[Fanfiction] The Tracks to Rebirth

Merry Christmas, ZU.

Prologue

"This is but one of the legends of which the people speak… Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace.

But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself… With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the kingdom. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand…

…a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere. Wielding the blade of evil’s bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time.

The boy’s tale was passed down through generations until it became a legend… But then…a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom. The great evil that all thought had been forever sealed away by the hero… once again crept forth from the depths of the earth, eager to resume its dark designs.

The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them. But the hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hour, as doom grew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate.

What became of that kingdom...? None remain who know. The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind’s breath."

This is, however, but one of the legends of which the people speak… There is another, one who’s very survival is one of the surviving wonders of this world. Those who know it say that it survived not on the winds breath, but floated to the surface from where it was buried under the waves.

It takes place in the same land of towering mountains, rolling hills, and dense green woodland. The very same man, shrouded in darkness, had already found his power, and had lain siege to the lands of this world. Already people were beginning to despair.

While the legends say that no hero came, no knight in shining armor rode to their rescue, and the people’s only hope way to appeal to their gods, a few speak differently.

They say a hero did rise to the challenge. They speak of a man who was the embodiment of heroics- with a sword of the sea, beloved companions at his side, and music ever swirling at their backs. Those who met him truly believed him to be able to vanquish the darkness that threatened them.

However, it seemed that it was too little, too late. While he genuinely tried to save them, the water still came crashing down upon them. Some say that he battled the evil conquerer, and by doing so, was able to keep him from rising to the new world and reigning all the same. Others argue that he didn’t make a difference, and the gods held the darkness down. Still others argue that the hero never existed, and that, again, the gods were enough to hold evil at bay.

This is but another of the legends of which the people speak...

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“Wow...” Was all that she could say. Niko truly was a great storyteller, as Link knew well enough. He knew it was a good idea to bring Zelda to listen to him, but even Link himself had never heard this story.

“Yeah... Hey, Nico, how come you never told me this story before?” He asked.

“Well,” He started, shifting in his seat, “I suppose it was because I didn’t want to worry you about it. Some people... They take the story a bit too seriously. They argue day in and out about whether or not he existed at all. I didn’t want you to get pulled into it at such a young age. Besides,” He changed his tone to a more lighthearted one, “I wanted to keep the suspense with both of you. Couldn’t have you looking in control in front of your girlfriend, now could I?”

Both youths blushed while Niko just laughed as heartily as his old bones would allow. Once the moment had passed, Link spoke up and said: “Well, I guess I’d better get Zelda home. Thanks again, Niko!”*

“Any time, Link.” He said as the two exited the house. They both took a moment to enjoy the ocean breeze around them. Having the world at peace, and knowing that they were the ones that secured it, brought a great feeling of happiness, one that they were glad they shared.*

Link had trained twice as hard after the events five years previously in order to stay close to Zelda. He’d finally earned his conductor’s license, and had quickly jumped to become a knight on top of that. His skills were unparalleled in the school, and soon was taken note of by his far superiors. After fierce negotiations between Alfonso and Teacher, the pair’s mentors, an agreement was made that benefited all involved greatly.

Since Link possessed all the skills and strengths of conducting a train and brandishing a sword, he had been granted a title all of his own. He had been formally placed in charge of keeping the princess safe, wherever she went, and to bring her there.*

They both held their tongues until he escorted her back to her personal chambers, where they practically screamed with joy. Since then, they had travelled the land all over again- but this time, they both were fully alive and relaxed, and enjoyed it far more than before.

They made their way in no particular hurry to the train that Link long ago learned to call his own. He allowed her to climb in first, then followed, inhaling the salty air, and truly just glad to be alive.
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Prologue Quoted From Wind Waker

Chapter One

Link went through all the actions necessary to start the trains’ engine, and after a short wait it began to move. He turned it on the tracks towards Castle Town, and for a few minutes they just glided along. However, it was interrupted abruptly when a spear flew by faster than either youth could see it, and lodged itself into the passenger car.

Zelda was unharmed, however, and gave Link a terse thumbs-up from the window when he swung his head around to check. He nodded, turned back around, and tried to spot what had hit them. He could see nothing on either side, but soon realized that the threat was coming from beyond the train.

Two Moblins on their trademark boars slowed up and took positions on either side of the locomotive. Their weapons, however, were far from trademark. Both, wielding an axe blade attached to a long shaft, brought them down upon the lead car, one cutting a large gash in the side, while the one on the left stuck fast. This Moblin swung off of his beast, hanging onto the axe and climbing it towards Link, a short spear in his hand.

Link had to move fast to keep up. He drew his shield in his left hand to guard against the boarding enemy, while taking potshots at the rider with the train’s cannon, eventually hitting the boar. It’s rider jumped off, digging into the passenger car with clawed gauntlets. He kicked the glass in and hopped in, but Link was preoccupied.

He drew his sword and chopped the axe off by its shaft. The Moblin jumped off and, in a last-ditch effort, swung the spear down on Link. He could only block, and the impact caused him to fall over, just managing to stay on board. The Moblin hit the ground and rolled out of sight. Link recovered himself as quickly as he could, seeing the next wave of raiders fast approaching.
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The second Moblin landed feet first and immediately made his way towards the door leading to Link. He never made it, though. An arrow stuck into the back of his head, and he was just able to turn around to see Zelda holding a bow before he fell over, dead.
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Link puled out his own bow and launched a series of arrows at the crowd, one rider getting hit and another boar. It seemed that they were very practiced, however: The rider of the boar that was struck jumped off and landed on the boar of his deceased companion. Link shook his head in amazement, attached a bomb to the end of another arrow, and fired. Two more riders and boars fell, but the remaining five had caught up.

Two branched off to the left, while the other three went to the right. One branched off from the right to behind the train and jumped off his boar onto the freight car, letting the boar fall behind.
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Zelda dashed to the opposite end of the car, crouching with bow in hand, waiting for the Moblin to reach her. A few moments passed, then the door burst open, and she let loose. The arrow hit him right in the left elbow, his arm going limp.

To her rising horror, he simply turned and stared at the arrow, then plucked it out with his other hand and threw it down to the floor of the car. Zelda fired a series of more arrows at him, one of which hit him in the head. He glared at her with his now visible blood-red eyes before falling back and under the wheels of the train.
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Link raised his shield in his preferred left hand, not sure what to do about the other side. All four riders held terrifying weapons- multi-barreled shafts of pipe with a spear in each hole. A trigger sat at the end of each barrel, and when the Moblins pulled back on them, the spears launched out all at once and all stuck into the train.

One pierced the connecting piece that kept the cannon and cargo cars on, and they fell behind and away from the train. Another stuck very close to Links feet, and a third near his head. The others stuck in the walls of the train harmlessly. He drew his bow again and shot one of the enemies, but the remaining three climbed up the spears like a ladder and reached the roof. Link darted up the actual ladder and, on impulse, drew his whip. He tripped one enemy up, who then slipped off the back of the train. He whipped the weapons out of the others hands, then tripped them up as well. He was about to jump back down and regain control of the train, when he realized what was up ahead.

