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Old 02-16-2007, 07:09 PM
HonorableDarkness United_States HonorableDarkness is offline
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[Shrub]R'dosin's training

Lesson One: R'dosin Gets to the Dome

A small bird woke in her nest. For some reason, the light of the moon had dissapeared. Now, only dark pitch surrounded her and the eggs beneath her. Her mate slept beside her, and stirred as she lifted her head. Suddenly, a voice peirced the darkness, nearly scaring her to a heartstop.

"Hello, little birds. Don't be afraid, I mean you know harm. Only humans should fear me."

The birds calmed at the sound of the strangers voice, not understanding his words, but the thoughts that he projected. Their little brains could not comprehend exactly what was going on, but they no longer felt unsafe.

R'dosin sighed, lay down beneath the tree. It would provide good shelter against the dawn upon the morrow. He didn't know why he had chosen to soothe the nesting family above him. Their fear and confusion didn't really matter to him. He surmised that it was just his soft spot for any innocent life that got to him this time. He reprimanded himself, saying "Mercy is not rewarded where you're going,"

He shrugged. These birds were probably not even going to remember him. His reputation was safe.
Dawn was comming soon. R'dosin sat on the west side of the thick tree, and covered himself with a veil of darkness. It took energy, but he wanted to get to his destination as soon as possible. There simply was not the time to find a cave, or a rock to hide under. Oh well. Sleep would give him the energy he needed. Tomorrow night he would be entering the Dome.

At twilight, R'dosin slipped away from the tree, and summoned his wings. All the shadows reached to R'dosin's feet, and up his back. They oozed into the air, and began to take shape. Soon, two giant dragon wings of pure shadow sprouted from R'dosin's cloak. They flapped once, twice. The leaves on the trees trembled with each beat. R'dosin couldn't tell if it was because of the wind or fear. He was a thing to be feared.

R'dosin pushed the thought away, and climbed into the sky. The moonlight tickled him as he flew, but he didn't care. Only the sun could kill him. R'dosin looked up at the moon. The right half was brimming with light, and all of the shards glimmered. Several chunks were in different positions tonight. He wondered if that meant there would be another meteor shower.

According to legend, the falling meteors were really tears being shed for the moon god's long lost love. She was murdered, and the moon god was so angered by this, he tore himself apart, and began to throw giant peices at the earch in an attempt at revenge. R'dosin marveled at how it mirrored his own story. He , too, had destroyed himself for the sake of a now dead lover. The past still haunted him. Not tonight, though, he thought.

Below him stretched the Lands of Eternal Darkness. The spell that had made them eternaly dark was broken almost two hundred years ago, but it still bore that name. Perhaps it was the fact that nothing could live there again. A land that had gone thousands of years without ever seeing the light of the sun, or stars was a poisoned land.

Oh well. R'dosin didn't have the time to dwell on everything wrong with the world. He had to find the Forgotten City. It was this city that his ancestors, the Ilitarians, had carried across the black void between worlds. They may have been running for their lives, but a voyage of that magnitude between universes was an undertaking in itself. It was in this city that R'dosin hoped to find an exit from his world, to the Dome.

The Dome was as old as the Ilitarians. It had been the hub for all warriors to meet, and test their skills against one another. The art of being a warrior had all but died out in his world. The fighting spirit in him never died, though. In all of his two hundred years and seventy-three years as a warrior, he had rarely met his match in battle. Perhaps that would change once he made it to the Dome.

R'dosin perched on top of the highest tower, the old Palace of the Empress. The whole city had greyed with age, and fallen into ruin since the spell of not-so-eternal darkness had been put on the lands surrounding it. R'sodin exaled sharply, retracted his wings, and began the search for the Hall of One Thousand Doors. In his learnings about the ancient people, he found that they used the word "thousand" alot. He crawled into a large hole in the ceiling of the tower, and scaled down the side of the wall. He lept from shadow to shadow, never touching the wall. He landed right in front of the Throne. He bowed in mock reverance, saying in fluent Ilitarian "If thou would permit, I wish to find the Hall of a Thousand Doors,"

A spirit rose from the seat of the throne, half-startling R'dosin. He couldn't make out very well what it looked like, but he did see a crown on what would have been the ghost's head. There was a definatly feminine shape to this spirit. She pointed to the door, and Images flooded R'dosin's mind. There was a chamber outside the door. Standing in the chamber, a man in full Ilitarian garb was uttering the name of where he wanted to go. There was a momentary flash, and the man was gone. R'dosin understood: a teleport system. He was impressed.

"Thank you, your ladyship," said R'dosin, bowing again in a slightly more respectful mannor, and he turned toward the door. He steped into the chamber, and said "The Hall of a Thousand Doors,"

There was a brief flash of light that made R'dosin wince in pain. It was breif, but agonizing. He hoped the journey to the dome would be less of a pain.

