[OrfF] Beautiful Agora

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<< Beautiful Agora >>

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I've only read the first section, and the lesser half of the second, but this is quite an engaging read, if I may say so myself. Given especially the short span over which you've written this, it is a very polished piece, with very vivid descriptions, particularly of the Sound, and very dimensional characters (Aunt Ignes, most specifically). Keep up the spectacular work, my dear, and this will continue to captivate, I'm sure!

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I absolutely love your dialogue--it is very conversational, not the slightest bit overstated (as is always fitting to my fancy), and it captures the period in which you have set your story most fittingly! And the setting--the setting is magnificent! Your descriptions of Agora and the Sound are executed wonderfully, spaced perfectly, and they never once distract from what is happening to the characters. I am most impressed, as I always am with your work.

Keep it up, my dear, and you'll turn out a real chef d'oeuvre!

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I must say, I love Luigi's character, but I don't find some of his expressions very fitting, especially considering the Italian origins of his name and the traditional picture of the character he is most certainly based upon. And where's the trademark accent?

All in all, his background is interesting, however, and I hope to see more of the Luigi-Mario sibling relationship revealed as the story rolls on! Delightful and intriguing--just the way I like them!

Hee hee, thank you! I must own that I was vaguely apprehensive about using Luigi in this role, as I'm not all that familiar with him (I don't suppose reluctantly playing Luigi's Mansion upon the injunctions of my little sister really counts... >>), but I wanted to try it, because I always had this curious image of Luigi being psychotic - again, a product of imagination (I think) rather than fact, but it's something I'm attempting to build up to. But it's all very rough, so I must make a note to give Luigi a more careful look when I edit.

The accent I actually forgot about. =P That and the fact I gave up using it several years ago when I saw how brutally authors at Fanfiction.net were condemned when employing it... Unfavourable impressions have a tendency to linger. XD

Thank you again for your comments; I am very obliged! ^^ New part should be up tomorrow.

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I would surely have read and reviewed the latest entries in full, were it not for the fact that I quite overdid myself earlier with my free reading of the first two-thirds of Christopher Priest's The Prestige. The reason I bother to submit any discourse at all is that I find your style to be remarkably akin to the style Priest used within Angier's diary entries in Section IV, and I hoped to compliment you on this while the thought was still fresh in my mind. I will get around to posting a full review of your latest work as soon as I may find the time to do so. Until then, you have done marvelous things with this piece so far, m'lady, and I hope to see your good work continue.

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Just as a small side-remark--I plan to re-read this in full to give a proper full review... soon.

And soon couldn't have come sooner.

I rather like the way the stories mesh together: particularly those of Marth, Roy, and Link (+Malon). I love your depiction of Luigi (and of Roy, for that matter) as the sidekick in the shadows, yearning for a chance to step into the limelight, and your decision to make Link talkative (in sheer opposition to his normal silence).

It will require another re-reading before I can truly recall all the little nuances, but it was definitely even more enjoyable the second time 'round, I'd definitely say. Haven't seen you around lately, obviously, but I hope you pick this up again in the future, and hopefully for the next ZuNoWriMo.

Originally Posted by Selah

Lord Roy was useless. It was best he vanish now.

EDIT: And apparently I missed a chapter when I copy+pasted this onto my word processor. How very peculiar...