[Altamira] Carcaroth's training

Edited.

And no, English is, unfortunately, my second language. Norwegian is my first

I forgot to change Kerel's dialogue back to italics when I copied and pasted this from MS Word. That was a blunder =_=

Good! You write with fluency and skill, but trip up over some gramattical things -- which we can definitely improve on with ease ^__^.

If you try and keep everything we've outlined in mind for the next assignment, we'll see where to go next ^^;.

Alright -- Luiz will direct you down into the mine 'cause it's cold and too early in the morning for him to do any actual hard work (=P) . Wen inside, my character Asha Boden will spring an attack, and will lead Carcaroth into some kind of trap.

I'm leaving it vague so you can do your thing :3. No rush -- when you've finished, leave it for a day and then go over in detail and correct any mistakes you think you may have made. Hopefully this will help iron out the little things.

I look forward to your next post ^___^.

“So, my cold friend, how about a walk?” Fritz said. Carcaroth lifted his head a little and raised his eyebrows.

“A walk?” he repeated baffled.

“Yes, a walk. Of course, this won’t be a normal walk; it will be a special walk which I hope you understand is most necessary for your training.” Fritz smiled. “Unfortunately, you will have to go alone. I am feeling… well, rather sleepy to put it simply.”

Carcaroth blinked a couple of times. He was not sure if he had heard right. For a moment he thought he was still asleep. Was he to take a walk – alone?

Fritz pointed towards the deep darkness that was the mine. “In there.”

“How – how far?” Carcaroth coughed.

“Far enough,” Fritz replied. “You’ll know when you reach it.”

It? So there was a destination?

Carcaroth slowly got to his feet. He could still feel the cold in his body, but it was a nice surprise to see that he could stand and walk. He cracked his knuckles for no reason, just to extend the time until he had to face the darkness of the mine and, possibly, death yet again.

He was afraid; there was no use in denying that. He had faced death several times since he first held a sword, but last as first, he was afraid. Kerel used to mock him for his weakness, claiming that death would be his least concern when fighting.

The demon, however how much insight he had to Carcaroth’s thoughts and mind, remained silent for the time being. Perhaps it was because of Fritz, or perhaps he was curious of what awaited them in the mine.

“So… I’ll be off then…” Carcaroth said slowly. Fritz smiled, but made no move or suggestive motion to give the young man the signal he was waiting for. Carcaroth hesitated for a small moment, but realized just how cowardly ridiculous he would appear. He bit his teeth together, threw away all thoughts and walked into the dark depths of the mines.

__________________________________________________ ________

It was very dark. Only a few lamps hanging on the rock walls here and there made sure that Carcaroth did not walk around like a blind person. He had taken the first lamp he found down from its spot, and carried it with him in case he would reach a part of the mines that did not have light.

So, the teacher dumped you already, eh? Kerel sounded as if he was humoured. Carcaroth ignored him automatically. He had learned to shut the demon out of his conscience when he was in situations where he could be ambushed or attacked at any time.

The mine seemed to contain diamonds, though there were broken carts and equipment that suggested that this was a mine that no longer had any miners…

Carcaroth shook his head. It was just the Dome, still. He was inside the room behind the great, white door. This was not real.

Or was it..?

He was suddenly interrupted. Kerel had already sensed another presence in the room, and took control of Carcaroth’s body. Carcaroth could do nothing but watch with his own eyes as Kerel evaded a kick. The foot belonged to a girl – seventeen or eighteen years old by appearance – with wide, amber coloured eyes and ash-grey hair that reached her to the shoulders.

She immediately moved again. Kerel let out a growl, summoning his double-bladed sword. Carcaroth cursed him in his thoughts. Good job, summon a weapon in front of an enemy like that where anyone can see it. No-one is gonna suspect that it’s a demon fighting.

The girl was fast. Kerel had trouble keeping up with her, and he took several small hits. It was as if she knew what he was going to do, and by the time the demon had realized, he was already on the defensive.

