{Altamira} Meeras Training

OoC: Here we go...

BiC:

Meera focused her will, attempting to design a friendly daemon. Her temples bulged in concentration as she create an appearance in her mind. It would be loyal, helpful and good company.

Meera was on her way to the Dome, the school of knowledge... She had heard many stories about the place, that it was the embodiment of power, that it was the fountain of success. But she doubted much, if any, truth could be found in the stories. All Meera wanted was key to salvation, and she that her soul could only be in peace if she found the knowledge to help people.

Finally Meera relaxed her mind and let her creature flow out. She smiled gently. Her Daemon was exactly how she had envisioned it. The creature vaguely resembled a Dog, with black fur, only much smaller and with large bat-like wings. The Daemon had gentle hazel eyes that could charm the gods themselves, and small harmless circular teeth. Although he couldn't talk, his eyes said everything he needed to say. He fluttered up in the air to Meeras head, and started licking her on the nose. She giggled at him and stroked him softly.

"I'll call you Chipper." She gave him a smile and beckoned him to fly alongside her.

The pair were in a small dead wood. She suspected only the most vicious and terrible beasts could survive among the wasteland of a forest. The trees seemed to listen to her every breath, even Chipper hid from them, cowering behind his mistress.

They drudged through the wood, Meera nuzzling and fussing over Chipper like he was her baby, though in a sense he was. Chipper growled playfully, then bobbled in the air around Meeras head. He came to rest on her shoulder, like a parrot to a pirate. He shut his eyes and yawned sleepily, before beginning his slumber.

"You sleep little Chip." Meera spoke as if Chipper was her childhood pet, even using nicknames. Her bond with her daemons was indeed like a chain of their souls.

Meera suddenly found herself lonely again, her minion was designed to keep her company, but she hadn't wanted this to be this mutual.

"Stop being so selfish!" Meera half-screamed at herself.

But her anger with herself woke the sleeping daemon, ironic. He moaned and whined pleadingly, as if Meera had woke him for a purpose.

"No... You go back to sleep, I didn't mean to wake you I was just..." Her voice trailed off apologetically. Her self-doubt about herself was creeping in, her selfishness had woke Chipper, but her intent was the exact opposite.

She cradled him in her arms, for her shoulder wasn't strong enough to carry him to the dome. She rocked him to sleep gently, humming a song her mother used to sing to her. She looked at her surroundings, the gloomy nature of the forest was weakening, and lush green grass could be seen under the dark cover of the trees roots. Suddenly her mind flashed into gear, she had forgotten about the dome. Her thoughts had carried her far through the forest, they must be close now.

Sure enough, as she stepped from the dark, shadowy woods, into the sparkling field of sunshine where the grass had originated, her vision couldn't fail to see the sparkling wonder of the dome.

OoC: It wasn't as long as I had hoped to make it. But it was... Unique.

Alrighty. *cracks knuckles*

I apologize if this is out of context. I'm just pointing them out as I notice them with each re-reading...

Originally Posted by Twin Blades

He fluttered up in the air to Meeras head, and started licking her on the nose. She giggled at him stroked him softly.

"She giggled at him and stroked him softly."

Originally Posted by Twin Blades

He shut his eyes and yawned sleepily, before he began his slumber.

There's nothing really wrong with the sentence grammatically, but it sounds a little out of place and somewhat forced. Good alternatives would be...

"He shut his eyes and yawned sleepily before beginning his slumber."

"He shut his eyes, yawning sleepily, before he began his slumber."

Even, "He shut his eyes and yawned sleepily before he began his slumber."

Originally Posted by Twin Blades

Her bond with her daemons was indeed like a chain of there souls.

Their souls.

Originally Posted by Twin Blades

But her anger with herself woke the sleeping daemon, Ironic.

"Ironic" didn't have to be capitalized unless you used "..." instead of a comma.


Overall it was very nice, and it took me a re-read or two to catch some of those mistakes. Congrats!

BIC: “One, two, three,” Cain thought, counting the seconds on his Dome-provided watch, “four, five, six, seven… Screw it.”

He tore the watch off and tossed it over his shoulder, having no need for it. He’d know when the new student arrived whether he had the watch or not. Staring at the digital display and counting the seconds like that would have eventually driven him insane.

“Sir,” came a milky voice. Adonai turned around and glared at the ethereal blob floating before him. It was holding his watch, of course. “I think you lost this.”

