Max desendents

The computer is fixed, and here's the next chapter, thank you everyone who has been waiting patiently, and thank you Zelda-owns for keeping this thread alive.
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Chapter 14

While Anna and Max were fighting their life, Ace and Rob were charging into burning buildings. Ace was on the top of his game. He had saved ten people, and he was going for eleven. He jumped through a scorching window. The first thing he saw was a little girl. She was blonde, and she had long hair. She had beautiful blue eyes, as blue as the sea, but what he saw was that she was dieing.
“ Anna, no!” Ace screamed. He saw the little girl die, alone, and only to see an older brother, about one year older, get there too late. He fell to the ground weeping, for he realized that this baby represented Anna, and the little boy was him. He could tell because they looked exactly like him and Anna when they were babies. Then he saw a bright light, and a small boy, the same age as Anna, and the bright thing glowing was three triangles.
“ So, you’ve figured out your power, it will come in handy later on,” Rob said grabbing the actual person needing to be rescued in his arms.
“ What…. What are you talking,” Ace asked shocked. He was looking deathly pale, but some of the color in him was starting to back. They were completely ignoring their surroundings. Smoke everywhere, flames burning everything down, and charred wooden beams falling.
“ There was a prophecy that I read, it was about you three kids,” Rob said chucking. He didn’t now why he was telling Ace this.
“ What prophecy, no one told me anything about a prophecy,” Ace said looking down at the floor.
“ Because you weren’t supposed to now, the only reason I’m telling you now, is because you figured out your power before you were supposed to,” Rob said, with a weird look in his eye.
“ Power, you mean of earth and fire?” Ace asked shocked. His legs began to buckle, and he started to sweat. It was partially about the fire, and partially because of what he was hearing.
“ The prophecy states…”

That the purest heart, will be the friend of the hero, and the sibling of the princess. He will be given the gift of sight, much greater then anyone else. He will be able to see into the future, but alas, this power comes with three consequences. He cannot change the future with choices of mind, he cannot tell the people that the vision is about, and he cannot mention a thing of his future to anyone with bad intentions, but he can change what has been seen with his actions from his heart. Rob finished telling the prophecy, then they ran further in to the town.


Max was sent flying into a wall. Anna had been knocked out, because of Elk. He knew he couldn’t defeat Max aloe now that he had trained, and gained the master sword. So he cast a binding spell that would hold him for two minutes. Then he backhanded Anna into the wall.
“ Elk, you shouldn’t have done that,” Max screamed. He threw his arms up and yelled. All his rage towards his father was coming out. A warm shield of light enveloped Anna. A huge wave of fire burst out, and there was an electrical feeling about this fire. Then the fire cooled down, leaving a path. Elk was badly burned, and the archer from school was being carried away. The fire was hot enough to burn through the strongest of metals, but gentle enough to help a defenseless animal. As he fire was turned out, Max charged at him, lightning enveloped his body, and there was a loud crackle, and it sounded like a popcorn. He kicked away Elks sword, then began his attack. Elk felt a flurry of fists in his face, stomach, and everywhere else. Then he ducked, just barely dodging a kick meant to take off his head. Some rubble blew up. Elk was now crawling away; he looked like a sloth on its stomach.
“ Oh no you don’t, your not leaving till I’m through,” Max yelled, and a wind hand grabbed him by the collar. He pulled back his fist, and then punched Elk into the air. Then he spun around, and finished with a kick. He went flying to the outskirts of town.
“ If I don’t power up, I won’t survive another two minutes,” He said getting up of the rubble of a giant boulder. Fire engulfed his body, and then he flew at Max. They started matching blow for blow, but Max eventually began to win. He was moving faster, and his attacks were much stronger. Elk was punched in the face, and then kneed in the stomach. Then Max kicked him into the plain. Elk was almost out cold.
“ Max, have mercy on me, you don’t need to do this,” He begged. Then Max grabbed him, and pulled him up to eye level.
“ Show mercy, you killed my mother, destroyed my brother and sister, you burned down Hyrule, and you almost killed my friend, not to mention all the innocent people who are hurt, or worse, and you want mercy,” Max yelled. He punched him into a wall, and stuck his sword to his neck.
“ I didn’t kill your mother, or the rest of our family, Ganon captured them, and he’s planning to if I don’t do what he says,” Elk said. Then Max finally understood why he was doing all this. It was just an act.
“ Then lets make this look real,” Max said. He threw him into the air. Then charged up a lightning pulse.
“ Eat this, and happy trails,” Max said grinning. Then the blast hit his father.
“That’s my boy,” Elk said smiling as he flew through the air. Then he disappeared. Max looked at the sky, and he made a promise.
“ Ganon, I promise, I will defeat you, and I will save my family. Then Max flew back to town, put out the rest of the fires, picked up Anna, and left. He decided to take his air board home. He dropped Anna of at her house, and her father carried her to bed.
“ Thank you Max, how could I ever repay you for helping Ace, and saving Anna. He said shaking his hand, and giving him a small wallet, with two hundred ruppies in it.
“ Mister Summer, you don’t have to pay me for saving Anna,” Max said handing back the money, but he insisted that Max take it. Because he knew how much he needed it for his house, and groceries. Max walked all the way to Kaikoriko village, and he bought all sorts of food, and decorations, plus tools, and attachments for his house. He started to work, he built a second floor, and he now had a roof. He was happy that mister summer was so nice. He dove into his bed and slept for what felt like four minutes, and then he heard a knock at the door. It was Rob, and he had a mission. Ace and Anna were outside also. He got ready, and packed his bag.
“ This mission is going to be in Termina, we need to help the Deku Queen help her people build their new gate.

well the votes have been decided, the moment everyone has been waiting for, heres 15


Chapter 15


“ Since the village is well hidden, the Deku queen herself will lead us there,” Rob said to Max as they went to Hyrule Market to meet. When they got there, their mouths nearly dropped from their faces. For a Queen made from woods, she was hot.
“ She has really changed since the last time I saw her,” Rob muttered under his breath.
“ Are you all going to help me, or just stare,” she said giggling. Then she escorted them towards the west, were she had a carriage, and a driver waiting. As they took off Max couldn’t help but notice a lone warrior standing on a tower. He glared at Max. He was too far away to be heard, but Max read his lips.
“ Your mine kid.”

As they were riding in the carriage to Termina, they notice that it was getting darker, and foggier.
“ Is it me or is someone changing the weather,” Anna asked with a tiny hint of fear in her voice. Then they heard a scream outside.
“ Everyone out of the carriage!’ Rob yelled. They all sprinted out, just before it exploded. Then they saw that the drivers, were all dead, all four.
‘ I don’t understand, who would want to kill me that badly,” The queen asked, looking at the flaming pile of wood that would have been them.
“ Many people, the just need the right motivation, Rob said pulling out his blade, Max, search the perimeter, Ace, Anna, we’ll surround the queen. They split up to do their jobs. Max saw an entire army ahead of them, and he had only been flying for five minutes.
“ This is gonna be fun,” Max mumbled flying into them.

“ I hope Max is okay,” Anna said looking around, even more worried then before. “Don’t worry, he won’t let us down, and he won’t die either,” Ace said confidently. He also had a smug look on his face, and his eyes had a glint in them. He wasn’t sure if Max was going to make it. Max could handle up to twenty guys, but a whole army was just too much for one teen to handle. Then they saw an explosion, lightning and wind flew up. The battle had just begun, and then seven guys advanced them, all carrying spears and knives. Ace shot three arrows, and they went flying into their chests. Ace had just gotten used to activating his new power, and he liked it a lot.
“ Anna duck, Rob to your left,” Ace yelled. Every time he used the power his eyes would turn green temporarily. They were hammering at there defenses. Anna saw that the broken down carriage was being destroyed even more. Anna sent a message to Max telepathically. (We need you now, please get here as fast as you can) then she got a message back. (I’m on my way, just need to take care of one small problem) (And what’s that, we could die here) this time it sounded frantic. (Seven battalions worth of a problem, that’s what) Anna didn’t know.
“ I’m, I’m going to help Max,” Anna said shaking. “ Are you crazy, you’ll get yourself killed, Ace screamed, if you go, you’ll get yourself hurt, and Mom and Dad will miss you, I’ll miss you.” Rob gave Anna a big hug. He knew Anna was going, and nothing could stop her.
“ Let her go Ace, I know how she feels, and she must go help the one she cares most about,” the queen said calmly. Then she pulled out her own sword, and slayed all the men in front of them. They were all amazed. Then she said, “ Who said I was defenseless,” she said with a silly grin on her face.”
“ Thank you queen, I would do this if he was just a friend, but it would be too much if I lost him, because, I love him,” She said running towards Max’s path.