It could only be described as darkness. A giant, shapeless form of pure black energy, looming before them, waiting patiently for them. Running on pure adrenaline, Link swung back down to the conducting equipment, trying desperately to bring the train to a halt. He slammed on the brakes, but the sudden shift caused the vehicle to flip over in an attempt to stop, and they hurtled forward and into the abyss.

What happened...? Link wondered, vaguely aware of being separated from the train and Zelda while free-falling into nothing. Those weren’t normal Moblins. Their weapons were too good, they were too good. Those were demons, no doubt there. But why? How? And what is this...? He stared into the darkness as long as his eyes would allow, but they forced themselves closed before too long.
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Halfway across the world, three pairs of eyes opened.

Chapter Two

Komaris sat, nearly drifting off on his perch above the beach. The balmy sea air flowed around him, throwing his burgundy hair across his face. He reclined against the rock, hefty spear stuck into the soft ground next to him.

Guard duty was commonplace for him, but so little ever happened, he had lately begun to use it as an excuse to sleep for a while. However, just as he was about to succumb to sleep, he noticed an unusual shape on the horizon. It drifted closer, and he managed to identify it as a small boat.

As it floated nearer, he was able to see that someone was laying inside. Once it got a bit closer, he could see that the figure was dressed darkly- black pants, heavy jacket, and hair. His finger waved slowly in front of him, as if conducting an invisible orchestra.

The boat ran into the shore, and the figure jumped, seeming to not have seen the island approaching. He surveyed his surroundings, then casually walked over to a tree, kicked it, and caught and ate a fruit that fell from it’s branches. Komaris watched with increasing interest as he wandered the beach, taking in all the sights. Eventually the man cast his glance over the rock wall, and once he saw Komaris sitting tensely watching him, he paused, waved, and climbed up the stone with ease.

Komaris stood as he approached, but when he spoke, it was in another tongue, and Komaris couldn’t understand a word he said. “Who are you?” The stranger merely looked confused, and spoke again in his own language. Komaris rubbed his chin, trying to think of a solution, and in a moment it came to him. “Wait here. I think there’s someone here who can understand.” He held up his hands and motioned for him to wait, and the stranger seemed to get the message well enough.
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Komaris returned a few minutes later with Medria, the only person on the island who understood another language. It was that of the ancients, but Komaris figured it was better than nothing, and the newcomers language had sounded close to what he had heard of Medria’s practicing.

She approached him and gave what Komaris assumed was a greeting, which caused the stranger to raise his eyebrows and ask her something. This carried on, Komaris not getting a word of it. At length, Medria turned to him, seeming only slightly less confused. “He says that he was... ‘frozen’, but now he’s ‘needed’...”

“What do you suppose he means?” Komaris asked.

“I have no clue.” She replied. The newcomer raised his head and asked her something else, and his eyes flew wide when he heard her response. He said something else and she nodded, motioning for him to follow. Komaris scooped up his spear and followed. As they entered the cavern before them, she muttered: “I mentioned Lord Valoo, and he wants to see him.”

“We’re going to let him?”

“I wanted to ask the chief first, but the Lord could probably sort this out.” They entered into the central chamber of Dragon Roost, where many Rito were hanging around without any specific purpose, just chatting, up until the point that they saw the newcomer. He was quite out of place here- all dark clothes, pale skin, and not a feather to speak of. They watched as Medria went ahead to the chief’s quarters.

She returned with the chief close behind, who approached and asked what the stranger’s business was here in the ancient tongue. He knew some of it, but not as much as Medria did. They conversed for a while, the chief nodding, growing slightly pale at times. After a while he turned and said: “Take him to Valoo. Both of you. And make sure to hurry back. You-” He turned to another Rito warrior- “Gather the rest of the troops. Be ready here in five minutes.”

“What did he say?” Komaris asked as they made their way to the path leading at length to the top of the island.

“I didn’t understand some parts of it. The one that got a reaction out of the chief was one of those...”

They stayed mostly silent as they trekked through the blazing caverns leading generally upwards. A tiny noise caused Komaris to pause, stoping Medria as well. He reached to stop their charge, but he had already halted and put his hand into his jacket, where a weapon might have been hidden. They waited with held breath, watching the corner ahead in expectation.

The noises increased in frequency, and Komaris put his hand onto the spear, slung over his shoulder. It sounded like muffled footsteps, and great in numbers. They stopped, and shortly afterwards a troop of creatures emerged. They were bipedal, carried varying, terrifying weapons, and were heavily armored. Their eyes glowed red with darkness.

Before Komaris could even react, the stranger had charged forward, unsheathed a gleaming blue scimitar, and unleashed a flurry of strikes on them. He slashed one straight through his midsection, then spun and cut all the others around him. Komaris jumped in, whacking one upside the head and running the spear through another. The fight lasted less than thirty seconds, and the creatures barely had any time to react.

“Moblins.” The stranger growled, the word seeming not to have changed at all over time. Komaris’s eyes widened. Moblins weren’t supposed to exist- he had always thought they were a fictional creature designed simply to be scary. But they were here, and they matched every description.

They rushed forward now, weapons unsheathed in case of more enemies. They burst out of the cavern far above the sea, and cautiously scaled the mountain yet farther, coming to an area carved out of the rock, gates on either side. Atop the mountain just behind this was Valoo, a great blood-red dragon said to be connected with the gods.

The stranger immediately strolled forward, shouting up towards him. Valoo looked down at him, and seemed genuinely surprised. He proceeded to speak with him, while Medria quietly translated as best she could. “Valoo doesn’t know what he’s here for, and seems worried by his presence. The newcomer doesn’t know either.” Valoo rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then spoke. “He’s- Valoo’s going to give him a scale!”

“What?!” Komaris asked, surprised. As far as he knew, no non-Rito people had ever received a scale from Valoo, and he had no idea that it would even work.

“He also says that... he’s going to put some magic in it... magic that will let him speak common tongue. My goodness, I had no idea he could do that... why doesn’t he use it on himself then...?”

“Probably to make sure the ancient language isn’t totally forgotten.” Komaris guessed.

“We’ll need to wait a few minutes for the spell to set in.” She said.

Komaris turned. He had heard footsteps again. His weapon was already unsheathed, and the stranger saw this, running next to him, sword in hand.

The Moblins poured in, greater in number than the all the Rito on the island were. The two warriors charged forward, swinging their weapons wildly. Komaris was amazed at how well the stranger fought. He often held the sword backhanded and punched with his other hand as often as he swung his sword. His movements were both fast and potent, and he rarely missed.

The enemies showed no signs of abating, and the fight continued. Komaris began to tire, but he seemed to be the only one. He jammed his spear into the ground and swung around, kicking out at those surrounding him and keeping a barrier in the small area near him. The stranger threw himself backwards, hitting an enemy behind him with his hands. He landed on his palms and kicked forward, landing on his feet and sending three more Moblins sprawling.