When he materialized, R'dosin was standing in a room of doors. It worked. He looked around, taking in his surroundings. It was completly dark. Any light dweller would have been completly lost without a torch. The ceiling was so far above him, he couldn't see where it was. He must have been deep underground. He started inspecting the doors. Each one was simplistic in it's design: a stone rectangle about nine feet high, four feet wide, and two inches thick. The function of these doors, though, was far from simple. Behind each door was a world. The ancient Ilitarians had been using these doors for ages before they had to abandon the city.

R'dosin read each name as he passed: Duun'Hia, Arnor, Ral'khadas... the list went on in seemingly no order. The names grew stranger: Qo'nos, Coruscant, Taras. There was names that were so old, that age seemed to have partially erased them. He found "Ise Conic" just after another called "Hyrule". Ise Conic was "The Dome" in Ilitarian. R'dosin pushed open the door, and screamed in pain.

Light poured forth from the opening, and his molocules seemed to be ripped away by this light. He lost all thought, and surrendered to unconsiousness.
__________________

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Last Edited by HonorableDarkness; 02-17-2007 at 03:10 PM. Reason:
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Old 02-16-2007, 08:02 PM
Shrub Shrub is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

Hmmm, nicely done. Though, it's better to separate your paragraphs with an extra space, like this:
Quote:
A small bird woke in her nest. For some reason, the light of the moon had dissapeared. Now, only dark pitch surrounded her and the eggs beneath her. Her mate slept beside her, and stirred as she lifted her head. Suddenly, a voice peirced the darkness, nearly scaring her to a heartstop.

"Hello, little birds. Don't be afraid, I mean you know harm. Only humans should fear me." The birds calmed at the sound of the strangers voice, not understanding his words, but the thoughts that he projected. Their little brains could not comprehend exactly what was going on, but they no longer felt unsafe.

R'dosin sighed, lay down beneath the tree. It would provide good shelter against the dawn upon the morrow. He didn't know why he had chosen to soothe the nesting family above him. Their fear and confusion didn't really matter to him. He surmised that it was just his soft spot for any innocent life that got to him this time. He reprimanded himself, saying "Mercy is not rewarded where you're going,"

He shrugged. These birds were probably not even going to remember him. His reputation was safe.

Dawn was comming soon. R'dosin sat on the west side of the thick tree, and covered himself with a veil of darkness. It took energy, but he wanted to get to his destination as soon as possible. There simply was not the time to find a cave, or a rock to hide under. Oh well. Sleep would give him the energy he needed. Tomorrow night he would be entering the Dome.
It makes it easier to read.

I think I'll put you in intermediate for now. Move onto the next lesson. I'll let you know who your teacher is after that one. Oh, and introduce yourself in my homeroom, yah? ^_-
__________________

“We must be greater than what we suffer.”
[Between the Worlds|A Light in the Dark|Empire of Darkness|Under the Red Sea]
Last Edited by Shrub; 02-17-2007 at 03:45 AM. Reason:
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Old 02-17-2007, 03:08 PM
HonorableDarkness United_States HonorableDarkness is offline
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Intermediate Lesson One

R'dosin rose, and saw that he was in a large, dark room. Convenient, he thought. A large fire was roaring. Strangely, the light of this fire didn't irritate his skin. He inhaled deeply. Underneath the normal smells, R'dosin detected the slight tang of a very powerful spell. Whoever made this fire had R'dosin's needs in mind.

This offended him. If he was so weak that a mere fire would harm him, then why would anyone bother with him at all? Whoever it was had underestimated him. He hated being underestimated. He was about to leave, when he saw two objects lying next to him. The first was a small vial of some foul smelling liquid. It was probably poison, but this didn't trouble him. If they thought he was weaker than a small campfire, then any poison they left behind would be as harmful as water to him.

Next to the vial, there was a note. His eyebrows arched, and his eyes narrowed. R'dosin, already angered by their arrogance, was about to just leave it. He didn't really blame them for taking him for an idiot. But, this was too much. Here, of all places, of all worlds, he at least expected a bit of tolerance. That was all he really wanted. After all, he wasn't evil... just misunderstood.

He got up, ready to search for the entrance to his own world. There would be many to choose from.

He stopped. At least, he thought, he should read the note.

He delicately grasped the parchment. It was rolled very tightly, and bound with a green ribbon. He pulled the ribbon loose, and stared at it. There was an odd beauty to it that apealed to to him. He put the ribbon in his pocket, and unrolled the crisp parchment.

Drink the contents of this vial, and daylight will not harm you. Enter the mirror chamber, and your first test will begin.

R'dosin regarded the message with doubt, but, if it was poison, it would not harm him. If he left the empty bottle here, and left, he would show them their stupidity. If it was really a magic potion to ward off sunlight...

