(Altamira) Ray's training

Ray had been walking for quite a bit of time and yet, he didn't mind. He enjoyed walking. Why? When he walked, he knew that his feet will take him somewhere, and he didn't mind. He knew that his feet will always take him to new places, where he can explore and meet new people as well as learn new things. This is why Ray didn't mind walking

The forest he was walking in was extremely beautiful. The trees made a large path, enabling him and any other person who happened to walk through capable of doing so. There were also many exotic plants and herbs for him to gaze at while he went through the whole forest. The lushious forest was a perfect site for sore eyes.

Unfortunately, the forest was coming to an end, and all the trees and plants were disappearing right in front of Ray's eyes. It was sad, but he knew that this meant that he would be arriving somewhere

Once Ray was out of the forest, he walked towards a huge building. As he approached this building, he wondered that if he went inside he might get closer to what he was seeking. Ray kept walking. And walking until he reached the building's doors. Once he entered, he felt a lot different, more complete. Maybe this was what he was seeking all along, maybe this place has something that was meant for Ray.

The room inside the building was very different compared to everything that Ray has seen in his entire life. It was cleaner, larger, and simpler. He felt safe as well as welcomed into this place.

Ray began to observe every single detail about the place, looking for that which would help him find out what exactly it was that he was seeking. He looked around very carefully, but in the process of doing so, he made himself look like a fool, causing the people in the room to think weirdly of him.

''Can I help you something?''

''What?''

Ray had been caught off guard, so when the lady had asked him if she can help him, he was incapable of answering properly.

''Oh, I'm sorry, did I catch you off guard?''

''Actually, you did, but it's alright.''

The girl was pretty tall, but not as tall as Ray. She was wearing a navy blue shirt and a matching navy blue skirt. She wore glasses, but you could still see the color of her eyes, which were green. She wore a small gold necklace, and a couple of bracelets to go with the whole set.

''So are you alright?''

''I'm fine.''

The girl left after that. Ray was alone again. He took advantage of the lonelyness by learning more about this place he was in.

OoC: Eh, it was not one of my better posts.

Alright, not bad, but your sentence structure needs a little work.

Originally Posted by Amoriale

Ray was walking for quite a bit of time and yet, he didn't mind. He enjoyed walking. Why? When he walks, he knows that his feet will take him somewhere, and Ray won't mind. He knows that his feet alwais take him to new places, where he can explore and meet new people as well as learn new things. This is why Ray didn't mind walking.

In your first sentence, you use present tense verbs. That's alright in some instances, but you have to know how and when to use them. The way you structured the rest of your sentences requires past tense verbs. Using the correct tense in the right spots will make your writing a lot more interesting.

Ray had been walking for quite a bit of time and yet, he didn't mind. He enjoyed walking. Why? When he walked, he knew that his feet will take him somewhere, and he didn't mind. He knew that his feet will always take him to new places, where he can explore and meet new people as well as learn new things. This is why Ray didn't mind walking.

Like so. Also, you misused "knows". The word "knows" indicates one person talking to or about another. For instance: "Sarah already knows that." Ray said.

In this case, you want to use "knew", since you are referring to Ray in a narrative sense. Also notice that I changed "Ray won't mind" to "he didn't mind". First, "Ray" becomes "he" because we've already established Ray as the current object. Second, "won't" becomes "didn't" because, like "knows/knew", it is used in a narrative sense.

The trees made a large path, enabling him and any other person who happened to walk through capable of doing so. Also, there were many exotic plants and herbs for him to gaze at while he went through the whole forest.

Same thing with the correct tense here, too. You're writing in a narrative sense, so you usually end verbs with "-ed" instead of "-s". Be verbs are also used in a past tense. "Are" should be used as "were". And the same thing for "goes/went" as the "knows/knew".

There were also many exotic plants and herbs for him to gaze at while he went through the whole forest.

"Also" is generally a bad word to use at the beginning of a sentence when narrating. It removes the reader from the setting, and makes it seem less like a story and more like a hurried second-hand description. It's better to put it in the middle of the sentence, where it can still convey the menaing you want, but doesn't remove the reader.

