[Puck] Letalis' Training

The world was a blur. The sky and earth mixed with the fire of the burning atmosphere in the wake of my Drop Pod. I watched as the sky and the ground chased each other past my view port in a never ending circle. According to the pod’s readings I had almost reached terminal velocity. I was depending on the anti-grav jets to avoid being nothing but a broken body at the bottom of a crater. Not that it mattered anyway, the pod was spinning so wildly out of control that the anti-grav boosters would have little effect. Stabilizers activated. Ten seconds until calibration complete, read the monitor four inches in front of my face. About time. I steadied myself for the shock of recalibration.

The pod jumped as the stabilizers oriented the pod’s flight into a straight drop. As soon as the sky and earth had moved to their correct positions the anti-grav boosters kicked in to start slowing the rapid descent. Fifteen seconds until landing, flashed across the monitor. I took a deep breath; not realizing the descent had been that rapid. Flexing my legs when the monitor read five seconds, I prepared for the part that my hundreds of Pod jumps still couldn’t prepare me for; the landing. Five seconds and a deafening crash later, the door of my pod opened to reveal the wreckage around me. I gauged the crater to be about five feet deep, which was average as craters I make go. Keeping an eye on my radar for potential enemies, I took a survey of the destruction. A smoldering path of smoking or burning trees showed the path my pod took to the ground. I could even see some of the local fauna skittering away.

I grabbed my field repair kit, ration kit, stim packs, and Plasma Blades from the storage compartment in my now useless pod. Climbing to the top of the crater, I scanned the sky to see if the remains of the Indiscriminate Justice had hit ground yet. Unfortunately, the sky was either being uncooperative or I had landed further from the Justice than I had hoped. Indeed, the spinning of the pod gave me no chance to track the burning remains of the ship as we had plummeted down through the atmosphere. I worried about my brothers. My squad, the Shipmaster, the troops…did any of them survive? Shaking my head, I brought my mind back to the present task of surviving long enough to find my comrades. I took one final survey of the surrounding area and decided on a direction. I clipped the stim pack belt on my waist, stowed the repair and ration kits in my armor’s storage pack, and clipped my blades onto the belt before heading out. I walked away from the sun, figuring one direction to be as good as another.

My walk was rather uneventful. The crash landing of my pod must have scared off most of the local wild life. I kept my course as straight as I could, trying to find a city of some sort. Hell, I was just hoping the planet was inhabited. It seemed I had landed in the middle of a forest. Tall trees with green needles surrounded me while small bushes and plants of many sorts I did not recognize rose up around my knees. Once in a while my radar would pin point some movement a ways off, but whatever it was didn’t waste any time in fleeing my presence. Coming to the bottom of a valley, I was rather surprised to see a large dome shaped structure in the clearing at the center. Cautiously, I made my way forward to it, keeping myself hidden as much as possible to avoid detection. When I was close enough I noticed only one door leading inside. The door was a large wooden door reinforced with bolted on iron bars and finished off with a large iron hoop to pull on. What a primitive world. At least there appears to be intelligent life here though.

Seeing no better option, I reached to open the ancient door…

If the anti-grav boosters didn’t kick in soon,

Didn't and Soon contradict each others tenses. Didn't is past, soon implies future so they don't work. looks weird.

I took a deep breath, not realizing the descent had been that rapid.

a Semi-colon would work better here.

I grabbed my field repair kit, ration kit, stim packs, and Plasma Blades from the storage compartment on my now useless pod.

Of would work better than on. On implies it's actually ontop of the pod, while "of" says that the compartment is part of the pod. It's a little thing but kinda annoying xP

Unfortunately, the sky was either being uncooperative or I had landed farther from the Justice than I had hoped.

"Further" not "Farther"

The crash landing of my pod must’ve scared off most of the local wild life.

Must have. Please Don't do that, thanks =3






You've done this before haven't you? Very well, fix them issues and come calling for your next assignment.

My work here is complete, hopefully. And if by done this before you mean writing in general, then yeah I have. But I have never done RP on a site like this, nor have I done it through writing.

You've done this before haven't you? Very well, fix them issues and come calling for your next assignment.

It should be "those" not "them", correct?

