Bastien's eyes fluttered open in the light of the sun. With a grunt he almost rolled over to avoid the sunlight, but before he could he realized something on his chest. He looked down through squinted eyes to notice it was his... Well, could he even call it his, or a pet? It was really a screwed up summon that didn't go away, to be blunt about it. He didn't really mind though, it was friendly enough.
He tried to lay on his back for a few more minutes, but the sunlight was just too much. He finally sat up, and as he did so the small, cat-like bunny creature climbed onto his head... Of all places. Once sat up a gust of wind caught his dark blue, almost black hair, blowing it to the right. He laced his fingers through the left part of the front of it to keep it from his face, while leaving the right side. There wasn't really much he could do with it anyway, it'd just fall down again.
It didn't take long before he decided to and began to stand. As he did so the metal and wood beads on the small purple area of his hair could be herd very quietly hitting against each other, as they always could. His fingers still laced through the left-front part of his hair, he noticed something. He wasn't sure what it was, but it was across the nearby field, and seemed to shimmer. He continued to look at it trying to make it out as he took his staff from against the tree he'd been sleeping under. He couldn't make it out, however he'd already decided he was going to see what it was.
He looked up toward the small creature, not that he could really see it, I'm going to check it out, it's not like I have anything better to do. The creature just yawned, with a slight yowl sound to it. After a moment Bastien heard a quiet, female voice in his head, Very well... He gave a slight shrug and began walking toward this simmering light, whatever it was. The clanking of his metal-covered boots could be heard a small distance. Though, aside from the normal sounds of walking that was all.
after a short time he finally made it to the field, but was a bit disappointed to find that what he saw was quite a bit farther. There was another small set of trees before it. How he'd seen it through so much he didn't know, but now he could make out what seemed to be a glass dome, of sorts, Well, it wont do me any good to stand here and look at it. He began making his way through the field, feeling the small, but nice breeze. It was always nice to feel his hair blow in the wind, as long as it wasn't all over.
As he continued through the field he began to wonder how the small creature on his head really felt about this. Her general reply to anything he decided to do was 'whatever' or 'very well'. Few times had she actually requested he not do something or do something. That and, she didn't have a name, not that she'd told him anyway... Though, he never did really ask, did he? That was something he should do soon...
About half way through the field the wind picked up considerably. It blew his cloak open and to the right, revealing his black, baggy pants and form fitting, sleeveless top. He laced his fingers through his hair again and continued walking, it wouldn't be too long now. He looked up at the dome-like structure again and confirmed it. It was definitely some sort of glass dome. However, it seemed to have vines and the like growing up the sides of it.
((OOC:There's 600 words, heh. 640 to be exact.))
BiC: Before long bastien had finally reached the edge of the small wooded area outside this dome. It was a bit thick, however. He flipped around his staff so bat-wing-shaped blade was pointing forward. Leaving the bird-like head with a red gem in it's beak pointing backward. He gave a sigh and swung it through the bushes and branches blocking his path. It cut them quite efficiently, making him a sort of path. He continued to do the same, making his way closer to the dome. He was quite interested now.
He soon reached the dome through the small wooded area, a bit surprised the it was just right in the middle of it. It wasn't something he'd really puzzle himself with though, right now, he needed a door. He began making his way around The Dome, and before long he found what he was looking for. A number of the vines and such retracted, leaving a small opening into a dark area.
He hesitated a moment, but soon took a step in, looking around. It was pitch black, everywhere it seemed, What do you think? He thought, as he looked up to the small creature on his head. Not that he could really see it. The creature's ears perked up and it began looking around. It could see in the dark, and hear quite well, but there seemed to be nothing, I'm... Not sure, I can't seem to hear or see anything. Were the words bastien heard in his mind.
He just stood there for a moment, but finally decided to move forward, as he felt it was what he needed to do. Taking a few steps he continued to look up to the creature, Think this is a good idea? The creature continued to look around, it's ears still perked up, I'm not sure, but I don't think there's anything hostile here. I feel like, it's safe... Bastien thought the same thing but just nodded slightly.
