(com)TP Parody Revised [T]

Hello to you! This is a re-write of my first TP parody, which frankly sucked. Hopefully this one will do a bit better. I credit, again, inspiration to ManwithThoo because it makes him happy (also to Grass, as do we all). And yes, I’ve mostly dropped the NPC jokes. This is a shortish intro chapter:

P.S. Read reasonably slowly or it seems really rushed, which it isn't. I took me a good hour.

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTIONS

*We join Link and Rusl at a twilit pool*

Rusl: Hey, Link. Do you ever get all gloomy at the end of the day?

Link: Depends on what I’ve been doing.

Rusl: …You just sounded wise.

Link: I’m always full of the wisdom.

Rusl: And it’s gone again. Um… how would you feel about doing a quest for me?

Link: ANOTHER quest? Why me?

Rusl: Because-

Link: WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE LINK? EVERYONE ELSE- *gets smacked*

Rusl: Don’t pull more of this drama queen crap on me, you hear?

Link: *pouts*

Rusl: Now, I want you to go because you’ve been cooped up here your whole life. You need to get out and see the world.

Link: *is still pouting*

Rusl: *sighs* Go and help Fado. I think he’s been yelling for you.

The two head back for Link’s house

Link: *Goes inside*

Mysterious Specter: *appears*

Link: GAH!!!

Mysterious Specter: Fear for your life, puny mortal!

Link: *snatches a pitchfork off the wall and rams it through Mysterious specter* HYAHH!!!

Mysterious Specter: *Catches fire* Oh, dammit. Not again!

Link: Now who are you and what are you doing in my house?

Mysterious Specter: *Trying to put itself out* No, the question is- who are you?

Link: I’m going to jab you until I get a straight answer!

Mysterious Specter: You suck.

Link: *Raises pitchfork*

Mysterious Specter: I mean… I mean that one such as I cannot possibly comprehend your true greatness, and so may be… um… misled to… ah, misconstrue you as less than divine!

Link: Aw, shuck- hey, no evading! Who are you and what are you doing here???

Mysterious Specter: I’m your fairy Godmother!

Link: I have a flaming, floating skull for a fairy Godmother?

Mysterious Specter: Yes! Of course!

Link: Nice try. But my Godmother died two years ago. I was at her funeral.

Mysterious Specter: Oh, bloody hell. Well, I’m a supporting character here to lend humor and support to you and this parody.

Link: What?

Mysterious Specter: You wouldn’t understand.

Link: What is your name, then?

Mysterious Specter: I have been known by many names throughout history! I am Sakhr al-Jinni, N’gorso the Mighty, and the Serpent of the Sliver Plumes! I have rebuilt the walls of Uruk, Karnak, and Prague. I have spoken with Solomon. I have run with the buffalo fathers of the plains. I have watched over Old Zimbabwe until the stones fell and the Jackals fed on its people. I recognize no master! But the name you shall know me by is-

Link: Bob.

Bob: What? No, you shall call me-

Link: Bob. I already said that.

Bob: No! That’s not manly or cool or anything!

Link: I recognize the spiel. You got it out of a book.

Bob: Did not!

Link: Besides, it’s now to the left of your text. Too late now!

Bob: You… you butthead!

Link: The mighty Sakhr al-Jinni, reduced to throwing potty humor at those who displease him.

Bob: *pouts*

Fado: LINK! HEY, LINK!

Link: *pokes head out the window* Yeah?

Fado: LINK! COME HELP ME HERD SOME GOATS?

Link: I can hear you just fine! Stop shouting!

Fado: LINK! IF YOU DON’T HELP ME WITH SOME GOATS I’LL… TELL ON YOU!

Bob: *Pops out a different window* Are you deaf, you hick? Stop yelling!

Fado: HOLY FARORE! *Flees*

Link: You moron! You probably lost me my job!

Bob: It’s not my fault these people are rightly afraid of my might.

