The EH Needs MOAR COWBELL

Honestly, I've lost interest here. There is so little cowbell that I find myself looking at threads and saying to myself, "I feel your pain, Christopher Walken, I really do." That disturbs me. I should not be talking to myself thinking that myself is Christopher Walken who can actually hear me, because I am not Christopher Walken (who cannot hear me, even though I can hear me).

I don't mean to sound offensive, but it's the sad truth. In 100% of the threads I go into in the BA and Crossroads, there is a severe lack of proper cowbell usage. No one seems to understand the all-important concept of using cowbell to make things better. There is too much focus on things like "having fun" and not enough focus on the really important things in life ... and by important things, I of course mean the propogation of more cowbell. There are whole threads that begin, progress, and end without a single instance of cowbell! It's outrageous!

I can hardly ever find an interesting RP/battle to join and use my cowbell anymore. Something needs to be done about this, and I have the answer. Why do I have the answer? Because I am God, and I know all. That's right, I pulled the deity card. What now? What now?! I'll start with character approvals, since those are always where people miss the whole point and forget to insert enough cowbell.

• Be more strict - make sure people use cowbell in their characters.
• Read carefully to make sure there is enough cowbell. I once saw a character - one made by a member of the Council, if you can believe it - that had no cowbell section. It still got approved, if you can believe it. (Naruto demands that you do believe it, by the way.)
• Really, and I mean really really really redundantly lots really, shove profiles full of cowbell at people. Make sure they see how cowbell can and should be used.
• You should actually disapprove characters who don't have enough cowbell. If they don't have enough, how can they hope to live up to the expectations of others?
• Lastly, I highly encourage all newcomers to read the threads with cowbell in them. I know they're rare, but they need to be emulated.

Now, onto the subject of battles and roleplays. I, in my glorious wisdom, have developed a new system for the EH that will make everything better, and I know this because I know all things. (That's right, I played the omniscience card. Deal with it.) I'll list my *cough*perfect*cough* system in steps.

Step 1: After character approval, which has to conform to my ideas of perfection as stated above, people need to participate in purely cowbell-related threads. This is to ensure that they can use cowbell properly and in significant enough quantity. They should be as short as possible, maybe even as short as a single post with "MOAR COWBELL" repeated several hundred times.

Step 2: Go on to step 2 when a person passes or fails the posting test. If they fail, send them to the Dome (which should be renamed The Cowbell) to receive training from Epic Cowbell Advocates. I will of course choose these advocates personally, because only I have the wisdom to recognize them.

If they pass, they can become Minor Cowbell Advocates and are allowed to post a maximum of two threads, one post, and three idle comments per ten decades unless they meet the requirements to gain five kudos points playing on hard in NowehereGame Ultra Elite VII: Jeenyusses Eeleet.

Step 3: Go on to step 3 whenever a person is approved to start wielding the powers of cowbell. This may take several thousand years. This should be very strict, since some people are not born to be cowbell advocates and must be carefully brainwashed into its proper use. After they are approved by an Epic Cowbell Advocate to start their own cowbell thread, they can start some more (cowbell).

Step 4: Whether or not these new Cowbell Advocates decide to continue in The Cowbell for an extended period, they should be watched very closely by moderators. Otherwise they might make a post that does not contain cowbell, and we cannot have that.

Then, simply repeat this process for every single human being you have ever met or ever will meet in your natural or unnatural life!

With my perfect system, not only should we have a lot less people having fun, but The Cowbell will spread its message even further afield. I hope this new idea for a system is accepted, because otherwise...

ILL BE FIRIN MAH LAZOR!!!

This thread now has cowbell

If this was an attempt to mock the thread that I made, which got locked, then you've failed miserably. I didn't laugh one bit.

I dunno, I laughed.

Nah, too many cowbells.

Originally Posted by Crystal

If this was an attempt to mock the thread that I made, which got locked, then you've failed miserably. I didn't laugh one bit.

Maybe it has something to do with the stick up your ... wazoo.

OR!

(And this is more likely.)

All those silly little hearts you used to replace swear words were actually chunks of your real heart, and you used so much of your heart on swear words that now you have a heartless disposition towards humor. You've lost your humor, all because you tried to swear. I pity you, and your wazoo.

Oh please. >_>

Go be a weirdo troll somewhere else.

10/1o.

Excellent mockery. I laughed quite a bit. Would read again.

9/10

Would lol again.

Originally Posted by Crystal

Oh please. >_>

Go be a weirdo troll somewhere else.

Why should Serious Discussion get all the trolls? Asides, Honour was here first.

Originally Posted by Crystal

If this was an attempt to mock the thread that I made, which got locked, then you've failed miserably. I didn't laugh one bit.

Y'know Ranny, those who can laugh at themselves will be endlessly amused!

Hah hah, we laughed.

Now, before this degenerates...further, if that's possible, into more "I lol'd" etc.