Max had held off the fort so far. He was doing everything he could. He busted out every move he knew. He was fighting hand to hand. One man went flying in to another after being kicked. He flipped into the air, and then punched the ground; lightning flew up from the ground. It blew away several people. He was moving faster then ever.
“ Watch out, he has a hard right hook, and his legs are like knives,” a commander yelled, then was kneed through the sky. He then disappeared, and finished it off.
“ Infererno Tsunami,” He yelled unsheathing his sword, and swung down. Every single enemy there saw their, General, Elk Griffon in him. Then they were all engulfed in the flame, and then a bright light grabbed an arrow flying at.
“ Anna, you came to help me,” Max said smiling at her. She jumped up and hugged him. “ I was so worried about you, I thought you were going to, to,” Anna said hugging him again. Then she kissed him on the cheek. Then Max kissed Anna on the lips, it was a long and loving. Max leaned back and kicked the man coming up behind them, and Anna punched the next guy coming.
“ I couldn’t stand being with out you for one minute,” Max said leaning backwards a little. Then they held hands and launched their most powerful attacks. The wind and water fused together, and a giant typhoon flew out and hit all of the men. Then the same warrior Max had seen came and took Anna from his arms.
“ You can get her back when you defeat me,” he yelled, but then Max was right there, and sent him flying through three mountains, and then he caught Anna in his arms. She closed her eyes and smiled. They were surrounded by smoke and debries. Grass burned to cinders, trees were knocked over, and the whole are was as black as coal.
“ When do you want to announce us to everyone at school,” Anna asked as they sat in the moonlight under a luscious tree. Max had just flown them in termina to the most beautiful place he could think of.
“ How about at the prom, that would be best,” he said, and then they kissed one more time, and disappeared in to the hidden village. They found their way there by the sounds coming fro the Deku queen, and everyone else footsteps through the forest.

Sorry for the short length of the chapter, didn't have enough time completly type all I wanted. Anyway were coming to the conclusion soon.

Chapter 16

The queen was so happy that the team from Hyrule had helped them finish their wall. Now they could go home, and enjoy the rest of the day. The wall was very strong and sturdy, and they painted it the colors of Hyrule, in honor of the team that had helped them.
“ Job well done guys, now we can go home, and enjoy the rest of the day,” Rob said patting them all on the back. He yelled to them as they finished painting. Then they landed, Max carefully helping down both Anna and Ace. Then they got ready to leave.

Time seemed to fly faster then usual. In no time prom had come. It was about seven hours before the prom. Max was just walking around when Rob threw him what looked like skates.
“ These are a new type of speed, kind of like those boards you used for that test, everyone I’ve given them to couldn’t use them, and there’s a race I want you to enter for a mission. It’s optional, I’m only giving you this chance so that you can hone your skills,” He told Max and threw him the skates. They were a red and black, and kind of reminded him of the red dawn. He put them on, and started skating. He was moving incredibly fast, and he could do things he could never do. He went over a hill and went flying. He latterly was in the sun. Also they latterly became an attachment to your shoes, so you just needed to hit a button and they would come out. Max skated all over the plain.
“ I knew he’d like them,” Rob said as he watched him fly around. Then he disappeared.

The next hour Ace was busy asking people out. So far everyone was going with someone. Then he saw Sarah. He had a monster crush on her. She had gorgeous green eyes, a hazelnut/nutmeg brown hair, and she was really athletic. What he didn’t now was that she liked him also. They both walked up to each other.
“ Sarah, I now this is kind of late but, would you go to the prom with me?” He asked coolly.
“ Yes Ace, I would love to go Ace,” she said kissing him on the check, and then she walked away happily. Then Ace ran to find Max.

“ Max, I just asked Sarah out,” he said watching Max go flying about 70ft into the air. He came down, and still was moving just as fast, but then he slowed down.
“ That’s good for you, especially you’ve liked her for five years,” Max said stopping. Then he saw Anna, and skated towards her.
“ Hey Anna, I know you’ve probaly gotten a lot of request, but will you go to the prom with me,” He asked smiling. Then she kissed him and said, “ of course I will, you didn’t even have to ask,” she said hugging him. Then they all went their separate ways.


“ It’s time for extra credit. The winner of this race doesn’t have to do their final exam because this is as worth as much as it,” Raru said. Then they all got ready, Max put on his board, another student had his board, and other students were given magical horses that could fly, because they were the people who couldn’t master the boards.
“ Go, and do your best,” Raru said.

Srry for the delay, I just had too much to do, here's chapter 17
Chapter 17

Max, with eleven other people who had just recently regained their courage, were in the heat of the race. There ghost horses had gotten un-reigned, and ran off, so they all had to tame their fears. Max was the underdog of this race, and a junior named Zen was said to win it all. He was just too good for everyone else, and he also had a big ego.
“ The only way you’ll beat me is if you sprouted wings, he said taunting Max and jabbing his finger in his face, and we all know that won’t happen!” he was in first, and anyone who tried to pass would get a face full of fire and thunder.
“ Eat this, Sonic Clap!” Zen sent a giant sound wave through the death mountain canyon. The rocks there were hot, and they were big. It was an avalanche of rock all rushing towards them. Max jumped into the air, board and all, and started doing a series of tricks. He landed perfectly on the ground, not a hair out of place.
“ For being the best, that shot wasn’t worth a rupee,” Max said coming up. The other racers on the other hand, were lucky to be alive. The crater was the most treacherous obstacle. You had to go up and over with out falling in. The length of the crater was about 500 meters across. If you don’t make that jump, your crispy chicken, Max thought to himself. They were about ten meters away from the crater, closing the gap quickly. The ramp was coming up, five meters, four, three, two, one, and then he was in the air.


The thermal drafts were intense. Max felt as if he was on the sun. As they flew over the crater, flames and magma would shot up, almost toasting Max, and the prime rider himself. Being a master of wind, Max used the drafts to send himself over Zen’s hair and out of the volcano.
“ Sonic Slash,” Zen screamed sending all sorts of lava flying upwards. The magma hissed as it flew at him. They partially burned his board as he flew onto the lake. Max jumped of his board and hit his skates.
“ These things could beat you any day Zen, so bring it,” Max said taunting him. He was moving a lot faster then when he had first gotten them. He threw his board to Ace, and then said, “ Give it back to me when I call for it , thanks.” Then he was speeding through the lake.

The wall of the water fall was coming, and most people had to fly up, but Max couldn’t fly temporarily, so he improvised. His fist went out, engulfed in wind.
“ Winds fist,” Then he punched a hole straight through the wall. It kept going until his whole body was enveloped in the wind. He just thought about the prom, Anna, Ace, his dad trying to stop everything Ganondorf had worked for. This kept him going. He grunted then, flew even faster through the tunnel.
“ Just try and stop me Ganon,” He yelled. Then he realized what the race was about. It was about who had enough skill to take on Ganon. He then jumped into the forest leading to the air kingdom. The forest lit up like a bottle rocket, Zen was mad, and he didn’t like to be out staged.
“ I’m coming to crush you, like the bug you are freshmen,” he said. Then the air took its grasp on them. They were in the sky in no time.


Zen started flinging fireballs, blowing up the most of this marble road. Then he did the worst thing ever. He charged up his strongest attack. He turned a deep fire red, and then it all disappeared into a small ball in his hand. Then he threw it at Max.
“ Nova Inferno,” He yelled. The ball grew huge as it mad contact with the air.
“ Only one option, Sayonara,” Max said jumping of the bridge. Then he went into his mind to visit a friend.




Jack had turned the place into a tropical forest filled with all kinds of trees and fruits.
“ Hey Max, what brings you here,” He asked. H also noticed Max’s eyes were now yellow. Max then looked into a pool and noticed it too. He was amazed at the change.
“ Eyes like the hawk, you’ve awoken a trait in your family that has only been used by seven people. It is called Hawk’s eyes. It increases your speed, strength, stamina, mystical aura, and sight about 10 fold. Your family gained this power when a hawk, was saved by your ancestor. He gave him the eyes, and wings of a hawk, but the wings have been lost for a thousand years. You can also copy moves of others, that’s mainly why the eyes are famous for making the user a genius,” Jack sighed finishing at last, the long explanation.
“ Thanks, but I came to ask for help out of this predicament, I’m falling to my doom,” Max screamed.
“ Harness you’re newly found power, and the way will be come clear,” Jack said before disappearing. Then he woke up, and called for Ace.

“Max, please pull out of this alive,” Anna begged. Even though he couldn’t hear her, she felt that she had to cheer him on.



