Critique and Help Central - Get Feedback for Your Writing!

Hello fellow writers, welcome to the Critique and Help Central! The purpose of this thread is to get critique and tips from the rest of us. You can request for someone to check out your awesome new poem, or the new fan fiction you wrote, and we'll get to it.

Feel free to specify what you'd like us to peck at. Story? Characters? Detail? Maybe you want an interpretation? We'll be happy to help with all of these and more!

Below is a list of volunteers who will be available to help. You're more than welcome to ask for one of us specifically to check your work out!

• Gamzee (Moderator)
• Holden (Moderator)
• shadow226
• Lunchbox*

Also, feel free to just post your writing here (with a link to the thread), and one (or more) of us will get to it as soon as we can!

*If you'd like to help out, PM either myself or Holden and we'll add you to the list of volunteers.

I'd love getting some feedback on a short story that I wrote. This is my first one, so anything you can say is fine, not sure what exactly I'd like you to look at. Read it whenever you have the time! A short story about love and mind reading.

Wow, I had just asked Gamzee to critique my story before I knew this was here. But if anyone else would like to check it out, here it is in the OP.

I'll go and take a look at Awesomecake's. Who knows, I might have a look at ManofRedHelms too.

I'll be ravaging one of these tonight or in the morning, and the other at a later point.

Edit: Pending. Eventually.

Well, I'd like to get some feedback for my current Writing thing, which is Burning Skaia. General feedback from anyone is welcome. Since a good majority of the cast have appeared already, focusing on characterization would be helpful.

Thanks again.

I was curious about, at the very least, the format for "A Creation Story" in the same thread I linked to above. Is it appealing to read at all? Now, not necessarilly in story or writing, (though I would love a critique of that!) but in it's presentation. Are paragraphs looking fine, or would you reccomend that I double space it, or something along those lines?

I've already had Gamzee give me some advice regarding this, so it's not a must for feedback, but I'd like some more input on it if anyone has the time.

Eighteen Days

(Thanks, if you decide to do it! ^_^)

I'd be really grateful for any feedback I can get on either of my original fantasy works, both of which can be found in my sig.

Of the two I have so far, The Sheriff would be the one I would much rather have critiqued, but I'm not picky.

Thanks in advance to Gamzee and Holden and whoever else might come along and volunteer to read everyone's stuff; I think that's really awesome of you. C:

Ok, I've posted my story and people think it needs work. How can I improve it without making it to light, I want it to be horror/adventure/fantasy with tragedy mixed in about half way through the story.

This is a TP AU with Link as a vampire, only thing that really matters plot wise is that they stand out in the sun (no they don't sparkle, nor do they burn), are burned by holy water (spirit springs), silver and holy objects. Zelda is evil and a tyrant. Racism is bad, Hylians look down at all other races. Twilight pops up and in goes the AUish plot of TP with OoT Link and TP Zelda as antagonists.

Timeline is ♥♥♥♥ed up and clearly not canon;
SS
-2000 years-
OoT(doesn't break into multiple timelines)
-A war involving all of the races in Hyrule, ending in the gods giving the Twilit tribes, vampires, werewolves and any number of races the Mirror as an escape (OoT Link (Godslayer, nicknamed for his abandoning the gods and turning to vampirism to kill Ganon for the first time) was leading the resistance)
-Gods toss down the flood after the resistance and innocents get up high or into the portal
-WW 500 years later
-OoT link is going insane
-Flood recedes
-500 years
-Hylian Empire has rissen
- fine for 200 years
- Zelda (no triforce) kills her father to ascend to power
- And here we are, The insane Godslayer is out with good intentions ready to be paved in the blood of innocents, Zelda is insane and in power, abusing some magic (not sure what yet) and Ganon has come back to take over the world.

Also, almost all of the locations I made up are taken from other games (Kessig, Icecrown, Avacyn, Vash'jir and the nickname 'Ghostlands') I need some names for villages, an underwater ruin and some really cold and tall mountains, I need a sword that can steal souls, a pair of small blades (daggers, knives, etc, etc), good ideas for Midna's magic in combat and black magic in general and combat styles.

Here is the plot outline for the first Arc:

Arc 1: The Bestial Forest
-Intro
-explains that Kessig is a village of werewolves, gives a bit of a backstory
-Prison
-Link gets captured/chased into the Twilight and is taken to the castle prison
-Link meets Midna
-Breaks down a wall and kills a guard to get into the sewers
-Sewers
-Meets Zelda
-Zelda finds out Link is a vampire and goes ballistic
-Midna warps out just as Zelda was about to stab Link with a silver dagger
-Kessig Forest
-Not sure how link is gonna get back because he lands in the spring in cannon,
-Link goes home and is attacked at the gate by a werewolf, it runs away, into the village
-Link runs into the village to steal a few knives or a weapon
-I'm thinking that Link kills an Imperial Gaurd, but who knows
-Link goes after the werewolf
-Link kills the werewolf in a forge, using a heated piece of metal as the killing tool
-Werewolves are corrupted by the power of the fused shadow
-Link finds Kailen as the leader of the werewolves and has the Fused Shadow
-Fight with Kailen spanning across the forest, finally ending when Link uses a silver letter opener to pierce the wolf, leaving a burn that will inhibit him in the next arc at some point
-Gets Fused Shadow

So... What do you think, how can I improve? I really should of thought my ideas through before I posted them.

I have a map written up, names are subject to change.

Hi, I completed my fanfic The Final Chapter, and would like some full reviews. I wouldn't like those "it's good, but need some work here and there", I would like it if one would critique the plotline, is it good, and mention your favorite part as well.

Fit and Clown, I'm gonna read over your stuff. But it may take awhile (talking like, days/weeks) because you guys got like novellas and not just one chapter or story you want to have looked at.

@Red Shadows: Could you provide a link to your story?

Ok, on fanfiction or here?

Fanfiction: Blinding Corruption Chapter 1: TrailerIntro, etc etc etc, a legend of zelda fanfic - FanFiction.Net
Here: Blinding Corruption, A dark TP AU

Also, all the writing I've done so far is wither going to be scrapped or heavily editied. Right now it's gory, pointless killfest that has to many crossover elements. I'm getting rid of the hidden blades, Frostmourne and all named characters and locations from other franchises.

Hey. I know I am a critiquer here but theres nothing wrong with me requesting some right? Anyway, I would like a general critique about the whole story and one that focuses on my desciptions of things as I am trying to work on that. Here is a link to my story. Many thanks in advance.

Pinkie Pie was hoping she could snag a review of her current fanfiction project, The Legend of Zelda: Ashes of the Past. If anyone is willing to take a look, Pinkie Pie would be grateful.

I will take on Pinkie Pie's story for a critique. See you there Pinkie.

Hello people.
It would really be a help if I could get some feedback on my story, Satan's Blade off you guys. It's about Ghirahim being revived into New Hyrule, and proceeding to hunt down Link. I have a whole saga lined up if the reception is good.
I posted it up here after I got some massive traffic on FanFiction.net, but nobody on there really seems to actually post comments, so I thought I'd give this place a shot. Thanks.

Pinkie Pie was rather hoping for an in depth review of her latest story, Drow Anyone willin' would be appreciated.

I sorta pulled something from what I feel like sometimes, and it ended up to be this. I somehow think that anyone my age and up can relate to it.