Link: What might? Loser. *Looks around* Hey… where’s my horse?

Bob: There was this one babe in a really weird outfit, you see. Not as weird as yours, though. But unlike you, she had some really nice-

Link: Bob. What about the horse?

Bob: You take all the fun out of life.

Link: What about the horse?

Bob: Hmph. Well, the one girl took it and headed down that road. I was going to stop her, but I got distracted.

Link: Riiiiight… I’m going to get my horse back. Are you coming?

Bob: Fine.

Link: Ok, then. Get in the bag.

Bob: What??! No!

Link: You freaked out Fado. I’m not having you terrify my girlfriend.

Bob: But a sack! That’s just cruel! I’ll have the ASPCA on your arse!!

Link: You should have thought of that before you came. Now get in the sack or stay here.

Bob: Oh, for the love of- *floats into the sack*

Link: Ok then. Off we go.

*The two head out into the forest*


Feedback please!

That was weird.

Well, you could use...um...Bob less often when you get Midna. He's just an....out there character. But don't get me wrong, I liked this chapter.

That's kind of the point, someone needs to be the grumpy subordinate. I was thinking maybe Midna treats Link like Link treats Bob and Bob is all high and mighty about it.

Plus it's fun to write

I gots a new chapter for you all! Well, you-maybe-one-or-two. My opinions on it are at the bottom.


CHAPTER 2: HERDING CATS

Bob: So why is this girl going out with you, O inept one?

Link: Um, well, she’s about the only girl in town that isn’t either horribly fat or has a beard… So I’ve been relentlessly pursuing her since I was two.

Bob: That’s… sad. You clearly suck in the dating department.

Link: Yeah? And how many girls does a floating skull pick up?

Bob: I’ll have you know-

Link: Shut up, Bob. We’re at the spirit spring.

*Our heroes arrive at the spirit spring, where Epona and Ilia are standing*

Ilia: Hello, Link! I washed Epona for you!

Link: We’ve been through this before, Ilia, you can’t just take my horse away! It’s like… some total loser just decided to put in a tutorial for walking in some moronic game…

Bob-in-the-sack: You’re closer than you think!

Epona: WHOA HOLY MANKY FISH WHAT THE POOP WAS THAT????!

Ilia: Did that sack just speak?

Link: Um… you see, it’s got a… cute magical speaking woodland creature in it that I was, like, returning to its mother.

Ilia: Oh, of course.

Bob-in-the-sack: One dense broad, isn’t she? *is whacked* Ow!

Link: So, I’ll just collect Epona and be on my way then.

Epona: Hey, wait! Are those boots hygienic? When was the last time you washed you anus? I don’t want you sitting on me!

Ilia: Epona’s a girl, Link, so you have to treat her nice like one!

Link: Argh! *Hops onto Epona and spurs her into a gallop*

Epona: GAH HOLY MR.EZELPANDER YOU KNEED ME WITH RUSTY METAL! NOW I’LL GET TETANUS!

Link: Shaddap!

Bob: *floats out of the sack* We subordinates sure have it tough, don’t we?

Epona: WHOA WHOA WHOA A FLOATING DEAD THING HEAD! PLAGUE!

Bob: *sniffs* I assure you I’m totally hygienic!

Link: Wait… “sniffs”? How’d you sniff? You have no nasal tissue!

Epona: Oh, well then. If you have no nose, you’re fine.

Bob: Thank you. I’m glad someone sees my pure beauty.

Link: What? I thought you had Pantophobia!

Epona: I have a strict policy of friendship with those that have no noses.

Link: I’m surrounded by idiots!

*Our heroes ride into Ordon Ranch*

Epona: HOLY GARFUNKEL GOATS THEY MUST HAVE FLEAS!!!!!

Bob: So, what was it you were telling me about how you don’t have irrational fears?

Epona: Um…

Fado: LINK! HEY, LINK! YOU COME TO HELP ME- eep!

Bob: Yes! I’ve come to destroy you, foolish mortal!