Also, the word "whole" as you used it here is unnecessary. The generaly idea that Ray is walking through the whole forest is already conveyed, so the word only becomes extraneous.

Unfortunately, the forest was coming to an end, and all the trees and plants were disapeering right in front of Ray's eyes. It was sad, but he knew that this meant that he would be arriving somewhere.

You left off a period at the end, and "disapeering" should be "disappearing". Make sure that you proofread as carefully and thoroughly as possible.

This time, Ray was walking towards a huge building.

"This time" indicates that Ray is completing the action for the second time. And while he almost certainly walke dout of many forests, this is the only one mentioned in the post, so it makes things a tad confusing.

As he approached this building, he wondered that if he went inside the strange building he might get closer to what he was seeking.

"Goes/went" thing again. You referred to the same object twice in one sentence ("this building"), making it somewhat repetitive. When referencing the smae object wice in one sentence, try to refer to it with a different term than you did the first time. Or, since it has already be established as the current object, you could remove the second one althogether.

Ray kept walking, and walking until he reached the building's
doors.

Commas aren't necessary when listing objects or actions unless there are three or more. Or, if you want to indicate a pause between repetitive actions, use a period.

Ray kept walking. And walking. Until he finally reached the building's doors.

Ray started observing every single detail about this place that would help him find out what exactly it was that he was seeking.

This sentence as you've worded it is very confusing. It's hard to tell just what exactly Ray is doing or looking for. Separate complicated sentences like this with a comma or period.

Ray began to observe every single detail about the place, looking for that which would help him find out what exactly it was that he was seeking.

He looked around very carefully, trying to find it, but in the process of doing so, he made himself look like a fool, causing the people in the room to think weirdly of him.

Here, the bolded part is unnecessary. We already know what Ray is doing from the previous section, so you don't need to state it again.

Fix those things, and then move onward to your first assignment!

IC: “Oh? So you’re the newbie?” a strangely musical voice spoke up from behind the newcomer. Ray spun to look up into a pair of startling crystalline blue eyes. A narrow face bracketed by long golden strands surrounded the eyes, all of it capped off by a floppy brown hat. The man swished back his free-flowing coat and inclined his head, one hand tipping the rim of his leather hat.

“Nice to meet you. The name’s Lhaeo. Ah, that’s Sensei to you, though. Or Lhaeo-sensei. Either’s fine.” The blonde-haired introduced himself, throwing an arm over Ray’s shoulders and propelling him along towards a corridor off to the side. “Speaking of which, I’ll be your teacher here at the Dome, ah . . . ummm . . . .” The man stopped in his tracks, as if only just realizing he didn’t know Ray’s name.

“It’s Ray.”

“Ah, yes, good. Well then, Ray, I’ll be your teacher for your duration at the Dome.”

OoC: Have Ray converse with Lhaeo as he takes him to his new room. Have him ask all of the questions one in his situation would, and stop at the door to Ray’s new room. 600 word minimum.

OoC: It has been edited. Now for my next assignment...

BiC: As Ray and Lhaeo-sensei started to walk together, Ray thought it was the perfect opportunity to learn more about his new teacher. He started things off with a few questions. ''So, how long have you been around here, Sensei?''

''Not too long.'' Lhaeo replied.

Though it wasn't the answer that Ray was looking for, he didn't mind; it wasn't that important anyway. He decided to ask questions that seemed in a way, actually useful.

''Exactly what will you be teaching me?'' Ray stopped to ask.

''Why do you ask?'' Sensei asked back, but not looking directly at Ray.

''Well, I've been trained by someone already, so I was wondering what you would teach me.'' Ray had asked.

''Well, whatever you'd like.'' Lhaeo retorted slyly.

''But, I don't know what I need training in.'' Ray had said, puzzled at the same time.

''Well, maybe you'd like to learn how to battle properly.'' Lhaeo proposed.

''Okay.'' Ray told his sensei.

Ray knew that there was no way for him to deny something like this because he knew this was an opportunity for him to get better at battling with all the training Lhaeo-sensei would give him. ''So, exactly when do I start training?''

