(Com) Link Visits a Psychiatrist [G]

I was sitting around one day and an idea (of all things) popped into my head:

“What if Link visits a psychiatrist?”

And I thought that it would be really cool to have him visit a psychiatrist for reasons you will soon see

Characters:
- Link…..duh
- Dr. Insaney (that’s me!!!) as the psychiatrist (heheheh )
- My Secretary (for a short time maybe 1 or 2 lines)
- Maybe other Zelda characters, you’ll just have to read and see, won’t you?

Here it goes:

*Elevator dings…Link steps out*
Link: What an amazing silver device! I step in, wait 2 seconds and when I step out, everything has been changed! Oh wow! Look at that! Those torches have no flames!
*Link looks around*
*Secretary sees him*
Secretary: Good day, sir, *Observes Links clothing….suppresses laughter*…..erm…may I help you?
Link: *notices secretary* Ah, yes, I’m looking for Dr. Insaney….where is he?
S: Through that door, I think he’s waiting for you….
L: Thank you….*walks through door*
S: *snickers*
Dr. Insaney: Ah! Yes, Mr. Link, I’ve been expecting you; let’s get down to business, shall we? Have a seat.
L: Thank you, Doctor.
D: Hmm….*pulls out notepad and pencil*….well, Mr. Link, why are you here?
L: Well, since I’ve started on my different quests, I’ve had this feeling of being controlled somehow…..
D: Controlled? Can you explain further?
L: Hmmm…I’ll try my best ….well sometimes I attack when I don’t want to, like I find myself hitting walls and stuff with my sword…..sometimes the wall makes an unusual sound, and then without thinking, I place a bomb in front of it!
D: A BOMB?!?! What are you doing carrying bombs??
L: Well, for certain reasons, I need them on my quests.
D: Well then, let’s get back to the issue of being controlled. What else do you do?
L: Sometimes, I feel like I’m getting help to aim my bow and stuff. And then, sometimes, I see an enemy attack me, and then…I…”die”….and suddenly I see a flash of light and then I’m alive again, but in a totally different areas, like I find myself back at the Temple of Time, and places like that. Tell me doc!! Am I crazy?!?!!?
D: That’s very unusual for one as young as you. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what I think yet. Let’s move on. May I ask a question?
L: Yeah, sure.
D: You’ve saved Hyrule and probably the world a countless number of times, do you get any gratitude from the people you’ve saved?
L: I’ve never thought about that before, no, no-one has ever shown me gratitude really. Maybe a few people like Saria and Zelda.
D: Hmmm….Has anyone ever helped you on these….”quests”?
L: Yeah! Sure! There was Navi, Saria, Tatl, Epona, Ezlo, Zelda helped me a lot of times, and there are others too.
D: That’s very good to hear. Has anyone ever considered your feelings when you go out on a quest? I mean, well, besides those who helped you.
L: ………………*Breaks down*….Noooooo!!!! All they care about is the fate of the world!!! Why do I always have to be the chosen one?!?!?!!?
D: *pulls out tissue, hands it to Link*
L: *Dries eyes*…..thank you doc,…I’m sorry for that…*sniff*
D: *Thinks to self: “His issues are affecting him seriously…I don’t think I can help him”* Are you ok now?
L: Yes, I’m fine.
D: Good then we can continue. What are your feelings before fighting a boss, for example, Ganon in OoT?
L: Ganon? Well I had mixed feelings about facing him in 3D.
D: Mixed feelings? Care to elaborate?
L: Well, I was frightened because I didn’t know what he would be like, angry because he kidnapped Zelda and caused trouble in Hyrule, and happy when I got a chance to shove a sacred blade into ol’ pig face again.
D: And what about Vaati?
L: Oh,..I was really scared when I was about to face him, as he is a noob.
D: A noob??
L: Yes, he’s relatively new to Hyrule.
D: Oh, I see. Just now you said you were angry when Ganon kidnapped Zelda, do you like her? Or is there any other girl in your life? I’ve heard Nabooru and Ruto like you.
L: Please don’t go there…..
D: Aha! You like Zelda don’t you?!!?
L: WHAT?!!? NO!! I mean yes! I mean I don’t know……
D: If I gave you the chance to chose, who would you chose?
L: I just said I don’t know!
D: I’ll take it that you like Ruto then….
L: WHAAATTTT!?!?!?!?!!? HELL NO!!!!!!
*Ruto bursts in*
Ruto: You don’t love me??? I thought we were engaged, Link!!!
L: ACK!!! What’s she doing here?!?
D: I invited her for your session; I thought she may be able to help.
L: HELP!?!?!? YOU CALL HER, HELP?!!?
D: Now Link, calm down. Have a seat Ms. Ruto.
*She sits down next to Link*
*Link edges away from her*
Now, I have to ask for your complete silence, Ms. Ruto
R: Okay
D: I said SILENCE!!!
R:
L:
D: Now, Link, do you or do you not like…..Malon?
L: umm….well…she was kinda cute…
R: WHAT!?!? *jumps up*
L: AAAHHH!!!!
D: Silence!!!!! *Ruto sits down*
*Malon comes in*
Malon: I knew it!! He loves me!!!!!
L: ACK!!! *points to Malon while glaring at me, demanding an explanation*
D: *knocks pencil on desk* I invited her as well.
L: *jumps up* ARE YOU PLANNING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY?!?!?!?!
D: *ahem* From what I’ve heard you’re doing that all by yourself….
L: AAAARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *pulls on his hair*
*Ruto and Malon watch him in shock*
L: *Runs around screaming*
D: Well, this is going well.
L: *Runs out of office, screaming*
D: Looks like that’s the end of that session. You girls may go. *Girls leave, looking perplexed*
D: Hmm….who’s next I wonder….
*someone knocks on the office door*
D: Yes come in….*looks up* ah yes, Superman, I’ve been expecting you.