The vampire forced himself to smile, and took the watch. He’d be sure to smash it as soon as the domerri was out of sight. Oh how he hated those messengers of the Dome…

“Oh,” the blob suddenly said, recalling something. “I think your student’s almost here, Mr. Adonai. She’ll be arriving at entrance #25B. Madame Cadenza would prefer if you used lesson plan six, rather than your own lesson plan.”

“Whatever,” Cain replied, visibly annoyed. “I know, I know. She thinks my lesson plan is too harsh on the students, blah, blah, blah. Tell her to back off and go get herself laid or something. I’ll use whatever lesson plan I please.”

The domerri nodded and sunk into the floor, leaving the vampire alone. Cain absent-mindedly crushed the watch between his thumb and index finger, attempting to remember where entrance 25B was…

OOC: Obviously, I'll be using Cain. (You don't have to read his whole bio if you don't want to. I know it's pretty long. )

Have Meera arrive at the Dome and wander around for a bit before Cain finds her. Remember to describe how the Dome looks to Meera, and her thoughts on it, etc. End your post with Cain finally finding her.

OoC: Wow, you put a lot of work into Cain... You didn't set a word minimum so I'm gonna aim for about the same as the last one ok?

BiC:

Meeras gaze was interrupted by Chipper, who had awoken in a showcase of yawns, moans and groans. He lifted himself out of her arms and soured up into the air, also staring at the dome.

"Come Chipper, lets go find someone who can tell us where to go."

Absorbing the surroundings, Meera walked over to a strange looking blob creature levitating slightly off the ground. Chipper frowned at the blob in curiosity, before nudging Meera towards him, trying to tell her to ask the blob where to go. Meera reluctantly approached the blob.

"Erm... Excuse me..?" Meera asked uncertainly, she wasn't even sure that the thing could talk.

"Yes?" The creatures reply was watery, yet warm.

"Could you tell us where we can go? Were new here. This is Chipper and I'm Meera Sha..."

"Oh yes!" The Blob interrupted her in mid-word. "Yes I belive your teacher will be..." The blob looked at a small clipboard that Meera hadn't noticed before. "Mr Cain will be your teacher!"

"Cain...?" Meera repeated the name slowly, making sure she didn't forget it. "Ok, thank you very much. Do you know where he is?"

"Well that the thing you see. He just went looking for you. But I'm sure he'll be back soon. Why don't you have a look around?"

Meera took a quick glance around, the dome intrigued her, and she knew it was rare to be presented with a free opportunity to explore the place. Chipper poked in the back softly to show his decision.

"Ok then."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Where is this newcomer then?"

Cain was growing impatient, how could someone be so obnoxious and arrogant that they would keep the dome waiting?

"If I don't find her soon..." His voice was lost as he listed countless punishments and insults under his breath.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meera stared at the gardens of the dome in awe, never had she seen such a spectacle. The gardens had large bushes stretching far away until they disappeared where vision failed her. Small rabbits, squirrels and other creatures Meera couldn't name played in the sun, rolling about without a care in the word. Chipper flashed her a pleading look.

"Well.... Ok."

A smile spread across the daemons face as he floated over to join the furry playmates. Meera looked upon them with a smile for a few minutes, before turning her attention to the other beauties of the gardens. She felt at home here, more than she had done since Zhor. The honeycomb sunset glowed on her and cast feelings of joy and happiness into her heart. She hadn't even seen the heart of the dome and had already been infatuated by its glorious atmosphere.

"There you are!" A rather flustered looking man hurried over to her. "I'm Cain, your teacher."

OoC: I'm sorry if I portrayed Cain wrongly there. Or made any other simple mistakes.

Don't worry about your portrayal of Cain, for the moment anyway. And yeah, I spent more time working on Cain than all of my other characters put together. It took a few weeks of planning, thinking of concepts, and writing the character. (Several dozen cans of Coke lost their lives though. )

Anyway, let's get to work!

Originally Posted by Twin Blades

Meeras gaze was interrupted by Chipper, who had awoken in a showcase of yawns, moans and groans. He lifted himself out of her arms and soured up into the air, also staring at the dome.

"Meeras" should be "Meera's", as you're using the "s" to show possession, and "Soured" was probably meant as "Soared". (Unless Chipper's eating a sour ball. ^_^)

Originally Posted by Twin Blades

"Yes?" The creatures reply was watery, yet warm.

Similar to the "Meeras" "Meera's" thing. I liked the "watery, yet warm" description though.

Originally Posted by Twin Blades

Meera took a quick glance around, the dome intrigued her, and she knew it was rare to be presented with a free opportunity to explore the place.

