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Old 11-17-2005, 08:27 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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[Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: This is my first assignment. I hope it's long enough. And that I didn't miss any spelling errors I may have made. And if any words that have "m"s in them don't, I blame it on my keyboard(It's been acting up lately).

BiC: Renick walked through a vast cornfield, searching. He wasn't searching for a anything in particular. Just for something to eat. Normally he would've gone to a shop or marketplace for food, but the nearest marketplace was crawling with people at the moment, and having no intention to meet any people, decided to find something in the wild instead.

He reached out and pulled an ear of corn from it's stalk, tore off the husk revealing nice yellow kernels underneath. He ate it quietly and quickly, throwing the cob away when he was finished. Corn wasn't his favorite thing to eat, but he had learned to make himself eat purely for survival when he needed to. Although when he had a choice of eating something good, he went for it. After chucking the cob back into the field, Renick spyed "something good": a deer. It was standing not too far from him, eating corn on the stalk. He was nearly out of dried venison, and would need more soon. So really it was quite convenient that the marketplace had been full. Renick dropped low to the ground and silently withdrew Rithnaw, his Katana-staff. He crawled over to the deer, ready to slash it's head off, when a loud noise rang through the air, startling the deer and making it run.

Renick slammed his fist on the ground and looked for what had caused the noise. He saw two farmers running up the hills, sickles in their hands and a large gong. Why did they have to bring a gong? Shouldn't they have snuck up on me instead? He wondered and took off for the edge of the cornfield. While running, he heard the deer. It was also running. He altered his course and soon came into view of the animal. Still intent on making the thing his dinner, he slashed at it. And missed as the deer veered off suddenly in a new direction. Reacting with lightning reflexes, Renick did the same and remained with the animal. Soon they were out of the cornfield and running through a forest with tall trees. Both weaved around the trees easily, and came to a stop in front of a lake. Renick looked at the deer, which looked back at him. He edged closer to the Deer, slowly, Rithnaw behind his back. He was nearly close enough to strike when the ground began to rumble. Both Renick and the Deer looked around for what might be causing it. The rumbling increased and the deer ran away. Renick stood still and held his ground. He waited to see if it was an earthquake, or if whatever was causing it would appear. He stood there until nightfall, when suddenly, the rumbling ceased. Renick, confused, looked around again. Still there was nothing, except now, the deer he had chased earlier was back. It looked at him with large eyes. Renick stared back into those eyes. Then he noticed that it's eyes were smaller than they should've been. It's eyes looked, human. Then there was a bright light that emanated from the deer and filled the forest. Renick didn't blink. Soon the light subsided, and where the deer had stood now stood an old man.

"Renick Forshire?" The old man asked.

"Actually it's just Renick-wait, how did you know my last name?"

"Thats not important, what is important is that you follow me. Come, come, we must hurry, for time is of the essence. And it would not suit us, too be late." The old man began walking off towards a large mountain, motioning for Renick to follow him.

"Wait, old man, late for what?" Renick asked as he followed.

"All in good time, Renick. Now, c'mon."

"But how am I supposed to know this isn't a trap for you to rob me?"

"Think, you have a brain don't you? Why would an old man like me try to rob someone like you? Eh? I have no weapons, no skills aside from walking, no special powers aside from my magic. Why would I try to rob you anyway? You have nothing of particular value to me."

Renick didn't answer. He just continued to follow the old man, trusting that he could fight his way out if it was a trap. As they walked, the weather changed from warm and sunny, to cold and cloudy. Soon it was snowing incredibly hard and Renick lost track of the old man. As far as Renick knew, the old man had just disappeared. Either way it was snowing too hard to look for him. Then Renick walked into something. But when he looked to see what he hit, he saw nothing. When he stuck out his hand, he encountered an invisible wall. Weird. He thought. Then where his hand touched the invisible surface, a door began to appear. Slowly, the surface of a wall began to appear as well. The wall was covered in beautiful markings and images that seemed to tell a story of long travels, battles, friends, enemies and many other things that would bring a tear to any ones eye. Renick, of course, had no emotional reaction, and spent no time admiring it. He stepped through the door and shook some snow off himself. Snow wes one things Renick hated, and he was glad to be out of it. He found himself in a large room with four doors leading north, west, east, and south. He saw a desk in the middle of the room, and behind it was the old man.

"Renick? Renick Forshire? Is that you?" the old man asked. " 'Cause if it is then welcome to the Dome."

Renick looked around, wondering what one did here until he saw a sign saying: "Those who wish to fight on the ZU Battle Arena, train here, we also have a new salad bar."

So it was a training ground. Renick had never seen one so large before. He was about to leave the old man waved his hand and locked the door in a way that Renick could never unlock it.

"Stay, Renick. You have great potential. Go now, and it will be for naught." The old man told him.

"What will?." Renick asked drawing Rithnaw.

The old man smiled "You will have to discover that, on your own."

"What if I don't want too? I could kill you right now if I wanted. And I will too, if you don't let me out."

"You won't. Because then you would never get out. I am the only one who can unlock that door. Kill me and you will spend the rest of your life learning in the dome. And from the look on your face, thats the last thing you want to do with the rest of your life."

Renick put Rithnaw back onto the clip on his back. He was trapped. Forced to fight against his will. Perhaps it wouldn't be as bad as he thought. Maybe he would find out what "would've been for naught". Whatever it was, He would have a long time to figure it out.
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Last Edited by Dark-ness; 11-26-2005 at 06:29 PM. Reason:
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Old 11-23-2005, 03:43 PM
Captain Eaglefort Captain Eaglefort is a male United States Captain Eaglefort is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

As with all my students, I will first tell you what to fix and then give you assignment two afterwards.

Kernels, venison, reflexes, emanated, weapons, and disappeared were all mispelled.
Quote:
Although when he had a choice of eating something good, he went for it. And thats what he spotted when he threw the cob away. A deer.
That entire thing makes little sense. I suggest combining the last part to make it flow a little more. Try it like this:
Quote:
Although when he had a choice of eating something good, he went for it. As soon as he threw the cob away, Renick noticed such a tastey meal... a deer.
That's is put as thats in your post a few times and cornfield is one word.
Quote:
Thats not important, what is important is that you come with me right now. Come on.
That particular sentence reads a little awkward. Try this:
Quote:
That's not important. It is, however, important that you follow me right now. C'mon.
Something else I noticed was that you have some problems with writting sentence fragments. Example:
Quote:
As they walked, the weather got colder and colder.
Instead of that, let's try
Quote:
As they continued forward, the air seemed to progressively become cooler and cooler until it was almost cold.
Here's another fragment:
Quote:
Then where his hand touched the invisible surface, a door began to appear. No, not just a door, but also a wall that seemed to stretch up into the heavens.
To fix that, you can add a few words, like this:
Quote:
Then, where his hand touched the invisible surface, a door appeared. Not only did a door appear, but along with it came a wall that seemed to stretch up to the heavans.
And lastly, we have this sentence:
Quote:
Stay, Renick. You have great potential. Do not throw it away.
It would look better as:
Quote:
Stay Renick, you have great potential... don't waste it.
There may have been a few other problems that I missed, but they can wait.
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Change it again... I dare you. It only gets worse from here.

"You know what they say -- home is where you hang your enemy's head." ~Gogron gro-Bolmog from Oblivion.
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Old 11-23-2005, 09:02 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: Ok, I edited it. I also messed with the story a little at the end. I wanted to add a bit more depth to it.
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Old 11-28-2005, 10:20 PM
Captain Eaglefort Captain Eaglefort is a male United States Captain Eaglefort is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC:
I think that will suffice.

IC:
It was as Renick was readying a fighting stance when a cloaked man placed his hand on Renick's shoulder. "Enough of this, there is no need of an entry test. I apologize for being late, but I was... detained," he said quickly. He then added, "Renick is it? Follow me... I'm not as passive as these coots. I will leave you behind if you aren't fast enough."

"Erm... okay," was all Renick could say. In reality, he was thinking, Who the hell does this guy think he is?

"I think that I am your superior and teacher. Anymore thoughts like that, and you'll be facing a black abyss."