The board came quickly, but this time it had two boosters instead of one, and was much faster, and stable then the last one.
“ Hope you enjoy it, and win this race,” Ace said patting him on the back. Max smiled and then flew upward in spirals. He blew straight through bridge, sending chunks of marble everywhere, one knocked Zen off balance.
‘ What, your eyes are yellow, and you were supposed to be gone,” He stammered. Then Max did something that no one would have expected. His body turned red, then all the fire flew into a ball in his hand.
“ Even the hawk, king of the sky’s, will copy someone now and then,” Max said winding up his arm. When he threw, it grew seven times bigger then the one Zen had thrown. He closed his eyes and threw up his hands to protect himself. He didn’t see Max jump off his board, his fist circled by wind and flying towards him.
“ Winds fist,” He yelled punching him in the face, and through the air. He went flying and landed on the road, and Max flew in to take the victory. A roar went up as everyone started cheering. The underdog had one.

Later that night something very horrible would happen, but lets not get into that now. Max was getting ready for the prom. He wore his sophisticated clothes ever, but had his usual cloths under. He even wore a tie.
“ I really want to dazzle Anna when I get there,” He said into the mirror. He didn’t notice his piece of the triforce in his hand glowing in a sign of warning.


Anna had put on a beautiful pink gown, and she also had put on a crystal tiara made from ice on. She wore a locket with a ruby in it, and her face was powdered. She was really looking forward to this night. Nothing could go wrong, but she also didn’t notice the triforce glowing in her hand as a sign of warning.

Ace met Sarah outside the school and they walked in. They were both happy because no one seemed to be staring, and they both were the shy types. Everything did get awkward when Max and Anna walked in. They were holding hands, just like a normal couple would do, but everyone thought it was weird.
“ Two best friends usually don’t go out with each other,” a classmate whispered. Then everyone was silent when the music started playing, and they began to dance.
“ Your looking really beautiful tonight Anna, even more then usual,” Max said grabbing her hips.
“ And you look very handsome yourself, but I think the tiara’s a little to much, what do you think?” She asked this blushing, and putting her hands around his neck. He thought she was beautiful, and she couldn’t help it.
“ Its perfectly fine, it brings out your hair color,” he said blushing also. As the music went on, more people started to dance and act normal, Sarah and Ace were the best dancers out of everyone. They worked fluently together. Then Anna and Max gazed into each other’s eyes. Tears started to form in her eyes, but he wiped them away.
“ Its okay Anna, I’m here for you, and I always will be,” Max said, because he was the only one who knew why she was crying. Then they both leaned forward and closed their eyes. Something happened. The whole place began to shake, and people started to scream. The sealing was ripped off and in came the dark prince himself. Ganondorf was laughing.
“ Aieeeeeeeeee,” someone screamed. It was Anna, she was floating towards Ganondorf, and he continued to laugh.
“ Put her down now,” Max yelled at the top of his lungs. He drew his sword and jumped 90 feet into the air. He had activated his eyes, and his sword and slashed down with all his might. It was blocked with no trouble at all.
“ I’ve been training, getting stronger so this time I won’t be destroyed at the hands of a boy,” He said in his rough, deep voice. Then he put Anna in the same crystal barrier he put Zelda in 13 years earlier. She fell asleep, and then was taken by Blitz and Al back to the castle.
“ As for you, die,” he said calmly. He swatted Max through the castle wall, just by tapping him. Everyone screamed and ran. Sarah went to check on Max and Ace held off the wolfos coming in.
‘ Anna, Anna no,” He yelled shooting arrows at Ganondorf. He laughed at the feeble attempt and flew away. Sarah had already gotten out her vial of water for emergencies. She placed the water over her hands and placed it against his chest. There was barely even a ripple.
“ His hearts failing, and he’s got a broken arm,” Sarah said trying to remain calm. After about an hour his heart rate returned to normal, and he was lying in a medical room. Before he had gotten there, he had punched a hole in the wall of the school, and then passed out.
“ I couldn’t even protect her, and now she’s gone,” He said sobbing into his pillow. Zack, Ace, and Sarah were there trying to comfort him. They did all they could, but to no avail. He knew that anyone captured by Ganondorf had little chance of ever coming back alive.
“ We have to find a way to pull him out of this slump, its not good for him,” Zack told Sarah and Ace. Then they were called to the high school training room for a meeting.

Anna wasn’t doing to well. Ganondorf knew she had the triforce in her hand, and he had tried many things to get it out. She screamed as she was shocked by black electricity trying to pull it out. No good. He was getting very frustrated with this girl.
“ I may have to kill her, but no, the triforce of wisdom would go to the next person worthy of it, then I would have to find them,” He mumbled. She was on the brink of passing out, but then this took the cake of all experiments gone badly. He ordered one of his commanders to try and cut it out of her hand with a knife.
“ But sir, what if she dies from all the pain,” The commander said worried for her safety.
“ I put a spell on her so she won’t die, and if she can’t use the hand, then she can’t rebel against me if she escapes,” He said chuckling. Her screams of pain could be heard through out the halls. She passed out saying, “ Max, come… save … me.”

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Chapter 18

Max was getting a little bit better. He was eating again, and he was out training with Ace and Sarah. He was training harder then usual, he even cut through solid rock with a new technique. It was called final cutter, and it was affective. He was even sparing against other people with is broken arm. Just recently he had blown away ten people at the same time. His arm was better. He still felt pain, but it was little.
“ Lightning kick,” He said kicking another person out of the ring. Then he side stepped and sweeped another person off their feet, and out of the ring. Then they all drew their weapons. Max blocked most of them with his other new technique, the fire blade. It was like a steel blade attached to his arm, but it was refined fire shooting out in a long triangle from the top of his arm. Then he stopped, and drew the master sword. He concentrated, and wind formed around his blade.
“ Air tsunami,” he said sending the huge wave. It blew another thirty people away as if they were dust balls. Then he parreyed another attack, and slashed at that persons torso. They blades wind energy sent them flying. He jumped and drop kicked the next person. Then he flung off the cast on his right arm, and charged up something. Wind engulfed his whole body, and he was using the hawk eye’s. He disappeared; no one could even sense him, not even the sages.
“ This is amazing, Impa commented, he completely gone, yet still in the room, his speeds increased about thirty fold, lets see his strength, Darania, go in there and lets see.” He jumped in and turned into a rock hard defender. Then he was bombarded from all sides, and then Max appeared and sent a flaming kick. It sent Darania flying through the gym wall.
“ Woops, I think I put too much into that kick,” Max said apologetically. Then he did two slice kicks, sending two sickles of air at seven other peoples wooden weapons. Split them in half as if they were toothpicks. Then someone tried an attack, but he copied it. Then Ace shot an earth arrow and Sarah grabbed him. He flipped her, and used a gust to send her flying into Ace, and jumped. He began spinning, and as the arrow passed, he used a tiny bit of lightning to super charge it. It flew into three other who were trying to sneak up on him.
“ He’s beaten every freshmen, sophomore, and junior,” Saria said in amazement.
“ Send in the seniors,” Raru yelled. They were huge, and they had the most mystical energy anyone had seen, plus they were the oldest. Seventy boys, and sixty-five girls, and then their mystical auras started shooting up. Max closed his eyes as they all drew their weapons. He disappeared, but they weren’t the seniors for being weak. One swatted him out like a fly.
“ You’re a freshmen, you could never beat us,” she laughed along with the others. This made Max angry, and this is on thing you don’t do to the strongest kid ever, with the highest speed, and mystical aura, which had just lost his greatest friend. He yelled and threw his hands to his side, and a huge mystical aura, bigger then all the seniors put together shot up. Then he walked over to that same girl and back handed her. No one even saw it, and she went flying farther then Darania. Then he used his strongest attacks.
“ V-2,” He yelled. The wave took up all the girls, and since most of them were dating the boys they all got mad. Then they charged with fist flying. He disappeared, not even they could keep up. The last thing they saw was a bunch of kicks flying at them. Then one went flying to the ceiling, and this was the basement gym. The sages had to use a spell to see everything. He stood on his hands and began rotating; sending another third of the senior boys left flying. Then he jumped up into the sky. All of them aimed their attacks there. All the elements were flying up in one huge pulse. He drew his sword, and they all were absorbed. He then sent it out in the form of a dragon. This dragon was a plethora of colors. Red, orange, green, blue, every color was there. And it hit them with the force of a waterfall. The rest of the seniors were washed away.
“ He’s strong, and as cute as Link,” Ruto giggled.


Then Link jumped into the ring. Rob had finally revealed who he was. Then he drew his sword. He then charged as it transformed. It was light, thin, and fast, not to mention strong. Max’s sword transformed also. Then Link said something no one had heard in years. Finisher, hero’s blades come forth.

Every weapon had a finisher mode. This was the strongest you could get it to, and it was affective. Just like each weapon had a different transformation, it was the same with finishers. No one had gone farther till later. The only problem was that you had to adapt to your weapon, and have enough spiritual energy to harness the power, and the new weapons change. It was amazing really.