You could have changed the first comma to a period, and started another sentence. Like, "Meera took a quick glance around. The Dome intrigued her, and she knew it was rare to be presented with a free opportunity to explore the place."

It sounds more smooth that way. Also, Dome should be capitalized, as it's the place's name rather than a description of its shape.

Originally Posted by Twin Blades

Meera looked upon them with a smile for a few minutes, before turning her attention to the other beauties of the gardens.

A comma wasn't required after "minutes", as the focus of the sentence didn't change.

There were a few other things, but they were simply repeats of the things I already pointed out. All in all, a good post. ^_^

BIC: “Dang,” Cain thought, “I was starting to think I’d lost her. Why can’t those friggin’ domerri simply point the entrance out to me rather than say something stupid like, ‘Entrance #25B’? So annoying.”

He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. The vampire didn’t necessarily have to breathe to survive, but asphyxiation was still an unpleasant feeling. The lack of air in his lungs would have made it impossible to talk, too.

“Come with me,” Cain finally said, “I’ll show you to your room. Or are you hungry? Never mind, I’ll show you the cafeteria later. Right now I’ve got to get you settled in.”

Adonai smoothed out his tie and pulled a slip of paper from his lapel pocket. The paper, just like every other message in the Dome, had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Scrawled on it were the words, “Hall 15, Room 6.”

“What?” Cain thought in response. The words on the paper disappeared, and were replaced by, “The room across from yours, moron.”

“Your room is this way,” he said, heading off in the direction of his own room, thankful that his student’s room wouldn’t be too far away from his own for him to remember where it was.

OOC: Alright, now for your next assignment. Cain’s leading Meera to her room, obviously. Describe Meera’s surroundings, have some chitchat with Cain, whatever. Just write what comes to you.

Oh, and I did a word count on your last post. Since your last post was 400+ words, I’m setting the minimum for your next post at 450. Don’t worry too much about minimums though. I won’t use them too much, as I feel it sometimes forces people to write stuff that has no relevance in their post.

Have fun! ^_^

Meera observed her soon-to-be teacher. He was a strange being, unlike any she had encountered. He boasted a black suit that blended with his greasy hair and back eye patch. As she noticed the eye patch she felt a sudden inquisitive urge to ask him about it. But she didn't was to piss him off before he got to know her. He should realize how annoying she was all by himself.

“Not much of a talker eh’?” Cain sighed gently with a disappointed look on his face.

“What?” Er, well…” Meera panicked about what to say, she would rather not get too chatty.

“Ok! Calm down!” Can replied hastily, as though he was trying to tame her.

“Ok…” Meera’s face saddened, he already thought she was crazy, maybe she should just talk to him, and try to show him she wasn’t a paranoid freak.

Meera opened her mouth to speak, but closed it every time he looked at her, she decided she wouldn’t speak to him yet. She took a quick study of where they were, in case she needed to go to different places in the Dome regularly.

They were making their way through another garden, connected to the one where Chipper had angered the small creatures. This one housed no animals, but it did display an array of unusual flowers and plants. They appeared both beautiful and deadly, flashing their bright colours as a warning? Or just to entrance unsuspecting insects into their grasp. The gardens circled the Dome, each garden having a large door, yet none bigger than the front entrance of the Dome. Cain seemed to be counting the doors as they passed though the gardens.

Chipper delicately flew down to the plants, which seemed to be omitting a dull glow, this could be the bright colours, or the last reflections of the declining Sun, whatever the case, they attracted Chipper unfailingly.

"Chipper don't... Uhhh..." Meera groaned awkwardly and turned away from Chipper, trying to draw the attention away from what he was doing to the plant.

Cain chuckled with a smile. "He's an little energetic being isn't he?"

Meera didn't answer, she just decided now was the time to ask about the eye patch, she could hardly make a worse impression.

"So... How did you get that eye patch?"

"My father stabbed me in the eye when I was a young baby." Cain replied without even turning to face Meera, who was startled by his abrupt and straightforward answer.

"That's horrible!" Meera's facial expression transformed as soon as she realized what he had said.

"Perhaps." Cain replied vaguely as if he didn't think Meera would understand if he answered fully.

Meera felt great annoyance at this, but bit back her words as Cain turned towards a new door and opened it.

As they turned from the golden gardens to the silver corridors of the Dome, Cain gestured towards two doors, one either side of the corridor.

"Heres your room." He pointed at the door on the right, before disappearing into the door on the left.

"So he's opposite me..." Meera thought to herself before her and Chipper stepped into their own room,with Meera's all too familiar thoughtful expression, spread wide across her face.