I think since this is is my first and last one....it depends on the comments I get.

That was funny, and nutty.

That was very funny insaney. ^_^ I think you should continue this, it looks like it could be quite a neat little series. I didn't much care for the script style of it...where all the action was in asterisks, and the use of names/intials and colons to show who was speaking...I think things actually written out are usually more enjoyable to read. It was still funny, I just think if you put in the effort to write everything out it could be even better. *shrug* ((Okay...that may seem a little hipocritical, but I didn't say there was never a time for action in asterisks...just that it doesn't always belong in stories. )) Well, I'll keep an eye out for more installments, and I hope you didn't think my review harsh, I aim only to help. ^_^

Hahaha...... *wipes tear from eye* this was pretty good - a little mediocore. But, from your writing style I can see great things are coming. Hit us with at least two more, for writing's sake.

Was it really all that good?
Hmm....I'll consider making more then, but with different characters.

Originally Posted by southern belle

That was very funny insaney. ^_^ I think you should continue this, it looks like it could be quite a neat little series. I didn't much care for the script style of it...where all the action was in asterisks, and the use of names/intials and colons to show who was speaking...I think things actually written out are usually more enjoyable to read. It was still funny, I just think if you put in the effort to write everything out it could be even better. *shrug* ((Okay...that may seem a little hipocritical, but I didn't say there was never a time for action in asterisks...just that it doesn't always belong in stories. )) Well, I'll keep an eye out for more installments, and I hope you didn't think my review harsh, I aim only to help. ^_^

I appreciate your point-of-view...
Thanks!

I liked it, it was pretty funny and I had a feeling the girls would be there somewhere, I was hoping for them to come out and line up or something. I think the thing I really took away from this is the knowledge that your name suits you very well. The script style didn't bother me at all, but it was a little tolling on the eyes; the beginning seemed like kind of a weak set up, I was hoping for a little background on why he was there.

Ruto: May I come in?

Dr. Insaney: Yes, yes you may come in, Ms. Ruto.

R: That’s Princess Ruto….