Renick laughed nervously. Holy crap, he read my mind.

Ranul chuckled dryly. "Yes, I did read your mind. What of it?"

"N-nothing." He jogged to keep up with his new teacher.

OoC:
Assignment: follow the man (Ranul, but Renick doesn't know that) and have some trouble keeping up and they eventually make it to the homeroom. It is described in my homeroom.
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Change it again... I dare you. It only gets worse from here.

"You know what they say -- home is where you hang your enemy's head." ~Gogron gro-Bolmog from Oblivion.
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Old 11-30-2005, 10:57 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: Ok, here it is. It took me two days to think of anything that would fit within the required parameters, but I did it anyway.

BiC: Renick jogged at an easy pace alongside the man he had just met. The man hadn't introduced himself, and neither had Renick. In fact, Renick hadn't even needed to. The strange man had read his mind to obtain that information. Which angered Renick above anything else. The man had intruded on his thoughts, he had good reason to be angry. He said nothing to the man, not wishing to associate himself with him in any way. Whenever the man asked a question, Renick left it unanswered. He made sure not to think anything either. If the man tried to read his mind again, he would encounter nothing but a whirlwind of pain, suffering, and darkness.

"You're paranoid of me, aren't you?" The man asked. Renick said nothing.

"You don't need to be. I haven't been able to read your mind since we met."

Have you now? Renick thought angrily. He waited to see if the man would answer his thoughts. Because if the man was lying, surely he would have responded to them. But he hadn't, he just continued flying. Soon Renick noticed he was lagging behind a little. He ran until he was once again beside the man.

"Whats your name anyway?" Renick asked quietly.

"Ranul." said the man. Renick, satisfied with the answer, didn't ask anything else. Renick packed on more speed, again to stay alongside Ranul. Except this time, he didn't slow down. Ranul had also put on speed, forcing Renick to run. Then he abruptly turned left, and stopped. Renick came running up to him five seconds later.

"Try to keep up." Ranul said bluntly. Renick dismissed the coment, and waited to start going again. And when he did, Renick was only a second behind. His determination to stay with him outweighed the tiredness in his legs, forcefully willing them to keep going. Ranul made another sharp turn, this time to the right. Renick anticipated this and stayed with him. Then Ranul made a direct turn around in the opposite direction, leaving Renick behind. Ranul again stopped, and waited for Renick to catch up.

"It would be nice of you to stop slowing down like that. Renick."

"Maybe if you made less turns like that, I would stop slowing down like that."

Ranul shrugged "It doesn't matter anyway, we're here." Ranul spread out his hands to take in the large room in which they now stood.

"It looks like a jungle to me. A jungle with, people." Renick said disgusted.

"Yes, I suppose it does. Well now that we're here, bye." And with that, Ranul blinked out of existence. In the distance, Renick thought he heard a sound like a bird splatting against a window, followed by a door opening, then closing. Renick looked around the jungle room. It had four doors, east, west, north, and south. In between the doors were seperate rooms which served various purposes. He was about to venture into the jungle and look for a secluded space, when a familiar voice called his name.

"Renick! Renick Forshire! Or, just Renick, whichever it is."

Renick looked into the room, that appeared to be an eatery, and saw the old man he had met before coming to the dome. The old man left some money on the table next to some scraps of food, and started running towards Renick.

"I must say, it is so nice to see you again."

I can't say the same thing about you old man.

"Now then, welcome to the homeroom. This is where you eat, clean up, read, or whatever. Be sure to enjoy yourself, whatever you do."

"Enjoyment has no meaning, old man."

"Well, not for you, maybe." The old man said angrily. "Just because you see no meaning in enjoyment, doesn't mean every one doesn't. Now then I have soething for you. Wait here." The old man left Renick, and disappeared in a room filled with books. A book floated out of the door, and into Renick's hand. A note was attatched that said: "Read this. It is the first thing that will tell you about what you nearly threw away."

Once again the old man was very vague on details. But at least he had a start. The book was titled "The History of Forshire". Renick stared at the last word in the title. There again was his last name. He flipped through the pages to air it out. Dust flew in the air as he did so.

I wonder how long this book has been sitting in there?

Still flipping, he noticed there were some pages missing from the back. A small scrap was still attatched to the binding. And on the scrap, in the midst of several small tears, were the letters: E, N, and C. What it meant was a mystery to Renick. But, somehow, he found this mystery rather intriguing. He set off into the small jungle to read the book in privacy.

OoC: And if I ay say this: Renick never laughs, not nervously, happily, or evily. Never has never will. Just wanted to say that.
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Old 12-10-2005, 11:14 PM
Captain Eaglefort Captain Eaglefort is a male United States Captain Eaglefort is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC:
Ah... I have returned to my duties. I must have missed that part about laughing in your character's thread... sorry about that. I guess when I read the positive emotions thing, I assumed that he just didn't laugh out of pleasure. I'll fix that here in a moment.

Looks good. I'm not going to nitpick right now, so I will start the next post...

IC:
Renick had just settled down in the center of the room, when a noise to his left caused him to gather his weapon from its resting place. "Quit hiding, you gave up your presance the second you made a sound," he said cooly. Did they think they were dealing with an amature? I'm more aware than that.

While he was staring into a bush, attempting to get his "stalker" to show his/herself, he failed to notice the person standing behind him. "Watcha doing, scaring my birds?" said a large voice from behind Renick. Renick, being as tall as he was, started to look slightly down out of habit when he saw that he was staring into a barrel chest. "Up here laddie."

Renick had to look up, as he did with Ranul. This new man looked very siilar to Ranul... almost identical in every way, other than the fact that his hair was longer and in a ponytail and that the man was conciderably larger than Ranul. With a grunt of dissapproval, Renick looked back to his book. Only another nuicance, he thought.

The man sighed irritably. "My name's Napaj, and I think you are a little too serious for your own good."

"Did I ask your name or your opinion?" Renick snarled. "Leave me be."

Napaj's face darkened, and he looked quite menacing. "Look boy, I haven't the time for this. You either suck it up or bugger off. You are in my napping area and that is kind of annoying. You should show more respect while you are here... I could break you." As Napaj said this, he seemed to grow in stature and bulk.

Renick acted unimpressed. "Blah blah blah, I don't care. I can do as I please, Ranul is my teacher."

Napaj laughed at this statement. "Ranul doesn't give a rat's tail end whether you are here or not. He is one of the most angry people in the Dome. His assignments would probably kill you," he said. Napaj then added under his breath, "if I don't first."

Renick listened to Napaj, but left his face in a look of boredom and contempt. It was at this point he realized that they were no longer in a jungle... they were in a fighting arena, surrounded by people. Great, he thought.

Napaj seemed to have not noticed the change of scenery, he was stripping his shirt and weapons off to the side of the arena. Renick followed example. "Since you seem to be so confrotational, I figured we'd duel. Just for fun, to see how long you last against me. Going out of the ring is an automatic disqualification and it is a no holds-barred fist fight: most anything goes. Unless you're scarred?"

OoC:
Assignment time: you will fight Napaj. No magics, so it's a test of strength. Lose the duel, and make it semi quick (to humble Renick a little) and after the fight is over, Napaj will lead Renick to his quarters for a good night's sleep. He will awaken to find his items in his dresser. After that, you can explore or head strait to the Meadow Room. Or you can have him turn down the duel (but I see that as unlikely concidering his personality.)
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Change it again... I dare you. It only gets worse from here.

"You know what they say -- home is where you hang your enemy's head." ~Gogron gro-Bolmog from Oblivion.
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Old 12-20-2005, 12:05 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: Ok, here it is. It may have taken a while to do, but I did it.