At last the enemies thinned, and the rest either fled or were killed swiftly. They turned to see Medria, holding a scale that glimmered red, brimming with magic. The stranger took it and asked Valoo something. Valoo responded, and Medria told him that Valoo was explaining how to use the scale.

The stranger stripped off his jacket, light chain mail, and shirt. Medria turned away with difficulty. He held the scale behind him and placed it on his bare back. It sank into his skin, and after a moment, a pair of wings burst fourth, regular Rito coloration, but an unusual place for them.

He admired them, sliced slits into his clothes to compensate, and put them back on. “Thanks!” He called up to Valoo, apparently able to speak normally now without effort. He then turned to the two Rito and addressed Komaris. “You’re not a bad fighter, you know that? I’d still be fighting those beasts otherwise.” He spoke with the slightest hint of an accent, but Komaris couldn’t place it.

He said: “Thank you, er...”

“Mark.” He said with a grin. “Now, do you by chance have a spare guitar laying around that I can borrow? I seem to have lost mine.”




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HA HA! Didn't see him coming did you?... You probably did. But he's here, and he's here to stay. And now, because I like laughing at myself, here's this. BEHOLD MY TERRIBLE COMPUTER PAINTING SKILLS!

God, I've really been procrastinating. I've got the next few chapters ready, but I haven't actually written in weeks... Well, here's an extra-long chapter to keep you busy.

Chapter Three

She coughed. What had happened? She couldn’t gather her thoughts past the fact that it was rather humid, wherever she was. Her eyes were still closed and seemed plastered shut. She put her hand to her head, trying to clear her thoughts. Then one thought swam to the surface of her mind, bringing several others up with it: Hand? Head? Eyes? Coughing- what is going on?!... This must be another dream. There can’t be any other way. Sure seems like a long time since I had a dream like this, though.

She managed to sit up and at length, open her eyes. Surrounding her were thin vines, hanging from branches that twisted every which way she looked. The room was small, but the vines often formed spaces that served as shelves for a few sparse books, some fruit, and other common items. She shook her head again, golden strands of hair sprawling across her face.

Come to think of it... I don’t think I’ve ever had a dream quite like this... She looked around at her surroundings again, noticing a white feather laying on the bed in which she appeared to have been sleeping. She picked it up and, cautiously, turned her head to look behind her. Just as she guessed, there was a great white pair of wings on her own back, obviously the source of the feathers.

She shook her head once again, trying to come to her senses. She didn’t. Looks like I’m not waking up right away. May as well see what’s around. She searched for a bit, then saw a small opening on the farthest wall, which wasn’t terribly far away from her at all. Let’s see if I can fit... She found some space to get low enough to get through the doorway, which was clearly designed for someone smaller.

When she found her way out, she was struck with a wave of nostalgia. The way the place was set up- designed to use every part of the environment without damaging it- was all too familiar. That, and the fact that a huge tree with a face is sitting right in the middle of everything. Maybe my mind created a little world based on memories for me to live in.

Assuming this, she decided to do a bit of exploring. The tree- she guessed it was a rendition of the Great Deku Tree- seemed to be asleep, and no-one else was around, she tiptoed to around the other side of the area and looked to the sky. The walls soared almost out of sight, leaving a spot of sunlight above so small that she could shield it from her view with just her thumb.

A few ledges sat on the walls, and she decided to focus on getting up to them. Her wings proved to be a bit difficult to use, but she eventually managed to get up to the lowest ledge, where a doorway of sorts sat in the wall. She passed through it, looking out onto two more islands- one little more than a rock sitting in the water, the other an all-together more ominous isle roughly the same size as the first.

The sea must be my boundary line. She concluded, looking around at the vast blue ocean. Looking onto the beach on the far side, a flicker of memory asserted itself in her mind.

-The sounds of the sea echoing across against the rocks, against the trees, against all around her, until it was all she could hear... Laying helpless in the sand, waiting for someone- anyone- to come, to end this exile...-

She shook her head yet again, the memory having receded. I wonder... is this like what he used to see...? She decided it was worth awakening another, and, gliding back to the grassy floor of the chamber, found the exit that led to that beach. Letting the wind carry her on her wings, she slid just over the waterfall’s surface down to the sandy shore. She stared intently at it, and sure enough, another memory surfaced.

-She was moving. Someone- or something- was dragging her slowly and carefully up the slope. She couldn’t make a noise to let it know she was awake- but then, was she really? She had no choice but to relax as she was moved into the tiny room, under the sheets, and off into the void of sleep once more...-

This is what happened to me... She realized. But then, what brought me up to that room? It was then that she heard it. A faint note, followed by a few more, seeming to come together into a sort of musical tune. Well, I guess that’s what happens next. I should find whoever’s playing music and talk to them.

She cleared her throat and tested her voice. It was stronger and louder than she had remembered. She spent some time adjusting it to a more normal tone, then scaled the falls again, trying to follow the sound. Strangely, it seemed to be behind her now. She went back, and it was ahead again. It seemed that it was coming from inside the waterfall.

She tilted her head slightly, pondering this. There very well could be a hidden cave behind it, and it would no doubt be a quiet and inspiring place to practice. She grabbed a stone, tossed it up to test its weight, then threw it into the fall. It slid through with a slight noise, and the music paused. She shrugged, backed up, and dove.

She slid through ungracefully and landed awkwardly, but she was in. The cavern was much bigger than she had assumed, and at the far wall, a small wooden object stood erect, not seeming to be attached to anything. Is it driftwood? This theory was disproven when in turned its leaf-masked head slightly and waddled towards her, almost seeming to jingle in the process.

Well... A sentient plant... Well, if it’s the companion my mind wants to give me... She rolled into a sitting position and faced the being, who was roughly as tall as she was when sitting.

“Oh, it’s you!” It said in an oddly pitched voice. “I was wondering when you would awaken.”

“Hey. Er, how long have I been asleep?” She asked.

“I noticed you on the beach early yesterday morning. Hollo and I brought you to that room and you’ve been asleep since.”

“I see... Was it you playing music earlier?”

“Yup!” It beamed proudly. “I have to practice- the ceremony’s going to be soon, and I need to get better at it!”

“Ceremony? What for? Oh, why don’t we go back to the chamber, it’s a little cramped in here.”

“Sure! I guess you can get up by yourself now?”

“Yeah, I can get up.” They made their way back up the falls, the wooden creature using a sort of propeller to fly alongside her.

“The ceremony is the day when all the other Koroks come home to get more seeds and pure water, which they use to plant trees all over on all the different islands. It’s part of the Deku Tree’s dream to bring the land together again.”

So it’s still called the Deku Tree, huh? I guess these little wood things are the Koroks then. “So, when is the ceremony?”

“Oh, it’s not for another few weeks. I just want to get in as much practice as possible.”

“Well, sounds like you’re set on the task. That’s good- What’s that...?” She pointed to the horizon, where several tiny shapes had just appeared. The Korok hobbled to the edge of the cliff and looked out at it, then said:

“Ships. Lots of ships. And lots of people. They’re heading for this island!”