''Tomorrow, after all, you just arrived here and you need to rest.'' Said Lhaeo.

''I see. So, will I be staying here for a long time?''

''That depends; you will stay here for as long as it takes.'' Ray's sensei told him.

''As it takes for me too...what exactly?'' Ray questioned rudely.

''As long as it takes for you to learn and master everything that I will teach you.'' Lhaeo replied.

The room seemed to be a long way away, so Ray had plenty of time for more questions, but which should he ask? They went up a staircase-a fairly long staircase at that-and Ray kept trying to think of questions to ask but only one came to mind.

''Were you trained here too?'' Ray asked, curious as always.

''Yes I was.''

''So did it take you long before you graduated?'' Ray said immediately after Lhaeo-sensei responded.

''It took as long as it needed to be.'' Lhaeo replied in a quiet and secretive manner.

Ray was finally out of questions to ask. He knew all that he needed to know about his new sensei. The only thing that bugged Ray about him was that he was so quiet. Well, in this case he was. Ray didn't know if he was like this every day.

For the next few moments, none of them spoke; there was no sound to be heard except the sound their feet make when they walked. Ray wondered if one of them was going to speak before they arrived in front of Ray’s room. Suddenly, Lhaeo broke the silence.

''So, did you learn what you wanted to learn?'' Lhaeo asked.

''Oh, yes.''

''Well, I guess I did start teaching you today.'' Lhaeo said face-to-face with Ray.

Ray thought about it for a bit, then realized that what Lhaeo-sensei said was true, Ray did end up learning something new, mostly about his new sensei. From the few minutes they spent together, Ray knew a little about how Lhaeo-sensei would teach as well as how his personality was. Or at least how it was right then, maybe it would change throughout the time they would spend together.

All of a sudden, Lhaeo stopped in front of a mahogany brown door. It was pretty tall. Ray guessed that inside it was his room, after all, there was no other reason for his sensei to stop in front of a door.


OoC: I think it's okay now.

Actually, your IC was 600 exactly. However, you didn't really follow the directions I gave you very carefully. I said to stop at the door to Ray's room, but you went inside and had him go to sleep, which really screws up the next lesson.

As Ray and Lhaeo-sensei started to walk together, Ray thought it was the perfect oportunity to learn more about his new teacher. He started things off with a few questions.

''So, how long have you been around here, Sensei?''

You left out a "p" in "opportunity". If you have it, use Microsoft Word. And if you don't have it, use some other type of Spell Check. And putting an extra space between the speech and first part is unnecessary. You only have to put a space when a new person begins to talk.

''Not too long.''

When writing a dialog, it's best to indicate who spoke, and how they did so.

''Not too long.'' Lhaeo replied.

Like so. You don't have to do so for each speech bubble (heh), but you need to throw them in every now and then. Also, you can run a whole gambit of actions. Replied, responded, muttered, droned, reiterated, yelled, ect. Take it a step further: replied cheerfully, responded absentmindedly, muttered lazily, ect. Adjectives and descriptive actions are the spice that make words worth reading. More than that, good use of adjectives and descriptive actions will greatly increase your word count.

Ray knew that there was no way for him to deny something like this because he knew this was an opportunity for him to get better at battling with all the training Lhaeo-sensei would give him.

''So, exactly when do I start training?''

''Tommorow, after all, you just arrived here and you need to rest.''

Again, you don't need to put a space between the first part and Ray's question. And it's "tomorrow".

The room was very far away, so Ray had plenty of time for more questions, but which should he ask?

They went up a staircase, a fairly long staircase at that, and Ray kept thinking of questions to ask. But only one came to mind.

In the first sentence, you stated that the room was far away, as a fact. However, Ray has no clue just where his room is, and can't accurately judge how far it is. So, while you can't truthfully present it as a fact. However, you could say that Ray's room seemed to be a long way away. Also, the space betwen the two parts is unnecessary. You only have to use spaces when a new person begins to speak, or your paragraph is running a little long.