Link disappeared, hitting Max from all sides. Then Max tried the same thing, but always got blown away. Then he did something what no one expected, not even he expected it.
“ Finisher, dragoon and Kyubi come out,” he yelled. Link was surprised also, which rarely happened. Dragoon, an ancient wind dragon, obviously the wind sword, was pure white. Kyubi, the ancient nine tailed fox spirit, was the black sword, which was mainly lightning, but could use any other element. The swords were named this because they were used to save both creatures, and they had the power of each actual spirit. The dragoon had a dragon’s mouth for a hilt, and the tail wrapped around the handle. The Kyubi had 9 slots for energy jewels. (Will be explained more for next story)

A giant hurricane formed on dragoon, and combined with the fire spouting from the blade of Kyubi. Link barely dogged it. Then Max flew at him, blades swinging fast. Then he caught Links blade, and held it down. Then brought his other blade quickly over. The wave of wind sent him flying.
“ Max, you’ve gotten good, you can even send me flying, but can you beat all 7 sages,” He said chuckling. Then all of them with their sacred weapons attacked. Impa had a sickle and chain, Darania had flaming knuckles, Ruto used a lance, Saria had a staff, Zelda held a sword, Raru had a shield, and Naboura had duel scimitars. They all attacked. He kicked Ruto and Saria, then blocked Zelda with one sword, and blew Naboura away with his other. He did a copter spin, and a tornado formed sucking them in, and sending them all flying into the walls. This was awesome; he had the training capabilities to match Ganondorf, and the power to beat him. He knew he could win now, for sure. Then he thanked everyone, and took off towards his home. The swords formed back into one, and it went back to being the master sword. The moon had just begun to rise. He was ready to sleep, but he had the strangest feeling he was being watched.


A group of seventeen people were outside by a hill waiting.
“ When I give the signal, burn the house to the ground, and make sure he’s dead,” said a mysterious, but familiar, voice.

Just as he was getting ready to sleep, Blitz flew into the room, with his sword slashing at Max’s head. He activated the fire blade and blocked it.
“ You’ve gotten better Maxie boy, just wait till I fight you in the invasion,” he taunted, but then caught himself too late, and had told Max basically everything.
“ Thanks, and see you Blitz,” He said launching a lightning pulse into his stomach. Blitz, not paying attention to Max, and worrying about what Ganondorf will do to him, was absent mindedly blown out of the room. While flying threw the air, he gave a command.
“ Burn it to the ground, make sure he’s dead,” He yelled. Then the arrows flew, and the house went up in flames. It was all too fast, and Max barely had time to breath. The smoke was too much, plus it was eating away at his lungs. He fell to the floor, while everything went black; he saw the flames wash over him, then nothing.


The sages noticed the disturbance when they saw flames go up. At first they thought it was a huge bonfire, but someone said they saw arrows flying towards a house. They had all the students and leaders rush to the house and back, and to find any survivors. They found Max, lying on the floor, unconscious. Ace, who had been one of the people to notice the fire, picked him up, and brought him out of the house. He sent mud, and debries everywhere, covering the remains of the house. Max woke up, yelling about an invasion.
“ Its okay Max, your safe, now what about an invasion,” Ace asked confused. “ Ganondorf and his men are coming soon, to destroy Hyrule,” Max said stammering. They ran to tell the sages.
“ We must prepare in case it’s an all out siege,” Zelda grimaced as she spoke those words. She knew this could be the end. They had a fairly big army, and the students could fight well, but against an estimate of ten legions? No, the army just didn’t stand a chance. She told the other sages, and everyone got to work from that day. They built walls from the earth around them, and refined it with light. Then, they put smaller forts and camps outside the castle. They planned to stop what they were doing, and head for these forts, but only when they see the first signs of attack. The rest of the time would be spent training; everyone must be fit and ready for this war.
“ Link, you will be commander for this battle,” Zelda said smiling at him. She knew he was a confident leader, who was the best there ways in strategizing. Obviously he was the best candidate. Then she went to Max, Sarah, Ace, and Zen.
“ You have all proven yourselves worthy, and all of you are fit for this job. Your mission is to go save Anna before the war begins. It will be tough, and Max this might be hard for you, but if she is not alive, leave immediately. Everyone here except Zen was close to Anna, so don’t try extracting revenge if she has perished. Max, when we all fought you, it was to make you stronger, so that Ganondorf will seem like small fry, I apologize if you were hurt in anyway,” Zelda said gravely. Then she dispersed them into the night.
“ That was the right thing t do Zelda,” Link said trying to comfort her. “ But what if their caught, and something bad happens. I could never forgive myself for putting such a burden on four children,” she doubting her decision. “ I don’t trust Zen, but Max and Ace are strong, plus Sarah is kind, they will get through all hardships,” Link said, making her feel a little better. The next day all four of them were off to save Anna.
“ Don’t worry Anna, we’ll save you.

Hmm...I have to say congrats on making a decent length for a chapter. Only problem is you're rushing to make it long. This chapter should've just finished the race, and could've been even longer than you did make it. Another thing: punctuation. I'm noticing that you've been getting worse in that category for a while.

Remember this little rule: Read books. If you don't know what to do, follow a book's format. Put all of a quote in two quotation marks. The old "Text," said ___.

Also, you've been repeating words a lot lately. Ex:

put on a crystal tiara made from ice on.

Should be:

put a crystal tiara, made from ice, on.

Or:

put on a crystal tiara, made from ice.

You could even put the part about it being made from ice in parentheses. The point, though, is that you said "on" twice, meaning the same thing.

Another thing I noticed is that you said he "one" the race. Try to use the right words when it comes to homophones. Read it over to make sure you used the right word.

Plot-wise...I don't know why they're kissing so early into the night. I mean, they just met; just started dancing. I wouldn't think kissing would occur so soon.

The whole thing with the Hawk's Eyes seems a bit...Superhero-ish. Cut down on how many powers you give people, lol. Plus, if I'm not mistaken, you're becoming more and more of a hypocrite (Hawk's Eyes = Sharingan; both of them do the exact same thing, and are bloodline traits. The only thing different is that Hawk's Eyes had to be obtained by his ancestor instead of just being there genetically).

Work on these things and it will get better. That's all I can say.

-Sekal

The word document never catches it, plus punctuation was really never really a strong point for me. Also the sharingun means mirrow, if it was called the tengue eyes, then I wouldn;t have used hawk, and this is the only power I've given him

Great so far but like Sekal said your spelling and homophones aren't doing so great...

Chapter 19

The group had left at dawn to make sure when they got there, so it would be dark would be dark when they got there. Max had a bizarre feeling that there was a traitor, and he knew who it was. He winked at Ace and Sarah, and they figured it out. They walked about forty more meters, but Max then stopped. Then the yellow aura everyone had become accustomed to shot up. Ace, and Sarah surrounded Zen. They didn’t know if Max’s feeling was true, but they believed him.
“ Max what are you doing, why are you surrounding me, are you a traitor,” Zen screamed drawing his weapon. Then Max sent a gust of wind that blew off his jacket. On his arm was the sign.
“ When Blitz attacked me, I noticed he had a tattoo on his arms, same with every other person that came with him. It was a picture of the gem on a gerudo’s, but it was tainted black, now what is that doing on your arm,” He yelled kicking him into a wall. Ace pinned him into the wall with three arrows, then Sarah covered his body with a water pulse.
“ I figured it when you didn’t call us loser freshmen when you called me the traitor. You’d never treat anyone with respect unless you were planning something,” Sarah yelled pulling out her staff. Ace shackled him to the wall, and then covered his arms and torso.
“ Why would you betray us? I knew your whole plan, I can see into the future remember, Ace yelled at him, and you were going to take us in to the castle, then apprehend us,” then he saw that he was going to interrogated, and screamed at the top of his lungs before passing out. Then nine wolfos came running at them, one picked up Zen, and they all bowed. Their leader came he sent them after them. Out of instinct Ace shot three arrows flew through the wolfos. They burst into dust. Sarah launched a water and wind pulse, the wind blew 3 of them away, and the water crushed the other 3’s, non-existent bones. The last two blew up, and only the leader was left. He laughed, and another wolfos came and took Zen away. Then Max and the leader disappeared. The only thing you could hear was the ring of swords. When they reappeared, Max was being pinned down.
“ You can’t beat me, you can’t beat your father, and you can’t beat Ganondorf, how will you save your girlfriend,” he taunted laughing. Then he punched Max into the mountainside. His eyes closed. Sarah ran over, but was hit hard by a hand. She fell knocked out, and the leader lifted his sword up. An arrow went wising past his head. He didn’t even look up when Ace was punched down. He hit the ground so hard, he bounced twenty feet into the air.
“ Lightning slice.” A wave of energy bounced of him. “Still up are we, that’s going to change,” he laughed walking towards him. The yellow glow came back, and Max’s eyes turned green, he was trying the finisher again. His sword split in two, the white and the black. He disappeared, and not even the wind was stirring.
“ Wind seal, break,” then a strong wind blew him away, and he was trapped in a tornado. “ Fire seal, break,” the tornado was filled by flame, hotter then the sun, but not hot enough to melt the earth. Then the lightning seal, and water seal broke, and everything trapped in there was toasted, drowned, scalded, or shocked. The leader fell out, in a lot of pain.
“ Who can’t save anyone,” Max said grimly. “I’ll tell you a secret, if you let me join the Hyrulian army. I’ve served the side of evil too long, so today’s the day I change,” he said standing up. He took off the wolf mask, and he looked like a normal knight. Max drew his sword, which had gone back to being the master sword.
“ Your father lied to you, he was never trying to stop Ganon, he was trying to stay alive. Also you and that girl use wind right? If you combine your powers, you could teleport all three of you to the Gerardo desert, which is where his castle is.” Then Max shook his hand, and woke up Sarah and Ace.
“ Sarah, if we combine our wind powers, we can get to Ganondorf’s castle,” he told them. Sarah nodded in agreement, and then they grabbed hands. Ace wasn’t too happy about this, but he knew it was for the best. They both closed their eyes, then the wind stirred, and they were in the desert.
“ It worked Max, it worked,” Sarah said jumping up and down. Max smiled, and then looked towards what looked like a castle. It was more manor like, but still huge.
“ Let’s go take him out,” Max said as they all started running.