BiC: Renick and Napaj circled around the arena, both waiting for the other to strike first. Renick watched his opponent carefully, ready to react at the first first punch. They circled twice more before Napaj threw a fast, strong, punch to Renick's gut. Renick swirved out of the way and threw his own fist. Napaj blocked it with his arm and proceeded with another punch. This time hitting Renick in the face. Blood ran from Renick's nose, and down over his mouth. He felt a tooth loosen and threaten to fall out. Using the pain to fuel his rage, Renick ran towards his opponent hitting him with a flurry of fast, slightly underpowered punches to Napaj's midsection. Napaj grunted and began to fall backwards. Renick was about send a kick into his face, when Napaj swung his left arm and caught him in the side. Soon Renick was on the other side the room, outside the ring, and sitting in the lap of the same old man who had brought Renick to the Dome.
"I must say Renick" the old man said "You really must stop following me."
Renick said nothing.

* * *

Renick walked down a long corridor. He was alone, and glad to be so. He had no idea where he was going, nor did he care. He just wanted to walk. Napaj came up from behind and started walking next to him. Renick didn't look at him, or say anything.

"I can tell you had fun today." Napaj said cooly.

"I wouldn't describe it as fun." Renick stated.

"Well I had fun." Napaj mumbled. For a while both said nothing. Eventually Napaj got bored and asked "Where are we going?"

Renick eyed him and said "Nowhere."

"Thats good. Then you won't mind me redirecting you to you quarters."

"Actually I would mind that very much. Now go away."

"Ooooh, sorry can't do that. Rules. You know how it is."

Renick turned around and started going back the way he came. He wasn't going to let some bodybuilder tell him what to do. He heard Napaj's heavy footsteps behind him and knew that he was being followed. Renick stopped in the middle of the corridor, allowing Napaj to catch up. All Renick wanted, was to be left alone. But clearly he wasn't going to be alone unless he went with Napaj to his quarters. And the idea of walking around the dome for who-knows-how-long with this guy, really bothered him. Although he decided that having some privacy was worth it. So when Napaj came running up to him, he agreed to be led to his room.

* * *

"Ok, here it is. Your new home." Napaj said cheerfully, and inhaled the stale air the way a woodsman would inhale the sweet fragrence of a forest. Renick looked at the simple decor. In the center of the room was a small table with a wooden chair. The corner had a sleeping tablet with a white sheet and blanket. Next to the sleeping tablet was door that led to the bathroom. A small dresser sat in another corner. And that was it. But Renick approved of it. He had never been fond of big fancy rooms. Napaj left Renick alone in his room. Then everything was silent. There was no noise, no people, just him...and silence. Renick turned out the light, and let the darkness fold over him. Allowed it to calm him, comfort him. He felt his anger bleed out into his surroundings, almost charging the air with it's energy. It did not, however, bleed out the sorrow he carried within. The sorrow that came from his childhood. It tortured him. He allowed it to. Letting it make him strong. When he was finally calm, he sat on the sleeping tablet and lit a candle. He fished around in his pocket, and pulled out the book that had been given to him. He wasn't sure why, but the book felt connected to him in some way. Was it perhaps because it was about the kingdom which his family was named after? Or was there something else about it? He again, began to read the book.

"The Forshire Dynasty was perhaps the greatest one to have ever existed. It's people were not warlike, or centered on themselves, rather they were the first peaceful and enlightened people of the time. It's leaders, the Forshires, were the reason for this. They didn't try to grab power when it presented itself, rather they tried to avoid it if possible. This has always been believed to be some genetic trait in their bloodline, but is not the case. Recent evidence has been found that each Forshire was raised in a poor household, in which the future leader would be abused to the point that he/she would not want to be around any other being than him/herself. This keeps their desire for power low, since they desire to live alone somewhere. Then they would-"

Renick flipped the page.

"-However this is the very thing that caused the Forshire Dynasty to fall."

Wait a second. Renick flipped back to the last page, read the last line, then flipped back to the next page. The two pages didn't fit together. But the book couldn't of been written like that. Could it? He looked more closely at the inner binding, and noticed that at least four pages had been torn out. But why? Another thing that was unsettling was that the book described how his father had treated him, as well as the results of his upbringing? Was he really...no, he couldn't be. It was impossible. Renick kept reading.

"Ever since the fall, many people have claimed to be Forshires, but actually turn out to be people who have had their names changed, looking for a way to become rich and powerful."

Renick closed the book, confused. He wasn't sure what to think of what he had just read. On one hand, he had been raised in the same fashion of a true Forshire. But on the other hand, his father could've just changed their name to become rich. He decided that since his father had been selfish enough to kill himself, then the former was probably true.

* * *

Night fell, and morning came. It didn't come the same way Renick had usually known it to come though. His room, lacking windows, remained dark as it had been when he turned out the light. The only way he knew it was morning, was the fact that he had woken up. Since he had lived nowhere his whole life, he had trained himself to wake up at dawn, and not a second longer. He felt around his room for the light switch. Upon finding it, he flipped it and a bright light hurt his eyes. He forced them open though, allowing himself to become accustomed to the pain and ignore it. The ability to ignnore the pain often gave him an advantage in battle. However, using pain to fuel his anger and rage often helped even more. But there is much to be said for resilience in the face of pain. Renick walked over to the dresser and pulled out his only shirt along with his other items. He frowned at them. His dried venison had been taken. His knife had been sharpened with something other than a sharpening stone, leaving it duller than it had been. And his shirt, which had been cleaned, was no longer perfect black. Rithnaw sat in the corner of his room, waiting for him to pick it up. Renick walked over to it and checked to make sure that they had left the razer edge alone. He ran his finger across the blade. He felt nothing, but when he pulled it away, blood ran down his hand. Satisfied that they had done nothing to it he pulled the sheath back on, and wiped the blood on his forehead over one of his scars. He pulled on his scarf, cowl, belt, and cape. His identity once again hidden. He was about to leave when there was a knock at the door. Renick didn't have to open the door to know it was the old man, who still hadn't told him his name. Renick opened the door and looked down at the old man.

"Hello Renick" the old man said "did you sleep well?"

"What do you want?" Renick asked impatiently.

"I wanted to ask you if you had a chance to read that book I gave you."

"Yeah, I read some of it. Some of the pages are missing, and it's keeping me from finding out anything."

"Did you find out anything?" he asked.

"Yeah, I found out that my last name was faked by my parents so they could resurrect a dead civilization."

"Are you sure about that? You seem awfully sure of yourself."

"Look, my father was a selfish man. He killed himself just because my mother was dead." Renick snapped. He tore off down the hall, hoping to get away from the old man.

"If I'm not mistaken, Renick" He called after Renick "you told him to kill himself."

Renick didn't stop walking. How had the old man known that? Renick shrugged it off. He didn't have time for this. The old man's questions were pointless. They meant nothing. But the old man was right. He had told his father, in a note, that he should end his life. He had written that letter out of anger, and to get back at his father for not treating him with respect. Perhaps it had been Renick, who was selfish...
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Old 01-25-2006, 06:37 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

waiting...
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Old 01-26-2006, 09:40 PM
Gracie Gracie is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: Well I must say you are quite the competent writer. Fairly nice vocabulary, nice structure and spelling. The only thing I have to say is that many of your scentences are fragments. That can easily be fixed with commas (,), elipses (...), or semi-colons (. You're quite creative.

Just to let you know, Napaj and Ranul will not be your teachers anymore. It will be Merric, my best one. He's quite friendly, but it's up to you whether Renick likes him or not.

BiC:

Heh... so, this is the man Napaj was talking about. I can see he's going to quite a challenge, thought Merric Everleaf. He peered around the corner, watching his soon-to-be student pace hastily by. If he had to guess, the drull would guess he wasn't friendly. His posture said it all.

Merric stepped out into the hallway and began creeping behind the man, lagging at least twenty feet behind. He made the quietest of steps, attempting to see how long it would take him to realize Merric was following him. I guess you could call it 'his first test'.

Just when Merric was begining to think that the student had no idea he was being followed, the man whipped around.

"Aha! I knew someone was following me!" he said almost too loudly, accusingly pointing a finger at Merric, "Now go away, leave me be, and never look at me again."

Merric stared blankly at him. "Hello, Renick."

Just as Renick was begining to run off again, he stopped in his tracks. "Oh, no... not again," mumbled the man under his breath, "not another person who knows me, while I don't know them."

"Well, techincally," Merric replied to Renick, "I don't know you. I'm just your new teacher."

