"...I wish that what I did was a bad dream, too..." He said softly, closing his eyes for a few brief moments, then opening them once more to look into hers. "...Ma armastan sind." He chuckled softly, "That's 'I love you', in Estonian... So..." His voice trailed off as he gazed serenely, "...there it is..."
"I didn't know you spoke that..." Cadenza smiled, a soft laugh coming to her lips as well, "Full of surprises, Rain... always full of surprises... We can't turn the clock back, but... there's always looking ahead..."
She laid out across his lap then, with the contentedness of a pleased house cat, and nestled against his stomach, laughing a little more. "Think we could market you as lounge furniture? Skinny yet comfortable..."
He still feels it too... there's peace in the house...
"I don't know, I think I'd sell so well you'd have to manufacture more of me..." He chuckled, "I'm sure the copies won't be as good as the same thing." He looked down at her, smiling widely. He was glad, feeling her warmth again, hearing her voice, and her melodious laughter. "And... I'm from Estonia, Latina..." Rain playfully walked two fingers up her arm to her shoulder, "May have been a thousand years ago, but I still am from there."
"Weeell tell me more, professor," she grinned, batting playfully at his fingers but not quite swatting them clear away, "there's still so much I have to learn about all those years you lived before we met... what do you remember of home...? Were there good times...?"
"Hmm.. the good times..." He looked away, staring into the distance thoughtfully. "They were what kept us going back then, I think, before everything went supernatural..." He chuckled softly, not minding talking about what's in the past. "Though the good times back then... well... sometimes when we got a large enough piece of bread to fill us both for the day. We'd be really happy for something like that." He smiled, looking down at her. "If we had to share one bread, and it broke uneven, we'd argue about who gets the bigger piece." He wondered if Cadenza was thinking about arguing with Raisha; how would one even go about approaching a harsh topic with her? "Raisha would always cut it short though... she'd break off a piece of the bigger share and put it with the smaller one, no matter whose it was."
There was a small window of silence as Rain continued reflecting.
"She's a good sister... all this time and you guys are still together," she smiled up at him, her eyes thoughtful, musing on her own sisters. "I don't think we'd ever manage to stick together so well, for so long... us Madrigal sisters, I mean... we became divided in just our first sixteen years together... so a thousand? We'd be bound to start a war..." she chuckled, a bit sadly, but not dwelling on it. Just reflecting with him. "You and Raisha though... you guys are tight. Closer than we could ever be. Even Ari and I couldn't be like you, I'd think... we haven't faced the same things together, like you two have. I hope our kids can be close like that..."
"You don't know the whole story..." Rain smiled a little, "We weren't always haha... 'tight'. There was a long time, centuries, in fact, where we had each thought the other had died. Or something like that... Well, simply? We were apart for some centuries. And I'd only just met up with her again... about a decade or so, ago... There's a lot more to it than that, though. Lots of changes the both of us went through. Physically and mentally, at that... So... Even though you're not as close with your sisters, you should still cherish them and..." The value of the story was lost to him, somewhere down the line. He had no idea where he was going with this, and in the end, he just chuckled. "Well, because they're family. You should try to get closer, at least. I'm sure our kids will be even tighter than Raisha and I."
"I know you're right... I just... It's a little like..." as she spoke aloud, letting her words come as her thoughts did, in a more stream-of-consciousness way than she normally felt comfortable with, her hands began gesturing freely to try to help get the ideas out, "when someone goes off to war, and when they come back, they've been fundamentally changed, you know...? And they... they expect to find that the world they've left has changed with them when they return home, but in fact it's just the same... the people they return to don't understand what they've been through, what they've seen... And no matter how much you try, you can't quite explain it to them if they haven't felt it, seen it, lived it... entiendes? Am I making any sense?"
She sighed a little as she looked up at him, as if searching for that understanding, that empathy in his face. She gazed for a long time into his eyes, seeking something. It was a while before she went on, and her voice was quieter then.
"I have trouble relating to... to people who have had more normal lives. It gets harder and harder the more I'm around the Dome and so many weird and dangerous things. I can't just strike up a dinner party conversation like, 'Oh hey, so one time, I leveled a city…' or... 'So then the demon’s seventh head exploded and spewed this green, viscous fluid…'--not even if I wanted to talk about subjects like that. People would think I'm nuts and get away from me real fast.
