Knights of Hyrule: The War of Sealing (T)

This is a fan fic written by Exziron, MrBaconsock, and myself that is based on the events of the Seal War as written in the manual for the version of A Link to the Past on the SNES.

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Knights of Hyrule: The War of Sealing
Chapter 1

The warm, yet dim rising Sun shone over the land of Hyrule; a land with much history and many blessings. The Sun cast its warmth upon the people of this land, awakening two very important individuals. Two Knights of Hyrule. They both exited their homes and headed to the Castle's dining hall.

“I just hit one of those weird Gossip Stone things. It said it was 5:45 am. I hate waking up at 5:45 am!” said Beemnorv.

“Don’t worry, because today, we are going to do some extra special training!” Exziron said, stuffing a warm loaf of bread in his mouth.

“Really, why is that?” Beemnorv said as he picked up a jug of milk and poured his drink.

“The supreme commander promised us something special for our years of hard work. I mean, after all these years of working with the King, I think we deserve something nice; like a medal, or at least a thank you.” said Exziron, stuffing another loaf of bread in his mouth. Beemnorv just stared at him, confused.

“We’ve only just had a war a while back and it lasted for about two years. I don’t think we’re very deserving of much seeing as we only participated in a small part of it. I think the people who actually infiltrated the enemy base deserve more.” He said as he cut a slice of bread.

“You forgot, Beemnorv, that it was in that battle that you saved the life of some people, including mine.” Exziron said, finishing up his breakfast.

“Oh. Yeah. Um…sorry, I was up really late at night improving my fighting techniques, so I’m really tired right now. I hardly saved you in that battle anyway. You were about to get up and save yourself. The same goes for the other few people I supposedly saved.” Beemnorv said discontentedly.

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Beem. I owe you one.” Exziron said as he got up to leave. “I’ll see you on the training grounds.”

Beemnorv sat down quietly and began eating his breakfast on his lonesome, remembering that war, which had started almost five years ago when the king of the Gerudo declared war on the Gorons in an attempt to capture Death Mountain so that it could be used as a strategic point for the intended takeover of Hyrule. The battle that Beemnorv and Exziron were in was very short and their mission was to kill the guards stationed around the Gerudo base of operations while other Knights infiltrated the building. It was at night and Exziron was spotted by one of the guards. While Exziron and a couple other Knights were fighting it off, another noticed the commotion. When they had finished off that Gerudo, the other had come up from behind and with one swift swing, knocked them to the ground with her spear. She raised her spear up for the final strike and Exziron was preparing a dodge and parry when suddenly, the guard fell over! Standing in her place was Beemnorv. By the time the war had ended, the Gerudo and the Gorons were both endangered races. The Gerudo had killed most of the Gorons and the Hylians had killed most of the Gerudo.


Beemnorv woke up with his face feeling like it was in something cold and soft. He lifted is head to find that he had been sleeping in his breakfast. Hearing someone behind him, he turned around. It was Exziron.

“Why didn’t you go to the training grounds? And what’s all over your face?” the swordsman asked.

“What time is it?” mumbled a disoriented Beemnorv as he wiped the food off his face.

“It’s just after a quarter to 11:00. Why?” Said Exiron, wondering what his friend had been up to.

“I told you I was tired! I must have fallen asleep while eating breakfast.” Beemnorv said, knowing well what was to come next.

After Exziron finished his long fit of laughter, he ate his lunch while Beemnorv finished his cold breakfast. With their bellies full and Beemnorv no longer tired, the two Knights headed to the training grounds to teach each other new fighting techniques.

“Hey! Beemnorv! Try this trick...HIYAAA!!!” Exiron spun around a few times, holding out his sword. It was too much for him to handle and he got so dizzy that he just collapsed.

“Nice trick, but I think I can do it without falling down.” Beemnorv said as he chuckled.

They spent the next few hours practising the “Spin Attack” and when they were exhausted, they parted and headed their separate ways to their respective abodes.

Great start! I find your use of italics in the dialogue to be a unique and interesting way of doing things! There's one thing I'm uncertain about, though: Just before a large space, you describe how your character saved Exziron from the Gerudo. Is the rest of the story a flashback to that battle, or not, because that is what it seemed from the fact that you briefly describe the battle before a big space in the text.

Originally Posted by EzloSpirit

Great start! I find your use of italics in the dialogue to be a unique and interesting way of doing things!

Thanks for the compliment! Seeing as this is my first time at making a fan fic, that's great to hear.