Again, you used a contridictory statement in that second part. You said that Ray thought of many questions, but then you said that only one came to his mind. You need to make sure that you don't contridict yourself. If a great deal of questions come to Ray's mind, but there is a specific one that he wants to ask, you could say: "Ray kept thinking of questions to ask, but one kept coming back to the forefront of his mind."

Ray was finally out of questions to ask. He knew all that he needed to know about his new Sensei.

"Sensei" only needs to be capitalized when talking to that person or about that person to someone else.

Well, in this case he was, Ray didn't know if he was like this every day.

These are two separate sentences, and need to be separated with a period, not a comma.

Ray thought about it for a bit, then realised that what Lhaeo-sensei said was true, Ray did end up learning something new, but mostly about his new sensei.

"Realize" is misspelled. And that officially qualifies as a run-on sentence. The bolded comma (#2) needs to be either a period or a semicolon. And the bolded "but" isn't needed. "But" implies that the following is an exception, but you didn't specify what Ray learned in the first part, meaning that the second part is an exception to nothing.

So, it should be: "Ray did end up learning something new, mostly about his new sensei."

From the few minutes they spent together, Ray knew a little about how Lhaeo-sensei would teach as well as how his personnality is. Or at least how it is right now, maybe it would change throughout the time they would spend together.

"Personality" is misspelled. And the two "is"s should be "was". "Is" is present tense, and indicates an action occuring at that moment. However, the way you worded your sentence requires past tense.

Ray guessed it was his room, after all, there was no other reason for his sensei to stop in front of a door.

Needs to be separated into two complete sentences. Either a period or semicolon would suffice in this instance.

Lhaeo then opened the door to reveal pretty decent room of which had a bed, a desk, and a small closet. Ray didn't mind of course, he thought of it as a cozy place to stay in.

''Well, do you like it?''

''Absolutely!''

Ray was really happy to stay in a place like this, he didn't know why, but when he entered his room, he felt safer than he ever did before.

That night, Ray was really excited about his first lesson, he had a hard time falling asleep.

Unfortunately, all of this needs to go. It's going beyond what I told you, and is cutting into the next lesson. Fix everything I told you, and remember to look over the rest of your post, since I didn't point out each case. And be careful of your word count, since deleting that last part is going to considerably lower it. However, you can go way beyond what you had if you take what I said about adjectives and descriptive actions to heart.

Sorry about that. I guess I misunderstood. I'll edit all the mistakes soon.

Alright, not bad. I liked a lot of the descriptive actions you used. But there's more that needs work.

''Okay.'' Ray told his sensei.

''Tomorrow, after all, you just arrived here and you need to rest.'' Lhaeo told Ray.

You usually don't need to state who is talking to who, especially in a two-way conversation. It's alright every now and then, but you used it a lot.

''Well, I've been trained by someone already, so I was wondering what you would teach me.'' Ray had asked.

''But, I don't know what I need training in.'' Ray had said, puzzled at the same time.

''I see. So, will I be staying here for a long time?'' Ray had curiously asked.

All of these "had"s are unnecessary. The conversation is a present occurance, while "had" is past tense.

They went up a staircase, a fairly long staircase at that, and Ray kept trying to think of questions to ask, but he was only able to think of one.

Interjections are separated from the rest of the sentence in three ways. Commas, Hyphens, and Parenthesis. Each represents an increasing degree of . . . separation, respectively. The bolded part here is far enough removed from the rest of the sentence that it should be between hyphens. Parenthesis aren't commonly seen IC, used only in the rarest of circumstances.

Also, that sentence is too repetitive. You should change the last part (bolded) so that it doesn't use "think". You don't usually want to use the same verb more than once in a single sentence. Or, for that matter, in sentences close together. For the bolded part, you could do any number of things, such as: "-but only one came to mind.", or "-but he was only able to come up with one."

''So did it take you long before you graduated?'' Ray had said immediately after Lhaeo-sensei responded earlier.

Again, the "had". Ok, the action part of this sentence is confusing to the reader. "Immediately after" and "earlier" are contradictory to each other. How can a person immeadiately respond to something that happened earlier? You can only have one. Also, "earlier" doesn't work properly in this sentence anyway. It would only work if Ray was responding to something Lhaeo said several "minutes" ago.