Yes writing in general xP, and I type things how I would say them in real life xP


Hmmm...Fierce Warrior...what to do what to do...hehehehehe

ASSIGNMENT TIME!
Have him enter the door only to have a be knocked out by an unseen force. When he wakes up Letalis will be in a large room and greeted by a teenage girl. This girl would explain that she took his weapons, and he'll get them back later but only if he helps her baby sit some baby dragons. I expect chaos, don't disappoint. Have it end with someone coming in to replace Letalis. I'm trying to see how your character would react in a different situation then he's used too.

OoC: Sorry that this is so long, I had alot to explain, and tried my best to make it as chaotic as possible. Its like 2:30 in the morning so pardon any mistakes I may have.
EDIT: I really dislike this piece, it seems so choppy.

BiC: Grasping the metal hoop, I pulled the massive wooden door open. The portal slid open with nary a creak to reveal a deep blackness that even my night vision eyes couldn’t penetrate. Hesitating for a moment; I weighed the options available to me. I could press forward into this impenetrable blackness, or I could turn around and leave. I decided to press forward, seeing as this was the only sign of civilization I had seen so far. I unclipped the handles of my blades from my belt, and moved forward. I only made it a few steps forward when I began to feel a strange sensation in my head, like it was being squeezed my some sort of pressure. I turned to head back, but couldn’t make it before the unseen pressure quickly and rather painfully knocked me out.

I awoke slowly, and noticed several things right away. The first was that the pressure on my head had been replaced by a dull ache, like someone had tried to pull my upper mandibles off. Immediately following that revelation was that the room I was in was dimly lit by some form of illumination; I could actually see the stone floor I was laying on. I then noticed two facts that seemed rather curious. The stone floor I was laying on had many a scorch mark burned into it, and I was surrounded by a cacophony of screeches, snorts, roars, and growls. Gathering my rather sluggish wits, I managed to stand and take a look around. I was in a large stone chamber that was mostly taken up by a large corral made of thick metal fencing that was about fifteen feet tall. This fence was also solid, no gaps or anything. The room was about 200 feet across and extended up for roughly 80 feet before meeting a stalactite covered ceiling.

“Ah, it’s about time that you woke up sleepy head.” Spoke a rather tiny sounding voice from behind me. Berating myself for being so inattentive, I spun to see who was talking to me. I reached for my Blades at about the time I got my first view of the voices owner. Standing before me was a small human girl. She was pale, had short cropped brown hair, brown eyes, and a rather skinny build. “I have been waiting for you. Oh, and don’t bother looking for your weird weapons, you don’t have them.” I glared at her intensely. “Then it would be in your best interest to give them back, human. I don’t have time to waste here.” She scratched her chin at my words. “Maybe we can make a deal? You help me with my chore until the Beastmaster returns, and I will give you back your Blades. Oh yeah, if you kill me now, you won’t have a chance in hell of finding your weapons.” Balling my fist, I resisted mightily the urge to teach the impertinent brat some respect. Only the fact that I held myself to higher standards kept her head on her shoulders.

Damn this insufferable human! I have no choice; I need my weapons if I hope to survive here. “Very well brat. What is this chore you require my assistance with?” She gave a smug smirk at my concession, and led me to the gate on the noisy corral. She slid open a small porthole on the gate to peer inside. Bending over double to get to her eye level; I looked through the porthole to see what was making all the noise. Inside the pen I saw about two dozen very large lizard-like creatures. These lizards were of many different colors ranging from black to gold and any in between. They ranged in size from 3 feet at the shoulder to the largest being roughly 6 feet at the shoulder. The creatures also ranged in girth greatly; some being naught more than skin covered skeletons, and others being greater of girth than a large human horse. Each of the creatures was possessed of a serpentine neck, metallic scales, and at least one pair of wings.

“What the hell are those creatures, brat?” The girl gave him a pouting look in response. “My name is Melody you know. And those are dragons, baby dragons to be specific. Your chore is to baby sit those baby dragons until the Beastmaster returns to relieve you. The poor things have been cooped up in here for so long, they must be dreadfully bored.” I looked at her incredulously. “You want me…to go in there and play with a brood of ravenous dragon babies?” Melody gave me a perfectly smug smile. “That’s the plan Mr. Lizard! You don’t expect me to go in there do you? I don’t even have any armor! Besides, you get your Blades back if you hold up your end of the bargain.” I ground my mandibles together in frustration. “Very well, tell me what I need to know.” Her smile widened at my words. “Ok. Well, the babies have a lot of pent up energy they need to get out, and they love playing physical games. Tag, wrestling, eating people, and general dismemberment are their favorites. I don’t think they will eat you, but I can’t be sure, so just try to be careful eh? All you need to do is wear them out, but the deal is off if you hurt any of them too excessively. They enjoy fighting and are pretty sturdy so I don’t think you will have to worry too much about that, just be careful.