"What!?" Renick boomed. "Not again, dammit! This is the third one! First Ranul, then Napaj, and now... you!? Would all just leave me alone! I hate people!"

Not a people-person, I see, smirked Merric to himself. "Well, Mr. Forshire," (Renick winced at the name) "I'd love it if you'd come with me."

"For what?" he asked, sarcastically.

"It's quite obvious that the old man is bothering you," stated Merric as he noticed Renick nodding, "I have a place to show you. A place where he'll never find you, leave you alone, and where you and I can review your book."

"How do you know about my book?" demanded Renick, now fully facing Merric. It felt akward calling it 'his' book.

"It's essential. Now don't force me to drag you with me."

And with that, Renick was directly behind Merric. "Fine, I'll follow you to your... stupid... place. As long as you leave me alone for a little while, and go away when I tell you to (for the most part), I'll come."

Merric nodded in agreement. "Deal, Mr. Forshire. Right this way!"

OoC: Assignment time!

Describe this place in great detail, as I'd like to see how much we need to work with that. Add some dialogue, and have Merric and Renick get to know eachother. Describe what Renick's impression on Merric is, and when you're done, have Merric leave and Renick sit down to read more of the book, and find something essential/interesting.

Side Note: I hope you're happy LinkMS. :O
__________________
[These Guys Will Show You Inescapable Doom]

"Maybe it's the sum of a million coincidences we don't quite control that brings us to a particular place
at a particular time, or maybe it's the choices we make, the actions we take. If there's one thing I've learned in 85 years, it's
that what we want doesn't always matter. But then again, sometimes it's all that does." - Mick St. John



  #10 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 01-29-2006, 11:27 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: OK, here it is. It took me longer than I expected, but I finished it. I'm pretty sure there are no spelling or grammatical errors. And if there are missing "M"s, it's not my fault and I blame it on my keyboard. On another note: Happy Winter-een-mas!

BaC: Renick was silent, as was Merric. Niether had said a word to each other since their little journey had begun, and Renick had no intention of speaking to him at all. He was to occupied with his thoughts to keep up a conversation anyway. Merric wasn't exactly chatty anyway, which, in Renick's mind, was a good thing. Soon they came to an intersection in the corridor. Merric stood in the center for a while, as if wondering which direction to take.

"Are you lost?" Renick growled.

"No," Merric assured him "I don't think so anyway..."

Great, I'm stuck inside a huge building, which I had no desire of coming to in the first place, and now I'm lost with some guy I never wanted to meet.

Renick sat down next to a wall and crossed his arms while Merric continued to try and figure out which direction to take. Two minutes passed when the old man that had brought him to the dome found them.

"Hello Renick." The old man said cheerfully "Going somewhere?"

"I will be as soon as Merric figures out where to go."

"Oh, well then, carry on." And the old man left. Renick's head slumped forward. He had hoped that the old man would show them where to go. Although the hope had only lasted point-zero-two seconds seconds. Hope was something that never came to him, for he had no desire for the false pleasure it brought. Hell, he had no desire for pleasure at all.

"I think we should go this way." Merric said, pointing his large hand towards the eastern corridor.

"What makes you sure of that direction?" Renick asked.

"A hunch. Now c'mon."

Once again the two men walked together in silence.

* * *

Two hours had gone by, and they were still walking down the same corridor. Renick, used to long walks and no specific destination, was silent and calm. As the corridor stretched on, the glowpanels on the ceiling became dimmer. This section of the dome was obviouslyrarely used, and did not receive a lot of maintenance. But Renick didn't mind, for the dim lighting allowed him to focus on his center, and calm him. Merric apparently didn't mind the dim lights either. Renick noticed that there was something oddly familiar about the corridor, but he couldn't place it. Renick looked at the walls and noticed that there were inscriptions on them. Inscriptions he understood! That was the odd part, he had never known any other language other than basic(english). He took his cape in his hand, and wiped some dust off the writing, so that he might see it better. When he read the inscription, his heart nearly stopped. Merric saw Renick who seemed to be frozen, and walked over to him.

"Anything wrong, Renick?

Renick didn't answer. He was to busy comprehending what the writing meant. Slowly he turned to Merric, his face paler than it had been earler. for fear, true fear, had taken him. Fear for what was, or what might be. Fear for his peace, and the freedom he had fought to obtain. But now that freedom was in danger, and it was all because of one little sentance, written on a wall. Panic began to surge through him, as he tried to think of something to do.

"Renick, you ok?" Merric asked in a worried tone.

"No, and I never will be. Do you see that inscription, there, on the wall?"

Merric squinted to see it "Yeah, I see it. It's one of the things that makes this corridor special. A landmark if you will."

"Yeah well, I hope you don't think it's too special."

"Why do you say that?"

Renick answered by whipping out Rithnaw and slashing the wall untill the writing was nothing but an indecipherable scratched mark. Merric stared at Renick like he was a loon. But Renick had known what he was doing. And he was sure that he would never speak the meaning of the inscription to anyone...then a thought struck him. He grabbed Merric by the colar of his shirt and pressed one blade of Rithnaw to his neck. He presses it so close that he made a small cut on the Drull's neck, and blood began to trickle out.

"Alright, now listen, I would love to kill you, I wouldn't hesitate to kill you. But I won't, so long as you don't move." Renick growled " Now, tell me, do you know what it said?"

"What did what say?" Merric asked.

"The inscription! Do you know what it said!?"

"No! Why would I?"

Renick put him down, and returned Rithnaw to one of it's sheaths. Merric placed a piece of cloth over the cut to help stop the bleeding.

"What did it say that your so scared of?"

Renick knew what he was scared of, and with good reason. For that one little inscription could of very well destroyed his freedom. Although he didn't have any evidence that might prove him correct. Even so, he felt is was best kept secret.

"I don't know." He lied, and continued walking.

* * *

After yet another hour of travelling they finally made it to their destination. Merric had had his misgivings about leading Renick to this place after his little episode in the corridor, but he had forgiven him, yet had recieved no apology in return. Renick had his face buried in the book he had brought with, was frantically searching for something that Merric didn't understand. Part of him was worried about the mysterious man, while the other part was alert to another strike he might throw at him.

The room they had entered was large and had a basin near it's center filled with water. Six pillars were positioned symmetrically around the basin to where if you drew a line and connected them, it would create a hexagon. Each pillar was fifty feet high, yet none came close to reaching the ceiling, and had inscriptions much like the one that Renick had scratched out of existence. The overall effect the place had on Merric was of sure awe. Renick was more or less indifferent tot he sight.

"What is this place?" Renick asked

"Don't ask me."

Renick stopped walking and stared at him "You don't know?"

"My orders were to bring you here, and then leave. I really didn't know where we were going."

Renick was confused, but only for a second. He didn't need to ask who had told Merric to bring him here, for he already knew. The old man. He turned away from the him, eyes full of anger.

"leave me." He told the Drull, but Merric was already gone. Renick approached the basin of water, and stared into it. His reflection stared back at him, Ice blue eyes filled with anger and hatred towards his past. He pulled back the scarf that hid his face from the eyes down, and the cowel that lay his face in shadow. He looked at the scar that he had inflicted upon himself, and traced it's outline with his hand. The scar was a verticle line that began at the top of both of his eyes and ran down below the eyes, ending in six rootlike appendages, three on each side, which in turn swirled upward into infinite spirals. He placed both hands into the water and splashed some on his face. The water was warm, and pleasant to the touch. It ran off of his face and back into the pool from which it had come. After drying his face off and once more hid his face from behind the scarf and cowel, he pulled the book out of his pocket, and began to read.

