Avoid This (With Incidentals)

Well, I did it. I actually started 'Avoid This'. To be pedantic, this is similar in style to 'Whimsical Distractions'. A few months ago, I wrote down poem titles, and I would eventually write poems based around those titles. 'Avoid This (With Incidentals)' is written in a spiral notebook, and has the structure (so far) of one poem on one page, then an accompanying piece of "incidental" on the following page. Then another poem/incidental, and another etc. Unfortunately, I have no scanner anymore (it seems), so I can't put the incidentals on here. So I'll just write the poem out, and put a "C/W [Comes With]" bla bla bla bla after (in the style of an old single).
This is the first poem of the collection. A sort of parody upon people who are more sensationalist when lasunching new material, doing anything to promote it. And also the general consensus, that when I start something new, I feel the need to try and evolve my writing (which doesn't work often, it's just natural progression)

Revamp

Flung into another new world,
Inclined to keep your feelings known,
Up comes the pen and down again,
Words scattered upon their own.

Thrown from grace in bold,
Excluded too much from the group,
Celebrities to show-show at the Bar-A-Go-Go,
Like dogs jumping a hoop.

Hide from the man in the wall,
Update update often to keep up with the rest
Lie in at the Drive-In,
Picture taken, face in her breast.

Constant revamp, cool enough to see,
The same's got to be done for me,
Can't you see
Their crash and burn destiny.

C/W

A picture of a CD, which is an advert for a new CD. Words say: "Any Band Can Do Covers' new smash sh-t! BOOGIE WONDERLAND" "OUT NOW!" "The new zingle!" "With special photo insert with first 1000 copies!" It's sort of a parody on the amount of sampling in songs nowadays, and it's reminiscient of adverts for old 12" singles etc.

Your new thread is off to a good start, 'Revamp' is an awesome poem. There are a lot of interesting lines throughout. But these lines in the first stanza were outstanding:

Up comes the pen and down again,
Words scattered upon their own.

That was a great image!

Hide from the man in the wall,
Update update often to keep up with the rest

Those lines, too, interested me.

Congrats, I'll be looking forward to more!

Thanks Attor. I could honestly say that I can see a maturity in my writing when compared to some of earlier work.

This next poem is called 'Your Starter For Ten'

Your Starter For Ten

Way back when
In the days when I was just a lad,
I noticed a man sitting on his hands,
Grieving at the loss of tradition, he said

"Ain't that just the way, that things would go this way,
If you'll take part in my gameshow,
I'll give you your starter for ten"

We played for hours on hours,
And he was sweating in frustration.
Rolling his eyes whenever I won the prize,
Kicking his host's station.

"Ain't that just the way, that life kicks me down,
If you'll take the final question,
I'll finish it, it's all or nothing"

So he asked me the question,
One that I could not answer.
For he asked me what love was,
And that send me to my early grave

I got my starter for ten, I was the King,
Then it finished with a final bet
(One that I never should have took)
And I ended up with nothing.

C/W

A self-drawn diagram of the control panel for a Behringer V-Tone GM108 amp, the "Front Panel Control Elements". Then there's a list of what the control panel consists of, basically because I could make a song out of 'Your Starter For Ten'.

Wow, that was a crazy and cool poem, I think it is another one of your greater poems. I really liked the first stanza. The fifth stanza threw me for a loop, I wondered about it a second, but rereading it it endeared to me. It was just a strange poem, which I heartily had fun reading, although of course the ending is rather sad, it meshed perfectly with the preceeding stanzas. I can't think of anything that needs improving! I look forward to more!

Yeah, 'Your Starter For Ten' was inspired from a quote from a former member of Orange Juice, Steven Daly (now a writer for 'Vanity Fair', living in New York). He was "reunited" with Edwyn Collins in a radio interview in 1996 (even though they regularly contact each other), and they were reminiscing over something, and the radio presenter guessed something about it right, and Daly said "Your starter for ten", which is a gameshow cliche, so I decided to write a poem around it.