Shaking my head, I activated my armor. HUD, radar, shields, and biomonitors all activated as my vision was augmented with several readouts. The HUD showed up and a targeting reticule, shield bar, and radar all manifested in my vision. With my new tactical awareness I felt much more secure. “Ok, I am ready now.” “Hop the fence whenever you want then, there is no way I am gonna open the door!” Sighing, I walked up the fence and gave a mighty leap, using the microjets on my armor to make it to the top in one jump. Standing fifteen feet in the air on the one foot wide metal plate I got a much better look at the inside of the pen. There were about twenty five baby dragons in this pen, and they all looked to be in a foul temper. I gave Melody one final glare and jumped down to a relatively clear spot in front of me.

The effect of my drop was instantaneous. With an unholy shriek, the horde of dragonlings rushed at me from every direction. The closest were only fifteen feet away when I landed, giving me only a split second to react before they would be all over me. Bracing myself I leapt over the closest creatures toward a relatively clear spot to my left. My radar flashed in midair, warning me of an incoming threat, but there was nothing I could do. I was tackled out of the air by a large Blue and hurled back into the seething mass of dragon flesh. My Jump Assist oriented me so I was falling feet first, which saved me from landing on my back in the middle of the dragon pack. Landing easily, I sidestepped two incoming dragonlings, watching with satisfaction as they collided where I used to be. My radar pinged, and I turned toward another incoming dragonling, a stout brown. I braced my feet, caught it, and used its momentum to throw it past me, right into the path of another incoming beast. As they tumbled away, I was tackled and clawed from behind. Each blow skittered harmlessly off my energy shield, but also drained some from its charge at the same time.

Spinning around, I backhanded the beast in the shoulder, but I must have underestimated the strength of a dragonling, for all I managed to do was knock it back about three or four feet. Even though the result wasn’t as great as I had hoped, it still bought me enough room to move, or it would have if I wasn’t immediately set on by three other dragonlings. Lurching desperately, I managed to dodge the charge of two, but the third one managed to fasten its teeth onto my forearm dealing a healthy blow to my shielding. Retracting my other arm, I gave the dragonling a short punch between the eyes, loosening its jaws enough to escape its vice-like grip.

It was sheer chaos, I was in the middle of a storm of dragon flesh, and my shields were down to about a half charge from all the hits I was taking. It was time for a change. I jumped as far out of the throng as I could and landed running. Using my strength and Run Assist on my armor, I quickly accelerated to top speed. If I couldn’t fight them outright, I would simply play a game of cat and mouse. An additional benefit was that it also gave my shields enough time to recharge. I kept my run up for the better part of a minute, leading them in circles around the corral. My nice jog was interrupted by something unexpected though. A large plume of flame came from the center of the pen and collided with my left side, knocking me over and draining a good portion of my shields. This wouldn’t have been too bad, if I wasn’t running at full speed. I crashed into the wall next to me, leaving a sizeable dent, and bounced off to go into an extended roll, both actions draining even more of my shields

Ugh, not only are they ravenous and pack minded, but they breathe fire too. These things are worse than the Brutes! At least that explains the scorch marks. I got up as fast as I could, already feeling bruises forming under my scales. I looked to the center and could see a large gold, over 6 feet tall, with smoking chops. That must be the one behind the fire. Gathering my strength, I sprinted toward the Gold, weaving from side to side to avoid its fiery blasts. The dragons pursuing me weren’t as lucky, and I heard several squeals of pain from behind me. Grinning to myself, I managed to get close enough to tackle the Gold. It was pretty sturdy, but there aren’t many things that could stand up to over one ton of flying metal and flesh. I bowled it over and when we stopped rolling I was on top. For good measure I gave it a good headbutt, the hard metal of my helmet denting the scales on its forehead.