Ace and Sarah, expecting it to be guarded, ran into the front entrance to create a distraction. When it was open they saw something they never thought they would see.
“ Is he doing it again,” Ace asked. “ No, it’s something different,” Sarah, gasped. They needed to escape, but then they were dropped into two different floors.

Anna was chained to the wall. She wasn’t in pain, but she was losing hope. Blitz had been coming in more often to see her, but he was trying to change her.
“ If you join our side, and give that triforce piece to Ganon, you will be let go. Come on Anna, we all now you don’t want to go through this,” he said trying to sweet talk her out of it. Then she glared at him.
“ You killed him didn’t you, she screamed, you killed Max so that you could make me change didn’t you.” Then a water noose began chocking him. He broke out of it easily, and walked up to her.
“ I did, because with him out of the way I can do this,” he said slyly. Then he moved forward to kiss her. He did for a long time, but all the time she was struggling to get out of it.
“ Get your grubby hands off of her.” Blitz turned around to see a fist fly at his face, and send him flying. Then the wall fell inward, and Anna fell into a deep a pit of water. The mysterious knight jumped in, still wearing his amour. Then Anna realized who it was.

Max had snuck in through the sand. He could control it because of the wind. He had blown up a wall, and then fixed it with the sand. He heard some traitors talking.
“ Yeah she’s downstairs in the basement. If I had known this was what they were doing, I wouldn’t have joined,” said one of the students. Then his father came out of nowhere, and began whipping her.
“ Never talk bad about the master you wretched little pig,” He yelled angrily. Max couldn’t stand it. He wanted to leave this pillar and beat that man to a pulp, but that would give away his position. Then his father left. Max ran out to help the girl.
“ Are you all right,” he said hoisting her up with wind. “ I think so Max, thank you,” She said reaching out at the air. Max took of her armor, and sent her to Hyrule in a harmless tornado.
“ They will help you, so don’t worry,” Max said putting on the dark armor. He found the stairs and went downstairs. When he got there he saw Blitz kissing Anna for a long time. She was struggling so much; it looked like she was going to break her arms trying to break free.
“ Get your grubby hands off or her,” he yelled flying at him. Blitz went flying, but hit a button dropping Anna still chained up into a pit of water. Max dove in, and contemplated what he had heard coming down. She thought he was dead because Blitz lit his house on fire. Then he saw Anna smiling. He shot wind from his feet to get there in time.

The water was cold and numbing. They both could feel it freezing them. Anna’s eyes began to close, and Max’s armor froze, and fell off. Max grabbed her before she fell to the bottom. Her eyes opened immediately to see Max breaking the chains. Once they were broken they looked into each other’s eyes, then swam up. When they got out, they smiled at each other.
“ I’m sorry I didn’t get here earlier, are you okay,” Max asked compassionately. Then Anna showed him her hand. He gasped, and punched the wall in frustration.
“ It’s okay, it’s healed,” she said smiling. Then Blitz got up and ran at Max. When Max turned around, Blitz had already put a dagger in his left arm.
“ Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh,” he yelled in pain. Blitz grabbed Anna and ran farther down into some catacombs. He didn’t even know they were there. He was just running, and he saw a door. Max pulled out the knife. It was a lot more painful then he thought. He ran into the catacomb. This was the place that held this castle up.

“ The boy is alive, I can sense the triforce of courage near here,” Ganondorf screamed at Zen. “ Master I didn’t mean not to tell you, he discovered my tattoo, and he beat me up,” Zen said backing away.
“ He beat, and turned General Wolf, and that was my strongest warrior. Make sure he does not leave this place alive. Do you hear me,” He screamed. Then they felt a shake.
“ Oh no, there in the catacombs. If the pillars are destroyed down there, this whole place comes down.


“ Where am I,” Sarah yelled into the space. Then the lights came on, and Al was floating in the center of a circular room.
“ Change of plan, I was going to leave you alive, but the master has other plans,” she said tossing back her black hair. Her deep black eyes met Sarah’s hazel eyes. Then she charged. Her javelin thrust forward. Sarah jumped, and pulled out her staff, but was blown away by darkness. She couldn’t keep up, and t was only the first attack. Then Al came out of the darkness and kicked her. She hit the wall with a thump. Then was hoisted up by Al’s hand. She began to choke Sarah. As she gasped for air Al laughed.
“ Weak bugs like you should be erased from the world,” she laughed thrusting her lance foreword. Then the fire in Sarah’s eyes caused a strong shield of wind to block the lance.
“ What, when did you get that power,” Al screamed bug eyed. Then Sarah blew her away with a geyser.
“ Finisher, Artemis staff, awaken,” she yelled. Then the staff changed. It had a pure white orb on the tip. The orb was like the moon.
“ What are you, a moon demon,” Al said backing away in fear. Sarah’s brown hair turned to a midnight shade of black.
“ No, compared to scum like you, I am a goddess,” Sarah said blowing her away with a strong gust of wind. She looked exactly like the Artemis, the goddess of the moon. Now Artemis had a very bad temper that caused many, many problems with tides and winds if that’s what I’m told. So a giant tidal wave appeared, and came crashing down on Al. She reverted back to normal, but her hair remained black. She looked at it and smiled.
“ I kind of like it this way, reminds me of my mother,” She said running to the next room.

Ace was still in the darkness when it happened. He had heard a voice and gotten his bow ready.
“ Show yourself or I’ll shoot,” he yelled. The he saw something. It was the deep glow of fire.
“ I heard that you’re my sons best friend. So lets change that,” the voice said. Then Ace felt a cold blade slide through his chest. He turned around to see Max’s father walk away, and the lights came on. He fell on his back, and blood poured out. He saw Sarah walk in with black hair, and then she began to run.
“ Ace, what happened to you, who did this,” Sarah said with tears welling up in her eyes. “Sarah you look beautiful with your new hair. I’m glad I got to see it before I d…i…” He never finished his sentence. His eyes closed, and his breathing stopped. His heart slowed, and then stopped all together. Sarah began crying as hard as she could. But then she got up and saw a door that said catacombs.
“ I’ll bury him there,” she said trying to hold back any more tears. “ He died trying to save his sister, and that was very honorable,” she said putting the body in a stretcher of wind. She carried him all the way in, then she saw Max and Anna staring down Blitz. She set Aces body down, and dug a hole with her hands, and buried him. Then she ran over to Max and Anna.