He continued to move forward and soon began to see small, blue and purplish colored lights. Then, seemingly out of nowhere he suddenly ended up in a strange forest like area. It was dark, however, small plants and flowers had blue and purple glowing petals, and bulbs. Giant mushrooms dropped tiny, glowing, green spores from above. He also noticed a number of trees with a slightly dark purple glow to them. Some of which also had blue ones.
He was pretty much in awe of the sight he was taking in, as was the creature on his head, It's beautiful... He heard in the woman's voice. He couldn't do anything but agree, it really was. As he looked around a little more he noticed paths, and rooms. There was also a small pond-like area in the middle, with a strange tree that seemed to come directly from the water. It also had glowing, white vines up the sides of it. A few small fish jumped from the water around it, seeming to have neon lines down them.
He wasn't really sure what he should too now but began to make his way farther in, taking in more of the sites. He gave a slight smile and looked u p to the small creature again, I'm not sure what this place is, but I'm definitely going to find out. The creature gave a slight, but content yowling sound, like that of a cat, I'd like to also, actually.
Okay, pretty good opening post. I saw a few small things, but they were mostly just insignificant typos. Now then, time for your first assignment.
I want you to wander around the Dome for a bit, just taking in the scene, etc...You can wander into any of the Dome's FIXED rooms, that is the Fountain Room, the Gardens, the Cafeteria, the Dome Center, the Infirmary, etc.... but I want you to end up in a room that is basically a big lake. Oh, make sure you describe the door. The key to the Dome is its doors. There is an island in the middle of it, and I want you to get to it, whatever mode of transportation you choose (*hint hint*, be creative). Once there you will hear a splash, but that is all. Stop at that, and I will do the introduction between our two chars. Your teacher will meet you there.
Bastien continued to wander around the large dome. It seemed to have a circle path around the small body of water in the middle. And from that path broke of several other paths to, well, doors. He wasn't sure if there was anything actually behind them, but the general idea of a door would say so. He decided he was going to go and see what was behind a few of them. He wasn't sure where to start though...
He looked up at the creature on his head once again, Which door do you want to try? The creature didn't do anything, but in his mind Bastien heard a quiet, Whichever one you want. Bastien gave a slight sigh, Well, thanks, that's a lot of help. He thought to himself sarcastically. He decided he would try the one closest to him.
He made his way to the closest, branching, path and began walking down it. As he did so he noticed something else, there was one of those large mushrooms just off of it. It was dropping spores on the path too. Once he got close, he looked around and at some of the spores, it was quite a sight to see from inside the area where they fell. It looked like it was raining, well, stars. It felt quite nice too, sort of soothing, and a healing feeling. Though, he wanted to know what the mushroom felt like too.
He reached out to touch it, but once his finger hit it, his whole arm began tingling as if he had fallen asleep in a bad position. He jumped back quickly, his mouth moving as if to say, "Woah!" Though, all that could be heard was a slight breath really. A moment later, the small creature on his head needed in his hair a little bit, I would have told you not to, but I didn't think it was dangerous, and I was kind of curious myself. He heard in the female voice once again. There was a small laugh after that as well. Bastien just shook his head and continued down the path.
Finally, he reached the door. It was, quite interesting, it was vines and such, like the one to get inside the dome it's self. However, there was something different about it. There was a small circle part, with a glowing boarder. It seemed to be a vine it's self. Inside that there seemed to be little fountain-shaped plants, squirting out glowing blue pores that resembled water. And when they came back down, they shot into a small hole on one of the other plants, seeming to jump back and forth.
Unlike the other, it didn't just open, so he was slightly confused, he didn't know how he'd get it to. He decided he'd touch this too, his arm felt better now, and what was the worst that could happen? Well, he assumed it could kill him, but hoped it wouldn't. He slowly reached forward and touched the glowing, circular vine. When he touched it, it quickly retracted into the door, along with the fountain-like plants. Then the vines all retracted into what seemed to be the wall of the building.
Well, that worked out okay. He thought, as he looked through the opening. It was a bit like what he aw on the door, however, on a much larger scale. There were giant fountain-like plants, now shooting large amounts of water over a small path and into other plants on the opposite side. And up higher they were shooting water all the way across the room, in various directions. On the ceiling and floor small holes also shot water back and forth. Aside from that, it was much like the previous room, however, the bulbs and glowing plants were of all different colors.