“Bloody – girl – and – her – fancy – tricks!” Kerel sneered. If this kept up, he would be provoked into revealing his own human shape, and any hope to remain hidden and unnoticed would be gone.

He split the blade into two parts. As a demon he could just fix it by re-summoning it, but this was normally a final resort before going his own way. Carcaroth had no hope in stopping Kerel, either. The demon had mental powers far beyond his, and an attempt to overthrow him would only add to his already growing anger.

She moved back into a smaller corridor, taking slow steps backwards as she parried and countered Kerel’s many strikes. If it hadn’t been for him, Carcaroth would probably have been dead by then. He would never stand much of a chance against this one.

The room they had just entered was dark, as no lamps were there to light it up. In the darkness Carcaroth could barely see the girl in front of them, and Kerel slowed down his advance.

And suddenly they were not moving at all.

“What the - ?!” Kerel exclaimed in anger as they began sinking into the ground. It was a stone floor, yet it didn’t seem to matter. In a period of ten seconds Kerel was entirely trapped, his entire body up to his shoulders in the ground. He sneered and growled like a feral beast, determined to get out of his new prison and continue the fight.

The girl was watching them from the darkness, and the only thing that revealed her presence was her breathing. She slowly stepped forward and kneeled by them, looking them in the eyes. They could see her, but just because she was inches away. Kerel stared back, and in the depths of his mind, so did Carcaroth.

She gave them a bright smile.

“Hello there, my name is Asha Boden.”

That was an excellent post, AM! I cannot find a flaw! Truly, marvelous. ^___^;.

Time to do some In Character, methinks.

(Ic)

Asha slowly circled the encaptured Carcaroth, lazily tracing the ground around his shoulders with her sword. After a few rotations, she dropped down and spoke to him.

"My oh my. To survive here, you're going to have to learn to control yourself." She fell back onto her laurels, and then lay down on her side, her face a metre or so away from his.

"Don't anger so quick, Carcaroth. Keep an even mind and a steady footing." She stood, brushing herself down ad sheathing your sword.

"You've got trick one: The attack, and now for trick two: The escape." She smiled, not unkindly. "I'll be just through here, come find me when you're done."

And away she walked, leaving Carcaroth entombed in the cold stone.

(OoC)

That's how a normal battle runs, as I'm sure you know. Please -- continue from there in whatever way you see fit ^__^.

(OoC: Okay, so I'm all new to this battle system. Do we just post eventual progress of the battle, or do we have to get permission to do specific things with the other's character? Because I'm used to RPGs where I usually talk with the owner of the other character and plan ahead and get his or her permission to do such and such with their character. Any helpful info would indeed be much appreciated ^^)

BiC: Carcaroth watched Asha Boden disappear. He felt embarrassed and humiliated. He could not move one inch, and wished sincerely that he had been able to see through her scheme before Kerel had walked blindly into it.

He noticed that Kerel had once again retreated into his shelter inside Carcaroth’s head, leaving control to the rightful owner. But it did not matter who was in control. Carcaroth’s position offered no movement whatsoever, except for the head.

The ground felt cold and hard against his body. He could not even clench his hand; it was as if the stone had formed after he'd sunk. Carcaroth then decided that that could be the case. After all, he had no idea of what was possible and what was impossible there.

Good luck on this one, Kerel suddenly mocked from within. Carcaroth did a mental snap at him and returned to focus on getting out of the ground. However, through his entire life he had never used magic, and there was no doubt that he would need to do just that in order to get out of his current position. Could he ask the demon for help again? No, he had to do it himself.

Was Asha Boden the one Fritz had meant for Carcaroth to find? The thought struck him suddenly. That meant… that this would be part of the training. He was meant to get out of there, one way or another.

You know, now seems to be a good time to mention how absolutely useless you are… Kerel taunted. Carcaroth, however frustrated he might be with Kerel at the moment, knew that he was right. There was nothing that could be done to get him out of the situation.

Only one option left, and Carcaroth absolutely hated the thought of it.