Blitz ran but was tripped by a water whip. Anna had grabbed her sword, but didn’t want to kill him, so she decided to trip him. She jumped, and ran the other way. A giant darkness hand reached for her, but it was cut in two by the master sword. Max had to hold it with his right arm alone, and he was huffing and puffing. It transformed, and he charged. Blitz got up and kicked him into a pillar. It broke, but Max stopped himself before he went through the second pillar. Blitz jumped up, and punched through it. Max jumped of and kicked him. Blitz drew his sword, and it transformed into a giant broadsword.
“ V-2,” Max yelled swinging down wards. It his five more pillars before reaching Blitz. “ Darkness destroyer,” Blitz yelled sending another shock wave. It missed Max’s wave, and took out five more pillars on the other side, leaving only two pillars left holding the whole place up. Max jumped and landed on the wall. He began spinning. The rotation speed caused a tornado. He jumped into Blitz’s stomach, sending him spinning.
“ Tornado head butt,” he yelled landing on the wall. Then disappeared in front of Blitz as he was flying. Then he threw his foot into the air.
“ Lightning Axe,” he said dropping his foot into Blitz. Then his hawk spirit shot up. Then Blitz grabbed his foot, and through him into the other pillar. Max did a back flip into the last pillar. Then flew at Blitz.
“ Winds fist,” Max said punching Blitz into the wall. He spun and then kicked Blitz in to the ceiling. Then began punching at. Blitz fell of the ceiling.
“ Wind blast,” Max said sending him flying into the ground. Blitz got up and punched him in his bad arm. He gasped, then jumped on his good hand, and kicked him into the wall. Then he jumped into the air again. Came down and stomped on his back. He then did this six more times. They both had run out of mystical aura. Max was huffing and puffing, but Blitz hadn’t even broken a sweat. Max’s sword went flying into the ceiling after Blitz hit with a darkness blade. Blitz thrust forward. Max blocked it with wind on his foot. His foot kicked up, sending a slice of air into the air. His sword went flying into the wall. Then Max spun in the air again, only this time, he used a punch kick. Blitz slid a little, but Max was too fast. He grabbed a piece of the wall, and flew right at him. He launched some darkness arrows that he had found. He had made a bow from the rocks around. Max ran dodging each arrow. He jumped. Max flew at him.
“ Winds fist,” he yelled throwing the rock forward. The rock with his left arm, he punched threw it. It was crazy, using his bad hand. The rock exploded sending bits of rocks into him. They sent him flying into the wall. Max flew up to the roof and grabbed his sword.
“ Anna get, um Sarah, hey what did you do with your hair,” Max said looking down. He also noticed she had just been crying.
“ Ace is dead, your father killed him,” She yelled. Anna almost fainted, and she began to cry also. Max grabbed his sword and landed. His energy shot up so high it seemed like the whole building was coming down.
“ Die, you fools, die like your friend,” yelled Zen grabbing Blitz, and breaking the last pillar. The energy manifested into wings on his back. Not the winds Jack was talking about, but they would do. Max flew grabbing Sarah and Anna. They flew out through the ceiling. Not wanting to be caught, he flew them further through the air.
“ Rest in peace my friend,” said Max looking back as he flew to Hyrule.

For anyone who has not read 18 yet, don't read chapter 19 or 20, because it will be confusing, so I will re-post it soon


Chapter 20


A little boy showed up at Max’s house the next day. Max started to notice his hand burning. He looked and saw the triforce shining brightly. Then he understood why Ganon had captured Anna. When he had been banished so many years ago, his triforce must have gone to the new person to inherit it.
“ Um, what’s your name little boy,” Max asked strangely. “My name is Zeak, I’m 6 years old, but I’m running from my father because he is evil. He was planning on killing me to get back this glowing triangle. Then he ran in and got behind Max, and screamed, “ His minions are here, help,” Zeak screamed. Max grabbed his sword and jumped. He cut the arrow in two. Then he ran at them. There was about seven, and they all had maces, except for the one who was using the bow.
“ Tornado Slash,” he yelled spinning. His sword began to form a cyclone. He kept spinning, then let go, and a huge tornado went flying at them. They began to run, but were sucked up. Max didn’t see the giant minion come from behind. He looked more like a Darknut, and had a sword that could cut through a mountain. He punched Max and he went flying into the wall of his house. His sword went flying into a rock. Zeak began to scream and cry.
“ Hold still little Master, this should be quick and painless,’ the Darknut chuckled as he raised his sword. Then he plunged down as Anna walked in for hr visit. She screamed when she saw what was going on. The Darknut paused, and walked over to Anna, she ducked under him and grabbed Zeak in her arms. She then ran out the back door.
“ Come back here you little girl,” he yelled running after them. Then as he grabbed his sword, he felt a hand grab him.
“ Miss me,” Max said throwing him out the other door. Then he turned on the heat with his spirit mode.
“ So you’re the boy with this spirit the master has been talking about, lets see if your really that good,” he yelled putting up his fists. They both charged.

Anna noticed her hand and the little boys hand glowing.
“ Who are you, and why was that knight trying to kill you,” Anna asked as they hid behind a rock. “My name is Zeak, and Ganondorf is my father.” Then Anna gasped. “No, I’m not evil, I’m just a six year old who doesn’t want to be evil, or die by the hands of his father. Anna felt much safer, until she saw Max go flying over their heads.
“ Anna, take Zeak and run,” He said on his side. He got up, but then the Darknut was there instantly, and kicked him even further. Then turned to finish of Anna and Zeak. They both screamed, then they saw smoke arise from behind them. Anna saw Max in the smoke, and a new red energy was shooting up from him. It was life energy. She remembered learning in preschool that there were two types of energy. Mystical aura was described as the color green. Life aura, which was described as red, was the stronger between the two. If you taped into the life aura, you would fall unconscious after a certain amount of time. Then you had to rest for ten days, other wise you might end up dead. Max glared at him, then disappeared. Then the Darknut went flying from a punch to the stomach.
“ Air axe,” Max said spinning in the air, and then he dropped his heel into the darknuts stomach. Max flew at him, but vanished right in front of him.
“ Air blitz,” Max yelled, and then he started punching at high speeds. He hit with about one thousand fists. He just kept going after that.
“ If I don’t get out of this barrage, I’ll never make it back,” he thought to himself. Then Max threw his fist as far back as he could. Then he a tornado formed on it.
“ This is for trying to hurt Anna, and trying to kill Zeak, tell your Master I say hi, Cyclone fist,” He yelled. When he hit him, his armor shattered, then he went spinning away through the air. Then Max keeled over from exhaustion, but was still awake. Then Zeak thanked them all and began walking away.
“ Wait, you should probaly stay with us so you don’t get hurt. We’ll all stay at our house,” Anna said grabbing him by the hand. Zeak began to blush, because Anna was so pretty. Then Zeak picked up Max and carried him.


When they reached the house, Link was waiting. It’s starting. “Welcome back, but your going to hide. This is not a drill,” he said pushing them all to their stations. “Anna you protect this adorable little child. You need to hide in this room; he showed them a big room with a wall of diamond so some one could not break in. They hid in there with a lot of food and they watched the battle out side. Ganondorf’s troops were winning, and capturing all of the kids and sages. Then Blitz and a party of seven ran into the castle he ran into the same room Anna and Zeak were in. He saw Max unconscious and walked up.
“ Anna I’ll give you another chance, I really do love you, so come with me,” he said walking towards her. She began backing up to the wall. “ Zeak stay behind me, this is a bad man,” she said backing up. Blitz pinned her up against the wall. Then he leaned forward. Then he grabbed her by the hips and pulled her forward. She was up nose to nose with him.
“ Kiss me and I won’t harm the boy,” he said as a dark hand grabbed Zeak by the collar. Then Zeak realized why she wasn’t kissing him before. She was in love with Max, not this guy. He pulled out a short sword, cut the hand and ran towards Blitz.
“ Don’t do it Anna, he’s just a big Meany,” he yelled punching him in the stomach. Then he saw the darkness on his fist. It didn’t send him far, but the Zeak punched him with his other fist, which had light on it. Blitz went flying into the wall.
“ It’s okay Anna, he is gone, he won’t hurt you,” Zeak said hugging her. Then when he let go he turned around to see a fist send him flying into the wall. “Blitz he is just a child, don’t do this,” Anna said begging him. He walked over drawing his sword. Anna ran in front of them and threw her arms out. He then hit her away with the back of his fist. She hit the wall and fell unconscious.
“ I’ll kill you after the child. I didn’t want you to die, and if you had just loved me back I wouldn’t have to do this,” he said glaring at her.
“ Winds fist,” said Max flying at him hitting him in the jaw. “ Don’t touch them you slug, or I’ll kill you,” Max yelled. He was still tired from using the life energy. He grabbed his sword and charged. Blitz could only block right now because he was still devastated from what Zeak had done. Then Max kicked him and put his sword back. Then punched him into the diamond wall.
“ Cyclone fist, Slice kick, wind axe, tornado head butt,” Max yelled hitting Blitz with all these moves. Then he saw a tiny crack in the diamond wall.
“ Air blitz,” he said hitting him with the barrage of fists. He just kept hitting him. The crack became bigger, and Blitz’s eyes went blank. Then Max kept hitting him harder with each fist. Then the crack became so big it was about to shatter the whole castle. Then Max flew backwards and charged at him with a kick. When it connected, he sent him through the wall, and out to the battle. There were only soldiers from Ganondorfs army left. Everyone had been captured. Max walked over and kissed Anna on the cheek.
“ I’ll be right back, stay safe,” he said running out of the room.