OoC: Exactly 100 words above the minimum. I think theirs some punctuation errors their but I couldn't see any clear ones. (Though their probably is)

Okey-dokey! ^_^

First thing's first: Their, There, and They're. You had some trouble with it earlier, and did again in your OOC message.

There = An exclamation of where something is. "Over there on the hill." "There it is." "There never was a time when Mizzy didn't rock."

Their = An exclamation of ownership. "Their boat just blew up!" "He's at their house, eating their food."

They're = A shortened form of, "They are". "They're expecting the first one by this time tommorow." "They're smarter than they look."

As a little practice for this, choose the right versions of their/there/they're to throw into this sentence: "[A] over [b], on [c] dock."

As for the rest of your post...

Originally Posted by Le Post

As she noticed the eye patch she felt a sudden inquisitive urge to ask him about it. But she didn't was to piss him off before he got to know her.

Never start a sentence with, "But". Instead, combine them.

"As she noticed the eye patch she felt a sudden inquisitive urge to ask him about it, but she didn't want to piss him off before he got to know her."

Originally Posted by Le Post

“What?” Er, well…”

Since there was nothing between those two, you didn't have to double-quote it. ^_^

Originally Posted by Le Post

"My father stabbed me in the eye when I was a young baby." Cain replied without even turning to face Meera, who was startled by his abrupt and straightforward answer.

Since there was an action after the quote, the period should be a comma. Not sure why though, so don't worry about it too much.

Originally Posted by Le Post

"So he's opposite me..." Meera thought to herself before her and Chipper stepped into their own room,with Meera's all too familiar thoughtful expression, spread wide across her face.

The boldened comma wasn't needed.

The rest of your errors are some missing letters and a, "Heres/Here's" thing towards the end, but all of those can be solved via typing your post through a word processor, such as Microsoft Word/Works.

For your next assignment: Describe Meera's room. What's it look like? Does it fit her personality? Does she like it? Stuff like that. The rooms in the Dome generally mold themselves into what their owner would most prefer, so remember that.

Let's go with a minimum word count of five-hundred for this one, and end it with Cain knocking on her door and asking her if she'd like to go to the cafeteria.

OoC: My OoC are always sloppy, I don't even try with them.

BiC:

Meera found herself torn between a large range of emotions. Confusement, shock, happiness and disappointment were all rolled into one when she first saw her new room. The room had a king-sized bed with pink pillows and covers; a gigantic wooden wardrobe; an long elegant mirror stretching from the ceiling to the floor; dark purple striped wallpaper curled around the room (which was circular because it was on the outside of the Dome);a tiny window that let the sunshine in that lit the room; and black carpet that felt rough even through her sandal-like wrappings.

Meera walked over and sat on the bed, which bobbled uncomfotably. This is what the Dome must consider a girls room. Meera thought to herself. Although she liked the purple wallpaper, the pink bed was ridiculous. She hated pink, she felt it was a silly colour that was unsophisticated. She looked at her wallpaper, purple was her favourite colour, it always had been.

"If only they were..." Meera stopped herself in mid-sentence, her pillows had changed colours. They were now the same colour as her wallpaper. But then she examined the pillows more carefully, in the corner of each of her two pillows were the words: 'Meera Shadowvein', the text was the same shade of pink that the pillows had been before. Meera wondered if the text had been there before, only not visible to her because it matched the colour of the pillow. Meera felt a wave of importance flood into her as she realized that they had personalized her pillow with her name. The tiny names made up for any inconvenience and mistake made by the Dome. Then the realization truly hit her, she had wanted her pillows to change. And it happened.

"So I can change what I like... Well what else isn't perfect then?" Meera clapped her hands together, making Chipper flinch.

"Oh! Sorry Chipper." Meera apologised to her daemon before thinking what would happen to him. She didn't want to un summon him until she needed a pet for her studies in the Dome or for other purposes, so she needed a place for him to sleep. She set her sites on the empty space beside her bed, which was opposite the door. She closed her eyes in thought before opening them to find the perfect place for chipper to stay. It was a rounded object vaguely resembling a basket. The inside was soft and cushy, and about 60cm x 90cm sleeping space for Chipper. He immediately fluttered over to it, and snuggling into it like a baby in his cot.

Meera smiled warmly, and followed his example by laying on her own bed, it didn't seem as hard as before. Maybe I changed it sub-consciously? Meera said in her mind, asking herself the question without even knowing the answer. There was a firm knock at the door, Meera had a guess who it was, but wasn't sure. She raised her self up, walked across the room and opened the door to a now familiar face.