For the next few moments, none of them spoke, there was no sound to be heard except the sound they're feet make when they walked. Suddenly, Lhaeo broke the silence.

"They're" is a contraction of "they are". The word needed here is "their", which idicates possession.

Suddenly, Lhaeo broke the silence.

''So, did you learn what you wanted to learn?'' Lhaeo had suddenly asked.

You used "suddenly" twice here. Since you can't do two things suddenly in a row, you need to get rid of one. Also, the "had" again.

Ray thought about it for a bit, then realised that what Lhaeo-sensei said was true, Ray did end up learning something new, mostly about his new sensei..

"Realised" is "realized", and you put two periods at the end.

All of a sudden, Lhaeo stopped in front of a mahogany brown door. It was pretty tall, but not that tall. Ray guessed it was his room, after all, there was no other reason for his sensei to stop in front of a door, a tall mahogany door..

This part is both contradictory and repetitive. First: "Pretty tall, but not that tall". I seriously have no idea how something can be tall and not tall at the same time. The last part is repetitive and unnecessary. We've already established that it's a (tall?) mahogany door, so you don't need to say it again; not in the same paragraph, at least. And, double periods at the end again.


Oh, one last note: While it's good to put the adjectives and verbs in after a speech bubble, you shouldn't do so after each one. It's fine this time, but make sure not to over-do it in the future. Edit, and I'll get your next lesson up. Oh, and squee for Rin-chan.

. . . . A manly squee.

Sorry about that, I used the adjectives because I tried to have 600 words... I'll edit it right now.

EDIT: Edited and I think it's alright now...

Alright, it's mostly good now, but there's still a few proof-reading errors. For instance, double periods that were left after you edited, or periods after speech that has already been closed.

''I see. So, will I be staying here for a long time?''.

Things like that. There's already a question mark, so you don't need the period.

They went up a staircase-a fairly long staircase at that and Ray kept trying to think of questions to ask-but only one came to mind.

You put the second hyphen in the wrong place. It should be between "that" and "and". Remember, it's replacing the commas you had there earlier.

Ray thought about it for a bit, then realised that what Lhaeo-sensei said was true, Ray did end up learning something new, mostly about his new sensei.

You forgot to fix "realized".

Other than that, there's just some punctuation errors floating around after the edit. Double periods and the like. Please proof-read it carefully, and fix them.

I hope its alright now, I proofread it and fixed all the mistakes. I don't see anymore mistakes...

Alright, good job. Next lesson!

IC: "Saa, this is where I leave you." Lhaeo said, sketching a low bow. “I’ll send for you in the morning. In the meantime, get cleaned up, have a bit to eat, and get some rest. If I’m not mistaken, there should be something in there,” the blonde-haired man jabbed a finger at Ray’s door, “for you to snack on. If there's not, I'll need to have a word with the Welcoming Commitee.” Lhaeo said wryly. Ray's new teacher spun on his heel, his deep blue coat swishing around his calves as he began to walk away.

“Ja mata ne!”

OoC: Alright, Lhaeo uses some Japanese terms and expressions, and to make sure you understand their meaning, I'll include footnotes at the end of my posts.

Saa: The Japanese equivalent of "so" or "well".

Ja mata ne: Basically, "see you later".

Alright, your assignment. Have Ray go into his room. Your task is to describe it as well as possible. I want your post to practically drip with adjectives. I want to see at least one example of each of the five senses (touch, taste, sight, sound, and smell). Also, remember that your room at the Dome is entirely unique, and can even be considered "impossible". I had a character whose room sported trees growing out of the carpet and vines covering the walls. Be creative. Make it into Ray's dream room. 800 words.

OoC: Finally it is done. :-D

BiC:Ray watched his sensei walk away. Once he was finally out of earshot, Ray finally started to think of what would be inside his new room. Would it be a really simple room like he expected it to be from the start? Or would it be something completely unexpected and unforeseen? The thought kept coming back into his mind.