This doesn’t bode well. They might be attacking. With that many numbers, it’s almost certain. What do I do? I don’t have any weapons!

“Come inside. We need to get ready.” She ran inside and towards the Tree. “Great Deku Tree!” She addressed him, drawing his attention to her. “A large group of ships is approaching! I think they may have ill intentions for us. Please, give me the tools to defend this place.”

“You would lay your life on the line now, considering that you only just arrived here?” He replied slowly.

“I would. The forest has always been my home, and even if this isn’t the same, I still would guard it as best I can.”

“... Very well, young one. I will give you all I have to offer.” He shook his branches, dislodging a large branch and leaf, falling just short of her. “The branch, when soaked in the water around me, will make a solid weapon. And with the leaf will bring forth giant gusts of wind when brought to the ground. That is all I can give, sadly.”

“Maybe. But I’ve had some time to get better as well, and if this really is a fight, I think I can help.” The voice floated over from the other side of the Tree, where another Korok stood next to the first.

“Hollo, what do you mean? What have you?” He asked.

Hollo spoke again: “With all these chemicals, a weapon was forthcoming for quite a time. I’ve derived an explosive chemical from imports obtained from Dragon Roost, and I think I’ve got quite the defensive mechanism worked out. All we need are some hollow logs, which we’ve got! You,” He motioned to her, “Linder, come over here and help me move some of it.”
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“So this is the stuff?” She asked, holding a small barrel and round metal object in both hands.

“Yes. What we’ll do is put that barrel at the end of the log, and the ball at the end. The top of the barrel is weak, so when the chemical blows, it’ll shoot the ball out wherever the log is pointed. Then the ball will explode on contact with the ships!”

She shook her head in amazement. If the chemical acted as Hollo had described it, they would be able to defend it easily. “So where are the logs that we’ll use?”

“I came up with the idea for these canons before the chemical was finished, so I went ahead and hollowed out some logs and placed them ahead of time. Just fly around the outside of the island and put the others ingredients in place and they’re good to go. I’ll move them outside to make the trip shorter.”

The three of them moved out of the small potion room and towards the exit to the main chamber. The leaf was slung over her shoulder almost like a cape, while the branch was held underwater by a rock. Upon exiting, they saw that the vessels were a great deal closer than before. “We’ll have to hurry to set this stuff up in time.” She said, grabbing two of each object and taking off.

She was glad that she’d gotten the hang of her wings ahead of time, because many of the perches were quite high up. The shape of the island made it difficult for the enemy to land anywhere other than the beach, so they only set up cannons in logs that could see and reach them, placing three shots at each.

“Do we have any other defenses?” She asked when finished.

“I’ve got a few that I can set up inside.” Hollo replied. “You’ll have to buy me some time with the cannons, because they’re nearly here. When they’re empty, get inside, quick.”

“Got it. Linder, why don’t you help by reloading the logs after I’ve fired? Then I can just go ahead to the next one.” He nodded, and they both flew to the highest perch, while Hollo re-entered the chamber. “We need to let them get a bit closer...” She said, aiming the makeshift cannon towards the oncoming vessels.
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Also, if you've been following this and want to discuss it, ask questions, tell me how epic (I DON'T CARE IF EPIC ISN'T PROPER ENGLISH ANYMORE, YOU CAN'T TAKE IT FROM ME!) it is, I ask that you join this group to do it.

Alright. A lot of interesting ideas in this story. I read through the first chapter and skimmed the second and third.

One of the main issues I had with this piece is the jerking around of persons. Some of your line breaks (or perspective changes) don't even make sense because the characters involved were in the same place at the same time.

In the sense of this story as a whole, it felt like you were trying to bring in too many separate characters too fast. Switching between two characters every other chapter can be done with some manner of continuity, but this came across as rather jerky because some of your breaks weren't even between separate perspectives.

I don't think that means you can't succesfully write a story with three separate stories (whether or not you plan to bring them together eventually), but just reading this confused me.

Also, regarding the prologue--when you use direct quotes from another source, it is required that you put that information in your story. That means the whole Windwaker story needs to be put in quotation marks with its cited source at the end. Even if it was a character in the story telling it, direct quotes need to have the credit given accordingly (unless it is public domain, which it is not in this case).

The context is also rather strange. I have no sense for how old Link and Zelda are at this point, and the story is moving so fast that there's little detail of the main characters themselves (as well as the actual world. I understand that this is fanfiction (with the aid of knowing the series, readers already know what the characters and world looks like), but without any creative detail, the story comes off as rather flat and plotty.

There's also some curious sentences. I picked up a run-on here and there, but the syntax and grammer worked fairly well for the most part. There was also some point where a character's thought was written in third person (and unless they normally think in third person, that's a little strange).

So, in short, there was some creative style in the way this piece was written, but the world and characters could really use some help. There's a lot of interesting plot going on here, but more detail would help give it dimension.

regarding the prologue--when you use direct quotes from another source, it is required that you put that information in your story.

I was completely unaware of this. Done.

The context is also rather strange. I have no sense for how old Link and Zelda are at this point, and the story is moving so fast that there's little detail of the main characters themselves (as well as the actual world. I understand that this is fanfiction (with the aid of knowing the series, readers already know what the characters and world looks like), but without any creative detail, the story comes off as rather flat and plotty.

I have been known to be a bit skimpy on detail, however, I was planning to put these things in context later on. One of the first things I learned this year in Language class was to put details like that in context, makes it feel more natural than throwing it all at the readers at once out of context.

There was also some point where a character's thought was written in third person (and unless they normally think in third person, that's a little strange).

I believe what you refer to was a flashback scene. It was in the same format as thoughts, so I can see how it would be confusing. I put it into a different format as a result.

Some of your line breaks (or perspective changes) don't even make sense because the characters involved were in the same place at the same time.

this came across as rather jerky because some of your breaks weren't even between separate perspectives.

Not quite sure I understand these bits...

I don't think that means you can't succesfully write a story with three separate stories (whether or not you plan to bring them together eventually), but just reading this confused me.

I sure hope I can do it successfully! Most of my stories work like that, and I plan to get them published...

Also, did you put those (asterics?) into the first chapter? If so, what did you want me to do there?

The second Moblin landed feet first and immediately made his way towards the door leading to Link. He never made it, though. An arrow stuck into the back of his head, and he was just able to turn around to see Zelda holding a bow before he fell over, dead.
__________________

Link puled out his own bow and launched a series of arrows at the crowd, one rider getting hit and another boar. It seemed that they were very practiced, however: The rider of the boar that was struck jumped off and landed on the boar of his deceased companion. Link shook his head in amazement, attached a bomb to the end of another arrow, and fired. Two more riders and boars fell, but the remaining five had caught up.

Two branched off to the left, while the other three went to the right. One branched off from the right to behind the train and jumped off his boar onto the freight car, letting the boar fall behind.
__________________

Zelda dashed to the opposite end of the car, crouching with bow in hand, waiting for the Moblin to reach her. A few moments passed, then the door burst open, and she let loose. The arrow hit him right in the left elbow, his arm going limp.