OoC: I'm a little unsure about some of the punctuation, but I spell checked and proof read so its post-able now. (I dont do either with OoC posts though)

I see. Let's get to work then, shall we? ^_^

Originally Posted by Ze Post

Meera found herself torn between a large range of emotions. Confusement, shock, happiness and disappointment were all rolled into one when she first saw her new room.

Confusement isn't a word. The word you're looking for is, "Confusion".

Originally Posted by Ze Post

Meera walked over and sat on the bed, which bobbled uncomfotably.

"Uncomfortably" (Though you were probably typing too fast or something like that. I do the same thing sometimes, so I won't fuss about it too much.)

Originally Posted by Ze Post

This is what the Dome must consider a girls room. Meera thought to herself.

A thought like that should be in quotes, as though Meera were saying it to herself. Next time try putting it as a quote in italics, followed by "Meera thought/Meera thought to herself/etc.)

Like: "This is what the Dome must consider a girl's room," Meera thought to herself.

Originally Posted by Ze Post

But then she examined the pillows more carefully, in the corner of each of her two pillows were the words: 'Meera Shadowvein', the text was the same shade of pink that the pillows had been before.

The boldened comma should have been a period, allowing "The text-etc" to be a whole new sentence.

Originally Posted by Ze Post

"So I can change what I like... Well what else isn't perfect then?"

A comma between "Well" and "What" would have made the sentence flow more smoothly.

Originally Posted by Ze Post

She set her sites on the empty space beside her bed, which was opposite the door.

"Sights", rather than "Sites".

Originally Posted by Ze Post

Meera smiled warmly, and followed his example by laying on her own bed, it didn't seem as hard as before.

There's two things that you could have done with this sentence.

A: Change the comma between "Bed" and "It" to a period, starting another sentence.

B: Added, "Finding that" after said comma, but before "It".

Overall you did a good job. I really liked your descriptions of the room and Chipper's bed. ^_^

Have Cain lead Meera to the cafeteria, where she orders and eats her favorite meal. As before, describe the things she sees/thinks/etc. You can throw in a conversation with Cain if you want. (Who won't be eating, seeing as the Dome doesn't stock live humans. )

End your post however you like. ^_^

OoC: Sorry about the wait. D:

BiC:

Meera stared into the stern face of Cain, her teacher. He looked impatient and bored, but still managed a smile when she opened the door.

"D'you want to go get some food? You look hungry." He he said emotionlessly. He seemed awfully distracted.

"Sure! "Meera chuckled as she spoke, in her signature mood of happiness.

Cain didn't reply, he merely wandered down the hall. Meera rushed after him hastily. As she caught up with him he turned his head in a sign of acknowledgement, but kept on walking at the same pace. Meera tried to walk at his pace but felt herself jogging every time she tried, eventually she gave up and just ran alongside him, bobbing up and down.

"What are we eating?" Meera asked just for the sake of conversation.

"Whatever you like." Cains short, sweet replies never show any sign of emotion, it was almost as if he didn't need emotion, every thing he did appeared so effortless.

"Whatever... I like?" Meera repeated thoughtfully, "Well I... Want..." What did she want? She had never considered any particular food to be her favourite, she normally ate anything she came by, buying simple bread and water mostly. Only when she lived in Khor, had she the luxury of choice.

"You simply think of what you would like and you have it in front of you. Rather like in your bedroom." Cain explained as if he were speaking to a six-year old.

Meera responded with a thoughtful look, not wanting to waste time at the cafeteria, so thinking of what she would order. She had heard of a crispy, brown food once before, she had heard villagers talking about it rather fondly. She remembered her envy at the food at the time, she had listened intently, mouth watering. It had sounded so luxurious that she didn't bother pursuing any thought of tasting some, she knew the money it could take for mere pleasure was not worth it. But now she had a free choice of tasting some...

As she thought of the food her and Cain stepped into the cafeteria. It was a large, white room with red tables and chairs scattered across it. Few people were eating there, two men were talking enthusiastically while slurping some sloppy substance. But a large, lonely looking, hairy beast ate quietly in the corner, making Meera heart wobble in her chest, she thought about joining him. But then she watched in surprise as he devoured his bread savagely and stomped off through an opposite exit. Meera shuddered and sat at the nearest table, where Cain was already seated.

"What are you going to eat then?" He spoke hurriedly, as if he needed to do something else as well.