Link: BOB! Cut it out!

Fado: *flees*

Bob: Come back and fight, you knave!

Link: Bob, I will grind your skull into powder!

Bob: Um… hehe… well, now you don’t have to do a completely pointless and boring tutorial on goat herding which you maybe use once, right?

Link: What?

Bob: Never mind. Back to Ordon we go!

Epona: Oh, no. My cleanroom stable is up here, and I’ve had enough fright for one day! *Looks down* OH MY PANCREAS A BLADE OF GRASS! *Runs inside*

Bob: Leave the little psycho. Let’s go!

Link: Why are you so eager?

Bob: To advance the story? Stop standing around spewing pointless dialogue, let’s GO!

*Bob and Link enter Ordon*

Monkey: *Runs past*

Link: What in the world?

Uli: Link! Did you see a cradle go by just- eep!

Bob: Muahahaha! You are doomed, silly woman!

Uli: *Bashes Bob with a rolling pin*

Bob: *Bursts into flame* Ouch! Darn you, that’s my cranium! *Flies into lake*

Link: Um, I’ll find your cradle, ok? *Dashes after Bob*

Bob: Oh, that smarts!

Link: *Bursts out laughing*

Bob: This isn’t funny!

Link: *Still laughing*

Monkey: u shouldnt laf at other ppls misfortshun

Bob: I agree, but this… egomaniac cares about nothing for himself!

Link: *giggling* Oh, like you don’t.

Monkey: thats bad karma u no

Link: Well, so is stealing!

Monkey: wut u on bout

Bob: That cradle behind your back, mate.

Monkey: hey this man my frend yay

Bob: Anyone who isn’t on his side is alright with me!

Link: Oh yeah? Then why do you keep scaring people?

Bob: It’s fun! Don’t deny it!

Link: Look, just give us the cradle and we’ll go, you monkey.

Bob: I’m not a monkey and I haven’t got the cradle!

Link: Not you, you moron, him!

Monkey: this is cradle? *looks in cradle* o arse barns I thot it wuz banan basket here u can hav

Link: *catches cradle* Good. Now where’s Uli got to?

Uli: Right here! Oh, Link, you good thing, you found my precious cradle!

Bob: I helped… *is hit again* Damn your eyes, woman! *retreats*

Uli: Here, I have something for you in return! It’s a fishing pole made for you by my son, Colin. I forgot to give it to you earlier.

*Meanwhile….*

Bob: Finally! A fellow creature with which I may converse intelligently! Sooth, I hath waited long.

Cat: Yes, I too have longed for one with which I might carry out an engaging dialogue. The despicable humans of this village hath the intelligence of swine!

Bob: Ah, my friend, I fear our dialogue most be cut short, for a man approaches! He hath some power over my free will, and I may not be free to talk.

Link: What the heck is going on here?

Cat: Yes. A typical example of man. Disinterested in correct speech, and impolite as well. I see he is carrying a pole with which his kind traps Ichthyoids of a most delectable sort, however!

Link: What?

Bob: He wants you to catch a fish, you moron. *to cat* It be truly tiresome to converse with men. Theirs be the simplest and least appealing language that I hath come across.

Link: *grumbles* I’ll catch your stupid fish, kitty.

Cat: I beg your pardon? “Kitty” is a truly common slang term for my sort! No, I am Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV! You do sorely insult my honor!

Bob: Men!

Bob & Cat: *shake their heads sadly*

Link: Pipe down in the peanut gallery! *gets a bite and yanks*

Greengill: Oh $h17 oh $h17 oh$h17oh$h17!!!!!

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: Hello, meal. Take pleasure in the fact that this man hath helped redeemed his sore stupidity by catching you.

Greengill: YOU’RE GONNA EAT ME!!!

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: *turns to Bob and bows* I hath enjoyed thine conversation.

Bob: *bobs* As have I, friend. Go now in peace.