My offensive maneuver cost me though. I looked up and saw no less than eight dragons jumping towards me with no room to maneuver myself out of the way. “Damn,” was all I managed before I was piled on, knocking the wind out of me. Teeth and claws rained down on me, draining my shield precipitously. I struggled mightily, doing my best to attempt to get out from the pile of bodies on top of me. I threw punches and kicks indiscriminately and even managed to regain my feet, but it was to no avail, I was trapped. In desperation, I switched on the Overshield, and tried to ignore the straining sounds coming from the power pack. The shield crackled and sparked with every hit, but at least I had more time to attempt an escape. My surprise wasn’t total when I was enveloped in another sheet of flame, the Gold having recovered its wits enough to act. Damn it! Gathering all my strength, I launched a desperate kick to a dragonling in front of me, connecting with its chest and knocking it back. Not wasting any time, I dove between the two dragonlings flanking the hole, taking another glancing blow across my back, but managed to make it out anyway.

I made it about five feet beyond the ring of dragonlings before I was tackled from the side, as the ones on the outside of the circle got their turn at me. They knocked me down again, and I didn’t know if I had the strength or energy to make it out this time. I was in the middle of struggling for my life when I felt a strange sensation in my diaphragm. A strange, calming vibration filled me; my sensitive Sangheili anatomy registering even the slightest vibration. I shook off the lethargy and prepared to continue my fight. Apparently though, the dragonlings were even more affected by this than I was, walking off in random directions in a seeming stupor. Bewildered, I looked around for the source of the vibration, and saw that the door to the pen was open with a man standing in it.

He was about six and a half feet in height, with a shaved head and bushy brown beard. He was rather bulky, and dressed in thick, somewhat scorched, utilitarian clothes with several ropes and whips strapped to his belt. He was blowing into some sort of instrument and beckoning me over to him. I jogged over and disengaged my Overshield as soon as the door boomed shut. The man stopped blowing into the instrument at this point in time. “Greetings! I am Gerard, the Beastmaster in charge here. Who are you sir?” He had a rather genial tone, like finding strangers wrestling his dragons was an everyday occurrence. Maybe it was. “Letalis ‘Ferox. The br…your assistant Melody had me help babysit the dragonlings in return for giving me my weapons back.” I gave a rather pointed stare at Melody with my statement. She gave a rather cheeky smile, and pulled my Blades from a pouch on her waist.

Taking my Blades back, I turned to the Beastmaster. “I will be going now. Good luck with that demonic brood.” He gave a wan smile. “I thank you for your help stranger, I just have one question. Why didn’t you use Melody’s Dragon Whistle to calm them down?” I stopped in my tracks and turned around just in time to see Melody sprinting in the opposite direction. I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble and headed back to the cave door. All in all I wasn’t that bad off. I had bruises from my many falls and tumbles, but I would survive. I had been worse off many times before.

“Damn humans.”

Hesitating for a moment; I weighed the options available to me.

Why did you use a semi-colon here?

I only made it a few steps forward when I began to feel a strange sensation in my head, like it was being squeezed my some sort of pressure.

This sentence is just really ugly.

I was in a large stone chamber that was mostly taken up by a large corral made of thick metal fencing that was about fifteen feet tall. This fence was also solid, no gaps or anything. The room was about 200 feet across and extended up for roughly 80 feet before meeting a stalactite covered ceiling.

Honestly this entire section is kinda pointless, unless the size of the room matters don't mention it. Chekhov's Gun.

“Ah, it’s about time that you woke up sleepy head*.” Spoke a rather tiny sounding voice from behind me.

comma comma comma comma.

“I have been waiting for you. Oh, and don’t bother looking for your weird weapons, you don’t have them.” I glared at her intensely. “Then it would be in your best interest to give them back, human. I don’t have time to waste here.” She scratched her chin at my words. “Maybe we can make a deal? You help me with my chore until the Beastmaster returns, and I will give you back your Blades. Oh yeah, if you kill me now, you won’t have a chance in hell of finding your weapons.”

Comma Rule for quotation. Comma's should always end an in quotation sentence if the following sentence describes the scene in which the speaking is taking place (I glared at her intensely) and then that must also be followed by a comma if the speaker continues to speak. Rinse repeat, got it? Here a test, place commas in the following sentences appropriately.

1: "Listen we have to work together. " I said, trying to cheer the team up.

2"So." I sighed. "Whose up for some cake?"

3"WHAT?"

4:"What do you Mean I can't come?" I replied.