She couldn't think of the name of the golden, crispy heaven-like food she so desperately wanted. She couldn't imagine how it would taste, but she knew she wouldn't taste it if she didn't tell him the name.

"Well?"

Just as the words left his mouth she remembered the name. She broke into a smile as she told him.

"Yes, I'll have some..." She took a deep breath before she said it, "Toast."

She almost cried with joy as she saw the golden food appear in front of her, and she wasted no time in starting to eat. She devoured her toast almost as ravenously as the lonely abomination had devoured his bread.

"Aren't you going to have anything?" She asked as she settled down her now empty plate.

"No. This cafeteria doesn't serve the food I like."

"Oh, ok then, do you want to go then?" She felt a sudden twinge of guilt.

"If you are finished, then of course." he stood as he spoke, leading Meera to follow suit.

"Now that you are accustomed to the Dome, your training may start." His words lit up Meera face like a bulb.

OoC: Not my best really. I was hoping we could do some battle things now?

The next few assignments will feed that bloodlust.

But first, to grade this one. ^_^

Originally Posted by Un Post

"D'you want to go get some food? You look hungry." He he said emotionlessly. He seemed awfully distracted.

Likely a typo, but you said "he" twice.

And the boldened period could have been a comma instead. With quotes, the last period of the quote should be a comma if something comes after.

Example: "Your highness is a moron," he said.

A period will serve if the quote is alone, however.

Example: "Your highness is a moron."

Originally Posted by Un Post

"Sure! "Meera chuckled as she spoke, in her signature mood of happiness.

The comma wasn't needed.

"Sure!" Meera chuckled as she spoke in her signature mood of happiness.

The second part of the sentence wasn't something that could have been seperated into a second sentence, which is why the comma wasn't needed.

Originally Posted by Un Post

"Whatever you like." Cains short, sweet replies never show any sign of emotion, it was almost as if he didn't need emotion, every thing he did appeared so effortless.

"Cain's" instead of "Cains", "Showed" instead of "Show", and you could have cut the first sentence off at "Emotion", and started another sentence. And that whole comma thing I talked about earlier.

"Whatever you like," Cain's short, sweet replies never showed any sign of emotion. It was almost as if he didn't need emotion, everything he did appeared so effortless.

A few tiny beefs with word choices, but those problems weren't too big, so I'll leave them for now.

~

There's a couple other minor things, but we're both too eager to get to the next assignment to bother with the little things. I won't even bring them up unless you repeat them too much. ^_^

Assignment time!

Your next assignment: Cain brings Meera to a dead-end in one of the hallways. There is a single brass door there. Inside of it is a wooden training dummy which, upon Meera's entrance, will come to life and, as all things that come to life for no apparent reason do, attack.

The dummy has no abilities or weapons, but can re-assemble itself, and is fast and strong. Meera is to figure out a way to destroy it beyond re-assembly.

The room itself has several oil lanterns handing from the cieling, and is of a medium size.

~

Have fun! ^_^

OoC: You're going to start running out of languages soon... Anyway I've done something here that I'm not sure you'll like, I'm hoping you won't mind though. It might include a bit of character development as well. PM if you want something different and I'll redo it.

BiC:

"What the hell is that?" Meera's voice became a high-pitched screech as she saw the dummy.

"That. Is your training dummy" Cain replied firmly.

"But its... alive!" The summoners sounded almost hysterical.

"Just fight it. You should be fine." The Vampire tried to assure her.

"Should...?" She said uncertainly.

Cain didn't reply, but he gestured towards the wooden dummy, who was advancing on Meera. The Magikan creased her brow and pushed the dummy back with her mind. It merely bounced off the wall and hopped back at Meera. She shut her eyes and focussed on her power. She needed a Daemon that destroy the dummy quickly. She wanted to show Cain that she was powerful. Isn't that dummy wooden? She mused silently. Meera sent Chipper a silent goodbye, and unleashed her Shadow energy.

The magic molded and shaped itself into a Daemon more powerful that Meera had ever summoned. Well partially... The Daemon was seven foot tall, and hovered off the ground slightly. Sickly grey skin covered it, but a black overcoat and black boots also clothed it. It was a Daemon Meera had summoned before, but it had been too powerful for her. It would be true test of her powers to see if she could contain this Daemon. She had summoned Coll.

"Coll..." Meera gazed upon the Daemon in awe. She had summoned the Daemon that had nearly taken her life once before. Meera had named him Coll, and he must have sub-consciously known that, because he stared at her at the mention of his name.