R'dosin inspected the vial further. Intricate designs danced around the bottle. I fit neatly into his hand, barely the length of his palm, but it was still a complex thing to behold. He looked, and the deeper he looked, the farther he could see, and the more things he saw. There was a story written here. Many winged demons were bowing before a bonfire. In the middle of the bonfire, a throne was sitting, defying the flames. In the throne there sat a faceless king.

There was a cork stopper in the mouth of the bottle, but there was nothing abnormal about it. The mysterious fluid was pitch black, and there was an almost inaudible hum when he popped the cork. Oh well, he thought, and chugged the contents.

A strange chill flowed through his veins, and R'dosin felt strangely calm. Perhaps this wasn't poison after all.

"I guess their not racist against my kind after all." R'dosin was pleasently suprised at being wrong, for a change. He had good reason to be distrutful. After all, Dark Faeries were a thing to be scorned and feared back home.

As soon as the sensation had passed, the fire faded away, leaving a smoldering pile of ashes. Suddenly, the floor beneath the ashes collapsed into a spiral staircase. R'dosin wondered if he was still asleep.

He started climbing down the stairs. They led to a narrow passageway covered in glyphs and illustrations. R'dosin glanced at the glyphs with slight interest. Suddenly, one of the glyphs caught his interest. A boy was kneeling by three people, who were lying dead on the ground. A dark, masked figure stood over the boy, a sword dripping blood in it's hand.

Instantly, R'dosin's mind was brought back to the moment he first discovered the evil of Malhroth. His family had been killed by one of his servants. J'asin was his name then. On that day, J'asin swore vengeance against Malhroth. It was an oath he later fulfilled after much pain and suffering. He looked harder at the demon. It had bat's wings, like R’dosin’s. He shrugged off this assault of self torture, and continued down the passage.

Time passed again. R'dosin had no way to measure it, so that was all he really knew. After a very long time, he came to the end, at last. There was a door. It was a simple door, with writing above it. It must have been heavily enchanted, because even though he had never before seen this kind of writing, he could read it very clearly. It said "Beyond this door waits the ultimate battle"

R'dosin arched his eyebrows, and pushed the door open.

Inside, the walls, floor and ceiling were all as smooth as glass, and mirrored R'dosin's every movement. The door behind him closed as he entered, and when he tried to find it again, he saw that it had dissapeared inside the mirror. Infinity sprawled out before him in all directions. He couldn't tell how big the room was in reality. A thousand faces looked back at him wherever he turned. Then, the room melted, and he was in an entirely different place all together.

Wind blew against his face, and he smelled yet again the air of his own world. He looked, and saw towers rising like gravestones all around him: grey and depressed. Beyond them, the land was covered in a veil of impenetrable darkness. He stood on the tallest tower. A name came to mind. The Empresess's Tower. This was the forgotten city. The spell had darkness had not yet been lifted, so it could be anytime before two hundred and fifty years ago.

"Hello, J'asin,"

R'dosin turned to see... well, himself! But it wasn't him. It was J'asin, or at least looked like him. Great angel's wings sprouted from his back, and he glowed with a golden light.

R'dosin composed himself, and said "No. I am R'dosin. You are J'asin. R'dosin is Darkness. You are light!"

The angel-J'asin laughed at him. R'dosin gritted his teeth.

"Apearances are so decieving, aren't they! No, I am R'dosin, but you are J'asin," the angel-thing said. It flapped it's wings, and lifted off the tower it stood on. He landed right next to R'dosin. "J'asin, J'asin," he said, shaking his head "R'dosin is Power. Your power. Malhroth saw that, and changed it into something he could use. What you see before you is what it should have been! A god! The ruler of all the Worlds! You could have been great, if you had just let Alia die... Alas, she still died, for nothing,"

"NO! I killed Malhroth! I AM R'DOSIN!" Screamed the dark one.

The thing laughed again, saying "You are chained to the same set of morals that are holding you back to this day. You are weak. You are J'asin." Now it was taunting him.

"NO!" And R'dosin lunged at the light being, scimitars drawn.
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Last Edited by HonorableDarkness; 03-12-2007 at 11:56 AM. Reason:
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Old 02-22-2007, 11:39 AM
HonorableDarkness United_States HonorableDarkness is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

I have deleted the last two lessons. I'm sorry for getting ahead, I won't make that mistake again
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Old 03-07-2007, 08:11 PM
Shrub Shrub is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