The next poem is the "title poem", but... well, it's not so good. I myself think it's sub-par, but I'll leave it to other's opinions. It's initially about a crush, but more an analogy for my own poetry and its appeal to the public.

Avoid This

When you see a big hole in the road
You normally avoid it.
If you've got something
You avoid it.
Strangely, strangely, animosity kicks in
Daily, daily, writing songs for you.

Avoiding my stare with a cheeky eye,
Avoiding my humour strung so wry
And in the corners of your heart you know that you like me,
So you do your best to avoid this.

How do you carry on, everyday taunting,
You'd normally avoid me.
If you've held something,
Then it's best not to avoid it.
In a frightfully delightful way, you let me know,
Forever, forever in pursuit of you.

Avoiding my smile by smiling back,
Avoiding my old fashioned technique,
And in the corners of your mind you know that it's useless,
I like you, I like you, so it's best not to avoid it.

C/W

A road sign with an arrow signifying a right-hand turn, with the lettering 'AVOID THIS'. Self-explanatory really..

Oh, I don't think "Avoid This" is sub-par! I really liked it, especially the stanza:

Avoiding my stare with a cheeky eye,
Avoiding my humour strung so wry
And in the corners of your heart you know that you like me,
So you do your best to avoid this.

*Coughcough*struck a cord there*coughcough*.

I agree with Attor; your new collection has a great beginning. I really enjoyed the first stanza of "Revamp", and positively loved "Your Starter For Ten". It had a nice flow to it. The fifth stanza was outstanding; it struck me as something of a twist - everything is going well for the speaker until that inquiry. Cheers!

- Selah

Thanks Selah Umm... well, I just think 'Avoid This' could have been better than it was, but... I guess that's artistic insecurity *ahem*... I think that stanza you pointed out was my situation with... women in my life, but I won't go into it. It was also an analogy for people who sort of avoid artistry... they... avoid poetry or anything creative in a way, because society doesn't really have room for it anymore. Just cow-towing and taking other schools of thought other than their own.

The title of this new poem was originally meant to be a fairly humorous poem, but it turned out that it was fairly depressing really... it's really how I imagine that I could end up, or any person could end up, and it's a frightening thought really.... Mind you, I've always subscribed to the school of thought that I'll grow old disgracefully.. hrmph.

Old Ronnie Schnuckleworth

Old Ronnie Schnuckleworth went to his favourite place,
To sit and reminisce about times gone by.
He thought a lot about love and life
And his lack thereof.

Old Ronnie Schnuckleworth travelled further than he'd ever dared to
To the road where last he saw his wife.
Crossing the road, harsh memories of the car that hit her,
And his lack of the same.

Old Ronnie Schnuckleworth lets a tear run down his
Wrinkled cheek.
He never felt the need to regret before but now...
He'd had a lack of emotion before.

Old Ronnie winds his way through the streets,
Where tears stain the pavement with little remorse.
The lack of those old beats
And the horrific path of his discourse.

C/W

A crude drawing of two eyes with teardrops dropping off them, with a long spiked nose (ala Penguin from 'Batman' for example), and wrinkled frown and cheeks for effect. Not the best picture I've ever drawn *ahem*

Hello, Jordan! 'Old Ronnie Schnuckleworth' was a great poem. It was quite good, both the first stanza and last are outstanding and I think topform. It is a very sad poem, but realistically and sympathetically written, which is a huge plus for this poem. Also the line:

Old Ronnie Schnuckleworth travelled further than he'd ever dared to

Was an excellent one. I think it is one of the best pieces you've written. Hope to see more soon!

Thanks Attor I myself wasn't that keen on 'Old Ronnie..' to be honest, but I'll go by other people's opinions.

This new one is just about horoscopes and forecasting your own future, and it ending up being useless, because... hoproscopes, while some might be true, are pretentiously repetitive and horrible in that they can really bring you down. You think a day's going to be good, and then your horoscope says "Be weary of.. whatever" and it can be frustrating. People personificate their horoscopes too much: " Oh, my horoscope says..."