“… help me…” he muttered.

There was a moment of silence. A silence that Carcaroth knew would soon evolve into the amusement of his demonic counterpart.

Help..? Kerel said slowly. Did you just… ask for my help?

“I… really… need… to… get… out…” Carcaroth said slowly with gritted teeth. He knew that Kerel would demand something in return. There was a good chance that this something would be permission to transform Carcaroth’s body into his own.

Alright… I like what I hear… Kerel said, and Carcaroth could feel the demon grin at him from within his own mind. But I’ll get back to you for my payment later.

“Great… just get us out, okay?”

Kerel took control immediately. With a groan, he attempted to pull himself up. The stone that they were stuck in began cracking.

Kerel roared as he jumped out of his grave. The sudden explosion of stone and rubble had made quite some noise, so this Asha Boden probably knew that they were out.

Kerel left control to Carcaroth again. And don’t forget to kick her ass for me while you’re at it. I’d do it myself but… meh, means I can see you both get beat up, and I prefer that before fighting, myself.

“Gee, thanks…” Carcaroth said sarcastically. He drew his blade – as Kerel’s weapon was still stuck in the stone – and slowly moved onward. He made sure to keep his steps short and quiet so that he could focus on sensing for eventual traps or dangers.

… you’re slooooooooow… Kerel complained.

Shut up, I’m trying to concentrate!

Can’t you speed up, I’m falling asleep here – whoa!

In an instant Carcaroth’s eyes registered a movement in the shadows, and he threw himself out of the way of an incoming kick. Boden’s faint breathing was barely recognizable, even in full silence.

Watch her footing – oh, right, forgot. You can’t, Kerel snickered. How the demon could joke at a time like this, Carcaroth could never understand.

He blocked another kick with his arm, but quickly understood what came next, though he could not prevent it. A swift sweep kick knocked him off his feet, and he fell hard to the ground. Kerel yelled at him inside his head, cursing his lack of brain.

Carcaroth quickly recovered and tried a swing with his sword. As expected, it hit nothing. It was as if Boden could predict his movements, because it was total darkness where they were, and he didn’t think that she could see that well in darkness to get all of his actions.

“Dammit!” Carcaroth swore, and lunged out in frustration. Not surprisingly, Boden avoided the attack, but did not counter. Perhaps she was more aware of Kerel now, or perhaps she had suspected his move to be a trap to lure her into a counter of her own counter.

Carcaroth backed a little away, trying to keep as quiet as possible. His muscles tensed, his teeth clenched, and he felt the sweat run down his cheeks.

How would he be able to fight her?

(OoC: Once again, I'm new to this >.>)

Alright! I'm back from my little leave of absence, and ready to get this rooooling ^___^.

So, insh'Allah I'll replace this post with actual reply sometime over the next few days! :]

Ehrm... okay... >.>;;

Forgive me for the lack of response, didn't know whether I should or not

EDIT: If you need me, I'm on Skype and MSN a lot. AIM... not so much ^^;

I have volunteered to temporarily help out my buddy Z a bit--so here I am to grade your post!

First--to your question: you generally just post the progress of the battle, focusing more on your character's actions. But you're entirely allowed to inflict damage on the other person's character, or take damage from them yourself--just don't control them too much to the point where you're doing things that would be out of character for them, or you're...say, breaking their unbreakable sword or something. It should make sense. There should be a reason why you were able to maybe break their arm, or get in through their defenses, or evade their attack. You will have to take some hits, realistically and logically. Don't feel forced to post long posts--short posts help the action move along quicker and frees you up from worrying about whether or not you controlled the other person too much.

Does all of that help? ^___^ Let me know if I should elaborate on anything more.

Now, to your evaluation:

He could not even clench his hand; it was as if the stone had formed after his figure.

This sentence is a little awkward--and the bolded word "after" here is the reason. I'm not sure if you meant to put "around" instead, or if you meant that the stone had formed after he sank. If it's the latter, you should rephrase it to be more like:

He could not even clench his hand; it was as if the stone had formed after he'd sunk.