Chapter 18: Defeat & Hope

Even though most would've denied it at the time, defeat had come to the Forshires. Having waged defensive wars and sparking none, they met their match when a mysterious force came at them with weapons beyond comprehension at the time. Fire is said to have rained from the sky on many accounts, while others say that large demons terrorizing villages, and taking many captives. King Valtyr led a valiant effort to rid the kingdom of these invaders, but in the end, all attempts failed. During their final hour, Valtyr sent one last order to the Wizards. The order was to build a "place of awakening", so that one day, perhaps the Dynasty would be revived. The Wizards were escorted out of the castle with haste, for it came under seige right after they left. As they watched the castle burn, they turned to the mountains, where they would build the "Place of Awakening". No one knows what the place looked like, or where it was built. The mysterious invaders were said to have killed the Wizards shortly after it's construction. We can only assume that the "Place of Awakening" was destroyed as well. In 2465 AD, a scroll was recovered from a large hole in a mountain, that was believed to have been the location of the "Place of Awakening". The scroll had little written on it...one sentance: Light trapped in water makes the scar glow.


Fear again gripped Renick. Tearing of his scarf and cowl, again he looked at his reflection. He checked on his scar, which was as white and dull as ever. Sighing in relief he pulled on the scarf and cowl again. He was safe, his suspicions had been incorrect. He no longer had any misgivings about this place, or the writings. But then another thought struck: what if this place wasn't...no...it is...it has to be...or is it?
__________________


Renick is my BA character.
Square-Headed: Read it!!
  #11 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 01-30-2006, 10:11 PM
Gracie Gracie is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: Very good, nice and suspenseful.

I didn't really noticed any giant mistakes, except for 2 spelling errors, a few uncapitilized words, or capital letters where they didn't need to be. Other than that, it was great.

I'll work on my next post in moments. It should be posted tonight/tomorrow afternoon.

BiC:

“How did it go?”

Merric chewed loudly on a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich, having just met up with Napaj. “Pretty well… although he freaked out at one point and tried to kill me, and proceeded to destroy a wall. That can be fixed though. He also seemed to like the little ‘oasis’ that I—or technically, you—showed him.”

Napaj nodded as he took a swig of a strong alcoholic beverage. “I knew he would. And what do you mean… tried to kill you?”

“He put a blade to my throat and threatened to kill me. The guy really shouldn’t be threatening me like that, he has no idea what I can do.” he said in a muffled voice as he munched.

“No doubt about that. I don’t think he even knows you have magic… anyways, I’ve got another task for you.”

“Yes?”

“Well, first of all, he seemed to be interested in that book, hasn’t he?” inquired Napaj while he took another sip.

Nodding, Merric said, “He seemed to be really eager to read it.”

“Good. I need you go find him in… oh… let’s say… thirty minutes and ask him if he has read chapter 18. If he hasn’t, have him read it, and then tell him his mission.”

“…and the mission is?”

“Oh, right,” laughed Napaj heartily giving himself a light smack in the forehead, “someplace called a ‘Place of Awakening’ is mentioned in there. It seems to be quite important to this Forshire mystery. Now, since that book is old, tell him that our ‘old man’ has found some evidence that the ‘Place of Awakening’ may still exist. Tell him that he must go in search of it, as it is crucial.”

Merric interrupted Napaj. “Crucial to what?”

“…never mind that. Just tell him what I said, okay? Oh, and Merric? You must see him off, and then leave. Take Olu and fly above him, out of sight. I’d like you to keep an eye on him this whole entire mission.”

With a quick nod, Merric threw his remaining sandwich in the trash can. “Will do, Mr. Napaj.”

--~--~--~--~--~--~--~--

Renick was quite absorbed in his reading. Or so he appeared to be when Merric shook him violently to get him to come back to his sense.

“Renick. R-E-N-I-C-K. Hello!?”

Is someone calling my name? thought Renick, subconsciously. Suddenly he seemed to come back to his senses, slamming the book shut on his fingers and wincing.

“Do you mind? I was reading.”

“I need to talk to you.”

Sighing, Renick swung his legs over from where he was laying. “Yes, and get on with it. I want to read more.”

“Have you read Chapter Eighteen?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

There was an awkward silence. Renick, getting a weird feeling, said, “Why, though?”

Merric had no hesitation to tell him. The man seemed to get more wide-eyed with each and everyone of Merric’s word. When the drull was done speaking, the man’s eyes could have easily been as wide as dinner plates.

“So I have to do this, huh?” he asked with a smirk, as Merric nodded. “Fine. Whatever. Just leave me alone when I do this, got it?”

OoC: Assignment time!

Assignment: Basically, you are going to do what Napaj explained. This will be a long post, I’m guessing, but so what. XP I don’t expect it in a day or two, take your time.

You know… just to shorten it for you… make a long post, lots of description, where Renick finds the place. Then have him catch a glimpse of Merric and Olu, and calls them over. When the come, realizing they’re found, he’ll get ticked. Stop there, with an argument. ^^

By the way, if you didn't know, Olu is Merric's gryphon.
__________________
[These Guys Will Show You Inescapable Doom]

"Maybe it's the sum of a million coincidences we don't quite control that brings us to a particular place
at a particular time, or maybe it's the choices we make, the actions we take. If there's one thing I've learned in 85 years, it's
that what we want doesn't always matter. But then again, sometimes it's all that does." - Mick St. John



  #12 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 01-31-2006, 10:33 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

QUICK QUESTION: Is Olu sentient ? I kinda need to know this like...as soon as possible. Otherwise I'm liable to make him more like an animal with no sense of intelligence.
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  #13 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 01-31-2006, 10:38 PM
Gracie Gracie is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: Olu is intelligent, but does not speak. In my world (hehe) gryphons have an uncanny sense of direction. Many times it seems like Olu understands what is going on, but most diregard the fact that he is listening as he cannot talk.
__________________
[These Guys Will Show You Inescapable Doom]

"Maybe it's the sum of a million coincidences we don't quite control that brings us to a particular place
at a particular time, or maybe it's the choices we make, the actions we take. If there's one thing I've learned in 85 years, it's
that what we want doesn't always matter. But then again, sometimes it's all that does." - Mick St. John



  #14 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 02-02-2006, 06:19 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: OK, here it is. I'm pretty sure everything is in order. Oh and by the way, thanks for answering my question.


The old man watched as Renick walked away from Merric towards his destination...wherever that was. Up until now he had been just fine to watch as Renick discovered for himself what he was meant to do. But things had been steadily declining since he had first started reading the book, and therefore action was required. Casually he walked in front of the cloaked man, and dropped a folded piece of paper on the floor, which had an adhesive compound spread on one side.

Phase one complete, now for phase two.
When he was sure Renick couldn't see him, he waved his hand and Renick came down to the ground, tripped by an invisible brick on the floor.

Phase two complete. Now to commence phase three...



Renick groaned. Pain dominated his foot from the toe out. He looked back to see what he had tripped on, but there was nothing within his immediate vicinity that could've sent him hurling to the ground like that. Getting to his feet, he noticed a piece of paper stuck to his cape. On pulling it off, he noticed it was more like a sticker, and then knew, by no accident had he tripped, but rather by design. The old man. Obviously. He was the one, constantly, bent on getting Renick to discover "that which would've been for nought", so the message would be no doubt useful. But first he had to get it off his cape. Pulling on it carefully, he pried one corner up, and gradually pulled from that point outward. Unfolding the paper, he saw the same inscription that he had scratched off the wall. Fear gripped him like a clamp. The old man knew. He knew what was happening, and what was worse was that he was trying to hurry things along. Renick wasn't going to stand for that. Screw the "Place of Awakening", the old man had to be either brainwashed, or eliminated, permanently. Renick looked around the room, and listened. He heard the general noise and buzz of people going here there and everywhere, and also the sound of feat scurrying away from him, old feat. With a deep desire for vengeance, and a slight notion of self-destruction, Renick tore off after the old man. Renick knew not who would come out alive, himself or the old man, but he knew one of them was going to die, and Renick didn't care which of them did.



