[Aex] Knight's training

In a misty grassland, there were two shadows moving forward. The warrior Knight as one shodow, his brother Arin the other.

"He's here" Arin said, "Haven is around here somewhere."

Arin had Neo Space powers. He used the powerful Neo Space elements Earth, Metal, Fire, Lightning, Water, Ice, Air, and Pschic. He can also use Neo Space to warp from place to place.

Knight looked around. A shadow came speeding from behind him. Kight quickly dodged. The shadow missed Knight and went for a swipe with his 6 inch claws from under a dark blue cloak at Arin. He dodged and did a magic spell to freeze him. The shadow brrought his other arm out and smacked the ice blast back at Arin, freezing him.

Knight did the first thing that came to mind. He pointed his metal arm at the shadow, casting the spell Bio-Thundorga. An electric shockwave emited from his arm blowing the cloak away. With his best attack, Roneice-Blun, his body expoded in flames lighting up the area and defrosting Arin.

The shadow person disappeared. In the light, in his long-sleeve, blue jacket and long black baggy pants, stood Haven. All he did was stick his hand out and Knight and Arin were flown back, puting Knight's flame out.

"Knight, grab my hand" Arin yelled out. He reached for Arin and grabbed his hand.

"I don't know how we're going to beat him. I'm all worn out, Arin" Knight yelled.

"I know. That's why we're leaving".

As Haven went in to kill them both, Arin warped themselves.

As Knight opened his eyes, he saw many groups of people fighting. "Where am I?" he asked himself outloud.

He felt a hand land on his shoulder. He turned around drawing his sword ready to attack.

"Relax," the person said, "my name is Arina. The place you are in is called the Dome."

"Did you see a person kind of like me, only wearing white?" Knight asked.

"Sorry, I didn't"

Knight assumed that Arin was sent to another place than him. So becoming friends with Arina, Knight decided to stay and join the Battle School to get stronger since he knew Arin could take care of himself. He knew that if he ever me Haven here, he'd have at least one person to help him, and that once he was powerful enough, he would go search for Arin.


OoC: Okay. Took me a while, but I got it.

Alright, a good start. However, before we can begin your first lesson, I'm just going to teach you something that you'll find useful here. In the AT, people generally write in past tense. You wrote the above in present tense. I'll give you an example.

You wrote:

Knight looks around. A shadow comes speeding from behind him. Kight quickly dodges. The shadow misses Knight and goes for a swipe with his 6 inch claws from under a dark blue cloak at Arin. He dodges and does a magic spell to freeze him. The shadow brings his other arm out and smacks the ice blast back at Arin, freezing him.

Now, that's present tense, because you're telling things as they happen, and not looking back on things. So, in past tense, it would become:

Knight looked around. A shadow came speeding from behind him. Kight quickly dodged. The shadow missed Knight and went for a swipe with his 6 inch claws from under a dark blue cloak at Arin. He dodged and did a magic spell to freeze him. The shadow brought his other arm out and smacked the ice blast back at Arin, freezing him.

See the difference? Now, to test this out, and just to get a basic feel for it, try editing your post to make the entire thing past tense.

Past tense down. Thanks for telling me.

Okay, so I see that some of it has been put in past tense, but you're still missing a bit toward the beginning.

Ooopps. I didn't see that. I fixed it up, but the part explaining Arin's powers doesn't need to be past tense though, right?

No, that would be past tense, as well. Look at it as if you are telling a story. You're not going to tell the story by saying, "Arin looks at Knight and frowns," because you're telling it as if it happens from the past. Most fiction is written this way, too.

Not wanting to talk back to a teacher, but if I changed has to had and uses to used, it would sound like he doesn't have the powers anymore. Should I still change it.

Originally Posted by Fire Gamer

Not wanting to talk back to a teacher, but if I changed has to had and uses to used, it would sound like he doesn't have the powers anymore. Should I still change it.

It's perfectly alright to question your teacher. I recommend it.

But you still need to put it in past tense, because when writing a piece of fiction, everything must remain in the same tense. And it doesn't mean he doesn't still have his powers, it simply means that he had them at the time.

Okay and thanks. I fixed it and read over it. Now everything is in past tense and I corrected all the misspelled words I saw.

As Knight and Arina stood in the large hall, the pathway that had led Knight into the Dome disappearing, a figure walked into the large room. At first, Knight, who was still looking around in awe, didn’t notice him. He was too absorbed in the sight of such a magnificent structure. They seemed to be in a large circular room formed of aging bricks. The ceiling could have been miles high.

There was only one doorway remaining, and Arina was focused intently on the cloaked figure walking through it. Knight turned around to see the form for the first time. Whoever the person underneath that brown guise was, he or she did not desire to be seen.

The approaching body held up a folded piece of paper and threw it toward the two. Arina stopped it before it could reach her face and opened it up. She nodded and turned to Knight. “I have to go. I’ll catch up with you again later.”