The way you have it originally sounds like the stone formed after Carcaroth's figure/body formed...and he obviously didn't just materialize or something, so that's not right. If I'm missing some other meaning here, let me know. ^^;;

However, through his entire life he had never used magic, and there was no doubt that he would need to do just that in order to get out his current position.

Just a word missing between the "out" and "his" here--you need to stick the word "of" in there. Be sure to proofread to catch small errors like this--but don't worry too much, because they happen to everyone. ;]

An issue with tenses here:

Carcaroth, however frustrated he would be with Kerel at the moment, knew that he was right.

"Would" here implies the future tense, but in the same sentence, you say he "would be...at the moment". These two things contradict themselves, since "at the moment" implies the present. I'd suggest replacing "would" with "might" or swapping out "would be" with "could have been".

Just a small nitpick here:

It was as if Boden could predict his movements, because it was total darkness where they were, and he didn’t think that she could see that well in darkness to get all of his movements.

Using the word "movements" twice in this sentence is a tiny bit repetitive. I'd replace the second one with the word "actions".

...And that's all the issues I have with this post! Awesome work---I was really impressed with your fight with Asha towards the end. I felt you portrayed her abilities very well and that Carcaroth's reactions to them were well-written and believable. Kerel added some humor--and I wanted to root for poor Carcaroth the whole time. Very fine writing there. ^___^

Once you fix up the errors I've pointed out, post here and...someone will give you a new lesson. Not sure who yet--but probably Awkin. ^^;;

*salutes*

Changes made! Thanks for grading ^_^

Hallo ^__^;. Thanks Aiko, I believe I have regained my spare time and am ready to resume teaching!

I mean it this time ^^;.

(OoC: Okay, so I'm all new to this battle system. Do we just post eventual progress of the battle, or do we have to get permission to do specific things with the other's character? Because I'm used to RPGs where I usually talk with the owner of the other character and plan ahead and get his or her permission to do such and such with their character. Any helpful info would indeed be much appreciated ^^)

(This is like a book, only we each post a section of it in turn. Now, we try to avoid putting words into each other's characters' mouths (Eeeuch apostrophes) too much -- and people who plan their RPs in advance in too much detail are those without the imagination to spontaneously create, or are entering with a certain outcome in mind. I'd reccomend reading some RPs to get a feel for what goes on -- but only the Caviar -- Like some of Altamira's work.)

Nowww... Let's do-wah the she-bang!

(Ic)

The dark man presented little challenge. He seemed uncertain -- he fought with no precision and less decisiveness. Asha took a small leap back, taking an offensive stance and blew a puff at the hair which kept eclipsing her vision.

"Only when you have achieved peace within yourself can you hope to influence the world outside of your mind."

Again; Easy dodging, dealing token blows. It became obvious to Asha that this could not be settled without harming the boy. She withdrew and held her sword aside -- not offensively, yet not entirely biteless.

"Surely we can settle this in some other manner? Come -- what is your challenge?"

(OoC)

Do so. A cookie if you can settle this via a dance-off =].

Just a small question; when you say settle, do you mean end the fight? I was a little confused about just what I was going to do with my next post ^^;

EDIT: Also, a definition of dance-off would be nice >.>;; Being Norwegian does work against me sometimes

(OOC: Well, I'll just keep this up while I still have it. I apologize in advance if I messed up =_=)


BIC: Peace with himself? Though faced with what he could clearly call his greatest challenge yet, Carcaroth could not help but raise his eyebrows. It was not difficult to figure out what she meant; since before he ever picked up a sword, he had always been told that focus and balance were crucial factors in battle. It would be easy to achieve too, had it not been for the demon that slumbered within him.

For the thousandth time in his life, Carcaroth again thought about the mistake he had made back then. The pact with Kerel had saved his life, yet for a price. The freedom of his own body, his own mind, had been robbed from him. At times he would catch himself thinking about what had happened should he have refused the demon.