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: *daintily picks up the fish and strolls grandly inside*

Link: Bob, what the heck was that about!? Talk like I can understand you!

Bob: What if I have to recite ancient Babylonian to get past a puzzle or something?

Link: Um… if that happens you can talk all archaic but until then make sure I know what you’re saying.

Bob: Fine! Be that way!

Link: I will. *goes inside*

Sera: Oh, Link! You’ve returned my little kitty to me! Now I can sell you this slingshot!

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: Hello, man, come to consort with this female?

Link: No! You pervert!

Bob: *comes inside* Hello, Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV! Sadly, this guy laid a binding on me so I can’t talk elegantly anymore.

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: *nods* I understand, friend.

Sera: HOLY Nayru! *hits bob with empty bottle*

Bob: *bursts into flame* BLOODY WELL BLAST IT ALL! *flies outside*

Sera: Link, take this slingshot to help you on your quest!

Link: *takes slingshot* What quest?

Sera: That’s very nice dear. You better hurry along on your adventures!

Link: What quest?!!

Chapter: *ends abruptly*


Writer’s block!
Well, it had it’s moments… the cat I thought was pretty good.

OH MY PANCREAS A BLADE OF GRASS!

OMFG! I laughed so damn hard at this part!

Well, thank you! That's better than putting down bob
Yes, I think having Epona as pantophobic makes a nice change from straight moronic. I try not to steal from other parodies.

Just read the two chapter, and I must say, this parody definately has a lot of potential. If I were two classify the parodies in the forum into two groups, good and bad, this would definately be on the good side.

That whole thing with Bob was very original. Maybe the name wasn't all that original, but still. It's also had its moments which made me laugh real hard, like the blade of grass thing and the overly intelligent cat.

The parody does have its minor problems, though. First of all, the second chapter was WAY too radom. It was really hard to visualize what was going on there. But hey, I have to admit that's my problem too. And you also broke the fourth wall a little too early. I know it's fun breaking the fourth wall, but I think it would've been better if you saved the fourth wall for later. I also encountered a few typos.

I have a suggestion, though. If you want characters to scream at the top of their lungs, just like Fado, you should try and italiscize the dialogue instead of just sticking with caps. It would look best if it was both all caps AND italiscized.

And just a humor suggestion:

Bob-in-the-sack: One dense broad, isn’t she? *is whacked* Ow!

I think it would've been funnier if it was

Bob-in-the-sack: One dense broad, isn't she?

Link: *Whacks Bob*

Bob: *Is whacked* Ow!

Dunno, it's just another suggestion of mine.

Hey, Man with thoo! There you are!
Thanks for the feedback. Heaven knows when I'll get around to another chapter, but still.

Fado: LINK! IF YOU DON’T HELP ME WITH SOME GOATS I’LL… TELL ON YOU!

Lol... Fado is so childish

Hello! Another person who read it! Yay!
Does anyone want me to write more? I probably can, but it'll take awhile since it isn't the weekend.

Rawr. You can take your time.

I'll read more. ^_^

Nice TP parody, very original, but random lol. Just one question, what is "The Fourth Wall" that Man_With_Thoo speaks of?

Breaking the 'Fourth Wall' is where a character speaks to the audience. On Saved by The Bell, Zack Morris freezes everything around him and talks directly to the audience.

Basicly, its where the character talks to the audience. Heres a site that could probably do alot better job at explaining it. Fourth wall - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hurry up plz!!!! I can't wait much longer! *explodes* Gah! HURRY BEFORE I REALLY EXPLODE!

Oh! Um, I'll write a note on me hand and try to remember to do this. I thought it was long forgotten, and frankly I've had different things than ZU to do lately. But, why not, if someone reads it?

Funny readings! Almost as the Dragmire Diaries.. Too bad they got discontinued...

But is his real name Murray?