The colors reflected off of the wanter to make a dance of fantastic, colorful hues. All these things combined made this room, even more stunning then the last. Beautiful as it was, however, he felt, maybe he should explore it later. It felt like there was somewhere else he needed to be right now. Though, it seemed he would be able to tell what was inside a room by what he saw on the door. Though, as always, he could be wrong, but it would make things a bit easier.
Finally, he took a step back and watched the door close. He wanted to make sure it would, and he hadn't broken it. And, as expected, it did. He turned around and began making his way back to the center path. He knew he had to be somewhere in here, but where? Once he made his way to the main path, he began walking down it again, Do you feel like there's somewhere we have to be too? The small creature on his head moved around a little bit, and as it did so Bastien heard her voice in his head again, Yes, actually, though I'm unsure as to where...
Bastien sort of slouched a little when the creature stopped, continuing to walk down the path, Well, I suppose we might as well just walk. Finally, he came to another path, but this time, when he looked down it, he felt a bit odd. Normally, this was something he'd shrug off, but it seemed it might be a good idea to take note this time. He decided he'd try this room, the creature on his head also seemed to agree, I think we should try this one. Bastien smiled a bit and replied, Agreed.
Making his way down the path, he soon came to the door, the door it's self was quite a bit like the last. However, it seemed to have water dripping from the vines. It also had a similer circle-like thing, though larger. However, instead of what was inside the other one, this one had dull-glowing, blue vines in it for the most part. They moved around ,however, and emulated small ripples. As he examined it a small chunk of green moss rose out of the middle as well.
He was rather anxious to find out what was inside, and quickly touched the outer boarder of the... Image, so to speak. All the plants making up said image quickly retracted like the previous one. However, instead of the vines retracting into the wall, they turned into water. It fell to the ground but didn't splash at all, just remained a puddle. It was a bit odd, to both of them, the small creature and Bastien both cocked their heads to the right in confusion.
Bastien decided it wasn't really something he needed to worry a lot about, this was an odd place after all. Though, that was sort of cool, so to speak. He looked back up and smirked slightly, A lake, nice The creature on his head gave a discontent yowl and crawled onto his shoulder inside the collar of his cloak, You know I hate water, and don't you dare try to swim all the way out there with me on your head. I remember last time you tried something like that, you couldn't keep your head over the water to save your life!
Bastien gave a slight smirk and looked down at her, Well, you don't have to come along. He laughed slightly in his mind as well. He did want to get to that island though... He made his way inside the room to the edge of the water and looked around. It was dark, like the rest of this, dome, or whatever it was. Though, it did have glowing blue lights under the water, and a few small ones on plants floating on it. Though, that was all there was for light. It seemed to work though, illuminating the room enough to see.
He decided he was going to need to summon something for this one... But what? He could summon that strange fish creature, what was it's name again? Well, even if he couldn't remember, he could stand on it as it swam over there. Though, he looked over onto his shoulder, she might not like that much. He'd probably have to go with a young water dragon, and hope he didn't end up in the water.
Still looking over to the creature on his shoulder, he smiled slightly, I'm going to summon a water dragon, that young one, Saph. She looked back at him with a sort of nod, and climbed back onto his head, Okay, go ahead. Upon hearing what she said Bastien swung his staff to his right and it was engulfed with a bright, white light. The light had various lines, and odd shapes illuminating from it, but soon vanished, and with it his staff. He immediately began mouthing a strange set of words in an odd language, while placing his hands together.
Closing his eyes and holding his hands in a sort of 'praying hands' position, his left one began to become illuminated, quite like his staff had. However, it was a dark blue, with light purple hues, and blades of light seemed to shoot in random directions. They orbited his hand, returning to it once they had made a near full circle. After holding his position and mouthing these words for, about a minute, he stopped. He let his right hand simply fall and began moving his left in random directions. It left blue, lit areas in the air, but at first they seemed rather random.