Post the answers in your next reply =3

She slid open a small porthole on the gate to peer inside. Bending over double to get to her eye level; I looked through the porthole to see what was making all the noise. Inside the pen I saw about two dozen very large lizard-like creatures. These lizards were of many different colors ranging from black to gold and any in between. They ranged in size from 3 feet at the shoulder to the largest being roughly 6 feet at the shoulder. The creatures also ranged in girth greatly; some being naught more than skin covered skeletons, and others being greater of girth than a large human horse. Each of the creatures was possessed of a serpentine neck, metallic scales, and at least one pair of wings.

Here's the problem with this. I don't believe this is a first person account. I don't know anyone (Maybe you do, I'm not sure) who tells a story like this. The description especially looks like an official police description, or a character profile. Not a first person account though, unless Letalis is a robot this ain't gunna fly.

“What the hell are those creatures, brat?” The girl gave him a pouting look in response.

Do. Not. Change. The. View. Mid Story.

I looked at her incredulously.

A+ Verbiage.

“Ok, I am ready now.” “Hop the fence whenever you want then, there is no way I am gonna open the door!”

Two people talking should never be in the same paragraph. Mostly because it's ugly, but also because it can be confusing.

Standing fifteen feet in the air on the one foot wide metal plate I got a much better look at the inside of the pen. There were about twenty five baby dragons in this pen, and they all looked to be in a foul temper.

Another robot like section. I might be seeing a pattern.

An additional benefit was that it also gave my shields enough time to recharge.

Horribly worded. Sounds out of place like nothing I've ever seen.

My nice jog was interrupted by something unexpected though. A large plume of flame came from the center of the pen and collided with my left side, knocking me over and draining a good portion of my shields.

Once again very robotic, not much like a first person description. I'm going to stop saying that, I'm sure you know what else is written like this.

I crashed into the wall next to me, leaving a sizeable dent, and bounced off to go into an extended roll, both actions draining even more of my shields

sizable.

I looked to the center and could see a large gold, over 6 feet tall, with smoking chops.

a large gold...?

though.

You seem to like using this word to end sentences.

precipitously

Your loquacity is amazing.





Fix fix fix fix fix it all and I'll give next assignment.

Grasping the metal hoop, I pulled the massive wooden door open. The portal slid open with nary a creak to reveal a deep blackness that even my night vision eyes couldn’t penetrate. I hesitated for a moment while I weighed the options available to me. I could press forward into this impenetrable blackness, or I could turn around and leave. I decided to press forward, seeing as this was the only sign of civilization I had seen so far. I unclipped the handles of my blades from my belt, and moved forward. I only made it a few steps forward when I began to feel a strange sensation in my head, like I was under deep water. I turned to head back, but couldn’t make it before the unseen pressure quickly and rather painfully knocked me out.

I awoke slowly, and noticed several things right away. The first was that the pressure on my head had been replaced by a dull ache, like someone had tried to pull my upper mandibles off. Immediately following that revelation was that the room I was in was dimly lit by some form of illumination; I could actually see the stone floor I was laying on. I then noticed two facts that seemed rather curious. The stone floor I was laying on had many a scorch mark burned into it, and I was surrounded by a cacophony of screeches, snorts, roars, and growls. Gathering my rather sluggish wits, I managed to stand and take a look around. I was in a large stone chamber that was mostly taken up by a large corral made of thick metal fencing.


“Ah, it’s about time that you woke up sleepy head,” spoke a rather tiny sounding voice from behind me. Berating myself for being so inattentive, I spun to see who was talking to me. I reached for my Blades at about the time I got my first view of the voices owner. Standing before me was a small human girl. She was pale, had short cropped brown hair, brown eyes, and a rather skinny build. “I have been waiting for you. Oh, and don’t bother looking for your weird weapons, you don’t have them.”

I glared at her intensely. “Then it would be in your best interest to give them back, human. I don’t have time to waste here,” she scratched her chin at my words.

“Maybe we can make a deal? You help me with my chore until the Beastmaster returns, and I will give you back your Blades. Oh yeah, if you kill me now, you won’t have a chance in hell of finding your weapons.” Balling my fist, I resisted mightily the urge to teach the impertinent brat some respect. Only the fact that I held myself to higher standards kept her head on her shoulders.

Damn this insufferable human! I have no choice; I need my weapons if I hope to survive here. “Very well brat. What is this chore you require my assistance with?” She gave a smug smirk at my concession, and led me to the gate on the noisy corral. She slid open a small porthole on the gate to peer inside. Bending over double to get to her eye level; I looked through the porthole to see what was making all the noise. Inside the pen I saw about two dozen very large lizard-like creatures. They varied in color from the chromatic to the metallic and greatly varied in size as well. Each also possessed at least one pair of wings.