The chase had gone on for over an hour, and the old man was starting to tire. But he had to continue, if he didn't then all was lost. He used his magic to give himself boosts of strength, but he could only do that for so long, and Renick was faster than any one else he had been chased by. The feeling of having gotten into more trouble than it was worth began creeping into the back of his mind. Maybe he should of just left Renick alone, but then there would be no hope for the future. Yes, the future, if he failed here than there would be no future, no hope. And all would've been for nought. The old man rounded a corner, and ran straight into a tunnel that was cast in total darkness. Using his magic, he created a bubble of light around himself so he could see where he was going. Unfortunately it also made it easy for Renick to see him. That fear was only made more apparent when a small throwing knife jammed itself in his shoulder. Pain surged through his arm, but he didn't slow, or reach back to pull it out. Either movements would be fatal mistakes, and fatal mistakes were things he couldn't afford, there was too much at risk. He used the pain as if it were an extra energy source and fired a ball of energy into the ceiling, collapsing the tunnel partially. The old man knew it would hinder Renick's progress, but he also knew that the guy wouldn't give up on him either. It was like feeding a plasma fire: easy.

Renick, my boy, soon you will know what awaits you. And I will have accomplished my task.



Coughing in the smoke, Renick began pulling rocks and other debris out of his way. His hands bled as he picked up sharp rocks and threw them aside, but he ingored it. A small hole became visible in the light that was quickly fading from the other side, and pulling away a few more rocks he squeezed through, tearing his cape off in the process. Soon he was running again, and the light that was radiating off the old man was getting brighter. He was close, soon he would be able to kill him and return to his life inside the dome. Funny...he had just thought of his life as if he had lived in the dome since birth, rather than just the two days he had been living here. I can't think like that. This is not free life, it is imprisonment. He could see the old man again, trying to open a door at the end of the tunnel. Renick drew another knife, aiming carefully he threw it right as the old man managed to open the door, and duck into it, the knife went wide. However, his throw was not in vain, he heard the sound like a bird screaching and a loud thud. He ignored the sound and burst through the door, into the same room that Merric had led him to earlier. Renick stopped and looked around, trying to see where the old man had hidden himself.

"Welcome Renick." The old man said "To the place where my people will be resurrected...our people."

Renick's face was red with anger "I will have no part in this old man." He screamed "My past was filled with pain, the pain of abuse and imprisonment. I will not return to that kind of life."

"Do you really think you will be imprisoned? How can this be when you will have POWER! The power to inflict pain on all that have inflicted pain on you! Is this not what you desire?"

"You can't tempt me with that kind of power old man."

"Good, you are complete. You will make a fine king."

"I'm not who you think I am, I am no king! Nor am I an heir to the throne of Foreshire!"

"Damn right! He's dead meat!" Screamed another voice. Renick turned to see Merric storming towards him. Betrayal gleamed in Rneick's eyes, and the same thing was visible in Merric's.

"Just what do you think your doing, Drull? Making sure I don't kill the one who threatens me?"

"My orders aren't your concern, what is is that you had better make sure I don't kill you right now!" Merric brought forth his hands to choke Renick.

"Back down, Merric." The old man boomed from his hidden place "Your Gryphon will live. I have seen to it."

Merric stopped "That doesn't mean I can't exact revenge for Olu on his part."

"Hey, I never meant to hit your your pet-"

"He's not a pet!" Merric interupted "He's my friend!"

Silence fell over the room, as a faint glow began to eminate from an unknown point. Renick thought it was the old man appearing from his hiding place. But Merric saw where the light was coming from and was confused. Renick's scar lit up like a beacon. This place, the same that Merric first and the old man second, had led Renick to, was indeed the "Place of Awakening". Or "Chamber of Awakening" as the wizards of old had named it.

"Long live the king!" The old man yelled.

Renick's eyes bulged in realization, and fear gripped him like a clamp. He knew what he needed to do, he had to stand firm. There was no middle ground.

"I, am no, king!" He said one last time.

"Yes you are!" The old man said, thrusting the argument once again, into a heated exchange of retorts and misguided thoughts. Olu, who had been healed just as the old man had said, just stood and watched.
__________________


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Square-Headed: Read it!!
  #15 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 02-08-2006, 10:05 PM
Gracie Gracie is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: Very nice! No gramatical errors that jumped out at me, but I'm not going to be nit-picky about that.

BiC:

Merric slumped against the wall, watching the two argue. They were hopeless. He buried his face in his large hands, shouts still flooding into his ears.

"Long live the king!" sang the old man in a melodious and taunting voice. Renick glared and thrust his hand out to give the old man a hard jab in the jaw. The old man continued to sing and ducked downwards, avoiding the punch.

"For the last time, I--AM--NO--KING!"

There was an awkward silence.

"Yes you are."

"Arggh!!"

Renick stormed around. "What am I going to do with you!? You are out of your mind, crazy, and... just plain crazy! I am no king, I do not want to resurrect my 'people', and I just want to be left alone. Can't you see that? Christ!"

The old man's muscles tensed visibly. His eyes narrowed, focusing in on Renick. "Well you know what? I think you're crazy. I would love to be king. And I want to resurrect these people, so you will do as I say."

"If I'm King, then I must not do what you say."

"You said you are not King, though."

"You are not either."

"Resurrect them."

"No."

Words spewed like wildfire, and Merric was just wishing they would shut up. He could not completley ignore the argument, yet he could not go and leave them alone. Finally, he had had it.

"Enough!" he boomed, sending an echo through the whole room. Both pairs of eyes darted to stare at Merric.

"You all are complete idiots, imbeciles, and... Jesus! Can't you people ever shut your freakin' mouths?"

The old man shook his head, and as he did so, recieved a hard and unexpected blow to the cheek from Renick. Whipping around, he grabbed Renick's wrist with a firm grip. "You didn't just slap me, did you?" he said with an odd evil grin. The grip tightened and his smile became less and less friendly.

"I think I did," smirked Renick. A smile spread over his face.

"Oh, you've done it now Mr. King."

-----
OoC: Assignment time!

Fight the old man, make it interesting. I love plot twists, mmkay?

Oh, and have his almost loose to the old man, but Merric jumps in and helps. Take it from there, and do whatever you want with it. Have fun!
__________________
[These Guys Will Show You Inescapable Doom]

"Maybe it's the sum of a million coincidences we don't quite control that brings us to a particular place
at a particular time, or maybe it's the choices we make, the actions we take. If there's one thing I've learned in 85 years, it's
that what we want doesn't always matter. But then again, sometimes it's all that does." - Mick St. John



  #16 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 02-11-2006, 08:40 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: Renick never smiles, I need to put that in Renick's profile one of these days...Thanks for all the freedom you gave me with this one.

OoC: Renick twisted his own wrist, wrenching it out of the old man's grip. He withdrew a couple steps and grabbed Rithnaw, snapping it in the middle where the ends met, turning it into two seperate blades. He held one blade, the one in his left hand, in front of him horizontally, while the other was pointed at the old man's throat. The old man stared at Renick with his two gray eyes, and shaking his head.

"You always solve things with violence, Renick. A trait found in all Kings of Forshire...it's a shame you will not willingly accept your burden."

"I have never wanted to be king." Renick said circling his opponent "Being king means giving up freedom."

"What do you not get about being king? Since when would you lose your freedom? You would be able to come and go as you please. Take vacations and not tell anybody-"

"And still have to come back!" Renick interrupted "No matter how long I got away from the kingdom, I would have to go back sooner or later. That isn't freedom!" Renick lunged towards the old man, who took a step away from the twin blades, barely being missed. Now there was no way out of it, Renick wouldn't listen to him anymore.

"If this is how it has to be..." the old man drew a sword from his cloak "Then so be it. If you will not be king through your own will, then I shall make you king against it!"

Renick ran towards him, and swung both blades only to be deflected by the old man's sword. Renick swung again, and was met by the old man again. He threw six attacks in rapid succession at his enemy, but the old man parried them with ease. Renick reunited Rithnaw's pieces, and stepped back, waiting for his opponent to strike. His chance for a quick finish had been diminished, and with Rithnaw in one piece, he was in for the long haul. Then the old man attacked, not with the sword, but with magic instead. Lightning shot from his fingers, striking Renick in the chest. Arcs of electricity crackled and danced all over the cloaked man, the scar on his face was beginning to lose it's brightness, clearly the light was linked to Renick's own life force. When the attack ceased, Renick dropped to his knees, clutching the area where he had been struck. His body smoked, and smelled of charred flesh. Hatred was so evident in Renick's eyes, it would of killed the old man had it been fired from them.