"Sure I can talk to my sisters about music or food or something else we all love for a while, and I can put on a good front socially, but there's still that disconnect between us... even before the Dome... they did a little fighting, but they were never a weapon like I was trained to be. Never had to murder in cold blood. If I just started up with 'I personally prefer a Bowie hunting knife, but Browning makes one that really cuts through the gristle and tissue well...' they'd be as freaked out by me as anyone else. With good reason. You and Raisha... you've both braved a lot of weird crap. I hope our kids don't have to... I hope we don't leave behind the kind of enemies that will make them face the stuff we have, Rain..."
Cadenza's line of thought finally drifted off, her worries and feelings vented, and left only that silent guilt, that last concern hanging in the air. She stroked her stomach and thought of what might be laying in wait in the future for the children of a mage outlaw from the age-old Spirits of the World and a Grim Angel who was in trouble with some pretty big forces himself.
"I guess we have braved a lot of stuff. And that stuff gave us things to talk about..." He thought he understood; listened to everything, taken every word into his mind and thought on it. "But you and your sisters rarely do anything together, is that it...? Like you're not really part of the family; disconnected, as you say. They won't understand what you've seen or how much you've changed because you weren't with each other..." And then he smiled, quite serenely down at her for a few moments. Hoping he'd gotten it right, he wanted to understand. "Maybe you should organize a shopping trip sometime--you'd have lots more to talk about with topics like clothes and such right in front of you."
He looked away from her then, his smile fading. "As for any enemies left behind... Or any new ones... I won't let them do anything. Not to me or you, or our children. Not even your family. I'll make sure of that."
"Not just that, it's not just things to talk about..." she laughed softly--he was trying so hard. Did he ever think of these things? Serene, upbeat Rain. Few things troubled him long. But she knew there were very serious things that could. "It's more that... we can't relate to each other... we no longer think or feel in the same ways... I'm an oddity to them. Weird at the best of times, dangerous at the worst. I have to play a role, put on a normal face around them much of the time... I..." she faltered, "it doesn't help right now that English is... not always the best for me to express myself in either... lo siento... I'm not being very clear, probably..."
She shrugged a shoulder, letting the topic drop for now. It was not likely to be something she made peace with anytime soon, but at least voicing it, telling it to someone had helped. And no matter what else had happened between them, she still felt that comfort with Rain... the confidence and trust to speak her real feelings with him.
"You will..." she murmured when he swore to protect them. It wasn't a question, but a statement of trust and agreement. "I know you will..." she laced her fingers through his long, pale ones and held them there for a while, seeking comfort in that moment. Seeking to connect with him again.
He chuckled softly, gently squeezing her hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't understand... Though I think I'm beginning to, a bit. It's not your English, or anything like that. It's just me." He smiled a little, "I'm hear to listen, even if I don't understand... I'm not well versed in matters like these, as you can... haha, probably tell."
There was a small moment of silence between the two... there seemed to be a lot of that lately. "...I'm glad I came back." He said softly.
"I am too... But what will you do now...?" she couldn't help but ask. She stroked the back of his hand lightly, absentmindedly with her thumb, not even aware that she was doing it. The gentle touch was soothing, pleasant. Once she began, she did not want to stop.
"What do I do now...?" He said, asking himself, his gold eyes staring at the distance once more. "Well I suppose I just continue on as I always have. My mind's a bit clearer now. I wouldn't mind a few more asses to kick." He smiled softly, "But I'll keep my phone close, and maybe visit more often?" And then he said something that he'd observed. Cadenza probably noticed too, but didn't want to say. "It's getting late, you know..." It was a whisper, laden with a bit of sadness. The whole day had flew by, but it only felt as if they were together for a few moments.
"I think I can stay for that..." He smiled softly, "I was just thinking about what you said earlier, about Kate. Don't want her to come home and meet me here.. Ah..." His smile faded a little, "I want to see her... and I can't believe I just said something like that. Um.. I love her."
"I want you to see each other too... soon. I need to talk to her first, but... but sometime... I'll call. We'll set something up..." She squeezed his hand, "I know she loves you too... she didn't want another daddy after you were gone."
"She didn't want... tsh..." It was easy to see that he was hit hard by that statement. He closed his eyes, wanting to repeat 'I'm sorry', over and over. "I'll look forward to it." He managed to choke out, opening his eyes and looking elsewhere. "But it is... really getting late. I don't want her to see me here... so soon. So..." He smiled again, "We should get that pizza..."