“What the hell are those creatures, brat?” The girl gave me a pouting look in response.

“My name is Melody you know. And those are dragons, baby dragons to be specific. Your chore is to baby sit those baby dragons until the Beastmaster returns to relieve you. The poor things have been cooped up in here for so long, they must be dreadfully bored.”

I looked at her incredulously. “You want me…to go in there and play with a brood of ravenous dragon babies?”

Melody gave me a perfectly smug smile. “That’s the plan Mr. Lizard! You don’t expect me to go in there do you? I don’t even have any armor! Besides, you get your Blades back if you hold up your end of the bargain.”

I ground my mandibles together in frustration. “Very well, tell me what I need to know.” Her smile widened at my words.

“Ok. Well, the babies have a lot of pent up energy they need to get out, and they love playing physical games. Tag, wrestling, eating people, and general dismemberment are their favorites. I don’t think they will eat you, but I can’t be sure, so just try to be careful eh? All you need to do is wear them out, but the deal is off if you hurt any of them too excessively. They enjoy fighting and are pretty sturdy so I don’t think you will have to worry too much about that, just be careful.”

Shaking my head, I activated my armor. HUD, radar, shields, and biomonitors all activated as my vision was augmented with several readouts. The HUD showed up and a targeting reticule, shield bar, and radar all manifested in my vision. With my new tactical awareness I felt much more secure. “Ok, I am ready now.” “Hop the fence whenever you want then, there is no way I am gonna open the door!” Sighing, I walked up the fence and gave a mighty leap, using the microjets on my armor to make it to the top in one jump. Standing fifteen feet in the air on the one foot wide metal plate I got a much better look at the inside of the pen. There were about twenty five baby dragons in this pen, and they all looked to be in a foul temper. I gave Melody one final glare and jumped down to a relatively clear spot in front of me.

The effect of my drop was instantaneous. With an unholy shriek, the horde of dragonlings rushed at me from every direction. The closest were only fifteen feet away when I landed, giving me only a split second to react before they would be all over me. Bracing myself I leapt over the closest creatures toward a relatively clear spot to my left. My radar flashed in midair, warning me of an incoming threat, but there was nothing I could do. I was tackled out of the air by a larger dragonling and hurled back into the seething mass of dragon flesh. My Jump Assist oriented me so I was falling feet first, which saved me from landing on my back in the middle of the dragon pack. Landing easily, I sidestepped two incoming dragonlings, watching with satisfaction as they collided where I used to be. My radar pinged, and I turned toward another incoming dragonling, a stout brown. I braced my feet, caught it, and used its momentum to throw it past me, right into the path of another incoming beast. As they tumbled away, I was tackled and clawed from behind. Each blow skittered harmlessly off my energy shield, but also drained some from its charge at the same time.

Spinning around, I backhanded the beast in the shoulder, but I must have underestimated the strength of a dragonling, for all I managed to do was knock it back a few feet. Even though the result wasn’t as great as I had hoped, it still bought me enough room to move, or it would have if I wasn’t immediately set on by three other dragonlings. Lurching desperately, I managed to dodge the charge of two, but the third one managed to fasten its teeth onto my forearm, dealing a healthy blow to my shielding. Retracting my other arm, I gave the dragonling a short punch between the eyes, loosening its jaws enough to escape its vice-like grip.

It was sheer chaos, I was in the middle of a storm of dragon flesh, and my shields were down to about a half charge from all the hits I was taking. It was time for a change. I jumped as far out of the throng as I could and landed running. Using my strength and Run Assist on my armor, I quickly accelerated to top speed. If I couldn’t fight them outright, I would simply play a game of cat and mouse. This tactic also gave my shields much needed time to recharge. I kept my run up for the better part of a minute, leading them in circles around the corral. Unexpectedly, a large plume of flame came roaring at me from the center of the corral. Running as I was, I couldn’t dodge the incoming fireball and took it directly on my left shoulder, knocking me into the wall. This wouldn’t have been too bad, if I wasn’t running at full speed. I crashed into the wall next to me, leaving a shoulder sized dent, and bounced off to go into an extended roll, both actions draining even more of my shields

Ugh, not only are they ravenous and pack minded, but they breathe fire too. These things are worse than the Brutes! At least that explains the scorch marks. I got up as fast as I could, already feeling bruises forming under my scales. I looked to the center and could see a large gold dragonling, over 6 feet tall, with smoking chops. That must be the one behind the fire. Gathering my strength, I sprinted toward the Gold, weaving from side to side to avoid its fiery blasts. The dragons pursuing me weren’t as lucky, and I heard several squeals of pain from behind me. Grinning to myself, I managed to get close enough to tackle the Gold. It was pretty sturdy, but there aren’t many things that could stand up to over one ton of flying metal and flesh. I bowled it over and when we stopped rolling I was on top. For good measure I gave it a good headbutt, the hard metal of my helmet denting the scales on its forehead.