Okay, sorry I took so long to respond. Anyways, it's okay. Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh in that PM. I was having a bad day. Anywho, a few things:
Quote:
He hatedbeing underestimated.
See that? Forgot a space. Be careful when putting in those codes for italics and bolds. Make sure you're remembering your spaces. I hoping I won't have to mention little errors like these often. We all make mistakes, just make sure you edit a good few times. It's good to take a good 15 minutes or so away from a piece of owkr after you've written it and then come back to it agian and edit. Sometimes a few errors don't really matter--no one cares. So later I'll stop mentioning small errors as we continue.
Quote:
He was about to leave, when he saw to objects lying next to him
"two"
Quote:
The first was a small vial of some foul smelling liquid.
Quote:
R'dosin inspected the vial further. There was a cork stopper in the mouth of the bottle, but otherwise there was nothing abnormal about it. The mysterious fluid was pitch black.
Okay, about this little vial. I work with my intermediates on description mostly. So I think you could have described this bottle a little more. What is the shape of the vial? How big is it compared to his hand and fingers? Is it transparent/made of glass? If it is then he would have seen that the liquid was black without uncorking the vial, right? Sometimes little things like that count. It brings the reader into the story. Paint a little picture for them so they can see everything. Let them forget that they are only reading, yeah? Try asking yourself little questions like that. See the scene in your mind's eye. Be your character holding the little vial. How does it feel? Smooth? Cold? Warm? Little things like that. So I want you to go back and farther describe the bottle.
Quote:
Next to the vial, there was a note. R'dosin, already angered by their arrogance, was about to just leave it, and go back to his own world. But, curiosity won out, and he lifted the note.
Do you think you could expand a little more on his thoughts? Like I said before, be your character. What's his expression while he's reading the note? What does his anger look like on his face? In his eyes? What are his eyebrows doing when he is angry? Did he turn away from the note, about to leave before picking it up? Did he stare at it for a few moments trying to decide whether to go or read it? What was it about his curiosity that won over his anger? You need to start describing your character's actions, expressions, and mind more. Go back and try to add more to this. Not just in this part. Look through your whole post and look for things you could elaborate on.
Quote:
I guess their not racist against my kind after all," This was one of R'dosin's fears. After all, Dark Faerie's were a thing to be scorned and feared back home.
Small stuff again. That comma should be a period and you forgot a quotation mark at the beginning of that sentence/dialogue.

Okay, edit all this to the best of your ability, but don't move to the next lesson just yet. It's okay to make mistakes. This a good start for you, I think. Anyways, R'dosin's teacher will be Leita Spiritwood. Her profile is in my sig under "My Many Personas." I suggest you read up on his teacher, too.

And why don't you go introduce yourself to the rest of my students, eh? Don't be such a stranger.
__________________

“We must be greater than what we suffer.”
[Between the Worlds|A Light in the Dark|Empire of Darkness|Under the Red Sea]
Last Edited by Shrub; 03-27-2007 at 01:30 PM. Reason:
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Old 03-13-2007, 10:59 AM
HonorableDarkness United_States HonorableDarkness is offline
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Intermediate lesson two:

The angel laughed, and easily dodged R'dosin's attacks. R'dosin caught himself, and twisted around to face his foe. The angel-thing lifted off the ground, and hovered over R'dosin. Its eyes glowed with the light of the sun, and no iris could be seen. Light bathed the creature, yet there was nothing good, nor evil about it. Rather, it was wild. This thing was untamed, and unrestrained in its power. Truly, it looked like J'asin, but it was the very meaning of the word "R'dosin".

"Your many blades amuse me. I count twelve," the light being grasped the hilt of the sword tied at his back, and drew a double-helix great sword. The two twisting blades crossed three times. R'dosin gasped: he knew this sword. It was the sword of Life and Death, the blade that shattered when he slew Malhroth. "Surprised? Only a blade of this caliber is suitable for my power. Those toys of yours are no match for this." He laughed again. R'dosin was beginning to really hate this guy.

R'dosin had no time to lose. Composing himself, he drew began to chant. The shadows around him began to moan, and oozed towards his feet. They crawled around his legs, up his spine, and began to build two appendages. As more shadows piled upon the others, the vague form of reptilian wings could be seen. Soon, R'dosin had a fourteen foot wingspan. He flapped his wings, and lifted up into the air. Now, he was at eye level with his opponent.

The Angel-R'dosin shrieked, and rushed at R'dosin. R'dosin blocked the edge of the blade with his own twin scimitars, but the force knocked him into a building. The great structure groaned at the impact, and began to crumble. R'dosin threw himself away from the falling building, and watched it fall into a pile of rubble. Not for long, though, for his enemy was attacking again. R'dosin parried, and sheathed his left scimitar. He drew a short sword, and stabbed through the open space in the helix of the blade, but the light thing was to quick. He flung the sword out of R'dosin's hand with a quick twist of his blade.

R'dosin cursed himself for his stupidity. No more than half a moment later, his adversary was on him again.

Slowly, as the Angel-Creature gained more and more of an advantage, R'dosin began to realize something. He was losing!

The angel thing saw R'dosin's disbelief written all over his face. He laughed that horrible, arrogant laugh.

"What's wrong? You've never lost a battle before? Poor J'asin. His weakness lives on in you,"

R'dosin roared with frustration, and tackled his adversary once more. Once more, the thing threw him down. R'dosin didn't even try to keep aloft any more. He hit the ground hard.