"Who..." he took a small pause before finishing his sentence, "are you?" His voice was the same droning sound that it had been when she had previously summoned him.

Wait a second... he doesn't remember me. He must think this was the first time I have summoned him. Meera thought silently.

"I am Meera Shadowvein, a powerful Daemonologist. I have summoned you to destroy this, for me." Meera pointed at the dummy, who was still advancing. Meera pinned it to the wall with her mind.

"I serve no one." Coll moaned bitterly.

"You will serve me, I have summoned you and you will do what I ask." Meera ordered with a brutal scent in her voice.

Coll's skin began to darken, he was preparing for battle. Meera knew everything about Coll, she had created him. He tensed his fists and lunged fire at Meera, who anticipated his fury, blocking the flames with her unholy shield. As she uncloaked herself she flood shadow onto Coll, suffocating him and smothering him flame.

"One more chance Coll. Obey me." Meera spoke with a cold chill to her words.

Coll replied by flashing embers at the dummy, who shrugged them of along with Meera grip on him. The Daemon then turned to the dummy, and gushed mighty flames all around it. The dummy was burnt, but still moved. It took a great leap and kicked the Daemon in the stomach. Meera could resist a giggle.

Meera sent three or four shadow spheres at the dummy, knocking it backwards and dismantling it. Meera turned to Coll with a 'You made a meal out of that' kind of look. But Coll just smiled and gestured at the dummy, who had reconstructed itself.

"Oh my god, its immortal!" Meera overexaggerated.

"Not quite, but you shouldn't expected it to be a piece of cake." Cain chimed in.

Meera had forgotten Cain was there, he was just standing at the side with his arms folded. Suddenly she had an idea.

"Coll, in a second, go full blast on it." Meera demanded in a more friendly tone.

The Hellish Daemon nodded in reluctant agreement. Meera used her mind to pick the dummy up by its wooden arms, and stretched them with her mind, leaving a massive pressure point in its chest. Coll bolstered into an inferno and unleashed powerful waves of fire into the dummy's chest. It exploded in a rain of ember and wood. Leaving splinters and ash scattered across the room.

Meera jumped up and down excitedly, but Coll took un bothered.

"I have done what you have asked. Set me free." Coll asked as he morphed back to his regular self.

Meera replied with a wave of her hand, dismissing Coll back to whence he had come from. He disappeared in a swirl of shadow. Meera turned to Cain, to ask his opinion on her first example of her power.

*Applauds*

That was very good. Character development is the very essence of writing, I say. ^_^

And I doubt I'll run out of languages soon. All of the ones I've done are French, and I've got a few other languages too.

Not too many things I'm going to focus on this time...

Originally Posted by La Post

"Just fight it. You should be fine." The Vampire tried to assure her.

"Vampire" didn't have to be capitalized, as it was referring to Cain's race. If it were something like, "The Class S Vampire", it could go either way. "Class S Vampire" is both his race and a title, which is why it would have gone either way. "Vampire" simply refers to his race.

Originally Posted by La Post

"That. Is your training dummy" Cain replied firmly.

If you meant for there to be a pause between "That" and "Is", you could have done it as: "That," Cain replied firmly, "is your training dummy."

The pause is better shown that way. ^_^

Aside from a few things similar to those, you also forgot about the comma thing I was talking about earlier. Don't worry about the comma thing too much though. I myself didn't really get used to that until fairly recently.

Your next assignment: Cain is glad that Meera passed her first assignment, and is eager to set her off on her next one. He brings her through a doorway at the back of the room, leading to a larger room with twelve pillars in the middle, arranged in a circle.

In here her shadow comes to life and attacks her. It has the same abilities as her, albeit to a lesser extent, and can melt into the shadows of the pillars.

Have fun! ^_^

OoC: I really want get this thread active again. Sorry about the ridiculously long dumb ass wait. I didn't know if I was supposed to destroy it or not, because it didn't say to. Tell me if you want it done. Man, this post sucks.

BiC:

"That was quite good Meera, well done," a shadow of a smile flashed across his lips. Meera grinned openly, showing her clear enthusiasm. "Are you read for your next test?" He challenged her as his smile disappeared.

"Of course!" She screeched, blatantly showing her approval of the suggestion. The Daemonologist's eyes lit up with happiness as the vampire exited through a new door that had been previously hidden from Meera's view.

As they entered into a shadow of a room Meera studied the odd pillars stacked poetically in a circular pattern throughout the room. "It's like the Dome's version of Stonehenge!" Meera exclaimed with an excited giggle. Cain didn't reply, he merely stared beyond the magikan, smuggling a smile. Meera turned to find the source of his amusement. Her shadow had leapt from the ground to imitate and irritate her.