My offensive maneuver cost me however. I looked up and saw no less than eight dragons jumping towards me with no room to maneuver myself out of the way. “Damn,” was all I managed before I was piled on, knocking the wind out of me. Teeth and claws rained down on me, draining my shield precipitously. I struggled mightily, doing my best to attempt to get out from the pile of bodies on top of me. I threw punches and kicks indiscriminately and even managed to regain my feet, but it was to no avail, I was trapped. In desperation, I switched on the Overshield, and tried to ignore the straining sounds coming from the power pack. The shield crackled and sparked with every hit, but at least I had more time to attempt an escape. My surprise wasn’t total when I was enveloped in another sheet of flame, the Gold having recovered its wits enough to act. Damn it! Gathering all my strength, I launched a desperate kick to a dragonling in front of me, connecting with its chest and knocking it back. Not wasting any time, I dove between the two dragonlings flanking the hole, taking another glancing blow across my back, but managed to make it out anyway.

I made it about five feet beyond the ring of dragonlings before I was tackled from the side, as the ones on the outside of the circle got their turn at me. They knocked me down again, and I didn’t know if I had the strength or energy to make it out this time. I was in the middle of struggling for my life when I felt a strange sensation in my diaphragm. A strange, calming vibration filled me; my sensitive Sangheili anatomy registering even the slightest vibration. I shook off the lethargy and prepared to continue my fight. Apparently though, the dragonlings were even more affected by this than I was, walking off in random directions in a seeming stupor. Bewildered, I looked around for the source of the vibration, and saw that the door to the pen was open with a man standing in it.

He was about six and a half feet in height, with a shaved head and bushy brown beard. He was rather bulky, and dressed in thick, somewhat scorched, utilitarian clothes with several ropes and whips strapped to his belt. He was blowing into some sort of instrument and beckoning me over to him. I jogged over and disengaged my Overshield as soon as the door boomed shut. The man stopped blowing into the instrument at this point in time. “Greetings! I am Gerard, the Beastmaster in charge here. Who are you sir?” He had a rather genial tone, like finding strangers wrestling his dragons was an everyday occurrence. Maybe it was. “Letalis ‘Ferox. The br…your assistant Melody had me help babysit the dragonlings in return for giving me my weapons back.” I gave a rather pointed stare at Melody with my statement. She gave a rather cheeky smile, and pulled my Blades from a pouch on her waist.

Taking my Blades back, I turned to the Beastmaster. “I will be going now. Good luck with that demonic brood.” He gave a wan smile. “I thank you for your help stranger, I just have one question. Why didn’t you use Melody’s Dragon Whistle to calm them down?” I stopped in my tracks and turned around just in time to see Melody sprinting in the opposite direction. I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble and headed back to the cave door. All in all I wasn’t that bad off. I had bruises from my many falls and tumbles, but I would survive. I had been worse off many times before.

“Damn humans.”


MINI ASSIGNMENT!!!

1: "Listen, we have to work together, " I said, trying to cheer the team up.

2"So," I sighed, "Whose up for some cake?"

3"WHAT?" (Does this one even need a comma?)

4:"What do you mean I can't come?" I replied.

Is that what you wanted ser Puck?

I would have preferred you to use the edit button, but same basic idea.


ASSIGNMENT TIME!
Letalis is walking through a large cave when suddenly a Shadow attacks him. Of course this shadow is Tsuukai Ita. They fight, end it with Tsuukai drawing his sword halfway through the fight. LIMIT: 1000 words.