He snapped back to reality. Boden had not yet moved. He could feel her eyes on him. It made him uncomfortable and frustrated. What if he lost? Would he be kicked out? Was he not strong enough to take on the training that the Dome offered?

I swear… sometimes I wish I had found a stronger host.

The arrogance was clear in Kerel’s remark. Carcaroth bit back a reply. Peace… as Boden said. He had to be in peace with himself.

It won’t work. I’m still here, kid.

He closed his eyes. Kerel’s voice was strong and clear still. He laughed, so loudly that Carcaroth wondered if Boden could hear it through his head.

Smart, kid. But useless. She’ll make mincemeat out of you.

“Be quiet.”

It came as a whisper, so faint that Carcaroth would not have known about it had he not uttered the words himself. He knew that Kerel would bite back even fiercer. He wanted Boden to attack. Anything to escape the silence that followed.

Nothing.

Kerel was quiet. Too quiet. Carcaroth blinked and looked up a little. His head was finally as clear as it had ever been. It was as if he had just awoken from a long slumber. His senses were sharper than ever. He was more conscious of his own breathing. His entire body.

His hand clutched his sword automatically. Something told him that this… sensation… would not last forever. Whether he should trust the feeling or not, he had no idea.

He rushed, in a small hope of catching Boden off-guard. As if she had known all along, she moved. He could feel it. Her light and swift movements. He could not keep up with her. Offense was not an option at the moment. Pursuit, definitely not. The problem was that while Carcaroth had built up a solid discipline with the sword throughout his earlier travels, after he had joined with Kerel, it had all turned into a messy and inaccurate mix of his own and the demon’s skills. Certainly not fit for defense. As the situation stood, however, he had no option but to try.

He brought up his sword and took a deep breath. It was quiet. Boden had disappeared into the darkness around him, moving ever so lightly. The thought of facing an enemy, so skillful and quick, made him excited. It was the first time ever that he had felt like this.

He sensed movement. The air shifted. Something went through it with great speed.

Carcaroth stepped back, just to avoid a kick. He dared not counter, though. She was just testing still. Had he attacked, he would miss again.

For some reason, he kept thinking that Boden was smiling. Appreciating his small progress. Perhaps he thought so because it made him a little more confident. He could still not see the girl.

Again. He brought up his knee to meet the leg. They collided with a greater force than he had expected, and he could not help but grunt slightly in pain. Then he was swept off his feet by another kick. He had been distracted for too long, and his head hit the floor hard.

“Agh – !”

He jumped back onto his feet as swiftly as he could. His vision was swimming – that was, had he been able to see. The room remained pitch black. Boden was gone again.

Carcaroth tried to ignore the beating pain from the back of his head. He kept his senses as sharp as he could; standing prepared for another attack. It was more difficult now, being constantly distracted by his new headache. He could not use sound or smell, either. Carcaroth had never been able to track scents like Kerel, and Boden moved so quietly that any other person would not know about her presence at all had they entered the room.

Carcaroth barely dodged another kick, and blocked the other one with his left hand. As fast as he could, he swung his sword in the direction the kicks had come from. The steel met only air. He swore silently as he stabbed again, only to miss a second time. He needed a different strategy. A more effective one.

He grunted as a swift punch sent him back a few steps. She was still not using much force in her strikes. Had she been doing so, he would have been down already.

Instincts had him bring up his hand to meet another kick, but before he managed to pull his mind together, she was gone again. He spun around, quickly sidestepping a punch, and once again had to block her foot. This time his reflexes worked with him. He grabbed a hold of her foot, and pulled it as he turned. With as much strength as he could dare use, he flung her across the room.

Then, in a moment of triumph, he heard from deep within his mind:

See? You can still fight.

Hey there! This should be the new dawn of semi-regular reviewing.

We can hope, anyway.

Just a small question; when you say settle, do you mean end the fight? I was a little confused about just what I was going to do with my next post ^^;

EDIT: Also, a definition of dance-off would be nice >.>;; Being Norwegian does work against me sometimes

Yes, that was my intention -- bring it to some sort of a close.