"Hah! Beaten so soon? Get up! I wish to destroy you, true, but you are making it boring!" R'dosin gritted his teeth. He couldn't believe it: beaten by his inner demon. Where was his power now? He really was just J'asin, the weak heart, Alia's bane. Despair crept into R'dosin's heart. No... It mustn’t end this way. R'dosin still had one more trick up his sleeve...

"C'mon, J'asin, I tire of this! Don't make me just slaughter you. Where's the sport in that!" R'dosin's blood began to boil. It had been a very long time since he had harnessed this power, and he didn't know if it would work.

Concentrating his rage, he uttered a single sentence: "My name's R'dosin,"

Fire ignited across his weapons, and his wings burst into red flame. The Angel-thing hesitated as this new demon rushed with the fury of hell behind him. Still, he held against the dark one. But, the sheer power of R'dosin's blows threw him farther and farther from the ground. Up, to the sun they were flying. The light burned R'dosin's eyes, but he didn't care. The fire that flowed around him soon lit his body. A massive inferno he had become.

But, Light-R'dosin was still alive. Demon R'dosin began to curse with the words of dead languages, his mind no longer his own.

"GRAAAHHHH!!!! KALHAZ MARDOR DESIZ!!! VALTHSYS N’AGA!!" The fire demon's voice was laced with the souls of all who had ever died in a fit of rage. Had he been sane, he would have questioned why his power had so consumed him. Never before had it achieved such intensity.

In the midst of all this, a shred of reason slipped through the fiery wall of rage: Wings. He wasn't guarding his wings. They were too big to defend, even with a great sword. R'dosin's wings had long since turned into fuel for phantom fire, but the light-being looked as if his wings were flesh and blood. A weakness!

The Angel creature followed R'dosin's gaze, and realized in horror what he was planning. In vain, he tried to maneuver his wings away from R'dosin, but it was too late. R'dosin ripped through the left wing like a flaming mace through silk.

The tables had drastically turned. Angel-R'dosin fell, trying to catch the air with his good wing.

He crashed into one of the many ruined towers below. The integrity of the structure waned, and it collapsed upon itself. R'dosin realized his enemy was vanquished, and the fires that swarmed around him died down to embers, then to nothing. He landed next to the rubble.

This wasn't right. Something was out of place...

Suddenly, the pile of rubble exploded, and a blast of light burst forth from the crater. It was Angel-R'dosin. He was not dead.

"You're... alive? But..." R'dosin stumbled as the idea presented itself before R'dosin.

Angel R'dosin laughed, again.
"'But' nothing!!! You're not the only one with the power of rage!!! Behold, I am your destiny fulfilled! I am greater than the Most High!! I AM the Most High!! I AM POWER INCARNATE!!! I AM-"

"Insane," R'dosin spat.

It was Light-R'dosin's turn to go into a blind rage. He lunged at R'dosin with power matched only by his sheer desire to destroy. R'dosin saw how blinded his opponent was by his own power, and undauntedly stepped aside. He drove his dagger into the angel's heart.

Angel-R'dosin gasped. Surprise replaced anger, and he tried to get up. He stopped at his knees. He knelt before R'dosin, staring at his wound.

Light, not blood, seeped from the wound. The body of the Light-being was growing paler as the seconds slipped by. Life was escaping from him.

"No... I can't be killed... not by J'asin..."

R'dosin thrust another dagger into his enemy, and another. Soon he ran out of daggers, and he stabbed his three remaining short swords. All that was left was his two scimitars. He pushed the first one in.

"I buried J'asin, long ago. He lies next to Alia," With that, he thrust the second one into his enemy. Eleven blades stuck into his chest, and he still wouldn't fall.

Shaking, the defeated thing pointed behind R'dosin. He turned, and saw his lost short sword.

He went over picked it up, and threw it into the thing's face. It faded away, leaving a small pile of swords and daggers on the ground.
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Quote: "Hoover dam! We're still in New York!!" - Skipper

Zelda Manga.
Last Edited by HonorableDarkness; 03-13-2007 at 01:28 PM. Reason:
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Old 03-13-2007, 01:33 PM
HonorableDarkness United_States HonorableDarkness is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

I'm tired today. That was a lot of work. I know you didn't say 1,200 words, but I just couldn't end it in 800 words.

Later, I'll introduce R'dosin's teacher. Most likely in the same post as Int. Lesson 2.
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Old 03-13-2007, 05:28 PM
Shrub Shrub is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

That's fine, I don't have a word limit. Just a word mininum. Except, you need to read my posts more thoroughly. I said not to move onto the next lesson just yet, but since you can't save your posts, I'll let it slide this time.

Oh don't introduce Leita, I like to make my own entrances.