I continued on down the passageways of the tunnel, noticing that the further down the tunnel I walked, the more the tunnel walls looked to be worked. The walls, floor, and ceiling all became more worked the further I went, smoothing out and becoming more uniform. Eventually it became dark enough that even my natural low light vision became useless, and I had to activate my helmet’s night vision to compensate. I continued my course for several more minutes, wondering when my next encounter with some strange person would be. Moments after that strangely prophetic thought, I glimpsed something briefly on my radar before a shadow to my side detached from the wall and attacked.

My peripheral vision registered a fast flying fist rocketing toward my midsection, and only my combat reflexes kept me from receiving a blow to my side. Dropping my arm, I deflected the attack harmlessly low and took a quick step back, hoping to put distance between myself and my shadowy opponent. I managed to get a quick glimpse of it before it struck again, and what I saw was baffling to me. Despite my naturally excellent low light vision, and my helmet’s night vision, this being was still wrapped in an inky black shadow. I didn’t have time to decipher more about this being, other than it was roughly man sized, before it pressed the attack.

It’s fists and feet flowed in a dance that showed it was no stranger to battle, and I was hard pressed to hold to my defensive posture. The creature was much stronger than its size suggested. While it’s attacks were not terribly fast, they flowed from one to the next flawlessly, presenting little chance for me to retaliate. This stalemate held for many moments, before a strike slipped through my defenses. His fist slammed against my shields, taking out more of my shields than a fist should be able to. For the first time, the being stopped it’s relentless attack, evidently surprised that it’s attack had not struck my body. My response was a blistering flurry of blows that took us several feet back down the hallway. My attack culminated in a throw, launching my opponent over my shoulder towards the other end of the hallway.

The being managed to land in a roll, negating the effectiveness of my attack, but in midflight its hood slipped, revealing its face. The being looked to be a human male, with a scarred face and deep set eyes, with hair set into a ponytail. He smirked at me, looking to be enjoying himself. “Excellently done! There may be hope for you yet.” He leapt to continue his attack, and I met him head on. We exchanged several furious blows before he tripped my feet from under me. The air blasted out of my lungs as I landed flat on my back. I threw myself to my feet using the strength from my arms, simultaneously avoiding a devastating stomp that cracked the stone where my head was. I regained my feet, launching a wide sweeping kick that my opponent flipped backwards over.

“Well this has been quite entertaining. However, I believe it is time for us to begin.”

Begin? What is he talking about? We started several minutes ago! I thought in confusion. With a widening smirk, he reached inside his shadowy cloak and withdrew a slender black sword.
“This should be fun,” his grin widened. I activated my blades, their glow throwing shadows across his craggy face. Laughing out loud, he came in for the attack.

I continued on down the passageways of the tunnel, noticing that the further down the tunnel I walked, the more the tunnel walls looked to be worked.

This works better as two sentences. I would add a period before "noticing" then change "noticing" to "I Noticed". Also remove the second comma. Merci.

The walls, floor, and ceiling all became more worked the further I went, smoothing out and becoming more uniform.

Repetition of thought.

I continued my course for several more minutes, wondering when my next encounter with some strange person would be.

Hmmm. You do this a lot.

"I am describing and action, while thinking about something after A comma"

That's wrong. it's a comma splice of horrible order. The First clause is a complete sentence. "I continued my course for several more minutes." Has a Subject, a Predicate, and has a complete thought.

The Second clause "wondering when my next encounter with some strange person would be" is an incomplete sentence. You added the two clauses together with a comma, but no conjoining word or phrase making what we call "A run on sentence".

Either make the whole this one complete sentence, or make it two sentence. Everytime you do this I will say "run on" and you gotsa fix eet.

Moments after that strangely prophetic thought, I glimpsed something briefly on my radar before a shadow to my side detached from the wall and attacked.

No comma.

Dropping my arm, I deflected the attack harmlessly low and took a quick step back, hoping to put distance between myself and my shadowy opponent.

run on.

While it’s attacks were not terribly fast, they flowed from one to the next flawlessly, presenting little chance for me to retaliate.

Run On.

His fist slammed against my shields, taking out more of my shields than a fist should be able to.

Run on.

For the first time, the being stopped it’s relentless attack, evidently surprised that it’s attack had not struck my body.

ugly.

The being looked to be a human male, with a scarred face and deep set eyes, with hair set into a ponytail.

Improper list making. Should be "with a scared face, deep set eyes, and hair set into a ponytail."

I regained my feet, launching a wide sweeping kick that my opponent flipped backwards over.

Run on.



HIAH! Fix stuff, ask questions if you must, then we shall go on. Sorry for the wait =3