Horoscope

I've got a vision in my mind, and it's a vision of contempt.
And why I feel it for you is quite a mystery.

Was it that my horoscope told me so?
My horoscope told me I shouldn't take them so lightly
And so I left my delight for them behind on Death Row.

You say you want to foster my talent,
And that in itself is quite a mystery.

It was that my horoscope told me was a lie,
My horoscope told me that you're spewing bare-faced cheek,
And so I decline and leave your world behind, bone dry.

And now I can see your beauty shining bright
And how I could ever see to it that you knew is a mystery.
A travesty.

Was it that my horoscope taunted me so?
Horoscopes tell me love and romance will come my way,
And yet I seem not to know.

C/W

A picture of the classic "Sun With A Face" thing to symbolise something to do with. Lettering says 'MY HOROSCOPE' and it spouts a speech bubble saying "Well, why should I tell you?". The "Sun With A Face" seems pissed off *ahem*

A very interesting subject, made even more fascinating (and dreary) by your immersive poem. I really like how you took a look at the veritable horoscope, in all its fatuity... or should I say, the fatuity of the user?

Was it that my horoscope taunted me so?
Horoscopes tell me love and romance will come my way,
And yet I seem not to know.

I liked that stanza especially.

An excellent poem, Jordan! The novelty of it was great, and even with the gloom pervading it I couldn't help but think it had a sort of strange humor. But then again I didn't really see the strange humor of 'Old Ronnie,' just thought it was one of your better ones. I thuroughly enjoyed it.

I myself wasn't that keen on 'Old Ronnie..' to be honest, but I'll go by other people's opinions.

Well, the only thing anyone can write that is worthwhile is what they enjoy. But like I said, I liked it.

Looking forward to more!

Thanks for the comments You could say the fatuity of both the user and the horoscope Hmm... the humour is just kind of condescending towards... well, myself about... two years ago, I'd read horoscopes, and they'd perk me up or get me down, and the outcome of the actual day/week/month or whatever, would always be much different to what the horoscope actually said. So I was naive.

This next poem is based off of the transport system around here. It's a metaphor for love, and waiting for someone, and the ignorance of love, and the trivial things associated with that. It's not anything special I think, just more of a cotton candy piece to be honest.

Bus

Climb aboard the big bus,
It's leaving from the piss-doused station,
Leaving behind any signs of the situation.

Climb on with me, I'll take you by the hand,
Together on this big bus we'll make a stand for romance
And all the other la-de-da things in life that usually aren't for free.

Climb aboard and pay the fare,
It's leaving now, don't underpay or overpay,
They don't give change round here.

Sit on the back row and be bemused by the driver's
Lace of sense. What a perfect way of recompense.
Or sit at the front and take the seats of the elderly.

Get on board and the bus will leeave,
Don't let it leave without you.
I couldn't bear to leave without you.

C/W

A play on bus timetables. 'METRO BUS TIMETABLE, 363 Bus' - "SOME TIME NEXT YEAR. Don't like it? TOUGH"

Hey Jordan, 'Bus' was an splendid poem! In context with the other poems, I am really impressed with the wide variety of ordinary things you use to build your poems, from horoscopes to buses. 'Bus' seemed sort of aggressive to me, but since it seemed like a plea for romance that kind of conflicted in my mind. But that is generally the only thing I could criticize. Have a good one, hope to read more.

Thanks Attor The ordinary object type thing, I think just came from... I don't know to be honest. I didn't want to keep doing these poems about some sort of romantic situation (though ironically, if you look at the next poem.. *ahem*), or anything abstract... I suppose it comes from my more domestic lifestyle, and my connections with the world around me.

This next one is just about my cynicism about my own love, and my own failings about it, and sort of relates to my whole unassuredness about love, and hoiw quick it happens and... well, you know what I mean.

Romantic Fool

I saw you today, you were looking rather simple,
Yet you were looking rather beautiful.
I noticed you when nobody else might not.
And I was quivering with delight, the first time today.