^I was refering to sections like this. Zelda and Link are fighting in the same place at the same time, and because this is written in third person, these line breaks don't make a whole lot of sense and tend to break the continuity of your story. A perspective break every once in a while, or between chapters makes sense, but this quick flashing back and forth is hard on the brain.

And yes, asterisks are okay for quoting, so long as the information is there. In more formal texts, there are also numbers and such when the author doesn't want to include the cited information within the story.

Now, it's a little hard for me to talk about detail in this piece, because there certainly were parts that I thought were pretty good. I just get the feeling that so much emotion, ideas, and physical details are left behind because this is so caught up in the action of the plot. I'd like to see the personalities of these characters more establshed as well as their relationships. Just food for thought.

Ah. I see what you mean. Well, I don't plan on any more of those, and if one does sneak in, I'll try to do it better. I'll keep what you said in mind for future writing, which I suppose I should really get around to...

Fangirls, rejoice.

Chapter Four

She could now see them clearly. They were huge crafts, well armed and manned, the sails blood red. There were at least two ships for each shot they had. Even if every shot hits, we’ve got quite a fight left afterwards. She waited until the lead ship was in range, then lit the fuse and backed up, because shortly afterwards the ball shot out of the cannon, nearly breaking it, and exploded on the bow of the ship. It sank quickly.

“Start reloading! I’m moving onto the next one!” She yelled to Linder. She flew over to the second cannon and repeated, then twice more, then back to the first. Ship after ship sank, but there was always another to take its place. They were running out of ammunition, and the ships were gaining ground.

“How many shots left?” She yelled to Linder, fighting to keep her voice level.

“Three more! They’re all loaded up and ready to go!”

“Then head inside and help Hollo, I’ll be right there!” He floated to the entrance and ran in, while she emptied the last of the cannons. The ships were maybe two minutes away at max. Was firing those last shots even worth it? She shrugged it off, realizing the moment was past anyway, and charged in.

“Get behind the shield walls!” Hollo shouted, beckoning her towards a hole in a wall of stone that had been placed around the tree. She dashed in and the hole was sealed behind her. She lay against the wall, trying to catch her breath. Still assuming this was a dream, she was more locked onto her task than she was frightened.

“What’s next?” She asked quickly and quietly, unsheathing her meager weapons.

“The flow of water has been cut off completely. They might get up here quicker, but I’ve spread some more of the chemicals out around the entrance. A bit of grass will have to be sacrificed, but it’ll hold them back for a while. Oh! Why don’t you use the Deku Leaf to hold them back longer? Just be careful not to spread the flames to the walls, the shields over there aren’t as potent.”

She simply nodded, crouching behind the stone wall and watching the door. A few minutes passed, and just as she began to wonder where they were, a horde of Moblins appeared, silhouetted against the sunlight outside. They wasted no more time for dramatics, however, and charged forward. Hollo lit a branch and threw it over the wall, catching the chemicals on the ground aflame and burning several Moblins where they stood. The others backed away from the blaze, looking for a way around.

They stepped aside for another group, who carried weapons resembling cannons, and fired. Several spears stuck into the wall, and a few flew over it. She grabbed one and pulled it to her side. The fires were already dying down, and the Moblins began approaching the wall. She used the spear to knock back any who tried to climb, not managing to kill many. Hollo tossed over a few vials of chemicals, which started fires in a smaller area and holding more back.

Their numbers were increasing, and they couldn’t keep them at bay for much longer. In the heat of the moment, filled with adrenaline, she made a snap decision. She tossed the spear into the crowd, nailing one to the ground and pinning another underneath him. She then swung over the edge, rammed into one with her elbow, knocking his sword into the air, which she caught as it fell and used to slice two nearly in half.

The Moblins backed up a pace for a moment, then charged. She swung in unpracticed arcs, making her unpredictable but not hitting many targets. The Moblins were closing in, and she was growing tired. She swung again, slicing a few, but it seemed to have stopped fazing them, and they kept coming. She fell, and just as the Moblins were about to finish her, she heard something that made her blood run cold yet filled her with hope.

Music.

The Moblins looked up towards the sky, where the music was wafting down from, and a figure fell, skewered one with a heavy spear, kicked the feet out from under three more, and swinging the weapon onto several more. The undersides of his arms were lined with brown-white feathers, he had long- burgundy hair, and when he spun around to kill more, she saw that he had a yellow beak for a nose.

What is this guy? Doesn’t matter, really. He’s a better fighter than I am, by far. She stood, grabbed her sword, and rejoined the fray. There were an unimaginable amount of Moblins, and no-matter how many they killed, there were always more. Soon they were surrounded again.

The crowd cleared, and they saw a single figure in the doorway, manning a huge cannon. They had no time to prepare as the weapon fired and the huge silver ball flew towards them. Time seemed to stand still, and just as it was about to hit, a pair of feet landed on it, kicked it into the ground, launched forward, and completely destroyed the cannoneer.

She saw that the feet were in fact connected to a rather tall figure, dressed entirely in black, wielding a short blue scimitar, and tearing through the crowd. A large instrument was slung across his back, wings the same color and the other’s feathers on either side of it. The first newcomer jumped in, distracting the whole army, but she merely stood, her sword dropping to the ground. Her mouth was slightly open, and she didn’t bother to close it.

Could it be?...This isn’t a dream, is it...? A troop of Moblins tried to sneak past, and she tried to jump at them, but they made it to the door and escaped, letting her see a green sphere under one of their arms. All at once, the enemies fell away, and many escaped to their ships.

The bird-like figure swore, then said: “They got it, didn’t they?!”

The other said: “Yeah, I saw it in one of their hands. Can’t believe we were too late again...”

She nearly dropped to her knees upon hearing his voice, and had trouble finding her own. When she did, it only came out as a whisper, but it still managed to draw his attention.

“Mark...?” She croaked.

He raised his head slightly and turned, looking her in the eyes. It took him a moment to register it, but soon his eyes widened and his own mouth dropped slightly. “Shiri!” He said, his surprised look turning to a wide grin.

They ran to each other, both blades abandoned, and embraced. Their wings folded around each other in turn. They looked at each other, he brushed a hair from her face, and they kissed.

Shiri rested her head on Mark’s shoulder, closed her eyes, and murmured happily: “Thank the Goddesses this isn’t a dream...”

Well, this is my last pre-made chapter. Expect delays after this...

Chapter Five

Mark continued to hold Shiri close, trying to gather his thoughts. It was made difficult by his overwhelming senses of surprise and relief, but he managed to put the events of the last few events into perspective. I woke up. Good thing I grew up swimming, otherwise it’d sure have been hard getting to that island. Still, the fact that I’m awake at all can’t be a good sign. I was supposed to be finished- Hell, I wasn’t supposed to exist to begin with, the Goddesses just used me for a bit, then threw me into storage.

That must mean that they need me to clean up again. Meaning that something must have happened to the incarnation of Link of this time. How far ahead of my time am I now? Most of the world seems to have forgotten the Hylian tongue, to the point where they need translators, so it must be at least... five hundred years? Six hundred? At any rate, Shiri’s probably the only familiar face I’ll find.