D: Ah yes, sorry Ms.—erm…I mean Princess Ruto. Last week went a bit haywire, wouldn’t you say?

R: Yes, last week was a bit crazy, how could you do such a thing to my fiancé?

D: Umm…fiancé? I think he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t love you……

R: What are you talking about? My Linky loves me! We are engaged after all….

D: ………Linky???.......But you got engaged at an early age! He didn’t even plan on getting engaged!

R: Well we got engaged anyway! After my little hero saved me, I knew we were destined to be together!

D: *snickers* You’re crazy lady....

R: What??

D: I’m sorry, *ahem* that just slipped out.

R: *Folds arms in a fit* Hmph!!

D: Alright, moving on Ms. Ruto….

R: PRINCESS!!!

D: err….Princess……What did you think of Link when you first saw him?

R: …..I had thought that this was some stupid boy running around in green tights, but, I took it back when I realized how cool he was, and how handsome he was……*sigh*

D:

R: Why are you looking at me like that?!? I didn’t get a good look at him, okay!!

D: What about when you saw him in the Water Temple seven years later?

R: Oooohh! He had grown into the most handsome man I had ever known! Well actually, the only man I’ve ever known…And….wait….how did you know we saw each other in the Water Temple?

D: I played the game….

R: What game?? And what does a game have to do with me and my Linky?

D: What do you mean what game? You met Link in Ocarina Of Time!

R: ……………………..That was a game??....I was in a game??......

D: Riiiiiiiight…..Moving on! How did you feel when your relatives co-starred on The War Of The Worlds?

R: My relatives? Oh! You mean Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning? They’re not my relatives…..

D: …..okay then, next question, Princess, who else do you think looks handsome-

R: My Lin-

D: Besides Link?

R: Well, I think….maybe….Kermit the Frog is cute……..

D: Err…Really?

R: Mmm-hmm!...But…I think you’re kinda cute too..

D: WHAT?!?!

R: I just said you look cute! You have a problem with that?!

D: Well…erm…yes…kinda

R: You don’t like me????

D: Well…no…actually….

R: YOU DON’T LIKE A PRINCESS!?!?!!? *Breaks down* I’LL CALL MY LINKY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!

D: Now calm down Ms. Ruto-

R: THAT’S PRINCESS!!!!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

D: Oh come now! Stop crying! Please! *Looks at growing puddle of tears on ground* You’re going to mess up my Persian rug!!

*Link comes in, he doesn’t notice Ruto*

Link: Look doc I’m sorry about last wee- *notices Ruto crying* You got HER to cry?? You’re amazing!!!

D: Well I…umm-

R: You all hate me don’t you!!! AAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!!! *Starts shooting fins all over the place*

L: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! *pulls up shield and runs out of office*

D: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! LINK!!!! WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!

Lol..... that was great. Like fireplace great. It's so warm and cozy, yet funny since it wasn't there a few minutes before. I like these a lot. Perhaps you have a flash animator friend?

That was cool. Poor Ruto. Unloved by Hylians and Humans alike. The doctor is human, right? Or is he Hylian. Kermit the frog...ugh.

Originally Posted by Daphnes

That was cool. Poor Ruto. Unloved by Hylians and Humans alike. The doctor is human, right? Or is he Hylian. Kermit the frog...ugh.

Well, since the doctor is me, I think I am human....*checks*
Well I have no pointed ears....that's a start.

Hehehe...nice insaney. Poor poor Ruto...*gives Ruto a tissue* I'll definately keep an eye out for the next installment. ^_^

heehee. That was quite odd, yet funny. I like stuff like thats. Link and the real world. Ha ha.

Dr. Insaney: *Trying extremely hard not to look up into Ganon’s face* So, Mr. Ganon, why are you here?

Ganon: Snort!! Snort! Oink oink oink! Ssssssnnnnoooorrrttttt!!!!!!!!!!!................. ...Oink!

D: Err…..I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but, can you please speak English?