A dance- off is where two parties engage in some kind of dancing, and the side who is best at dancing wins: Whether it be love, money or the war.

(Ic)

Duh-dum.

Asha parries ducking under the young man's arm.

Duh-dum.

Moving fast, she throws a punch -- and then a kick.

Duh-dum.

A moment in the future, Asha feels her pain -- and panicks.

Duh-

The world turns. Carcaroth's thigh seems to swing up -- as if on a hinge -- to meet her, but not for long as the sky becomes earth and the wall becomes very close very fast and the world becomes several small, incandescent points of pain.

I'd known, of course, that people in glass houses shouldn't throw their weight around. This is no ordinary man, and I should expect nothing less from continued aggravation than...

...What? Oh yeah -- swords.

Asha plants her palm on the floor and plants a crescent kick on the side of Carcaroth's head, just as his sword hits the ground where -- a moment ago -- she lay stricken. The young man is caught off balance, and falls. Exhausted and aching, Asha falls next to him -- tightly squeezing his hand in an act of trepidous truce.

"You did good," she pants -- rolling over and sheathing one of her swords with two hands. "Come on -- let's grab... something to eat."

Clutching her ribs and hobbling only a little, Asha grabs a lantern and leads the way -- deeper -- into the cave.

(OoC)

I know you're good enough not to need prompting -- let your imagination be freeee!

I'd like to rebuild the momentum here, the sooner you respond -- the sooner I can, too, post.

Originally Posted by Awkin

I'd like to rebuild the momentum here, the sooner you respond -- the sooner I can, too, post.

OoC: ... >_>;;;;; Really, REALLY sorry about this. I just had no clue, and I kinda forgot to check back on this after a while. Again, many apologies :<

BiC:

Pant, pant, pant...

Carcaroth, who had already had more than enough of being beaten around by this girl, decided to just follow her. He was too weak and exhausted to want to pick a fight, and especially against one with her skill level. His body was in no shape to keep up the battle either. His head was throbbing from it hit the ground. His knee ached from the earlier collision with Boden's foot. His side was hurting from several of the well-aimed kicks and punches that he had taken. However, what made him follow her instantly was the fact that she had said "eat" - this (hopefully) meant actual food. Food he felt he had not had the luxury of enjoying for a while now.

Their footsteps and the faint sound of Carca's breathing were the only things that could be heard the first few minutes they spent walking. He had without a doubt taken the biggest amount of damage, but Boden took it slow as well as she kept a hand over her ribs.

"Who... are you...?" Carcaroth breathed, wincing a little as he clutched his side.

There was a moment of silence. Whether she was ignoring him or contemplating a reply, he could not tell. He heard her inhale a little, and then she said, with a calm voice: "I believe I introduced myself as Asha Boden - " she turned her head and glanced at him, " - or did you forget?"

He sighed as he scratched his head. "Of course I know that. I meant... who are you?"

A tiny, playful smile appeared on her face as she continued walking, looking away from him. "... I'll tell you if you tell me."

Carcaroth halted for a few seconds. She definitely suspected something, there was no doubt about that now. It frightened him a little. He did not like the idea of her finding out about the demon hiding within his body. As though Carcaroth's thinking had stirred him, Kerel's voice then echoed from within:

You know, I like that one. Even though, you know, I tried to kill her a few minutes ago. She's got sparks. Unlike you.

Carcaroth frowned and put a hand to his forehead, following after the figure that was Boden. She was carrying the only source of light visible, which was the lantern. "Why don't you just shut up for a second...?" he wheezed through gritted teeth, keeping his voice as low as possible. Boden did not turn.

Hey, pansy. I helped you. You owe me now.

"Some other time, please? She's..."

Boden turned around and looked at him questioningly. He gave her a nervous and, he hoped, innocent smile before he hurried along, with Kerel continuing to tease him from within his mind.