Shiri... Why’s she here, anyway? And in Hylian form? Not that I want to complain, but still... Okay, let’s see, after I got to the island and nabbed the boat, I ended up at... Dragon Roost, was it? If I’m this far into the future, then it’s possible that the Rito were the Zora’s before... That would explain all the Sapphire markings I saw. Valoo said that he didn’t know why I’m back, which might mean the Goddesses aren’t very social anymore. Does anyone still worship them now?

We went back to the Rito, fought off more Moblins there, but they got that orange sphere... Apparently there’s three of them. We were sent here, failed to retrieve the second sphere, but I did get to meet up with Shiri again.

At length, he separated himself from Shiri, and said simply: “What’s up?”

She looked up at him- she was about a head shorter than him- and spoke: “Well... I think I washed up on this island, and was cared for by the Koroks... The Moblins came a while after I woke up, and I helped fight. Mark... Where are we?”

“I’m gathering that we’re several hundred years ahead of our own time...” He said quietly, because saying it, he realized how far-fetched the whole thing sounded. “Farore told me when I fell asleep that I might be needed again someday. I think that’s today, Shiri. Oh, um, by the way... How come you ended up here, anyway? I thought you made it to the surface?”

“Oh, uh...” She averted her eyes, embarrassed. “Well, I could’ve, but... At that stage... I couldn’t imagine living the rest of my life without you. I turned back... I guess I got frozen with you...”

He smiled, then tussled her hair gently. “Good move. Well... I wonder why you’re almost Hylian now?”

“Beats me... Can’t say I hate it, though!”
________________

While the two winged Hylians settled into a corner to catch up with the other’s story, Komaris decided to investigate their next move. “Great Deku Tree.” He said clearly, bowing before the mighty entity. A root rose under the lily pad he stood on to bring it level with the tree’s face. “We have been sent by Valoo to assist you, but I’m afraid the Moblins won in the end. The Pearls of both our races have been stolen.”

The tree closed his eyes in thought, and Komaris continued. “I know not why they have done this, but they are ancient beings, so may be acting according to something equally ancient. I feel that my companion, Mark, may also have something to do with this, seeing as he only spoke Hylian for a while.”

“I am aware of young Markus’s situation...” The Deku Tree said deeply, but without pause. Mark looked up upon hearing his name, suddenly intent on the conversation. “However, the current situation is yet hazy to me. It is not, I’m afraid, this land’s issue. I can tell that what is to come is not for this place, but for another distant land. The Pearls may be only a small part of it- perhaps one of many keys that can be used. Still, I feel that finding the last may be a wise course of action.”

Komaris nodded in partial understanding, then spoke again: “So, then, Great One, please, can you tell us where to find this last Pearl?”

“It is in the care of the final guardian of this land, the Great Jabun. As a result of this coming chaos, he has taken to hiding, in the same location as a century before.”

Markus jumped onto the pad gracefully, bowing quickly and standing. “Where has he hidden, my lord? I swear I will not fail to protect him.”

“Young man, raised by the Zora, I can see the truth and determination behind your words. He is far to the west and slightly to the south, on an isle called Outset. Make haste, but be ready to defend what you believe in when you arrive.” He said mysteriously.
__________

Komaris jumped off the platform, and as Markus was about to follow, the entity spoke once more. “You ought to be aware of something, young Markus.” He turned again, curious. “It may not be of benefit to you immediately, but it will be important in time. You are aware of the terms of your birth, correct?”

-Nearly a hundred years... the death of Link... a fragment of the Triforce... a last-resort-hero... Dark Link.- “I am aware, My Lord.”

“Before war engulfed this sea nearly a century ago, peace had settled. The Link of that time was, as with the others, an orphan- however, curiously, he was not alone this time around. He, in fact, had a young sister as well. The Triforce followed him to birth, and, even more curiously, a tiny piece was imparted unto his sister as well.”

Mark hardly had to think before he reached a conclusion. “So, what you mean to tell me is, somewhere in this vast new world... I’ve a sister?”

“Essentially, yes. She was born of this same circumstance as yourself, and is currently in the care of the tribe of ice. I’m not sure exactly, but she shouldn’t be older than seven years of age.”

“Why ice?” Mark asked.

“I shall be honest with you... This land lacks a true race of water- centered peoples, so to be frank, she was born to a temple at random. It just so happened to be ice.”

Mark was considering this as he thanked the Deku Tree for his help and information, and he joined his two companions at the exit, who were rounding up former Moblin weapons to bring along. A sister, eh? Well, if I recall, I did always wish I had one, so long ago. It may have been any other Hylian in fact, but still... I think I’ll enjoy having a little sister...

Komaris had slung a selection of spears across his back, and a short saber on his belt. Shiri had sheathed two short swords on her belt, and was experimenting with a long, thin blade. Mark grabbed a hatchet and broadsword on his way over, stored them, and strolled over to Shiri, showing her how to handle the weapon.

“Komaris...” He started at length. “You know you don’t have to follow me any longer, right? Your obligation to your own home is done. You have every right to leave should you want to.”

-And, Ralek, you may go with him if you wish. But this time, it’s up to you...-

His eyes downturned, he became deep in thought. He looked up suddenly. “I could leave... but then, I couldn’t. This conflict- whatever it is- concerns us all. Besides, I’ve been lazing around Dragon Roost all these years, just waiting for something like this to happen. I can’t back down now. And, I can’t forget meeting you. You’re a natural leader. I want to follow you. So, you’re not getting rid of me that easily!”

-I’m sure I could find some use for you though... That’s what I’m scared of!...-

“I hoped you’d say that.” Mark responded, clasping his hand. -It’d be awfully dull without you.-
____________

Shortly later, the rag-tag group of winged warriors stood outside the Forest Haven, going through their collected items. Other than the aforementioned weapons, Komaris carried a grappling hook, and Shiri her Deku items, as well as a few sturdy containers of Hollo’s explosive compound. They nodded to each other, looked back at the towering island, and took wing. The sun was just beginning to set, seeming to light the sea and sky aflame, both nearly the same shade of orange.

“Should we stop on the way?” Shiri asked after a few moments of silence. “We may as well be rested when we get there. It’ll be no-good if we have to fight while we’re tired.”

“Good point. Next island we see, we’ll stop.” Mark said, secretly glad someone else had asked. The island they came to turned up soon enough- a smallish, sheer-walled, heart shaped isle. An aged, seashell shaped building stood in the very center, and a few sparse trees wafted in the ocean breeze.

They touched down onto the tall grass, and soon realized that the whole island was similarly overgrown. A rough wooden barrier blocked off a crevice in the shell, but while it was manmade, it had been gradually splintered away and it, as well as the rest of the building, was covered with spiraling vines. The place may have been cared for once, they assumed, but it must have been abandoned for some time.

“Good a place as any...” Komaris mumbled, viewing his surroundings. He looked around and picked a spot not unlike the rest of the island, retrieved a compact blanket he’d brought along from Dragon Roost, and settled down into a makeshift bed.