And though I splashed into a swimming pool, with no ability to swim,
A swimming pool filled with dreams of you,
And I fall to my knees with a knife through my heart
And I realise that I'm a romantic fool.

I reckoned that I could tell you, and ask you,
Yet my quivering and shivering gave away my shy disguise.
You noticed me and we both looked at each other, as we do.
And it was killing me for the life of me that you were so far away.

And though I was thrown into the sea, where I cannot swim,
A sea full of you, you and you,
And I fall to my knees with a pain in my heart,
Realising I'm just a romantic fool and that I'm not far away from
Loving you.

C/W

A big heart with "FOR YOU - HAPPY VALENTINES!" lettering in. I comment saying, "How cliched - VERY cliched"

"Mind you.... I'd do it.... Ahem"

Think I'll post another poem, since... well, I might as well do, I have nothing else to do. I'll post two actually Since I've nothing better to do. The first one was written on the 25th November, and is about Roger Moore. Second is about the book 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest', written 4 days afterwards. They're not the strongest poems I've written.

Roger Moore

Could I buy you an ice-cream?
Well, only if you get your clothes on.
More often than not a playboy of a Bond,
But elegantly suave with it.

Tongue tied, at your first appearance,
How long a long a long ago,
Son of a policeman, serving entertainment
"During the War".

Living and letting it die was the thing,
But your past as a Saint was so long ago,
With the theme tune, the ever present eyebrow,
In your Volvo 1800, being the Knight of the Templar.

And now in an aging grace,
Out come the pork pies you improbably love,
Out with six letters
U-N-I-C-E-F

Suave until the end,
Never die.

C/W

A little montage of things to do with Roger Moore, with a nice cellotaped black and white printout of a photo of the man himself in classic Bond pose.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

So you took the trip,
You took the trippy trip
To the insane ship
One flew East, one flew West,
One flew over the cuckoo's nest.

The soopah chief, the chief, the chief,
Having a wonderful time in perspective,
Silence is golden and doesn't he know it.

Good mornin' buddies,
Here comes the redhead, long sideboards,
Trying to be the hero of the piece.

In comes the Devil, that old pointed hat,
Her shirt ripped open, the nature of the beast revealed,
Lovingly choking on the life of us all.

And then he came up on the Silver Screen,
That bloody Forman,
The real villain of the piece.

Poor old Kesey, drugged off your arse.

C/W

'ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST' in a lovingly drawn font. Simple enough.

Jordan! Hey bro long time! Awesome poems, and 'Roger Moore'! Yes! That was a perfect poem, it was excellent, it didn't falter at all. Now I'm not too adept at James Bond, but I really enjoyed the ode, it seemed quiet and respectful to me.

'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' was a cool-

In comes the Devil, that old pointed hat,
Her shirt ripped open, the nature of the beast revealed,
Lovingly choking on the life of us all.

That was my favorite stanza, I enjoyed the description.

'Romantic Fool' was excellent too, the final stanza really reminded me of something you'd find in an old song. Hope to read more soon.

Welcome back Attor Well, I levelled criticism at those two poems just because I'm not keen on them, or the issues they raise. They make fancy titles and all that, but I like talking more about feelings. But 'Roger Moore' was fun to write anyway

These next two, the first being about my criticism of pop culture, aptly titled 'Pop Culture', and the second being another little "tortured love poem", are.... average.

Pop Culture

I'm not lying and I'm not happy,
Pop culture running through my head.
I just don't like it, I've no reason to my rhyme.
Here comes the latest issue,
Popular, proclaimed, pitiful people.

Here they come, photoshoot, dressed to kill,
Magazines to shill,
Here he comes, "innovative" use of acoustics,
It's been done before.
Another tortured love song, I prefer the way back when crew.

'Cause now they're roaming with the cameras,
Pimping their rides and beliefs.
If I had no common sense, I'd be inclined to believe,
But there it goes, the old adage,
The old adage now being last year's fad.

Last year's fad won't last now,
Not while popular culture dictates it so.

