Yeah, so since this thread's almost three pages, I decided to add an index so people don't just see the first poem, get bored and leave, plus it'd be easier for me. So, here it is:
The Best Damn Thing I Believe I've Ever Written: Natural Reaction (Post 30)
Rain (Post 1)
A Language Of Many Emotions (Post 6)
Once Upon A Whimsical Dream (Post 10)
Of Diamonds and Pearls (Post 17)
Eternity (Post 20)
Note To Self (Post 24)
Tongue Twister A.K.A. Shong (Post 25)
A Message In A Bottle Named "Perhaps Those Times Were Better, Perhaps These Times Will Be" Found By a Boat Stranded In The Middle of an Ocean, Desperate In Need (Post 29)
Note: Name Has Also Changed. Used to be Named 'Rain'.
My first ever attempt at a poem other than a haiku. *gasp* And, it just happens to be named Rain. Seriously, I had no plan of it. I wrote the poem and chose a fitting name. Coincidence....or something more?
Aaaaanyway, my first ever poem.
Dark clouds hanging from the sky Giving the impression of coming rain A lush, green field inhabited by flowers Dotter with dull, gray stones as places For those who leave to forever lie
A group of people standing around Handkerchiefs in hands Rain falling from their faces Showing their emotions as they soak into the ground
Forever lost The ones we love Eternal Life A White Dove
And through the rain We show remorse That no longer they are here And yet, we are happy For they no longer know pain
The day is slow, the night is cold Try to sleep, but the rain continues And it cannot be stopped For it comes out against our will Too strong is to hold in
Forever lost The ones we love Eternal Life A White Dove
Dedicated to both my grandpas, looking over me from Heaven.
*Applauds* For your first attempt ever at a poem other than a haiku, that was truly a joy to read.
The words you used created the perfect atmosphere for the type of poem this is. Not bad, not bad at all.
Although, on this stanza:
Originally Posted by Lunchbox
The day is slow, the night is cold Try to sleep, but the rain continues And it cannot be stopped For it comes out against our will Too strong is to hold In
To keep the flow going smoother, you might want to put 'in' next to 'hold'. *Shrugs* 'Tis just a suggestion.
Through words of hope, a man or woman may find the courage to stand up and speak.
Through words of evil, one might stand up and find the courage to kill.
Through words of wonder, one may find fantastical worlds, a sense of adventure, a reality outlet.
Through words of hate, one might find the peace of blades, the peace of death.
Through words of encouragement, one may find the will to continue on, no matter the obstacle, no matter the odds, no matter the pain.
Through words of love, one might find the courage to ask the question, to forever bond their relationship.
Through words of fear, one might see the world differently.
Through words of joy, one might find true friendship.
Through words of leadership, one might follow.
Through words of peace, one might dream.
Through words of war, one might fear.
Through words of pain, one might pain with them.
Through words of sorrow, one might cry.
Through words of hope, one might make it reality.
Through words of comfort, one might find the ability to live on.
May vos totus ago. May you live on.
This was actually used in a Battle Arena post. I decided it sounded like a poem and alas, here it be. Hope you likey.
Don't let curiosity and the desire to be good throw you off in your writing. The more and more you write, the more and more you'll desire to try new methods, new words, new everything. Don't let complex words throw you off to think simple words are too basic, don't let complex methods of writing make you think your first piece is garbage, and don't let yourself open a thesaurus.
These are both good. ^^ In 'Rain', you did an excellent job building the scene and describing it, filling your poem with emotion and making it really accessable to the reader. There were a few rough patches, but it was excellent, especially for your first non-haiku.
'A Language of Many Emotions' was also very nice. ^^ The ending was great, you wrapped everything up neatly and it left you with a good feeling.
Wow, Lunchy. That poem is... amazing. Like Cio, I never really imagined you to be the poet type. (Though is there really a poet type? Anyone could be a poet, really. I know I certainly don't go around wearing black clothes, berets, and snapping my fingers. )
Anyways.... Once Upon a Whimsical Dream is beautiful, and very touching. You seem to have a true mastery of English language, and are far too modest. I hope to see more from you!
Of Moonless Nights and Sunless Days
Of Finite Light and Infinite Darkness
Of Oceans of Dirt and Endless Trenches
Of These Would I Choose
Rather Than To Never See That One Again
The One I Wish I Could Reveal My Secret To
But Alas, I Know It Would Be A Lost Cause
For One Man’s Pearl
Belongs Already To Another
Oh wow, I just realized how Pokemonish that name is. Meh, whatever. Hope you enjoyed. It's definitely not as good as my previous
Pokemon? Can we never think of gemstones the same way again? =p
I actually like this more than your previous poems. There's more room for interpretation. I like how you capitalized every word (except 'and', the poor thing). I feel like an archaeologist reading this: where every word is important, and the whole thing has this timeless, hidden meaning to it. =)
This next poem is just a continuation of a saying I have in my sig. Its one of the latin ones BTW. Uh... if you somewhat know me, then you'll recognize it, but if not, enjoy anyway. Here it is:
Eternity To Those My Friends and Friends of Old,
May You All Live On Within the Ink and Paper
Within Those Stories That Captivate the Mind
Give Spark to Imagination
Touch the Soul
Make You Believe
Open Your Eyes
For Though Life May Be Short
Stories Live On Forever
And Maybe No One Will Know Your Life Story
But Alas, That Story Will Always Be There
For One To Stumble Across
And Be Captivated
To Those My Friends and Friends of Old,
May You All Live On…