[Poetry] Jazzi's poetry

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The Essence of the Forest
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Vines twisting between tress

Mist falling between branches

Leaves of green among the twigs

A soft crunch of the sticks as you watch

The feeling that you know your purpose

Slight drizzle on your sleeves

The magic of the forest

The brisk essence of this forest

As you walk out of this land

Slipping from consciousness

Goodbye world

Hello forest

Giving up your body

To find a world anew

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Apologies
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Apologies may be said, it doesn’t make you forget what happens.
Actions were made and words were said, they won’t be forgotten.
Some may have cried, some may have bleed.
The tears wipe away, and the blood clots.
Eyes will sting and scars will remain.
If you accept said apology you will always remember,
It might not be right in your head, but it’s there.
You may think it’ll be the same, but that’s just being naïve.
The smart know it won’t they know people change and things happen.
And the smarter know history repeats itself.
It’s not the same as when you were younger,
apologies meant basically nothing then, you didn’t do much,
now they mean you want things back to how they were,
but you know it’ll never be the same.

Your poetry isn't that bad. How long have you been writing?

Originally Posted by Gamzee

Your poetry isn't that bad. How long have you been writing?

Thank you <3
I've been writing since seventh grade, so 2008/2009.
Wrote these poems in 2009/2010 when I was in eighth grade and in a deep depression, which might've made it better.

I don't really write poetry as much anymore, but I've been trying to get back into writing stories.

Again, thank you ^^

Keep it up. I think if you kept at it and allowed your style to mature, you could write some really good things.

I'd like to be able to get published when I'm older. Maybe not with poetry, but with stories.

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Forever
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Every little twist
The sugar on your lips
Forever now
Forever when
Lost in the forest of your mind
But just when you found salvation
When that forever is there
You're pulled back in
Your forever isn't near

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Hula Hoop of Hopes and Dreams
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Round and round it goes,
Perfectly round,
Orange circle.
Spinning, spinning, round, and round,
Now,
Slipping?
Falling off my waist.
Closing in on the ground.
It starts to shake, starts to wonder.
Can I fix it?
Reach my hopes and dreams?
Should I just cut myself free, stop this endless cycle?
I just keep spinning,
I can’t go around anymore.
I’m cutting myself out of this cycle,
Starting with a simple cut, no blood, minimum pain.
But as my hula hoop of hopes and dreams gets closer to the ground,
I take a blade to my wrist,
Cutting myself out of this life, slowly but surely.
Cutting myself out of this endless spinning.
I don’t bleed enough for my hula hoop to fall completely.
As the spinning starts to slow and the cuts start to get deeper, and bleed more,
My hula hoop drops and I step out of the stationary circle,
And leave.

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Jump
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You rode here
In the pouring rain
All by yourself
Midnight
Pitch black
Rain flooding the streets
No cars
An empty street
You get off your bike
Walk over to the side
Peer down
Sees the rushing water
You step up
Thinking it's now or never
You step down
Having to think
You walk to the other side
Take a run back
And just before you reach the edge
You jump

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Take a Sip
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Bring it slowly to your lips,
A glass so light,
So empty.
But you know what's in there,
The end to your life.
You know what will happen if you drink it.
The smell is strong,
The taste is bitter.
This secret poison,
Is your end.

^ I'm going to comment very quickly before I turn in for the night. I've only read "Take a Sip" so I'd like to critique it a little bit. You write, "The end to your life" and use "is your end" as your final line. "Is your end" lacks the finality and weight that the poem needs to finish off, and part of the problem is that it's such a redundant line; you stated the same thing with "The end to your life." Though, in fact, "The end to your life" could be gone, too. We know there's poison in the drink. Learning to use subtlety properly can lend an air of suspense and weight to the narrative of your verse. (You could probably do without even mentioning that it's poison in the drink, as it is. Describe the taste of it, as you did, and somehow fade away from the narrator's perspective and leave the reader with the job of puzzling it together; it sticks in the mind, then.)

But yeah, interested in reading more of your writing. Always nice to see some poetry here.

Thank you muchly for your critic, I wish I had written (all of) these poems better. I didn't know much about writing when I was thirteen. In fact, I didn't even know the difference between your/you're or to/too. I've showed a few friends it and they've all said it's lacking.

I like that you took the time out of your evening to give me tips and feedback. It's really kind ^^

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Remember
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When I go,
Remember this:
I'll always be there,
It may not be in body,
But it'll be in spirit
And when times get tough for you,
Think of me,
And I'll keep you safe.
Remember I loved you,
And my pain was too much.