Anyways, I can't get around to responding to this properly yet, but I will tomorrow, I think. So just sit tight until then.
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Old 03-14-2007, 10:55 AM
HonorableDarkness United_States HonorableDarkness is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrub View Post
That's fine, I don't have a word limit. Just a word mininum. Except, you need to read my posts more thoroughly. I said not to move onto the next lesson just yet, but since you can't save your posts, I'll let it slide this time.

Oh don't introduce Leita, I like to make my own entrances.

Anyways, I can't get around to responding to this properly yet, but I will tomorrow, I think. So just sit tight until then.
You said move on to the next lesson!?! This is the next lesson, yes? Sorry, I'm confuserated .
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Old 03-27-2007, 04:52 PM
Shrub Shrub is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

Quote:
Okay, edit all this to the best of your ability, but don't move to the next lesson just yet.
lol, you need to slow down when you read things.

But anyways, I have to say, I liked this one. R'dosin is an intriguing character. The connect between J'asin and Alia and his inner demon was nice, but I'm thinking you can develop that idea farther. That will be something we work on later though. You still had a few errors, but I'll address them later as well.

IC: The room faded back into mirrors, the landscape of R’dosin’s home world drifted into ghost-like images until the solid mirrors over took them completely. So, in the large box-shaped room, he stood alone. As if the battle had been nothing but a lucid dream. However, he was not alone for much longer.

A door opened; or more, a rectangular piece of one of the mirrors swung open. In stepped a short figure. It was girl, barely over five feet. She had long, silver hair that reached down to the small of her back. It was perfectly straight, showering down from her head like a waterfall of moonlight. Her hair was parted out of her face, to the sides of her head. She has very delicate features. Her body was small and slender, almost like a child’s. However, her matured body showed that she must be in her late-teens at most. Her deep, emerald-green eyes were large and filled with innocence and purity … but … there was a gentle sorrow and fragility, so subtle it blended into the other aspects of her eyes flawlessly. She had fair skin of a pale-peach complexion.

She wore a modest outfit: dark gray cloth pants with a light gray tunic, secured with a black belt and silver buckle. On her feet are black leather boots, reaching up just below her knees, and tightly laced up. She wore a forest-green cloak over her shoulders. Over her right shoulder, she slung a brown leather satchel. In her left hand was a white staff just about as tall as she with a large emerald on top.

The girl lifted her green gaze slowly up to R’dosin’s dark eyes. She quickly averted her eyes, lowering them to the ground with swift coy. She took a careful step toward him, pausing for a moment, but then taking another. Her light steps echoed around the mirror room, bouncing off the glass. She soon stood only four or five feet from him. There she stopped; hesitating, she slowly lifted her gaze upward. It had to travel a longer way this time, for R’dosin was a foot taller than she. A shy hue of pink filled her soft cheeks. She parted her lips, as if to speak, but the words seemed to get lost somewhere in her throat. Another moment passed until she was finally able to speak.

“… H-hello … m-my name is—is … Leita …” she began, and as she spoke her eyes flickered away from his eyes, downward and then back up again. “I … I hope … the potion worked well for you … Ah, well, you can stand in the light so … I just wasn’t sure. I haven’t made that kind of potion before; um … the fire didn’t hurt you either, did it?” She lowered her gaze, and it held at her feet as her cheeks turn a stronger shade of pink. “O-oh, right … uh, welcome to the Dome. I’ll—I will be your teacher …” She paused again, lifting her face up to his again. She bit her bottom lip nervously as she did so.

OoC: heh, I thought I would add my own spin on the potion and camp fire. So anyways, that’s Leita. I hope you’ve read her profile. You may move onto the next lesson.
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Last Edited by Shrub; 03-27-2007 at 05:00 PM. Reason:
  #11 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 03-27-2007, 05:42 PM
HonorableDarkness United_States HonorableDarkness is offline
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Intermidiate lesson three (Yay!)

Cool. I forgive you for making me wait so long. No wonder your a teacher...

In the words of mario: Here we go.

R'dosin
Contradiction
Villian
Dark
Cruel
Hero
Gentle
Honerable
Outcast
Imortal
Deadly

Leita quickly turned and started walking out the door. R'dosin just stood there. It had been a very long time he had seen anyone face to face, let alone someone with such innocent beauty. She reminded him of someone... He shook off the feelings of regret that again tried to creep up on him.

Twice in one day, he thought. This is just too much. Leita tried to look impatient as she told him to come with her, but she didn't pull it off very well. She looked like a stray leaf in the wind would knock her senseless if she wasn't careful. Still, if she made that potion...

He walked towards her, his footfalls making not a sound. Leita still didn't want to make eye contact with him. She turned again to the door like opening in the mirror, and again her tiny footsteps echoed in the strange room. He followed her out of the room, and squinted at the light that poured in through the ceiling. It was strange, to walk in the light again. R'dosin had to fight an urge to flee to the nearest shaded area. He could barely see the slim girl in front of him, let alone his surroundings. All he knew was there was sunlight on his skin. He felt no pain, but it felt unnatural.

