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Old 07-21-2011, 05:07 PM
double_r111 double_r111 is a male United States double_r111 is offline
Goron
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The states
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Goron Poem

A short poem I wrote about the gorons.

Goron, Goron not exactly the brightest
at heart a proud warrior
a strong foe won't phase'im in the slightest

Goron, Goron never lose hope
trudging forward in the hardest of times
no matter the problem he can always cope

Goron, Goron hero's galore
from Darbus to Darmanii
strong as a boar

Goron, Goron always a kind heart
never leaving a friend
ready to play his part

I know it's not perfect but I hope to one day be a writer so any feedback is appreciated.

EDIT: from now on all future poems by me will appear in my poetry thread, feel free to still comment on this thread if your talking about this poem.
Last Edited by double_r111; 07-24-2011 at 12:47 AM. Reason: update Reply With Quote
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:15 PM
America America is a male United States America is offline
**** YEAH!
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Steam ID: colton_o_weekly
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wrong Side of the Rainbow
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Re: Goron Poem

This is very good! It feels almost like a song, actually, if you ever get the chance, make a tune to it - this'd be a very great fantasy fan-song, I think!

The rhyme is nice and it could use a little work on the length of lines and stanzas, but it's a very nice set up and nice poem! I enjoyed it!

Some advice for next time: Try rhyme slants - words that rhyme based off how you say the word. (goin' and in for example)

Try mixing things up, too. Less structure is perfectly fine in poetry, and can be even more beautiful!
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:26 PM
double_r111 double_r111 is a male United States double_r111 is offline
Goron
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The states
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Re: Goron Poem

Thanks!

Poetries always been a favorite of mine even though I dont like reading it, also the tune is a good idea but I have no musical talent so adding a tune myself is out of the question, perhaps if I got some help from someone for it though... one more thing, I've used line slants before and enjoy it, rhyme seems to be a talent for me though.
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anyone who enjoys peotry check out double_r111 poetry center and tell me what you think, Updated regularly, meaning once a week at least. What day depends on my schedule and my mood.

Brawl battle orginization thread. Reviving super smash bros brawl online, one fight at a time http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...on-thread.html

The legend of Zelda WW Fanfic here (picture coming soon)
http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...ten-ocean.html

Remember, I'll always take criticism for my writing!
Last Edited by double_r111; 07-21-2011 at 11:29 PM. Reason: forgot Reply With Quote
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:37 PM
Anju_Amnell Anju_Amnell is a female United States Anju_Amnell is offline
poco loco
Join Date: Dec 2009
View Posts: 387
Re: Goron Poem

What America means is, not the length of your lines, but when writing poetry with rhyming schemes, it helps to use lines with the same, if not close to the same amount of syllables.

Bulk words are not as important in poetry either unless your making a statement.

For example in the second stanza;

Goron, Goron, never losing hope (7 syl)
Impossible odds? (5 syl-a sixth as a pregnant pause cause by the question, second line first stanza there are 6)
You know a Goron could cope (7syl)

Do you like rap or Dr. Seuss? Some of best poets are actually musicians.
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Last Edited by Anju_Amnell; 07-21-2011 at 11:39 PM. Reason: Reply With Quote
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:43 PM
double_r111 double_r111 is a male United States double_r111 is offline
Goron
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The states
View Posts: 212
Re: Goron Poem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anju_Amnell View Post
What America means is, not the length of your lines, but when writing poetry with rhyming schemes, it helps to use lines with the same, if not close to the same amount of syllables.

Bulk words are not as important in poetry either unless your making a statement.

For example in the second stanza;

Goron, Goron, never losing hope (7 syl)
Impossible odds? (5 syl-a sixth as a pregnant pause cause by the question, second line first stanza there are 6)
You know a Goron could cope (7syl)

Do you like rap or Dr. Seuss? Some of best poets are actually musicians.
I prefer to use my own style personally and I admit it's not my best work. sometime I'll have to find a good poem that fits well with syllabyles I wrote a few months back called autumn time. It is in my opinion one of my best poems. It personifies a leaf during autumn. I'll post it when I find it. Also I took your advice and while the syllabyles still need a little more smoothing out it feels to me it worked well
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anyone who enjoys peotry check out double_r111 poetry center and tell me what you think, Updated regularly, meaning once a week at least. What day depends on my schedule and my mood.