When Anna woke up, she saw a bag filled with provisions. Max was standing there smiling. Then he woke up Zeak and got them both up. Anna then fell to the ground in pain. Zeak gasped and ran over to her. Max followed.
“ I think my ankles sprained, it may have happened when Blitz hit me in to the wall. Max picked her up into his arms.
“ We need to get out of here before Ganon comes in here to get us,” Max said pulling Zeak towards him with some air. They ran out of the room, and down the hall. Anna was busy healing her ankle with a mixture of light and water. It would take a couple of minutes. Then they ran to the window, and looked outside. Everyone had left for Ganondorfs new castle they assumed. Then Anna finished healing her ankle

Sorry for the delay, i've been busy for a while, so I'm going to start working double time.

Great Story so far, but your grammar could use a little work. As Sekal said, you need to describe more, the battle with Blitz went by pretty fast. Emotion is essential too, to know what the character is thinking or feeling at the time.

Thanks for the tips, i'l try to use them, but if It dosn't turn out to good, srry

Chapter 21


They ran through the corridor then saw a Darknut. Zeak and Max took care of it. They both flew into it with a kick.
“ Nice kid, but can you do this, Wind slash,” Max said sending a blade of wind into another knight. Then they ran further down to the exit. When they got to the courtyard, they saw two people, Max’s dad and a subordinate. When Max saw him he charged drawing his sword. He swung it so fast that Elk had little time to block it.
“ Hello son, you won’t win so easily this time, Ganondorf gave me powers beyond my wildest dreams. He sent the sword flying away into a rock. Anna went to get it. Zeak pulled out his sword and charged. Then he hit the subordinate, who wasn’t very good, with a light shower. He fainted instantly. Max just kept hitting him, but the fire just kept blocking it. Max then exploded with anger, then air started forming around him. He disappeared, and when he appeared, the air was red, and he was mixing it with the life energy. He then kicked his dad into the nearest wall, then flew grabbed him with an air fist. He threw him into the air, and grabbed his sword.
“Air dragon,” Max yelled as it came out of his sword. It engulfed his father, and then he fell. He hit the ground with a boom. Elk was through, but Max thought it was too good to be true. Max punched him through the floor, and then grabbed Anna by the hand. Zeak was tired, and he had fallen asleep during the fight. They leaned forward to kiss, when they let came out of it, they smiled at each other.
“ It’s time to go Zeak, we need to keep moving, other wise we will get caught,” Anna said picking him up. Just then Elk popped up and knocked Anna unconscious. Before Max could move, he stabbed his side, not trying to kill him, but just so he would fall asleep. He walked over to a crying Zeak. He drew his sword and smiled at Zeak. “ Ahhh, is the son of Ganon afraid, don’t worry, I’ll make this slow and painful,” he laughed, and then he put his sword back. Zeak got up and ran as fast as he could. He began screaming and crying. He saw an exit and sprinted for it. Elk was there in a second and punched him into a wall. He turned around and ran the other way.
“I don’t want to die, someone help me,” Zeak said crying, and then he tripped. Elk came and punched the earth in front of him. “ I’m tired of playing, so I’m going to kill you now,” he said grinning like a devil. Then he lit his fist on fire, and attacked. Max had gotten up and jumped in the way, then was flew in to a wall knocked out. Anna was the next to wake up, then slapped. She landed on Max’s chest; her head hit it with a thump. They both knew what was coming, so they looked in to each other’s eyes with the remainder of their strength, and then fell unconscious.
“ Why did they do that,” Elk said turning around, only to find that Zeak was gone. He yelled then took the Max and Anna to Ganondorfs Castle.


“ Where am I, and what happened to Anna,” Max said opening his eyes. He saw her tied to another table, and three men were around her.
“ Do what you like with the girl, I don’t really care what happens to her,” said a mysterious voice. A wall came and split the room, and Max called out to her. By the time she had time to answer back, she had already begun screaming. He heard a rip, and then he heard a familiar voice. It was Blitz, and he was enjoying himself. What ever he and those other guys did to Anna, they would soon regret it. He heard more screams, but then they were muffled. After about what seemed like an hour, the wall turned around, to reveal a beaten, and sleeping Anna.
“ What did you do to her,” Max yelled looking at his girlfriend. “ Lets just say I had a wonderful time, and Anna’s lips taste of, what I would have to say is strawberries,” Blitz replied laughing. The chains began to rise, and Max began to break through the wall. The chains around his arms were beginning to crack. Then they broke off all together with a loud ring.
“ That was the last mistake of your life,” Max said braking off the chains from his feet.


Zeak was still on the run, but he had managed to find safety. Then he came up with a great plan. He ran to the mountains in search for the gorons. If the knights escaped, they were going to need as much help as they could get. He snickered, and then ran further into the mountains. Next he would have to find the Sheikas, and the Zoras, hopefully. Then he saw the volcano, gulped, and began to shake.
“ We’ll this is going to be a lot harder then I thought,” Zeak whispered to himself. Then he ran in sweating more and more.

“ Blitz you jerk, I’m going to destroy you,” Max yelled angrily. The irritation in his skull was being caused by his deep hatred for Ganondorf. Red energy started leaking out, and it engulfed the entire area. Then darkness came and fought away the energy. What surprised Max was that Blitz was happy. He grabbed Max by the collar, and threw him into the wall.
“ What was that, he moved faster, and he stole some of my Mystic aura,” Max said picking himself up. He noticed Ganon had taken his sword, and hidden it in the castle. Blitz felt the power surge through him.
“ I’ve learned a new power Maxie. I can steal anyone’s mystic aura, and that’s what I did to your precious Anna,” he said laughing. Then he grinned and shot a beam of darkness into Max’s arm. His eyes began to white out. The pain surged through his arm. He could feel the warm, wet blood trickle down his arm. Then he shot another one into his other arm. More blood flowed down his arm. He tried to move, but the pain kept him down. He felt a tear come down his eye, and then began to feel sadness in his heart.
“ I couldn’t protect my friends, I couldn’t protect the closets person to me, and I couldn’t protect my best friend,” Max yelled with a gloomy face, then he noticed all four main elements surrounding him. He felt a power surge through him, one he had never felt before. It was stronger then the mystic and the life aura. Even though he was in pain, he felt happy. He knew what it was now; the four elements were helping him.
“ To protect my loved ones, I will stop all of you,” Max yelled at Blitz. Then he got up and pulled the swords out with an earth glove. “Let me introduce you to the first element, Earth,” Max said smiling. Blitz charged and punched him with half the energy he had, but began shaking his fist. He was in a lot of pain, and then he saw Max’s body wrapped in earth. Then he punched him into the wall. Max had a wide grin on his face. He flew through the air, and concentrated all the earth power on to his leg. Then he dropped it on him.
“ Earth comet, have fun,” he laughed. Then, right before Blitz hit the ground, a giant water hand grabbed him. “ Element number two, Water,” Max said flinging him across the room. Then a giant water fist punched him into the wall.
“ I don’t know how, or why I got these powers, but I know how to strengthen them. Eat the power of the hawk,” Max yelled. Then the yellow energy flared up all over his body. The water moved even faster, and crowned him to the floor. Blitz got up and screamed as loud as he could. How could he lose to this kid again? He had been given so many new powers, and he had the upper hand. What was it that made Max so powerful? Then he charged at Max with a blood-curdling shout. Max disappeared behind him, and then kicked him in to the wall.
“ Why Blitz, you could have had it all with us, even Anna, she told me she had a crush on you one day. Since you’re about to be defeated, I’ll tell you why I’m so strong. There are many reasons.” Max then sent all his energy to his right hand. Then stuck it out straight in front of him. “ For one, I didn’t go to this scumbag for power, second, I believe in my power along with everyone else’s, and finally, I care about all my friends and loved ones, and if I lose now, I’ll never be able to cherish them, or protect them,” Max said smiling. Then all the energy flared up on his arm. He was in front of Blitz in a second.
“ This will only knock you out, come back when your ready to make the right choice, oh yeah, I forgive you,” Max said grinning widely at him. This made Blitz’s face brighten a little. Then Max punched him through the wall.
“ I think I put too much into that,” he said with a sigh. Then he appeared at the table and grabbed Anna who was starting to wake up.
“ What happened to me, I feel weird,” she said dizzily. Then they hugged each other, but it was cut short. Max pushed Anna away, and then activated the earth mode. Right then ten arrows flew right in to the wall of earth. Then Max grabbed Anna by the hand and began to run. Even though her life was in danger, she couldn’t help but blush. He ran down the corridor, but the archers were close behind. Then he opened a door and ran into an empty room. He put her behind her using his body as a shield.
“ Don’t worry Anna, we’ll get out of here eventually, and I will rescue everyone, that I promise,” Max said shooting up his aura. Then they heard the doorknob turn.

