... I jumped up.
WAAAHOOO! I GET MY FIRST POKEMON! YES! YES! I ran downstairs and tripped over Delcatty. I got up and ate my cereal. I got my backpack. Got on my bike and went to Prof. Oak's Lab. I heard the Taillow's singing their sunny sky song. I finally reached the lab and ran inside. I went up to the front desk. Hi Prof.! I'm here for my first pokemon! Alright. He got a Pokeball and gave it to me. Here you go Kiki. I was so excited. Then I looked back and I saw him. The boy who had always have been on T.V. I rubbed my eyes. What had he been doing here? I relized that he was waiting for someone. Was it me? I started walking towards the door when he spoke to me So your a new pokemon trainer right? I stood and blinked for a second and then started to talk. Yes. Why do you need to know that? He asked me a question I thought he'd never ask. Do you want to travel with me and my team? I looked around and said. Sure. It was almost a whisper. He took me by my hand and leaded me out the door.

To be continued.

.....what?

Agreed...!

This needs some major work... hell it needs a miracle.

Have you ever seen this character used before?

"

Use it or you will be a laughing stock forever.

alright, this was terrible for three reasons! Oh, scratch that, four!

1. The entire story was in monotone. Such as "I got up. Ate a doughnut. Looked outside. Played outside. It was hot." Making your sentences lengthy and have a purpose will help rid your story of that.

2. EFFORT! PUT SOME EFFORT INTO WHAT YOU DO!

3. Some small petty grammatical and spelling errors can be found throughout your "story." Seeing something mispelt turns off readers, and grammatical errors makes them have to wonder what you meant.

4. Use realistic situations. If a complete stranger happened to ask you to come with him, would you? If so, you are stupid.

Well.. sorry I try my best. I'm not a very good storeywriter... May as well close this one too if its a failure... ... I'll let the mods decide. But for now I'll start working on the next part.

We are just saying that you need to rewrite the first part. Its difficult to understand.

Well it's not that good to you 'cause I'm eight years old! I did my best.. seriously... Can ya give a girl a break? (Man teens and adults are the pits somtimes)