Knight nodded reluctantly, but let her leave. He then turned his attention backed to the elusive face of the intruding form and asked, “How’re you?” The figure remained silent but passed him a letter as well. He looked down at it, and then looked back up to see the cloak moving back out through the exit of the room.

As the fancy gold print of the note instructed, he followed the character out of the room, wondering if, as the letter said, he was truly being taken to his room.

OoC - Okay, so now you need to do two things. First off, you need to chose which of my characters is under that cloak. A list of my characters is provided in my homeroom.

Secondly, you need to choose your first lesson. Now, after looking over your first post, I've decided upon three things that we can work on for now. But we'll go at them one at a time.

• Dialog
• Proofreading
• Character behaviour

The first two are a bit more important, but I wouldn't mind going over the third if that's what you want to start with.

OOC: Okay, I'm feeling better than I was all weekend so I ready to type......a lot.

First off, I get to choose ANY of your people (even the ones not on that list)?

And what kind of training is dialog and proofreading?

You can choose any of the four characters mentioned in my homeroom. Why, was there another you desired?

And proofreading would just involve spotting errors and making typo-free posts, while dialog would focus on the technical aspects of character speech, such as where to use commas and periods.

Originally Posted by Aex

And proofreading would just involve spotting errors and making typo-free posts, while dialog would focus on the technical aspects of character speech, such as where to use commas and periods.

OOC: So how would I put that into the story? T_T (thinking hard)

Originally Posted by Arin/Knight

OOC: So how would I put that into the story? T_T (thinking hard)

You don't need to put it into the story. That'll be your lesson, not Knight's. For your actual post, just have Knight and his teacher walk through the Dome until they find his room, and then describe his room.

As Knight and the hooded figure walked down the hall, he was still second-guessing the figure. Knight had his hand by his sword just in case. They had been walking down the dark hallway for three minutes before the came to a dead end.

"Okay, we haven't seen a door since we entered this stupid hallway" he said drawing his electric sword, eluminating the hallway, "Where are we?"

"We are at your room" the figure said placing his hand against the wall. At that moment, the wall split into two and opened.

The room was all dark blue and the floor was almost transperent so you could see into space. It had a closet and a bed. Other than that, it appered that nothing else was in the room.

As the figure removed his hood, reveiling his light black hair, he said, "By the way, I am your teacher, Karaza. Your first lesson is tomorrow." With that said, he left the room.

OOC: Okay, I got it. Took me a while to decide who I wanted as my teacher though.

Alright, well done. However, I meant to have you find Knight's room, not Karaza's. Do you want to redo the description, or will it suffice for Knight?

If you're content with this, then we'll move on to the next lesson. Though, you've yet to choose a subject. Tell me which you desire, and then we'll go over it. Then we'll move onto Knight's lesson.

Okay, I changed the last couple paragraphs to say what you wanted. I'm ready for my first lesson.

:XD Okay, I'm terribly sorry, because this is my fault, not yours. In your edited post you had Karaza tell Knight that his lesson would be on dialog. Your lesson will be on dialog, but Knight's will be about something else.

To clarify, imagine that Knight is James Bond. Karaza is going to have Knight complete a sort of mission, like James Bond would. Once he's done, you and I will go over your actual post and look at your writing. Knight doesn't have to worry about dialog.

If it's not too much trouble, could I get you to edit for hopefully the last time?

I just had to take out a couple words to fix it up. So what IS my first assignment? If I have to choose anything random, tell me and I'll put it in my post.

Nope, I'm going to have Karaza give you a lesson in my next post. But first, we're going to just get down the basics of dialog. We'll go into more detail as you start posting Knight's assignments.

So, to start off, you're already using the quotation marks (" ") properly. But, when using them for speech, there are certain things you need to add to make everything work right.

Now, whenever a character finishes talking, there always needs to be some form of punctuation mark before the ending quotation mark. For example:

Billy looked at Susie and said, "I didn't steal your stupid doll!"

See the exclamation mark? Now, you can also use periods, commas, interrobangs (?!), and occasionally dashes (-) to end dialog. But there always needs to be something there, and it always needs to come before the last quotation mark.

Now, you also need to make sure you're using the right punctuation mark, but that's pretty simple. If the character's sentence is finished, you will most likely use a period. There are exceptions, but we'll learn about those after. If your character ends with a question, you put a question mark. If they're not done their sentence and just taking a short break, you put a comma.

So, here are a few more examples. Note where the different types of marks are and how they're used.

Jack didn't realize he was angry until he shouted, "Don't tell me how to raise my children!

"I'm not angry with you, Fred. I just can't go on like this forever," Selene said.

(Note that in the above example, however, I used a comma even though Selene's sentence had ended. This is intentional, and I'll explain why as we move on.)

Jerry frowned and asked, "So, you were just going to leave us here?"

So, any questions on any of that?