songs vesrion 2

ok guys, some years back i posted a thread with some of my songs. I stopped writting for a while but now im back. Id like you all to give me your honest opinion on this, but please take into mind that im a bit rusty too

I dont really have a name for this one, id like help on that from you guys xD:

I dont know when was the last time that I crossed your mind,
but I can assure you that you never left mine.
Ive been missing you for a while now,
but i guess theres now way that I can change that.

And I look back to the way that you smiled,
on that one time, and the way that your eyes shine
I cant regret the things im writting here,
but I guess theres no way for anyone to see.

Chorus:
The way I think your perfect in every way,
how i remember evey word you say.
youre in my heart and i cant deny,
the feelings ive been keeping inside.

You are the music Ive been looking for,
a feeling so strong it cant be put to words
the rush that comes with dancing in the rain.
the shooting stars across the sky tonight


chorus 2:
youre the best thing that ever happened to me,
and i wish today , you were right here with me.
you are in my heart and i wont deny.
everything im feeling and keeping inside.

i dont know if i even cross your mind,
but i know u are always inside of mine.
and i miss you terribly and want to see you now,
I guess theres no way that I can change that...



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That's awesome. I like it. It's not the same old same old that most artists sing nowadays.
But you might want to put some puncuation in the "I'll" and "I've" parts.

Still, really nice.

yay a feedback im soo happy x3. haha thank you I'll be sure to add punctuation to that song . Ok, here is another one tough I will warn all of you that this one is cheesy. I came up with it after reading Romeo and Juliet for school. It's called dear Romeo

Dear Romeo
you sit all day there writting a song.
Dear Romeo,
you daydream about a juliet and when she'll come

You sit and wait for her,
Romeo, I knwo you have faith,
but have you never wondered,
if the story could be altered?

pre chorus:
you wait there,
at the balcony for her.
and you say,
she shines brighter than the day

Chorus:
But what if there is no juliet?
Would you still be there waiting for her?
or would you take a normal girl, would you take me?
what if there's no fairytale?
If its a dream, if all is fake?
would be with me, here in reality?

Dear Romeo,
you know I'd never break your heart.
Dear Romeo,
you know I've been here all the time

Pre chorus X1
Chorus X2

You're welcome.

It's not that cheesy, it's actually kind of nice.

Do you have a "tune" in mind for these lyrics you're writing? Because when I read them I kind of sing them in my head with a tune and imaginary music. I might could help you turn them into songs, if you want.

Still, you're good at this, keep it up.

yep I have some music in mind for them. I can give you the chords if you want so you can get an idea of how they would sound. Some have piano music while others have guitar but this are guitar. I'd appreciate your help And thank you

Okay, then.
I've PMed you.

Still, keep up the good work!

Before I start my "critique," I want to say that I do say things how they are.

Don't be scared. I'm quite nice.

Anyway....

I like how you write songs. They have a great rhythm and I'm sure it would sound better sung.

You do have many small grammar related issues, and some misspellings.

An example:

I dont know when was the last time that I crossed your mind...

It should be, "I don't know when the last time was that I crossed your mind...

Overall, I like it. Just work a little on the grammar stuff.

phew I had to admid I was nervous. ok heres a new one I know it's not that good but I did it this weekedn when I couldnt go out. Also, thank you all for helping correct my grammar. Im not a native english speaker so I know I make mistakes often.


Truth be Told

You showed up,
Without any expectations.
You brought along,
A world new world of creations

And as I,
Watch the sun go down in the evening,
I make a wish that I
Might get one chance to be the one
Chorus:
Cause truth be told,
There is not much that I know,
And truth be told,
I still have much to learn from.
And I don’t know if it’s for real,
Sometimes I don’t know the way you feel,
But truth be told,
I´ve never felt this way before

You walk so,
Confident and smiling to the world,
You help me see,
How different things can be.

ChorusX1

Truth be told,
I’m a little scared,
But truth be told,
I know I have the strength.

what is the principle memory card is a solid product, that is, work without moving parts. memory cardusing flash memory (flash) technology, is a stable storage solution, which does not require batteries to maintain stored data. On the saved data, the memory cardthan the traditional disk drive security and protection

Pretty good. It's a little short. But I like it.
Keep it up! =]

Also:

Originally Posted by wangqi211

what is the principle memory card is a solid product, that is, work without moving parts. memory cardusing flash memory (flash) technology, is a stable storage solution, which does not require batteries to maintain stored data. On the saved data, the memory cardthan the traditional disk drive security and protection

SPAMMM!!

haha i know, i was like, wait what? haha. anyway, I read Dear John by Nicholas Sparks and loved it, so here is a song I made based of the story in the book , I know the second chorus has a part that doesnt rhyme, I meant for it to be that way because the music changes a bit there.

Its called "Strangers" and is a male /female duet:

Female:
You were always different,
I could see it in your eyes.
and the moments that we passed,
where the best of my life.

Now you're telling me you're leaving.
but you promise me you'll be back.
and I say that I'll wait here,
I'll watch the moon everynight.

both: chorus 1:
In my letters I miss you,
I wish I could be there with you.
I'd never let you go again, like yesterday.
When you're not here, the world seems gray.
but we became strangers,
living in different worlds.
Still I wish it could be like before

Male:
As I feel the cold of the night,
I get warm thinking of your smile.
I watch the moon, I promised you I would.
to feel you close and never let you go.

And I come back and I just can't wait,
to see your eyes and know I'm home again.
but I get here and you're with someone else,
you broke your promise, broke my heart again.

Chorus 2, both:
In the letters I read from you,
I kept wishing I was there with you.
I promised I'd be there forever,
but destiny got in between....
we became strangers,
we grew up and grew apart,
still i wish I still had your heart.

F: I'm sorry I let you go,
M: I still love you, that you know
F: I wish things had been different,
M: you know I'll never forget your name
both: but i'll still watch the moon for you everyday.