Originally Posted by The Curse of Monkey Island

Guybrush Threepwood: Can I call you Bob?
Murray:You may call me Murray!
I'm a powerful demonic force!
I'm the harbinger of your doom!
And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I STRIDE through the gates of hell carrying your head on a pike!
Guybrush Threepwood: 'Stride?'
Murray: Alright then, 'ROLL! ROLL through the gates of hell.'
Must you take the fun out of everything?

w00t! i heart the parody! so original and random...and i agree...the fourth wall was broken a bit early in the second chapter. but i LLOOVVEE Epona! she is soo funny!

Originally Posted by Fluesopp

Funny readings! Almost as the Dragmire Diaries.. Too bad they got discontinued...

But is his real name Murray?

Actually, I got him out of a book series called the Dresden Files.
New chapter everyone!

CHAPTER 3: THE APTLY NAMED INTO THE WOODS

Link: Ok, that was just a little bit weird… *leaves Sera’s*

Bob: Hey, Link. Can we go back to your place? I’m starving.

Link: You don’t even have a torso, let alone a stomach. How can you be starving?

Bob: Uhm…

Link: Is this another one of those plot moving sort of things?

Bob: Not at all.

Link: Oh, well in that case…

*The Dynamic Duo leave Ordon and head to Link’s house*

Talo: LINK! HEY LINK! IS THAT A SLINGSHOT????!!

Bob: HOLY son of a… potato. Sure.

Beth: Ooooh, a slingshot. How romantic! *sighs*

Bob: Wow, I didn’t think you’d like them that young, Link. What happened to that other Ilia one ei-

Link: *smacks Bob*

Bob: *is smacked*

Talo: LINK LINK YOU MUST SHOW US THE SLINGSHOT YOU HAVE!

Link: Ignore them, and maybe they’ll go away…

Malo: *muttering* But… but… how… cash… I… I need… I must have…

Talo: LINK IF YOU NO SHOW ME SLINGSHOT I NO BE FRIEND NO MORE!!!

Link: Yay! Double prizes!

Colin:Pleeeeeeeease Link? Pleeeeeeeease???

Link: Argh…

Cutscene: *commences*

Targets: *appear*

Bob: Whoa how the manky fish did those kids get the targets into the trees?

Talo: YOU AIM WITH THE CTRL STICK AND SHOOT WITH B!!!

Link: What?

Talo: UHM!, nevr mind… *sighs*

Link: *shoots the scarecrow’s head in half*

Kids: WWWWOOOOWWW!!!!!

Malo: I… I… *howls* EH-HEH-HEHEH-HE-HEH-HEE!!!

Everyone: *stares at Malo*

Malo: *starts gnawing on his leg*

Talo: OH NOT WORRY HE ALWAYS LIKE THIS BE

Link: That’s… only a little disturbing.

Monkey: i no lol he almost bit meh once

Talo: HOLY NAYRU A MONKEYS!

Monkey: ya rnt I 1337

Talo: *attacks monkey with a stick*

Monkey: ow!! wtf *runs into woods*

Talo: COME BACK AND YOU FIGHT LOSER *chases monkey*

Malo: AHRWOOOOOO! *follows monkey and Talo*

Link: Well, with luck they’ll both die.

Bob: Couldn’t agree more.

Colin: But Link! They could get hurt! Only you can save them!

Link: Why can only I save them? Your dad is the one with the sword!

Colin: What about your wooden one?

Link: Well, it’s… wooden. Duh.

Bob: Go away, kid!

Colin: You can still do it! Only you are awesome enough!

Link: Gah… why do I feel compelled to help?

Bob: Way back in the early days of gaming, this guy called Miyamoto had a thing for old school knights rescuing damsels in distress, so he decided-

Link: Never mind.

*Bob and Link head towards the spirit spring*

Beth: Link! The boys and the monkey ran over this river and through the woods-

Bob: To grandmother’s house?

Beth: …

Link: *smacks bob*

Bob: *is smacked*

Link: Thanks, Beth.