...OK my next comment would have to be that you are letting Max, and the other "good" people, seem invincible. I mean Max just randomly breaks the chains from the wall? I don't think your giving the villains enough credit.

Okay, I'll try giving them more credit in chapetr 23, but I'll have to do it then, becaue chapter 22 is already done, but I don't think to many people will like the end.

Chapter 22
The door opened, and in walked what looked like a shadow. Then something clicked, and Max and Anna plummeted to what they though was a bottomless pit of darkness.
“Water could save us now, Max thought to himself. He activated it, and used it to cushion the fall. When they landed, a light came on, and something hit Anna hard. She fell unconscious next to Max. The same thing was about to hit him, if he hadn’t jumped. He saw that it was a rock, but it was covered in fire. Then Max saw his father shaping the fire around the rock. He then formed a sea of rock and fire, melting the rocks in to… “ Lava, and he’s going to burn us to a crisp,” Max said out loud. He grabbed Anna and made a ledge with some rocks. He then jumped down and blew the lava away with some wind. The water activated, at the same time he activated the earth. He was combining the two like his dad, but this wasn’t a great combo. He flew at him shooting his foot out like an arrow. He stood on his hands, which were covered in earth so they could with stand the heat. Then he brought his other foot around horizontally, as to hit him in the side, when his father jumped to avoid the hit, Max began grinning.
“ What are you grinning about you worthless son, you still can’t touch me,” he spat. Then Max pointed up. When Elk did look up, a giant water leg was crashing down on his head. His body bounced off the floor, then an earth fist hit him.
“ So I still can’t touch you?”

Zeak was in the middle of training with the Zoras at the same time Max was fighting. He had decided this so he could get stronger. He so far he was, and he could wield a sword much better. He had also mastered his elements, and could manipulate them. He was still working on hand-to-hand combat, but it was coming.
“ Good job little one, soon you will be able to help us when the time is right,” the Zora general said. Zeak then nodded, and jumped back.


Elk was just beginning to get up, when he was hit by his on element. The fire amazingly burned him. Then he saw Max with his fist lighted and pointing right at him. Then he shot out another burst. Then he lighted his feet right when it hit.
“ If I get hit by another flame, I’ll be finished,” he said to himself. Then he disappeared to Ganondorf.
“ Please master, I need more power, he’s too strong,” he pleaded. Then Ganondorf nodded, and shot a dark orb at him. I sapped some of the power from the ocarina of time and the Master sword, you now can control time in that area. Then he sent him back. They all never noticed the blonde girl sneaking to the cells with a key.


“ Don’t worry everyone, you will all be out of here,” Anna said jingling the keys, and all the other students smiled.


Max just happened to be walking when he suddenly stopped, everything started to blur, and he started to move incredibly slowly. He then saw a blur, and was suddenly hit twenty times. He then sped up and flew right into the wall.
“ What was that,” Max said pulling him self out of the wall. Then he slowed down again, and then his eye caught his father. Then he figured out what was going on. He had to figure a way out of this. Then he shot up a field of wind, and it blew away his father.
“ The fourth key element, and my strongest, Wind,” Max, said angrily. He then flew at him at a high speed. Not even slowing down time could help Elk catch sight of him. It looked as if there were hundreds of Max’s, and then he was hit by all of them. He broke through the wall. Then he was pelted by millions of air pulses. A fist then hit him, and he saw Max in a new light.
“ You have been warned, stay away from my friends, or next time, I’ll kill you!” Then Max sent all the wind to his leg, and kicked him straight through the wall, and into the throne room. Ganondorf sat there chuckling. Max then flew into the room, and launched a fire and air pulse at him. He crushed them both with what looked like a gravity field. Max could only look up shocked.
“ Surprised, I got darkness, but an added bonus, gravity powers, and I have more tricks up my sleeve,” and then he transformed in to a half human, half boar creature, and punched Max into the wall. Before he fell, Ganondorf skewered him through the side with his tusk. Max gasped for air, and then fell.
“ That was too short, now since I’m done, I’ll go kill all the prisoners, and that blonde haired girl. Then he felt a chill go down his spine. Max was up, and he had activated the wig s of the hawk, and his eyes were bright yellow exactly like the eyes of a hawk. He then flew in to the air.
“ You won’t kill any more people,” he yelled shooting a lightning pulse at him. The pulse missed, but the lightning created a smokescreen, then Ganondorf saw a lightning charge, and Max flew in with a kick, and it was electrically charged. The kick brought Ganondorf to his knees. When he got up, a wing hit him. It sent him flying into the wall.
“ I basically have four arms now. I will defeat you here and now.” Max then flew at him, but narrowly avoided a sword slash. Max then broke the sword with a wind blade. He then kicked Ganondorf into another wall. Then Ganondorf ran away into the prisoner’s cells. He grabbed Anna, and held all the other kids, and sages under a gravity spell.
“ I’ll kill them all if you come any closer,” Ganondorf yelled. Then he was stabbed by Max’s air sword.
“ Turns out I don’t need the Master sword to end you,” Max said glaring. It had suddenly become dark, and in the dark, Max’s eyes glowed with anger. He then cut diagonally. There was a big slash across his chest, but it wasn’t fatal.
“ Before you banish me to the sacred realm for good, I must tell you, I am only a general under a much greater threat. There are three other generals in other lands you must destroy before you can get to the bigger threat fool. So I bid you adieu, and I hope you die trying to save the world.” Ganon then disappeared. Max’s wings vanished and he walked over to Anna and everyone else.
“ Unfortunately everyone, I have to go find this threat Ganondorf was talking about, and I have to go alone. I will be back soon, so all of you have to train hard so that if another evil force like Ganondorf comes, you can stop him. So farewell to everyone, but before I go,” Max said conjuring up all his energy remaining into his triforce piece. Same with Anna, and Zeak who had just gotten there, saw the light and did it also. Then when they all combined the pieces, then Max put his hand on it.
“ I wish Ace was alive again,” he said happily, and then it was so. Ace was alive again, but no one could seem to see him.
“ He’s at home resting as if nothing had happened,” Max grinned then he waved goodbye to everyone. He was walking when Zeak grabbed his cloak.
“ I’m coming to, I know were to find these guys, but we need to train some more, otherwise we won’t be able to compete with them,” Zeak said.
“ Lets go then little buddy, we’ll train for 4 year, that should be enough time,” Max said as they walked on to death mountain. Then Max held up his arm and grabbed Zeak, and then they flew off to train. When everyone got back to the school, they found a note that said.

Get stronger everyone, in four years time I will be back in four years to find all of you, as strong as any army, so we can get rid of this force that plagues the world. Goodbye, and tell Ace I say hi.

Your Friend
Max.

Okay, I've finally finished...(been putting it off for too long)

First off: There are two things I was pleased to see. One, the word "plethora". I have never used the word myself, and it just sounds so darn cool, lol. Second, when Max said something "apologetically". I was sure it would be misspelled (Sp? ((Lol))). Those two things just sprung out at me.

Second: You still need major help on homophones, comma use, and quotation mark use. I noticed quite a few times when you couldn't tell if someone was speaking, or if it was your narration. Work on that.

Third: Plot-wise...when Ace died, I rofled at Sarah's unrealistic reaction. It was as if she was saying "Oh no, he died...Hey, look, here are some conveniently placed catacombs! I'll bury him here." I mean, seriously. Your boyfriend dies, and seconds later you bury him? Nah, wouldn't happen. She'd be torn up, screaming, sobbing, trying to "wake" him up (being in denial, ya know). And Ace! For crying out loud, no human below the age of...forty-five, I dare say...would have the courage to accept death. And even then, his little sentence is so unreal that I actually laughed (no offence meant, it's just an impulse).

And about the end...it was rushed. And why oh why oh why oh why did Ganondorf say "fool"? It's not like Max'd said "And now it all ends", or something to that effect. When Ganon says "fool", it sounds like Max suggested that he was the highest enemy. Ganon shoulda said something like..."It doesn't end here", and then gone on to say that there were people above him. But the way you wrote it...sounded too...I dunno... I guess you're starting to remind me of how I was when I started out, lol. Take everything slowly.

And four years? Think about it. Does anyone ever know how long they will need to finish a certain task? My advice is...never have characters say how long they will train, unless they have been previously given a deadline, or it is a short period of time, such as a day or a week. How do they know they won't still suck after four years? How do they know that they won't have gotten to their limit by the second year? They just don't know.

And it woulda been so much better if Ace had actually joined them at the end.

Fourth: And please, for Pete's sake, use a THESAURUS. What you need are some synonyms.

you have lots of typos my friend o_o

use spell check :3