C/W

A printout of a random cover of 'The National Enquirer', prominently featuring headlines such as: "Siegfried & Roy bombshell!" and "SCOTT & LACI'S FURIOUS FIGHT - hours before her murder". Handwritten is my comment: "For God's sake"

Stupid "I Love You"s

You take me 'round the imaginary dancefloor,
Get the right impression from your eyes.
Could nothing hold down your beauty?

And then you lead me through the corridors,
Round the houses,
Up and round the bushes,
And then back down again.

Then I ruin it all and spoil it all,
With a simple three-word phrase,
"I love you" "I love you?"
And your face turns to a bitter theme.

And then I see my reflection, standing in a pool of water,
I'm down on my knees, crying that you went away,
There you went with him who you so dearly adore.

Goodbye goodbye with my stupid "I love you"s
I guess I'll never see you again.

C/W

Handdrawn hearts with "STUPID STUPID STUPID" written underneath.

'Pop Culture' was very good, Jordan! I enjoyed it a lot, but then I am very suspicous of the entertainment industry. It was funny too, especially towards the end with the 'adage and fads' bit in it, also disturbingly true to life.

'Stupid I Love Yous' was also very good. I enjoyed the second stanza most, it appeared to me as just the tangle of being in love. I also liked the last two lines, very sad, and excellently wrought. Looking forward to more!

Hmm... well, you know how I am in regards to suspect things, so... hmm... Some people might think 'Stupid "I Love You"s' is an autobiographical poem about myself, but don't you believe it..

The first of the next poems is a poem about a girl, fairly similar to 'Poor Girl' if anyone remembers, I just hope I didn't make it TOO similar. The second is a sort-of ode to Sigmund Freud's theory of repression.

18, Forever Untouched

She just turned eighteen,
From her lazy haze inside her bed,
She spots the nightmares running around her head.
Don't think of her as lonely,
Just think of her as alone.
A curious contradiction,
But one that's true for her.

She always pined for the other guys,
And sometimes pined for the other girls,
It should have been more happier for her,
But it didn't.
And where did she go for her thrills?
Her bed.
Because it's her only sanctuary where she can write in peace,
And she can know her own pleasure
And she can feel her pain.

She's forever untouched, other girls her own age,
They've had it all, they've been the Cinderella at every ball.
And she chastises those men who killed her heart,
She b***hes about those women who called her fat,
And we're sorry that she was ever created,
We never meant for her to be so alone,
We always wanted her to be loved.

C/W

A line drawn halfway down the page, symbolising a border (and labelled "BARRIERS"). Love spreads down in arrows above the line, "Her" labelled below the line, so love doesn't get to her.

Repression

Freudian beliefs swirling in my mind,
It might not be concrete,
But God knows that it could be true.
I'm repressing, in essence, I'm pushing it to the backbeat of my mind.

Here it comes, another reason to be depressed,
Another kick in the teeth to knock me to the ground.
Watch out, watch out brain.
It's going to the unconscious,
It doesn't give a care.

There they go, they who beat me,
There he does, his death I think of everyday,
There she goes, there she goes, there she goes,
All broke my heart, the one thing in common.

There it goes in repression,
Bye bye baby, bye bye, forever forever,
At least until it resurfaces to shove me
Into a pit of depression *

*I'm sure I've used that as a closing line before.

C/W

A diagram of the "Iceberg Model" of Freud's theory.

Hey Jordan, excellent poems again, '18, Forever Untouched' was good, I liked the lines-

Don't think of her as lonely,
Just think of her as alone.

and-

We never meant for her to be so alone,
We always wanted her to be loved.

THe first one was witty, I'm not sure why I enjoyed the second set of lines... but very good for a finale of the poem.

'Repression' was also good, the first stanza in particular (in my opinion of course.) Freud... argh... Haha, but I think the whole poem was well rounded, I think because it had a nature flow of imagery, nothing contradicts, such as the 'kick in the teeth,' 'being shoved' and 'falling into a pit,' nice progression. Looking forward to more!