Brawl battle orginization thread. Reviving super smash bros brawl online, one fight at a time http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...on-thread.html

The legend of Zelda WW Fanfic here (picture coming soon)
http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...ten-ocean.html

Remember, I'll always take criticism for my writing!
Last Edited by double_r111; 07-21-2011 at 11:48 PM. Reason: Reply With Quote
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:52 PM
Anju_Amnell Anju_Amnell is a female United States Anju_Amnell is offline
poco loco
Join Date: Dec 2009
View Posts: 387
Re: Goron Poem

I'm not saying to change your style, I'm just asking because I'm curious as to what has interested you in poetry if you don't like to read it. Your style is what is attractive. I don't usually give advice for things that are too much work to save in my mind unless someone actually asks for it, because a lot of people want to be buttered up instead of hearing the honest truth.

In other words, keep writing, I like it. I think its the first poem I've ever read about a Goron, and there aren't many poets here who rhyme in a lot of their stuff.
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:56 PM
double_r111 double_r111 is a male United States double_r111 is offline
Goron
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The states
View Posts: 212
Re: Goron Poem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anju_Amnell View Post
I'm not saying to change your style, I'm just asking because I'm curious as to what has interested you in poetry if you don't like to read it. Your style is what is attractive. I don't usually give advice for things that are too much work to save in my mind unless someone actually asks for it, because a lot of people want to be buttered up instead of hearing the honest truth.

In other words, keep writing, I like it. I think its the first poem I've ever read about a Goron, and there aren't many poets here who rhyme in a lot of their stuff.
Honestly I just tried writing it, was told I was talented and enjoyed it Also don't worry I enjoy criticism and wont change my entire style because of it. When I said it wasnt my best work I meant the poem itself, not the style.
__________________
anyone who enjoys peotry check out double_r111 poetry center and tell me what you think, Updated regularly, meaning once a week at least. What day depends on my schedule and my mood.

Brawl battle orginization thread. Reviving super smash bros brawl online, one fight at a time http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...on-thread.html

The legend of Zelda WW Fanfic here (picture coming soon)
http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...ten-ocean.html

Remember, I'll always take criticism for my writing!
Last Edited by double_r111; 07-22-2011 at 12:02 AM. Reason: Reply With Quote
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Old 07-22-2011, 10:37 AM
Jaime Lannister Sweden Jaime Lannister is offline
Kingslayer

Join Date: Jun 2006
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Re: Goron Poem

Really enjoyable I think. Good rhyme scheme and all, and like the others, I've never read a poem about a Goron.

Looking forward to reading more.
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Old 07-22-2011, 11:56 AM
double_r111 double_r111 is a male United States double_r111 is offline
Goron
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The states
View Posts: 212
Re: Goron Poem

Thanks! I have one I wrote for a school project back in january. No idea where it is but it's more personal than the others. Also the rhyme scheme and orginization are in fact more unique than my other 2 poems. It is a little lighthearted though. It was my first time reading my poetry out loud to the class so it was about being nervous about that and dealing with it. apparently it was good enough that I had to read out loud along with 39 others to the whole grade as well as my own class
__________________
anyone who enjoys peotry check out double_r111 poetry center and tell me what you think, Updated regularly, meaning once a week at least. What day depends on my schedule and my mood.

Brawl battle orginization thread. Reviving super smash bros brawl online, one fight at a time http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...on-thread.html

The legend of Zelda WW Fanfic here (picture coming soon)
http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...ten-ocean.html

Remember, I'll always take criticism for my writing!
Last Edited by double_r111; 07-22-2011 at 01:48 PM. Reason: grammar Reply With Quote
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