"Excuse me," he said, suddenly. She nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Y-Yes!?!" She was frightened of the aura of power that seemed to exude from the vibrations of his vocal cords: A trait borne by Shadow Creatures. He hadn't spoken to any kind of human for over a century, so he was a bit out of practice.

"My apologies. I didn't wish to frighten you."

"I'm not frightened…" Her eyes instantly slid away from him. He could sense her apprehension.

"If it's not too much trouble, could we go someplace where there isn't so much sunlight? I can barely see." She turned, and looked at him.

"Oh... What about the potion? Is it not working?" She was beginning to apologize, but R'dosin stopped her.

"If the potion didn't work, I'd be dead right now. Sunlight disintegrates me. But, I can't see in this light..."

"I'm so sorry... I... I'll take you to your room. It's in the lower levels, so it's not as bright down there..."

"Thank you..." said R'dosin. Soon, they came to a door. When it opened, sweet darkness filled R’dosin’s vision. They closed the door, and started down a torch-lit passageway. He could see again! He looked at the girl that was his teacher, taking in her appearance. Now that his vision was no longer blinded by that cursed sun, he could see exactly who had been chosen for his teacher. She was a girl: Nothing but a young, frightened child. THIS was his mentor?

“How old are you?” He demanded.

She was caught off guard. “N-nineteen.”

“Nineteen? A child?” he almost laughed. She looked away, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Follow me, R’dosin." She started to walk away. R’dosin silently walked after her.

“Wait,” he said. She turned, and lifted her eyes from the floor. He looked into her eyes, and was slightly taken aback. Up until then, he had not looked straight into her eyes, but now… some inexplicable resilience dwelled behind those eyes. She had suffered much, this girl who was to be his teacher. Looking into her eyes, he could see why she was chosen.

“I’m sorry,” he began. “You see, I have lived a very long time. I can barely remember the last time I saw a human who did not want to kill me. Nineteen isn’t that young, if I recall. I was not even your age when I was turned into what you see before you,” What was it with her? Why was he baring his soul for this one? What was it about those eyes…? He shook his head. It was he that broke eye contact this time.

Ieht Zah! What’s wrong with me? First time I see a pretty girl in over a century, and I start telling her my life story! Sorry about all this…” He looked up, and was surprised. A slight smile was curving her face.

“This way to your room, R’dosin,” She turned again, and he followed.

They entered a large, dimly lit room. There was a weird orb in the center. It poured out a strange half-light. It felt good on R’dosin’s skin.

“These are the Twilight Chambers. They were made for those who despise sunlight. A wizard came from a world where these orbs were the only source of light. As such, the people adapted to it, and now they can’t exist in sunlight. They train here, sometimes. This orb was left here out of the wizard’s kindness. All the light from here is channeled to the other rooms in this wing of the Dome so light dwellers can see. That,” She pointed to a door on the other side of the room “will be your room.”

R’dosin walked over to the door. A large dragon adorned the wooden door. It filled the entire rectangular space, smiling in invitation. In it’s talons it held a crystal of white. There was no doorknob. He turned back to Leita.

“Just focus your shadow energies on the crystal.” R’dosin looked around. Every other door had a doorknob. No dragon was to be found on these doors.

“Can’t I just have a normal door?”

She shook her head. “No. They’re for other people. It’s to hone your skills as a shadow caller.”

Shadow Caller. They created things out of darkness, and drew power from it. His family was slaughtered by one in Malhroth’s service. He had never fully delved into the maximum ability of this power because of this.

He sighed, and focused on the crystal. Slowly, his shadow cast by the Twilight Orb was condensing, and then oozed into the crystal. It turned black, and the door opened. Leita smiled, and said, “Well done! Have a good rest!”

She started to go back up the passage.

“Leita…” called R’dosin.

“Yes?”

“My… my sister had green eyes. I just thought you should know that.”

She nodded, and left him alone in the dim light. For some reason, the dark qualities of the Twilight Orb seemed very depressing…
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Last Edited by HonorableDarkness; 03-28-2007 at 10:54 AM. Reason:
  #12 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 03-27-2007, 09:16 PM
Shrub Shrub is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

Quote:
"My apologies. I didn't wish to frighten you,"
Quote:
"If it's not too much trouble, could we go someplace where there isn't so much sunlight? I can barely see,"
Quote:
“Follow me, R’dosin,
Quote:
“I’m sorry,” he began, “You see, I have lived a very long time. I can barely remember the last time I saw a human who did not want to kill me. Nineteen isn’t that young, if I recall. I was not even your when I was turned into what you see before you,
Quote:
“Just focus your shadow energies on the crystal,
Quote:
“No. They’re for other people. It’s to hone your skills as a shadow caller,
Quote:
“My… my sister had green eyes. I just thought you should know that,
Okay, those are all the times you should have used a period instead of a comma. So that being said, do you kind of get where commas and periods are to be used with dialogue?
Quote:
"Excuse me," He said, suddenly.
Quote:
“Wait,” He said.
You shouldn't have captialized these, when it follows a comma there is no captialization. If it follows a period then you captialize it.
Quote:
Leita smiled, and said “Well done! Have a good rest!”
You need a comma after said and before your quotation mark. You always need a comma either following "said" or before it.
Quote:
I was not even your when I was turned into what you see before you,
I'm guessing you forgot "age" in that sentence.