Ray took a step closer to the door, this making him very close to it. He took a deep breath and moved his hand over the wooden doorknob. Ray hesitated for a moment, but got a grip over himself and finally grabbed the doorknob. He started to turn it, but kept stopping after a couple of seconds. He knew that the room would either be a complete disappointment or a dream he once had, causing this to be more tense. If it was the first of the two, he knew it would have been a waste of energy, but if it was the second of the two, he knew the procrastination would be worth it.

The turning had come to a halt, which meant it was time to reveal what exactly would be inside this mystery room. Before the unveiling would begin, Ray had come to notice that he had been making a huge fuss over nothing; it was a room after all.

Once the door was open and the room shone perfectly, Ray could not believe his eyes. The room was incredible. He had come to see that his room followed a certain theme and color scheme. Chestnut brown with mahogany, two colors of which Ray adored.

The walls were painted of the two colors mentioned earlier, but they had tons of different Japanese marks on them. Some of which Ray couldn’t understand at all, but he liked the feel they gave him, cozy would be the perfect word to describe it.

On the walls that didn’t have the markings, different shapes and forms were painted directly on the walls. His bed, though it was one of those beds everyone had that many people have, there were also some interesting figures on it, making it unique. In one of the corners of the room stood a sort of weapon stand. Ray would use it to put his sword and lance when they weren’t needed.

Around the whole room were exotic plants from different places. For example, one might be from Japan while the other might be from Egypt. Other than the plants was a desk with different compartments, though, there was a strange feeling about the desk.

Ray approached it, trying to see what it was exactly that seemed so different about this desk; it had the same pattern as the bed- and every other piece of furniture in the room for that matter. Ray sat down in the chair placed in front of the desk, and started to look at every compartment, but they all looked that same. In fact, they all looked like the same exact compartment. Every single detail in the compartments was exactly the same. Something weird was going on, and Ray wanted to know exactly what it was.

He then got up from the chair, in search of something small that would fit on one of those compartments. He looked everywhere, until he came across a tissue box. Swiftly, he grabbed a tissue and formed it into a sphere. Once that was done, he brought it to the desk and put it in a part of the desk. Once he opened the empty droor he put the tissue in, he couldn’t believe his eyes, and it wasn’t there! He had to figure out what had happened to the tissue. If he doesn’t he won’t be able to use any of the droors in this desk for the rest of the visit!

Ray kept opening droors. After about ten minutes he gave up. He couldn’t take any more of his torture. He got up from the chair once again and started to move back. While moving, he could not hear anything but his footsteps. Suddenly, Ray bumped into something. He turned to find a small table with a couple of cushions around it to sit. On the table was a plate of biscuits and a small note. Ray sat down to see what exactly the note said. As he picked up the note, he noticed that it didn’t feel like regular paper, more like cardboard except not as think as cardboard.

The note was anonymous, making Ray a little confused. The only thing the note said was “Please enjoy your visit at the Dome. “ Seeing as he couldn’t figure out who wrote the note he cleared it out of his mind and took one of the biscuits from his plate.

They smelled delicious, so Ray took a bite out of one.

“Wow!” Ray yelled, surprised. The biscuits didn’t taste like anything, but how can biscuits smell so good and taste like nothing?

Ray didn’t take another bite out of the biscuits, instead he decided to go to bed and see what other mysteries will be there in the morning.

OoC: 863 words when I counted, but I might have made a mistake. >.>

Alright, not bad overall, but there's several areas of interest to take care of.

Ray watched his sensei walk away. Once he was finally out of earshot, Ray finally started to think of what would be inside his new room. Would it be a really simple room like he expected it to be from the start? Or would it be something completely unexpected and unforeseen? The thought kept coming back into his mind.

First, why would Ray wait until Lhaeo was out of earshot? It doesn't make much sense for him to wait until someone couldn't hear him to start thinking. It would be better to say that he watched him walk out of sight, or around a corner. Also, the "from the start" part doesn't quite add up either. From the start of what? He didn't know he was going to be staying here, or that he was going to have a room until Lhaeo told him.