Soon, these lit areas began to form a large, complex, magic circle, and within around fifteen seconds, he had completed it. He pulled his hand back to the right side of his face and swung it forward in a sort of slicing motion, Saph! Unlike his usual thoughts, this could be heard by more then just the small creature on his head. Any magic-sensing being in the area would hear it. And in quite a strange way, it seemed to have a large number of voices combined into one, and a small echo to it as well.
Moment's later a fairly small, dragon-like creature shot out from the magic circle, spinning with it's wings back and body straight. It dove into the lake but soon shot out expanding it's large, transparent, and light blue wings. It had a fin on the back of it's tail and two large ones on the tip, positioned vertically. It had large, webbed, lizard-like feet, and another fin on the center of it's back, as well as one on it's head.
It landed next to Bastien and turned around, sitting down to face the lake, "How may I assist you, descendant of the summoners?" Bastien looked over to the dragon and pointed toward the island. The dragon nodded slightly, "Ahh, so you need a ride to that island, and judging by who's on your head, I assume you don't really want to go under water." Bastien laughed a little, but it only came out as slight breaths, nodding soon after.
The dragon simply nodded again, moving into a position for him to climb on. Without any hesitation, Bastien did so and waited for Saph to take him to the island. Looking back at him, Saph said to grab the fin on his head and hold on as he began to take off. Bastien did so, and before he knew it, they were on their way. The small creature on his head made her way back onto his shoulder, like before, and held on tight.
Saph didn't fly very high over the water, which allowed Bastien to look into it. It seemed to be perfectly clear, all the way down, though it was too dark to really tell. However, the lights of all the plants and fish in the water were amazing. They were multiple hues and designs of neon blue, and moved in such an intricate fashion.
Soon, however, the show was over and they had reached the island, Saph landed and Bastien got off, looking around. Saph looked over at Bastien and began to speak once again, "Would you like me to return now?" Bastien shook his head slightly, If you want to that's okay, but I'd prefer you stay for a now, just in case. The dragon nodded to Bastien and laid down where he was. Mean while, Bastien began walking around the island a little.
He wasn't sure what to do now, he was here, but was there a point? He looked over to the creature, still on his shoulder, since she didn't like where she was, So, what do you think now? She didn't move, or anything, just replied, Still not sure... What was that? just before she said that they both herd a splash, seemingly out of nowhere. They began looking around but were unsure of where it was.
For thoughts, you use Italics and not ~. That's just a minor thing, but traditionally, thoughts are represented in italics.
Secondly, I'm going to show you a few examples of stuff from your post with commas and go over each of the ways a comma is used.
Unlike the other it didn't just open...
Unlike the other, it didn't just open...
Making his way down the path he soon came to the door...
Making his way down the path, he soon came to the door...
Okay, now for these, they show a progression of time, so you use a comma after the time passing thought (Such as suddenly, instantly, before he knew it, and things like that.)
Aside from that, there are some small things that are wrong, mostly with one or two misspelled words, so I want to see if you can find them. Also, I want you to go back in your post in and see if you can find any other examples of what I showed you with commas in your post and correct them. Good luck. ^_^
Okay, that should be everything. X.X Could be wrong. And as for the use of something other then italics, I had been doing that for a bit and it became sort of force of habit so I figured I'd just see if I got in trouble for it. So to speak. <.<
EDIT: Oh, and the big problem was probably that I didn't proof-read, didn't with the first one either, I probably should from now on.
OoC: Good job. Good edit. Now then, time for your new assignment. ^_^
BiC: A green haired figure slowly rose from the water, smiling as he so often did, as he looked upon the newest student to arrive. "Hello there, I'm Zorlo, your teacher here at the Dome, and I'll also be your guide, kind of, to make sure you get off on your training on a good foot. So then, shall we begin?" the Aura Master asked as he stepped out of the water, totally dry, and moved towards the summoner.
OoC: Not much, but it keeps us moving, doesn't it. ^_^
Now that your character has arrived on the island, its time to get intense. However, first, Zorlo will answer any questions that Bastien has about the Dome and its workings. Then, Your character will be sent into the water by your teachers with the order to kill a sea dragon. The mighty creature won’t be so easily felled, and also because your character is underwater, movement will be harder. Keep these things in mind while fighting the sea beast.