Anyways, very good. You handled Leita fairly well. My other students seem to have more difficulty handling other people's characters sometimes. You did well. Once you have edited all this stuff, move onto the next lesson.
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  #13 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 03-28-2007, 01:14 PM
HonorableDarkness United_States HonorableDarkness is offline
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Intermidiate Lesson Four

The door slammed behind R'dosin, and the crystal let go of his shadow. He watched as it oozed back out of the crystal. As it did, the twilight sparkled through the crystal, streaming through like a prism. It beamed towards a larger crystal on the top of the ceiling, and twilight danced softly around the room. It was very well thought out. The room seemed to be carved out of rock. He closed his eyes, and breathed in deeply through his nostrils.

Home. It was the scent of home: the sweet darkness, broken only by the pale light of a shattered moon. He was safe here. He opened his eyes again and began to absorb his surroundings into his memory. The carvings on the wall were very detailed, and much like the ones in the ancient ruins of his own world.

There were two rooms, one for sleeping, and one for other refreshment. There was a door that separated the two rooms, but it bore a doorknob, and not some strange crystal mechanism. He looked into the toilet, and saw that there was some kind of spell that teleported whatever went down there to… somewhere. He laughed. Interesting way of dealing with that kind of thing, he thought.

There was a bowl of water that eternally replenished itself, and also bore a spell. It was one of cleansing. There was a mirror above the bowl. He stopped. It was a long time ago when he last looked at his reflection this close before. He gazed at the tattoos on his face. The one on his cheek still snatched his attention. It was made to look like he had something rip off his cheek, baring his teeth on one side of his face. It amused him still to watch it twist into a chilling skeletal sneer when he smiled. This only made him smile more.

In fact, he began to feel that this place was designed specifically for someone from his world, who had the same handicaps and strengths as he did: a dark creature who was not enslaved to that accursed "King" of darkness. He gazed at the familiar images. They were just inside the dim reach of the twilight crystal, so the shadows gave them a three dimensional look.

He looked at the other parts of the room. It was completely made of stone, and the light gave that stone an eerie non-color kind of look. It was perfect for one of his kind. He remembered when he lived with the dark faeries of his own world. They took him in, and gave him a home when no other would. It made sense. He had become one of them. The houses were built very similar to this, aside from the perpetual twilight.

The people he knew as Dark Faeries carved their houses deep inside caves on the sides of cliffs. They hid in them during the day, and lived quite comfortably at night. The bed was a hole carved out of the side of a wall, a thin mattress layering the bottom. There was a small table, also made of stone. Upon the table, there was a statue of a dragon. What was with the dragon theme? He would have to ask Leita about that...

Other than the statue, and the table, there was a desk, and a stack of parchment like paper. Pen and ink were also provided. They were all being held by a miniature dragon statue…
There was a note on the desk

“You are requested to write everyday about what happens to you here. It will be added to the library for future students.”

R’dosin set the note back down. He looked at the paper. He would do that later, when he actually had some experience at this place.

He continued to look around the room, searching for anything that might be out of place. There was another dragon statue sitting in a corner. Yahat Zar, what was up with these people and dragons? Oh well. He had nothing against dragons. As long as there were no bird skeletons with semi-human features, like arms, he would be fine. He hated those things.

But, flying lizards that breathed fire were fine by him. All he wanted to know was why. Was the last person her obsessed with them, or something? They were all but extinct where he came from. He noticed that all these dragons were smiling wicked smiles. He checked the one holding up the magic bowl in the other room. It was smiling too. This almost made R’dosin feel a bit uneasy, but only for a moment. He realized that he also had a frightening smile.

He looked at his face again, smiled, smiled some more, and then grew tired of it. He walked into his bedroom, and crawled into bed. He said goodnight to the dragons, and went to sleep.
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  #14 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 04-08-2007, 01:42 PM
Shrub Shrub is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

Kool beans ^^ move onto the next lesson.
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  #15 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 04-08-2007, 02:10 PM
Tinnitus United Kingdom Tinnitus is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

LOL! LOL! LOL!
  #16 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 04-08-2007, 02:11 PM
Shrub Shrub is offline
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Re: [Shrub]R'dosin's training

Hey, delete that, you aren't supposed to post in here. This thread is for the teacher and student only.
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