*The two head over the bridge and into Faron woods*

Old man: It’s DANGEROUS to go alone! Take this! *hands out a cat*

Link: Um, thanks. I guess.

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: Hello, specter! Lo, we meet again!

Bob: WAZZUP???

Link: Wait… I thought you were Sera’s cat.

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: My human? Yes, I believe that is what she is called.

Link: Then how’d this old man get you?

Old man: Old man? Why, you cheeky little twerp!

Link: Sera???

Sera: Of course, dear. And I’m afraid I don’t appreciate your little joke.

Link: Ugh, I don’t have time for this.

Bob: You should apologize!

Sera: AUGH! *whacks bob*

Bob: *is whacked* Darn you, woman! If I had any hands, I’d- *is whacked again*

Link: *stabs Sera*

Sera: *dies*

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: And what do you think you are doing, manling?!

Sera’s husband: WHOOPEY!!!!!

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: … argh… must not… WHOOPEY!!!

Bob: WHOOPEY!!!!

Link: Well, yeah. Sorry about the blood, but, y’know how it is.

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: *chuckling* I beg forgiveness for mine outburst.

Bob: Unnecessary but given.

Link: Well, let’s not make this take all day.

*The growing party set off deeper into the woods*

Bokoblin: INTRUDERS!

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: Brace thineselves for combat!

Bokoblin: *starts running towards them*

Bob: Here he comes, Link! Just remember, it worked on Sera!

Bokoblin: *runs towards them*

Link: This guy looks tough! It might be hard with only a pointed stick!

Bokoblin: *runs towards them*

Bob:…

Bokoblin: *runs towards them*

Link: Get with the rage already!

Bokoblin: *arrives* PRAPEAR TO MEET YOUR DOO-

Link: *stabs bokoblin*

Bokoblin: *dies*

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: Remain on your guards. Tougher foes may await.

Link: That was incredibly easy. I don’t think we’ll have any trouble.

Keese: EEEEERG! *flies at Link’s head*

Bob: Duck!

Link: Where? We aren’t near a pon-

Keese: *flies through Link’s head*

Link: Did you just fly through my head??

Keese: Oh yeah, more where that came from! So… watch out!

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: Begone, flying rodent!

Keese: Go boil your bottom, Aristocat!

Link: *shoots Keese with slingshot*

Keese: I’M COMING ELIZABETH! *dies*

Link: …

Bob: We’re burning daylight, here.

Link: Right.

*The trio head up along an enormous tree root*

Talo: HEY LINK HELP HELP CAGE OUT HELP YOU MUST

Monkey: let me out here man this nasty w/ n00by here

Link: *slashes through a bar*

Monkey: SWET HOLY JESUS U CUT OFF MY HAND

Bob: Link! What’ve you done??

Monkey: lol jk lol rofl good joke

Link: … *slashes through the rest of the bars*

Talo: I GO BACK NOW TELL NO MY DAD OR YOU ARE BAD *runs off*

Link: WAIT! WHAT ABOUT… Malo.

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: I feel it is safe to say… he is no great loss. Mourn him if you will, but I will not.

Bob: Yeah, he was a bit of a brat.

Link: So… into that door over there?

Bob: No, go pointlessly back to Ordon so you can turn around and come right back after-

Link: *smacks Bob*

Bob: *is smacked*

Sir Fluffs McWhiskers Bangladesh IV: War not amongst thineselves, compatriots. But let us sally forth into this adventure!

Link: Sally Forth? Isn’t that a comic strip?

Bob: He means listen to me, you dolt! Besides, there’s a load of boulders blocking the way.

Link: Oh…

*Our heroes head back for Ordon*


What awaits them there? Who can say! Tune in next time!
Yeah…

Bob's gonna go "mentally ill" if you keep smacking him... Save dah invisible imagination thingys!!!...or watever he is...

Hey! Froto isn't dead!

I'm pretty sure Bob already has some problems. And I haven't gotten mentally ill in all the times you'vr smacked me, have I? *maniacal laughter*