"Jump into the water Renick! Awaken our people! Claim your rightful title!"

"No, I will never be your king!"

The old man walked to where Renick kneeled, and stood over him. "You dare to defy your father?" The old man smacked him in the face with the back of his fist, throwing Renick down onto his back.

"What?" Renick said, his grip tightening on Rithnaw.

"Don't act surprised Renick, why would I kill myself just because I lost my wife? I still had you did I not? Why else would I be trying to make you king?"

"Your not my father. You can't be!"

"Don't you remember what I look like? Has your memory faded...or is it only what you desire it to be?"

"I remember my father like it was yesterday. I always woke up to find him outside my door, as if he were waiting to pin some crime or fault he had commited on me!" Renick swung one side of Rithnaw towards the old man, who used his own sword to repel the attack. Renick used the small amount of time given him, he rolled away from the old man and sprung to his feet. He quickly began a series of attacks that could've killed the old man at any given time, had they not been counteracted. Strike after strike, parry after parry, the two fought on like nothing else mattered. Perhaps it was because, nothing really did matter, except for them and their futures.


Merric and Olu watched the two, as both attempted to overwhelm the other. It was like watching a fight between light and dark: only one could prevail, ultimately destroying the other. Merric couldn't decide which one represented either element better, since both had their own views on how things should be handled. But it was his student who was in danger, so he was inclined to think that the old man, who had proclaimed himself to be Renick's father, represented darkness better. Returning his attention to the battle, he noticed that Renick was beginning to tire. After having run the whole way here, he wasn't surprised Renick was losing steam. On the other hand, the old man seemed to be strong and tireless as ever.

Renick abruptly fell down as if struck through the heart. He lay on the edge of the pool, around which they had been fighting. The old man, though he was shorter than Renick, towered over him, again trying to convince Renick that he should be king. Renick only looked up, breathing heavily, looking like he was about to give into the old man's demands. A choice that Merric wasn't about to allow Renick to make, he had to do something to help.


"You are weak Renick, weaker than the weakest weakling!"

"I am standing by what I believe in. That makes me weak?"

"You don't believe in anything, you are being selfish!"

"Then thats my right!"

"Not anymore it isn't!" The old man screamed. He was about to push Renick into the water, when he was blown away by a mysterious wind. Renick watched the old man fly through the air, and land on the other side of the room. Renick didn't waste any time searching for the source of the wind, he knew where it had come from: Merric. Getting to his feet he pulled some dried meat from one of his pockets, and ate it. It wouldn't give him much more energy, but it was better than nothing. He saw the old man walking around the water towards him, and held Rithnaw at arms length. It was time to end this...his time on the earth was up. Using the bit of strength the meat had given him, he flipped Rithnaw so that one point was towards the old man, and one towards himself...then plunged it through his own chest. Renick saw the old man stop running, sword dropping from his hands, and his mouth gaping open. The sides of his vision began to blacken, and his breaths came short and shallow...when he could breath anyway. He heard Merric scream something to him, but the meaning was lost and distorted through his failing senses.

"I...will not...be...king." He managed before slumping over into darkness.

* * *

It was once said that Renick would do great things for the world. But the ones that said that were now dead. They were the wizards of Foreshire, who had written the inscription that Renick feared. The prophecy: The one whose name is Renick Cladeos Foreshire, will rise from the darkness of the world. He will be the true heir, and future king of Foreshire, should he choose to arise and face the task. The Chamber of Awakening will be his calling point, for that is why we built it.

It was now apparent that their efforts were in vain, as Renick had chosen not be the one who would awaken the long lost kingdom. But it is not their place to regret, for they knew that this might happen. They had in fact
hoped that Renick would refuse to be king. Why did they hope for this to befall their own kingdom? Because if he had accepted "That which would of been for naught" may have indeed happened, even though the event has yet to happen. This is not the end of Renick's journey...but only...the beginning!

There was pain. Much pain. More pain than Renick had ever felt in his entire life was now surging through his body. Along with pain, came cold. A terrible cold that made his whole body and spirit shiver. He tried to open his eyes, but they wouldn't open. A distorted memory came to his mind: I...will not...be...king. He wasn't sure what the memory meant, but it must have been important by the way he sounded...Whoever he was, or who he had been. But whoever he was, he felt sad, angry, hatred, despair...who was he that he felt all negative emotions and no positives? Had he known love? Had he known joy? was he...dead? Qas that was why his eyes refused to open? Or had he lost all will to live, and chosen to be destroyed by the abyss that now held him captive...

From now on...my name is Renick, and only that. Cladeos and Foreshire, no longer follow it.

Another memory. This one felt distant, like it had been made years before now. Again it felt important, but he wasn't sure why. Pain erupted on his face for no reason, tracing a line that felt familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time.

This scar...it shall stand for my freedom...and tell all who see it, I am one who is to be left alone.

He felt something wet on his face, but he couldn't raise his hands to feel it. Some got on his lips, and trickled into his mouth. Blood. His blood, it was pouring out of the wound that had been made on his face. The wound that would become the scar. And then, all his memorys came back. His eyes shot open, and then closed imediately due to the blinding light that pierced them. Slowly, he opened them again, gradually adjusting them to the light. The room he was in was white, screens displayed readings of his vital signals and his medical condition. He saw that he was lying down on a bed, with white sheets, next to which were two chairs. A figure was sitting in one of them: the old man, his supposed father. He tried to sit up, but another figure pushed him back down onto the bed, probably a nurse. Whoever it was he pushed away and continued to try and sit. Pain came, and forced him to lie down again. It was the wound he had inflicted upon himself which caused the pain, the wound that should have killed him. The nurse, or who he thought was a nurse, came into view, it was the old man. Renick fixed him with an angry stare, and once more sat up, ignoring the pain completely.

"Why..." he gasped "Why did you heal me?"

"Because you were injured." The old man said "Is that not enough reason to heal someone? Or do I need some sort of invitation?"

"I wanted to die. You apparently don't have respect for those who commit suicide."

"Suicide is for lovers, people who are eternally depressed, and people who do not wish to be captured." The old man responded "Besides, your death would have been pointless. Hell, I hate suicide regardless of who commits it. Not to mention Merric wouldn't have allowed it."

Renick nodded. "You care for me, yet I don't care for you...you aren't really-"

"Your father? No, I am not. I just like saying things like that to scare people I engage in battle. Unless of course their fathers are fighting alongside them, in which case the tactic is pointless. Now rise and walk with me."

Renick's stare became more hostile "Why would I walk with you?"

"Because you need the exercise, and so do I. Also, the docters want me to keep an eye on you."


Renick and the old man walked around the medical facility's halls, both were feeling wary of the other, but the old man was more worried about what Renick might do to himself. They had remained silent whole time since speaking came painfully for the Renick, who wasn't dressed in his usual black clothes either, but instead in a white medical gown. This made him feel somewhat stupid.

"Renick," the old man began "Do you know what the event 'what-may-have-been-for-naught' is yet?"

"I can only believe that we just passed it, which it indeed was, for naught." Renick wheezed.

The old man nodded "What if I were to tell you, that the event has not yet presented itself."

Renick eyed the old man carefully, but was silent. However, the look on his face took on one of a man who had just been ripped off.

"I guess you don't like the sound of that. But it's true. What I sent you through was merely a test."

"A test?" Renick growled "To see what? How far I could be pushed before self-destruction took place?"

"No. I'll tell you in due time. But for now, you need to get ready."

"What for?"

"That, I will leave for you, to discover."

OoC: One other minor note: Renick should completely recover from this before your next post. Just wanted to say that.
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  #17 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 02-15-2006, 09:51 PM
Gracie Gracie is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

Merric rapped lightly on the door that led to Renick's secret room, not stopping for an invitation in. The man was out cold, and wrapped in a thick blanket, as he had been for days. In an hour or two, he would wake up and be prefectly recovered. But who knew? It could very well be--

Could very well be less. Renick stirred, adjusting his position and rolling over. He grunted, and a dried liquid created a crusty spot on the sheet.

"Renick." Merric stated. It was not a question, not an order. Simply, a statement.