Ray took a step closer to the door, this making him very close to it.

This is a bit redundant. It's also somewhat perplexing. Why would be "very close to it"? What is very close? It makes him sound like he's pressed up against the door. Not very comfortable, plus it makes it kinda hard to open the door.

He started to turn it, but kept stopping after a couple of seconds. He knew that the room would either be a complete disappointment or a dream he once had, causing this to be more tense. If it was the first of the two, he knew it would have been a waste of energy, but if it was the second of the two, he knew the procrastination would be worth it.

When you described how he kept stopping after a few seconds when turning the doorknob, the only thing I could think of was "How long does it take to turn a doorknob?" "Seconds" is kinda exaggerating too much. The whole affair shouldn't even be capable of lasting that long. You need to change that to a shorter increment of time. Also, the bolded "this" is incorrect. You need to change it to fully imply the subject here. What is becoming more tense? Ray or the situation? And since you already said "of the two" once before, the second is repetitive and unneeded.

Before the unveiling would begin, Ray had come to notice that he had been making a huge fuss over nothing; it was a room after all.

This too is confusing. The message here doesn't really make any sense. Of course it's a room. What else would he expect it to be?

Chestnut brown with mahogany, two colors of which Ray adored.

The "of" here is unneeded, and confuses the message.

The walls were painted of the two colors mentioned earlier, but they had tons of different Japanese marks on them. Some of which Ray couldn’t understand at all, but he liked the feel they gave him, cozy would be the perfect word to describe it.

"Earlier" is a bit too exaggerated, since you mentioned the colors in the last sentence. You'd do better to replace it with "above". In this instance "Some of which" is a continuation on a thought, and should be after a comma. However, since the last sentence already has two thoughts, and this one has two, you can't easily combine them. So, you need to change it to something along the lines of "Ray couldn't understand most of them, but~" Understand?

His bed, though it was one of those beds everyone had that many people have, there were also some interesting figures on it, making it unique.

Here you put that many people had this type of bed twice. Cut it down to once. Also, "there" is an incorrect follow-up. You should change it more to along the lines of "His bed, though it was one of those beds many people had, was made unique by the interesting figures on it."

Other than the plants was a desk with different compartments, though, there was a strange feeling about the desk.

A "there" should be placed between the bolded words, and the second comma shouldn't be there.

Ray approached it, trying to see what it was exactly that seemed so different about this desk; it had the same pattern as the bed- and every other piece of furniture in the room for that matter.

The hyphen here shouldn't have a space after it, and there should be two instead of one.

Once that was done, he brought it to the desk and put it in a part of the desk. Once he opened the empty droor he put the tissue in, he couldn’t believe his eyes, and it wasn’t there! He had to figure out what had happened to the tissue. If he doesn’t he won’t be able to use any of the droors in this desk for the rest of the visit!

Ray kept opening droors.

The bolded words are misspelled. They should be "drawers". And "put it in a part of the desk" from the first sentence should be changed. You already established the desk as the subject, so you don't need to mention it again. Plus, "compartment" or "drawer" would fit better than "part of the desk".

He couldn’t take any more of his torture.

The bolded word should be "this".

As he picked up the note, he noticed that it didn’t feel like regular paper, more like cardboard except not as think as cardboard.

You don't need to put “cardboard" in there twice, and "think" should be "thick".

The only thing the note said was “Please enjoy your visit at the Dome. “

Just like when writing thoughts, writing like this should be in italics. Also, the last quotation marks should not have a space before it.

The biscuits didn’t taste like anything, but how can biscuits smell so good and taste like nothing?

Ray didn’t take another bite out of the biscuits, instead he decided to go to bed and see what other mysteries will be there in the morning.

Ok, the whole "no taste" thing doesn't really fly. You're kinda skirting around my instructions, though I doubt that was your intention. More than that, it's as bland as the biscuits. Try describing them with an actual taste instead. And you don't necessarily have to make them taste good. They could be horrible. Either way, try to describe them in detail. Also, that last part should be two separate sentences.

Ok, fix, and I 'll get back to you.