G: RRAAAARR!!!!!! SNNNOOORRRTTTTT!!!!!!!!!
*Place turns dark, Thunder rolls and lightning strikes*
*Ganon transforms into Ganondorf*
AAAAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!!!

D: ACK!!!!!!!

G: You dare tell me what to do, worm!?!? Do you know who I am?!!? I am the KING OF EVIL!!!!!!

D: *Comes out from under desk* Ermm….was the King of Evil….Link beat you,….remember?

G: GrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *Lightning strikes*

D: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *Dives underneath desk*

G: Grrrrrr…..Foolish worm! Come out from under your desk and tend to me!

D: *From underneath desk* I’m quite comfortable under here, thank you very much.

G: Very well then, you are too meager to bask in the greatness of my presence anyway…..

D: So, King Ganon…hehe….why are you here? *feels on top of desk for notepad and pencil*

G: I am here because……..I am tired of trying to be ruler of everything….

D: Really??

G: LET ME SPEAK, INCOMPETENT FOOL!!!!!!

D: ….sorry…….

G: SILENCE!!!!!!.........Now…as I was saying….I’m tired of trying to be ruler of everything…..I want to try something different…..something less stressful……

D: Maybe you could try-

G: SHUT-UP DAMMIT!!!!! How can you serve your great King if you do not heed my problems?!?!.......hmph!........stupid fool…..Yes, now, I would like to try something less stressful, something that does not involve the boy with the green clothes and the sword….erm…what was his name again?

D: Umm…..Link…. …your Highness….

G: Ah yes, Link, glad I remembered it…….something that does not involve him shoving a sacred blade into my face……hmmm….Any suggestions, worm?

D: Errr….Well you could try taking over another place…besides Hyrule….um…your Greatness.

G: RRRAAAAARR!!!!! *Lightning strikes* Did you ever hear me say that I tried to take Hyrule alone!!! I’ve tried to take over the world countless number of times! If it wasn’t for Link, people like him and you wouldn’t be here!!! Your puny existence would have been of no use to me! You would have been crushed like the worm you are! I am, however interested in hearing your other suggestions, worm.

D: Ummm…..well…you can resettle with the Gerudos as their King…Sire…

G: Yes…I see…It would be good to go back home….and see mommy and grandma again…..

D: …..”mommy and grandma”?....*snickers*

G: *lightning strikes* Do you have something against me having a mommy and grandma, worm?!!?

D: oh nooo sire…I would never be against that…..your Highness

G: Hmph! Pitiful suck-up……

D: So are you going back to the Gerudos again, sire?

G: Maybe, but wouldn’t it be boring?

D: How can it be? You’ll be living among tons of girls!

G: Yes, I know, but most of them would be relatives, and then, it’d have no guys to shoot pool and have poker night. And mommy won’t let me play poker and drink beers with the girls.

D: But still, it would do you some good to visit your family…your Highness.

G: Yes I suppose…..looks like I figured it out, I’ll go see mommy again. *begins to leave* But I’m not done with you yet, worm! (Arnold Schwarzenegger voice) I’ll be back. *leaves*

D: Phew! I’ll live to see another day…..but I think my pants need to see the Cleaner’s.

That was the best one yet! Can you imagine Kotate or Koume holding Kid Ganondorf? Ha!

Great! I can't wait for more. You really are good at this.

Dr. Insaney: Ah, yes, Tingle,…*snickers*……what brings you here?

Tingle: Tingle wants to become a fairy!

D: Huh?!?!?....erm….why Mr. Tingle?

T: So Tingle could fly all over the place and meet Link, Tingle’s friend.

D: Link…is your “friend”?

T: Mmm-hmm! Link fused kin stones with me to help Tingle become a fairy and Link freed Tingle on Windfall Island! Yay! Tingle is so happy!

D: erm…..well…uh…what do you do for a living Mr. Tingle?

T: A living???? Tingle used to draw maps!....Tingle still draws maps!

D: Maps? Maps of what, Mr. Tingle?

T: Tingle draws maps of everywhere! Hyrule and Termina and….Hyrule!