"Mmmm." Renick mumbled. The man had been given a kind of medicine to keep him down for a few days, which would help him finally fully recovered. "What do you want?"

Merric let out a little laugh. "Tired, are we? Well. I need to talk to you for a moment."

Renick sighed, now on his back. His eyes were still closed, but he was resting his head ontop of his hands. "I'm listening." he grumbled as he shifted one hand to rub his eye, then opened his jaws wide in a gigantic yawn.

The drull clasped his hands together and began. "Now that wer're over, for the most part, our incident with the old man, I just want you to... take it easy for a little bit. Explore the place, and have fun. For the next week, it's do whatever-you-want-to-do-week. Have fun."

Merric stood up and playfully gave Renick a light kick in the stomach.

"Dont... do that. And sure. Thanks, I guess."

Smiling, Merric exited Renick's 'getaway'.

OoC: Sorry my post wasn't longer.

Assignment time!

I noticed a few mistakes here and there that really interuppted the nice flow you had. Pay attention to commas, periods, and elipses (...). By the way, when you're using an elipse (...), make sure there is always a space after it. Like... this.

Just... explore. And at the end, get yourself stuck in a sticky situation.
__________________
[These Guys Will Show You Inescapable Doom]

"Maybe it's the sum of a million coincidences we don't quite control that brings us to a particular place
at a particular time, or maybe it's the choices we make, the actions we take. If there's one thing I've learned in 85 years, it's
that what we want doesn't always matter. But then again, sometimes it's all that does." - Mick St. John



  #18 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 02-23-2006, 01:03 PM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

OoC: AAARRRRRGGGG!!!! You just HAD to give very little mission description...DIDN'T YOU!! You can probably tell I'm not happy because I couldn't think of ANYTHING!!! Therefore my "homework" is rather short and not much exploring is done... But I did get the sticky situation.

BaC: 2-21-05 12:15 AM: Renick's Quarters. Time stream: Stable... for now... degradation immenent

Renick hurt, a lot. It had been four days since the Chamber of Awakening incident, and his body had healed completely. But psychologically he was still suffering. He had been unable to stop thinking about what he had done, or had nearly done. His actions to prevent kinghood had, in fact, been due to selfish wishes. In that respect the old man had been correct. Renick was the selfish one, he had proved that in many ways through his past, only to just no open his eyes to his true motives. The letter urging his father to suicide, the murdering of his old master, the Chamber of Awakening...

A knock on the door brought it him out of his thoughts. He stared at the door, hoping that whoever was behind it would go away. He had no wish to engage in any kind of activity. The knock persisted.

"Go away!" he yelled angrily.

"You will not tell me what to do Renick." said the old man. Over the past few days it seemed like Renick couldn't get away from him.

"What now?"

"You haven't left your quarters in four days, we need to clean it, and you need some fresh air."

Renick sighed. "Fine."

* * *

Renick sat in the Library section of the homeroom, his face buried in a book which was of no particular interest to him, except that it gave him something to do. It wasn't overly crowded in the library, of course, to Renick, if anybody was with him anywhere, regardless of how many, then the place was crowded. In this case it was only one person, and that person was Napaj. They sat opposite each other at the same table. While Renick sat as silent as a stone, Napaj decided to strike up a conversation.

"Soooo...I heard about your little incident."

Renick looked up at him, silent as ever.

"Don't want to talk about it? Ok, I understand."

Ahhh, nothing like a little failure to communicate. Almost all attempts to talk with Renick in this manner fail, mainly because he wouldn't care. For the next hour both were silent. The sound that broke the silence after that hour was a cough made by Renick, and even then it was an involuntary cough. An hour turned to two, and two to four, then eight... and sixteen... before he knew it, Renick had been sitting there for thirty-two hours! Yet he felt no more tired than when he had first sat down. Had time stopped? But if it had, then how was it possible that he knew? Wouldn't he have been effected by such a phenomenon? He put down the book he was reading and looked at the clock. It's big hand was on the three, while it's little hand was on the one. One hour? Thats all the longer he'd been sitting there? impossible. Renick ran out of the library and froze in time. But he didn't realize this, for when times stops, none realize it. So there he stood, with everyone else. Unable to move, or do anything for that matter. All time was irrelevant, all that mattered, or would ever matter again, was the present... the eternal present...

* * *

The old man ran through the Dome's many corridors, searching for Renick and hoping he wasn't too late. For some reason, time had stopped and there was nothing anybody could do about it, except for him. For some reason he wasn't affected by the time stream in any way. He no longer aged, he felt no older or younger, and he had been alive long since the day he should have died, so it was only natural that time shouldn't affect him. But the fact that the whole Dome had been affected was frightening. At first he had sought out Merric, and freed him from a frozen state. Now he needed to do the same for Renick. If he didn't, all could be lost.

* * *

Test successful, Supreme One. All time within the Dome has been stopped.

"Good," a crackly voice said. "Soon I will have the whole world enslaved."

What about the old man?

"A mere oversight in our plan. We will dispatch him easily enough. Our mission is to make Renick king, and we must succeed. Our people depend on it."

Indeed they do, Supreme One.

The person with the crackly voice pressed a button on her seat and an image of Renick hovered in midair before her eyes.

"Soon, Renick, you will pay for what you did to me." She coughed violently.

Do you require your daily medication now, Supreme One?

"Yes. This sickness that Renick brought upon me is as potent as it is painful."



OoC: OK, I changed the "doesn't". Personally I didn't see a problem with it.
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Last Edited by Dark-ness; 03-23-2006 at 06:04 PM. Reason:
  #19 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 02-28-2006, 08:09 PM
Gracie Gracie is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

You've gotten good enough that I'm going to nitpick until everything is perfect.

Quote:
"Go away!" He yelled angrily.

"You will not tell me what to do Renick." Said the old man. Over the past few days it seemed like Renick couldn't get away from him.
The 'he' and 'said' after the quotes should not be capitalized. I know Microsoft Word does it to you, because after a '!' or '.' it thinks that you are done with the sentence. In fact, you are not, so make sure that they don't get capitalized (unless of course it is the start of a new sentence, or a name.

Quote:
While Renick sat as silent as a stone, Ranul decided to strike up a conversation.

"Soooo...I heard about your little incident."

Renick looked up at him, silent as ever.

"Don't want to talk about it? Ok, I understand."
Renick doesn't strike up convorsation (maybe you could change Merric to the one talking, as that was a good bit of writing there). XD Anyways, there is a space after an elipse (...) and you either spell 'Ok' 'okay' or 'OK'.

Nitpicks!

Quote:
Almost all attempts to talk with Renick in this manner fail, mainly because he doesn't care.
We're talking in past tense, aren't we?

-

Quote:
An hour turned to two, and two to four, then eight...and sixteen...before he knew it, Renick had been sitting there for thirty-two hours!
Spaces after elipses!

-

[qoute]He put down the book he was reading and looked at the clock.[/quote]

Where did you describe him reading a book?

-

Quote:
"Good." A crackly voice said. "Soon I will have the whole world enslaved."
Same thing here with capitalization. By the way, usually when someone is talking, followed by quotations and a said, a COMMA is used instead of a period. So, it should probably read:

Quote:
"Good," a crackly voice said. "Soon I will have the whole world enslaved."
Notice I left the last period there, because no 'said' followed.

-
Quote:
"Soon, Renick, You will pay for what you did to me." She coughed Violently.
'You' should not be capitalized, and neither should 'violently'. 'She' works both ways, so do whatever you want with that.
__________________
[These Guys Will Show You Inescapable Doom]

"Maybe it's the sum of a million coincidences we don't quite control that brings us to a particular place
at a particular time, or maybe it's the choices we make, the actions we take. If there's one thing I've learned in 85 years, it's
that what we want doesn't always matter. But then again, sometimes it's all that does." - Mick St. John



Last Edited by Gracie; 02-28-2006 at 08:23 PM. Reason:
  #20 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 03-23-2006, 10:32 AM
Dark-ness Dark-ness is offline
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Re: [Awbri] Renick's Training.

I said I edited it...am I getting a new teacher again? I hope not.
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