Mark and Shiri, after a bit of consideration, settled on their sides, huddled close together, Mark’s jacket serving as a blanket. It didn’t take either long to fall asleep.

Finally, I finished this one. I've been having writers block on this chapter, but I think the next two ought to come quicker. Maybe by that time, I'll have thought of what to do after that...

Chapter Six

It took Link quite a while to regain consciousness, though as soon as he did, his warrior training kicked in and he shot up, completely alert. He slowly took in his new, unfamiliar surroundings, coming at last to rest on the horrible sight of his wrecked train. Zelda was sprawled on the ground nearby, and began to wake as soon as he approached.

"L-Link...? What happened...?" She said as he helped her up.

"Not sure..." He said, looking around. Everything looked familiar, and yet was completely foreign. No grass grew on the barren earth, and no tracks were to be seen. A familiar rock there and the same ancient tree there- but they weren't in the same places as he remembered. And the rock was a bit darker, the tree and altogether different type. Everywhere he looked he saw not exactly what he expected to see in exactly the place he didn't expect to see it.

"I don't know where we are..." He continued, deep in thought, "But things seem to follow a very loose semblance of where we were before we fought."

"Could it be the Dark World again?" Zelda suggested, collecting herself.

Link did recall the Dark World- at least, what he had seen of it. Years ago, he and Zelda had gone through a portal of much the same nature as the one that had dropped them here, and it had seemed to be something like the real world, to an extent. Looking around, he saw that this place seemed to follow the laws set by the Dark World in a completely different manner. "You could be right..." He said at length. “If buildings follow the same rules as natural objects, then maybe we should go to where Castle Town would be in our world?"

"Yeah... there's probably a castle here, too. Maybe someone there could help us out?"

"It's a possibility... Okay, get what you need from the train, looks like we'll have to walk."

Link grabbed the two spears that had stuck into the side of the train before and survived the crash for himself, as well as the food supplies that he kept stocked. Zelda took a dagger from the body of one of the Moblins. They both stood near the wreckage, nodded, and set off in the direction of where they assumed a castle to be.
____________________

It, in fact, was where a castle used to be.

To be exact, most of it was still there, but what was left hardly resembled a castle at this stage. Many bricks were cracked, many more were missing, some had crumbled to dust and lay forlornly upon the dead earth. One tower had collapsed into the empty streets on which the two youths found themselves, and another was struggling not to fall into the castle itself. Two towers still stood, still obstinately pointing skyward, perhaps hoping to pierce the heavens and let fall a single ray of light unto the dead land.

The city was not in much better a state: Empty window frames were occasionally boarded shut, but more often let the rare stale wind flow through the crumbling fabric of the curtains that hung from the rotting wood of the dwellings. The aforementioned tower had taken out two of these on its descent, splintered wood and jagged stone still littered the ground in the area.

“Well.” Link said, breaking the silence. “Pleasant place, huh?”

“Yeah... So, what now?” Zelda responded.

Tough one... Link thought. No one’s lived here for a while, it seems. How much could we find here, really? Of course, if we looked around, maybe we could find a map or something, and the landmarks should still be the same. Maybe we’d get a lead on where to find someone, too. He shared his thoughts with Zelda.

“Good point. I guess we should check the houses first?”

“Yeah. Let’s stick together for now, in case anything happens.”
______________

“Anything?” Zelda called from outside.

“Nothing...” Link replied despondently. They’d been searching all day- not that the sky had changed hues in the slightest, but they assumed it was getting dark back home. He exited the house. “Seems like everyone packed everything up before leaving. Either that, or other people have been by and took it all...”

“Seems like it.” Zelda said. “Still, they might have missed something. Should we check that street over there next?”

“Sure...” They made their way across the main street, but stopped just as they entered the side path. “Did you hear that?” Link whispered.

“I think so. What was it...?” They stood for a moment, and a slender figure stepped out from the shadows. Though it was close enough that they should have been able to make out details, all they could tell was that it wore an orange cloak. They watched each other for a full minute, then the figure ran with surprising speed towards the main street.

“Wait!” Link cried, running after it, Zelda in tow. They broke into the street, and saw the figure dashing towards the ruined castle. Without thinking, they ran after him, into a ruined hall. Surprisingly, other than many bricks on the ground and holes in the cieling, the room was in good condition. They saw a flash of orange in one of the side doors and followed.

They tailed the stranger through several rooms, all in much worse state than the first. Eventually the ended up in what appeared to have once been a ballroom, with only one exit. The organge-clad figure was near the center, frantically looking for a way out.

“We don’t want to fight you...” Link began softly. “We just want to find a way out of this place. We hoped you might know?”

All of a sudden, the persons manner changed. He stood a bit striaghter and with greater confidence. “Y-you may as well give up on t-that.” He said, having a quiet but distinctly male voice, stuttering slightly. “I’ve b-been here for a while myself, and haven’t f-found a way out yet...”

“I see...” Zelda said. “Is there anyone else here besides us? And where is this, exactly?”

“Where? N-not sure. As for p-people, folks like you and I are hard to c-come by. Th-there’s the other guys, the little ones in g-green, but they won’t help anyone else for jack. P-people like us are all alone here.”

“What people in green? Where are they?” Link asked.

“I wouldn’t r-recommend going after them, but I think they live in the s-southwest mostly. I think they- as a s-species, were banished here, y-years ago. D-dunno why.”

“Well then.” Zelda said. “Could you show us a place to set up camp? We only just got here, and need to find a way out.”

The man’s demeanor changed again. He had gained the upper ground, and he knew it. “Well... It’s not really as bad as h-here everywhere... I’ve got a pretty g-good place staked out myself. I bet I c-could find space for a p-pretty lady like you. As for your friend... Well, I g-guess he could be a g-guard or something...”

Link and Zelda immediately became a bit more defensive. “Well, I’m not sure if... What is that?!” Link said, pointing towards a shapless form behind the man.

He looked behind him, confuesed, then turned back and spoke. “Ah, I f-forgot. This place wears on your m-mind. You’ll go insane before too long if you don’t protect yourself.”

I wonder if that’s what happened to him. Link mused. The man continued. “These cloaks ward them off, but they’re hard to get your hands on. I’ve got a few extra at my place. Here- you can use this one.” He removed his own orange cloak and tossed it to Zelda, who hurried to put it on.

“It works.” She said simply. “The thing I saw is gone.” They were able to get a better look at the man now. He wore simple leggings and some light chainmal, as well as a short green jacket of a similar material as his cloak. His hair was dark brown and spiky, and his eyes were wild, matching the way he acted.

“S-sorry, buddy.” He said to Link. “You’ll have to wait until we get b-back.” He was interrupted by a rumbling in the ground.

“An earthquake?” Zelda asked.

“This is the worst place to be right now...” Link murmured. Bricks fell from the cieling, and a few crumbled upon impact. Cracks began forming across the already severeley cracked floor. Just as they were about to run, a small tongue of flame sparked to life in the center of the room without kindling. It grew for a moment, then the floor began to fall in. Link and Zelda were still near the door, while the other man was trapped on the far side of the room.