"Wh... what?" Disbelief began the sentence, whereas determination finished it. It's a test. She mused. After a hasty step back she quickly cleared her mind, trying to find her true creative genius inside. After a sudden thought she let her mouth arc into a confident smile, before letting power take shape.

The first thing noticeable was the size of the daemon. Small. Barely the size that chipper had been. It's skin was liquid, and it's face not recognisable for what it was. Overall, it was a splash of colourless water, that could move. "Err... Squirt! Flood the darkness!" She demanded to her new pet. The blur rose into the air and expanding, dulling the shadow that mimed Meera. But a shield of darkness overlapped the dull blob, swallowing Meera's unique minion.

"Your shadow doesn't just appear like you, it covets your power too." Cain chimed in, like a teacher would say to a underachieving student. The silver haired daemonologist gritted her teeth and advanced on her mimic, backing it into a pillar and unleashing shadow on shadow, enveloping and suffocating it.

"There," She waved a hand at where her shadow had been, "happy?" As she began to wander back towards Cain, a searing pain flowed through her body. She dropped to the ground, clutching her chest as a single tear fell from her eye.

Okay, here we go:

To begin with, a formatting error:

The first thing noticeable was the size of the daemon. Small. Barely the size that chipper had been. It's skin was liquid, and it's face not recognisable for what it was. Overall, it was a splash of colourless water, that could move. "Err... Squirt! Flood the darkness!" She demanded to her new pet. The blur rose into the air and expanding, dulling the shadow that mimed Meera. But a shield of darkness overlapped the dull blob, swallowing Meera's unique minion.

Starting with the line I bolded, there should be a new paragraph. Each time you have dialogue belonging to someone who did not perform whatever action is in the sentence before it (like in this case), you should start a new paragraph. Here's an example:

The wind howled throughout the empty caves.

"It's kind of scary in here," Sarah said.

The action before is done by the wind, so you begin a new paragraph when Sarah speaks.

You wouldn't begin a new one in this situation:

The wind howled throughout the empty caves.

Sarah shuddered. "It's kind of scary in here," she said.

Make sense? Every time there is a new speaker, or the speaker is not the same person who is performing the action, then start a new paragraph. It makes dialogue neater.

Here's how that rule should be applied to the passage of yours that I pointed out:

The first thing noticeable was the size of the daemon. Small. Barely the size that chipper had been. It's skin was liquid, and it's face not recognisable for what it was. Overall, it was a splash of colourless water, that could move.

"Err... Squirt! Flood the darkness!" She demanded to her new pet.

The blur rose into the air and expanding, dulling the shadow that mimed Meera. But a shield of darkness overlapped the dull blob, swallowing Meera's unique minion.

Understand? I know this formatting rule can be confusing, so if you have any questions, just let me know. ;]

Try applying this rule to the places in your post where you made the same mistake.

Just a comma missing here:

As they entered into a shadow of a room Meera studied the odd pillars stacked poetically in a circular pattern throughout the room.

After the bolded "room" there should be a comma, because you'd naturally take a pause there. Read sentences like this one aloud to see if you're missing commas.

Be sure to skim through your post to look for any missing or unnecessary commas.

Verb tense issue here:

The blur rose into the air and expanding, dulling the shadow that mimed Meera.

The bolded word should be "expanded", in keeping with how "rose" was in past tense. If you don't understand why, let me know.

Capitalization issue here:

"There," She waved a hand at where her shadow had been, "happy?"

The "s" in "she" here should not be capitalized, because it's actually right in the middle of a sentence. Capitalizing the "s" there is just like if you were to do this: "I Am hungry." The quotation marks are there, but the comma clearly shows that it's all one connected sentence--so therefore, unless it's a proper noun or the word "I", don't capitalize it. ;P

I know you've fixed these before, but I'll need you to do it again (this should be a good test to see if you remember how to do it properly! <_<) Afterwards, go on to this lesson:

Cain will carry Meera back out into one of the Dome hallways and lay her down against a wall. Unsure of how to help her deal with her pain, he runs to find help--and he'll come back with a minstrel in a brown hat who will pull out a clarinet and begin playing a song. Meera won't understand at first, but when he's finished she will realize that his song healed her. She'll ask him for his name, and he'll reveal himself to be Louis Fritz, a full-fledged teacher, and her new instructor while Cain leaves the Dome on personal business. No word minimum.