D: Okay then…..What do your parents think about their 35-year-old son dressing up in green tights and floating about on a balloon?

T: ……… ……………..WWWAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! TINGLE’S DADDY HATES TINGLE!!!!!!............................*sniffle*… …….WAAAAAAAHHHAAAHH!!!

D: *hands Tingle a tissue* Here….

T: No, no, Tingle is fine….*sniff*…*lifts up his shirt collar, blows nose in it* Phhhhhttt!!!!..............Ah! Tingle is all better now!

D: Eww…..

T: Eww?? Is that your magic word Mr. Doctor-man??

D: Huh?!? Uh…n-

T: -Yay! Mr. Doctor-man said his magic word to make Tingle happy!

D: Now, wait a sec-

T: You wanna hear Tingle’s magic words? Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!!!! *Starts doing back flips while throwing confetti* Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-LIMPAHHHH!!!!!!

D: Mr. Tingle, will you please have a seat? Mr. Tingle!! Mr. Tingle!! Are you even hearing me?!

T: Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!!!

D: Mr. Tingle!! AAARGH DAMMIT!!!!!! TIIIIINNNNGGGLLLEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

T: *stops* Why is Mr. Doctor-man screaming??? Is Mr. Doctor-man hurt?? Tingle will say Tingle’s magic words to heal Mr. Doctor-man…Tingle, Ting-

D: NO!!! STOP!!
*Tingle stops*
Now, Mr. Tingle, will you please have a seat?

T: But-

D: I said SHUT-UP AND SIT DOWN BALLOON BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T: …….Mr. Doctor-man yelled at Tingle! Tingle is unwanted!!!........ WWWAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D: AAAARRGGHHH!!!!!! Why won’t you act your age for once!?!?!?!?!

T: *looks down*…..mmmmm…..*sniffle*…..*sniff*

D: You’re 35 years old for crying out loud!!!!! And you dress in green tights!!!!! No 35 year old in his or her right mind would dress in GREEN TIGHTS!

T: *still looking down*….

D: And you wear a watch around your neck that always says four o’clock! Now what the hell is that all about?!?!

T: *still looking down*…….*pulls up shirt collar…and blows nose on it*….Phhhhhhhhhtttt!!!!!!

D: Tingle…eww…that’s disg-

T: *Raises head quickly* Mr. Doctor-man said his magic word for Tingle again!!!

D: What?!?!? No, no, Tingle, NO!

T: Yay! Tingle is better again!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!!

D: AAARRGGHHHH!!!!!!! *Pulls on hair, runs around screaming* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T: YAAAAY!!!!!! Mr. Doctor-man is happy too!!! Tingle will celebrate!!!!! *jumps onto desk, begins throwing confetti* Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!!

D: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *runs out of office screaming*

Secretary: Are you okay doctor?

D: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *runs into elevator* AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

*phone at secretary’s desk rings, she answers*

S: Hello? Yes this is his office…An appointment? I’m sorry, the doctor has lost his collection of marbles and is trying to find them….(*snickers*)….call back in about a week or two.

That was the best yet lol.

EDIT: My favorite parts were these lines: D:"I said SHUT-UP AND SIT DOWN BALLOON BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

D: "AAARRGGHHHH!!!!!!! *Pulls on hair, runs around screaming* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

T: "YAAAAY!!!!!! Mr. Doctor-man is happy too!!! Tingle will celebrate!!!!! *jumps onto desk, begins throwing confetti* Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!! Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!!"

D: "AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" *runs out of office screaming*

Keep 'em coming. Can I make a request? How about Nabooru going for adult Link? I think she likes him...

No no no! Here's what you have to do:Zelda and why she always wants to get caught. I mean c'mon it's obvious she WANTS to. After the first 2 times I'd would've learned self-defense. Make it so like she wants Link to be her heroic knight in shining...green clothes. Oh and add something about how he (Link) changes clothes a lot in OoT in front of the audience! Hope you do it!

Link changing tunics in broad daylight! Yes! And where does he put all that stuff?