Red flames ate away at the edges of the growing gap in the room, oblivious of flamability. A scarlet backdrop was visible inside, each peice of rubble falling through becoming a speeding black form. “Get out of here!” Link yelled. “I’ll be right there!” She paused for a moment, then nodded and ran.

Link glanced at the stranger, who had reverted to his almost animalistic state of fear. Sometimes, being a hero can be a pain... He grabbed his whip, swung, attatched it to a support collumn neat the side of the room, and yelled: “Climb across!”

He didn’t wait a second before dashing over and begining to climb across. Link braced himself against another fallen pillar. He was almost all the way across, when both pillars began sliding towards the hole. The whip slid off the far collumn and the stranger fell, not letting go of his lifeline. Link reached towards him, not much holding him up either.

They clasped hands, and Link puled him up, shoved him forwards, and took off after him. The vortex was beginning to affect the rest of the castle as well, and before long, the unsturdy tower he had seen earlier crashed down to their right. They rounded a corner and saw Zelda standing in the hallway, confused.

“Zelda, move!” They caught up with her and turned another corner, reaching the entrance hall. They dashed out and hit the ground hard just as the castle ruins caved in on themselves. The three stayed on the ground, catching their breath, but when they looked up, they saw that they were surrounded. Several short figures stood, all wearing dark green cloaks, observing them with luminous, multicolored eyes.

One with yellow eyes stepped forward and spoke: “Do people tend enter clearly unsafe buildings where you come from often?”

I realize that this chapter took waaaaay longer than it should have for how short it is, but I'll be frank with you- I got lazy. I had lots of games to play, stuff to explode, you know. I can't guarantee that the next chapter will be quicker, but... Alright, that's all I have. And I know that I seem to be swearing a bit more in this- I wanted to make this one a bit more mature than the last.

Chapter Seven

Link pulled himself to his feet, brushing off the dust and rubble from his tunic. The people were all a good foot shorter than he was, and he realized that the jacket the stranger wore was in fact one of their cloaks, ill-fitting on his taller form. “We were... Caught up in the moment?” He offered, the weak excuse regrettably the only one he had to give.

“And you.” The lead figure continued, turning to the stranger. “I’d be willing to bet you’re at the heart of this.”

“D-damn you!” he said, angered. “Why is it that you always b-blame me?!”

“It couldn’t be that you always seem to be at fault anyway...” He continued, undaunted. “You realize we could’ve fixed that castle, don’t you? That won’t happen now, will it?”

“He did lead us in there, but there was a vortex of some kind in the floor. He nearly got killed because of it.” Link spoke up in his defense.

“Really...?” The short figure said. “And I assume it was you that saved him?”

“Yup.” Link replied nonchalantly. “Did he, uh, do something to you before?”

“You could say that. Torrin’s been stealing from us for years. And it’s not like we have much to live on here.”

“You’d rather me j-just die out here? Food’s impossible to f-find outside your city, and it w-was luck that let me find that other c-cloak!” He pointed towards Zelda, and the orange cloak she now wore.

“Then there’s no reason for you to have one of ours anymore? And we might have given you shelter if you hadn’t stolen from us in the first place. Now, what are you two doing here, exactly?”

“Wish we knew.” Zelda replied. “We were attacked by Moblins... yesterday, I guess, and got sent through a portal that led us here. We’d been somewhere like this before, so we guessed it was the same- that things were similar between the worlds, so we went to where the Castle Town was in our world. We ended up here, and followed Torrin into the Castle, because we needed to find someone to help us.”

“And I can guess that he told you that we were evil and that to follow him was the only way to survive?” She told him sheepishly that this was the case. “Then the portal, correct? Could you describe it?”

Link spoke up now. “Red inside, expanding, everything got black as it entered.”

The figure turned and spoke with two of his companions for a moment, then turned back. “Well, we haven’t seen one like that in a while, but they’re not unheard of... Still, best to be careful. We’ll find some place for you to stay in our city. You too, I guess,” He said to Torrin, “but you’ll be expected to pull your own weight.

“Oh, did you need a cloak?” He said to Link. Link could see that none of the other mysterious figures had a spare, and guessed that they would most likely take the one Torrin was wearing.

“I only just got here, I’ll be fine until we get there.” He said. The figure shrugged, not seeming to care either way, and set off out of the ruined city. The other figures followed, as well as the three Hylians, who did not have to walk fast to keep up with their short strides.

________________________

Nearly two hours passed as the group made their way south, stopping for a short meal of foreign dried fruit and slightly stale bread along the way. They could now see that a dull sun hung over their heads, obscured by heavy clouds, making its way south with them.

Link soon realized that they were heading for the coast, where his own home village would be in the real world. He was hit with a wave of homesickness, but fought it back. We could be here a while. I can’t spend the whole time moping about not being somewhere else. I have to find a way to get back. Then maybe we can figure out why this happened in the first place.

Link and Zelda both stopped short upon seeing the place they were being led to. Unlike the rest of this world they had seen so far, this place was not only clearly taken care of, but the spires of the towers that rose skyward and seemed to pierce the fog above were a great deal more advanced.

“Impressed?” Their guide questioned proudly. “Difficult to believe that being banished to a place like this would be advantageous, but since coming here, we’ve gained amazing technological knowledge. There’s plenty of ore to be had in this place, but it can be a challenge getting to it with all this rocky earth...”

Link was only half listening at this point. This won’t be too bad a place to stay for a while, and it seems protected enough. I guess they wouldn’t know a way to get out of here if they were banished, but they might be able to help search for one.

“... There isn’t any wildlife here, as far as we’ve seen, so we couldn’t get ahold of any meat, but we were able to find some fruit and other crops, and managed to create a few farms. There used to be a few attacks by a sort of Moblin-esque tribe, but we haven’t seen them for years now. Good thing, too- our defense system probably didn’t do much more than annoy them...”

They approached a grand gateway that led into the city, where they were stopped by another green-clad figure. “Gale. You returned quicker that I expected. But, who are these people?”

“A couple of newly banished people, and Torrin.” Gale said. “They seem to have narrowly avoided a Red Portal in the old castle, and I thought it best to be cautious.”

“Probably. Alright, go ahead inside.” Link and Zelda were shuffled in, He was handed a cloak, and they soon found themselves in a small dwelling in which to stay. Link was hardly aware of any of it, or where Torrin had been sent, as he had grown quite tired by this point. The room wasn’t terribly furnished, and was dimly lit by a few candles.

They both collapsed into the bed in the corner, huddled close together. “We’re... going to be here a while, aren’t we...?” Zelda said quietly.

“Maybe. But I swear I’ll find a way out as soon as I can. Then we’ll figure this whole mess out.”

“Mhm...” She fell asleep afterwards, shortly followed by Link.

Impressive so far. Though next chapter should be POV of Mark, not Link. Otherwise, Awesome!
Keep up the good work.