There's one thing I'm uncertain about, though: Just before a large space, you describe how your character saved Exziron from the Gerudo. Is the rest of the story a flashback to that battle, or not, because that is what it seemed from the fact that you briefly describe the battle before a big space in the text.

Yes. Beemnorv falls asleep in his food while having a flashback. He then wakes up and the present story continues.

I see. So that was just a brief flashback to provide some backstory. Okay! Can't wait for chapter 2! I subscribed to this thread! This fic seems like it's going to be really interesting! I've never read a fanfic about the "Seal War" yet!

glad you like it! Chapter two is almost ready

This could get interesting. I will defenitly be back for more. I comend thee for not using quotation marks. Definitly different. I would suggest marking the beggining and end of the flashback. I understood, but it is easier if marked. Good luck, can't wait for ch2.

Originally Posted by sageofshadow

I comend thee for not using quotation marks. Definitly different.

What do you mean? Surely you can't be talking about when the characters are talking because I use both italics and quotation marks....

I would suggest marking the beggining and end of the flashback. I understood, but it is easier if marked.

Do you have a suggestion as to how it should be marked?

Other than that, thanks for the comment!

oops, I think I was talking about something else I read. Sorry, My mistake. Although it's cool you are using italics when someone is talking.

uhh, I don't know if you can mark it by the way you wrote it, but if you rewrote it to make the flashback standalone, you could mark it by
**************************************
...
**************************************

Okay, I'll see what I can do.

EDIT: I think it's fine as it is. By the way I wrote it, yeah, it is a little hard to change. My apologies.

No, No, No, you are the author, and its just your style.
Any news on ch2?

I've done my part of Chapter 2 so far (which is probably about half). I'm just waiting for Exziron and MrBaconsock to add what they want to it so I can edit it all and post it.

We do get busy with our normal lives as well, so it should be here within a week or two, although, I would love to have it posted by this weekend, so we'll do what we can to fit it in our schedule.

I'm looking forward to it.

ok we'll get it in by this weekend I'm on my way to finish Ch 2!

Beemnorv > Exziron.

This is a good start, it seems like you're putting a lot of thought into this. My only advice would be to maybe put a little more focus on the details. Like explain the settings and emotions a bit more, using metaphors and such. Other than that, this should be a fun read.

Originally Posted by Bingo675

Beemnorv < Exziron.

Fixed!
ok my part is done, now we just need editing and we'll post it as ssoon as we can

Originally Posted by Exziron

Fixed!
ok my part is done, now we just need editing and we'll post it as ssoon as we can

Lol. And get to it then, bud.

yes were about to post it we just need to finish small details

Originally Posted by l o z master

nice story

Comments like these are not encouraged when commenting on someone's story. Please add some more beef to your thoughts/critique. Thank you very much.

Originally Posted by Creativity Corner rules.

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Just popping in to give you all a progress report.

One of the authors has been banned, so future chapters will take a longer time to write as my contact with said author is fairly limited.

I'll try to finish Chapter 2 as soon as I talk to him again.

Nice story thus far!

I do, however, feel it needful that I point some things out.

For one thing, I really don't get a sense of setting. You say "castle," and that's about it. How then, can bread and milk appear from nowhere?

Secondly, dialogue shouldn't be italisized unless it is in a different language or is being emphasized.

There's a few odd sentences, like this:

Beemnorv sat down quietly and began eating his breakfast on his lonesome, remembering that war, which had started almost five years ago when the king of the Gerudo declared war on the Gorons in an attempt to capture Death Mountain so that it could be used as a strategic point for the intended takeover of Hyrule.

I'd break it down a lot. All that historic information is a little too abrubt. Instead of fitting it all into one sentence, I'd suggest adding more details with more separate sentences. Here's one revision:

As Beemnorv quietly ate his breakfast at the lonely table, his thoughts turned to the violent past. Almost five years ago, the king of the Gerudo had declared war on the molten peaks of Death Mountain, where the powerful Gorons resided. There, he had hoped to obtain a key stronghold from which he would conquer the vast land of Hyrule.

And now that I think of it, your description is quite vague. What is the progress of this war on Death Mountain? How come these soldiers know exactly what it is that the king wants with Death Mountain? Why are they involved? That entire paragraph needs to be broken down, explained, and slowed down for it to make sense.

If you'd like some help with your story, I think the Writing School here at ZU would benefit you quite nicely.

III