Kaifraz walked alone in the forest, as he usually does these days. The tall trees blocked most of the sunlight, but there was enough to see where he was going. The path had been long forgotten and unused, until he had found it. It had been said that long ago a school for fighters had been here, and many a warrior had gone there to learn the art of fighting. Red, brown, and gold coloured leaves where swirling around his feet, the birds where singing in the treetops, blissfully unaware that a lonely traveller was below them. It was all Kaifraz could do to stop himself from admiring the countryside. He could hear the murmur of a river nearby.
Maybe it won’t be so bad if I have a swim. He thought to himself. I mean I am really tired and all. And besides he thought I need to fill up my canteens anyway.
Kaifraz looked around for the river and soon found it. He promptly stripped down to as little as possible and jumped in. The water felt so cool against his skin. After about an hour of swimming he got out of the river dried himself down, and put his clothes back on. Then he lay down on the bank of the river and closed his eyes. The warmth of the sun dried his damp clothes; the gentle sound of the river next to him was relaxing. Kaifraz soon found himself struggling to stay awake, and before he could get up, he had fallen asleep. He woke up a couple of hours later feeling refreshed and happy. He filled up his empty canteens with water from the river, and then nearly emptied one straightaway. The water tasted sweet, and was as refreshing as his swim, and rest was. After he had filled that canteen up again he set of once more looking for this fighter’s school. As he went he even whistled a joyful tune with the birds.
As he walked along the path he noticed something moving out of the corner of his eye. He instantly froze and prepared to defend himself if needs be. A fox trotted into his vision and he relaxed. He had been in so many fights lately he was getting jumpy. He shrugged his shoulders and continued walking. He soon found himself staring at the biggest building he had ever seen. It was a huge gleaming white dome. It looked like it had been looked after very well since people had stopped going to it. He had thought it would be an old derelict building by now.
“No it isn’t as you can see.” Someone said behind him.
“Who?” Kaifraz spun round to see who this was, and before him stood an elf with silver hair streaked with blue, that goes down to her waist, and she looked as though she could floor Kaifraz if she wanted to. Her face made her look like she was only 19 or something like that, and her emerald green eyes made that face so perfect. However he knew she must be older than that. But the only reason he knew she was an elf were her pointed ears.
“You must be Kaifraz then?” Kaifraz stood, mouth open, trying to say something, but no words would come. “Don’t worry. I’ve known who you are for a while. And I have been expecting you. If you would like to enter then follow me please.” Then she started to walk toward the door. It opened for her before she was close.
“I allow this man, Kaifraz, to enter the dome for training.” She said loudly, and walked in. Kaifraz followed her in through the door and into the dome. His training had begun.
OoC: Sorry about your wait. I've been busy with other things, and your thread sort of slipped out of my mind... Anyways, you are going to be placed in my intermediate class. Go find my intermediate class thread and start with Lesson 1. Just a few things to point out, though, before you write another post.
**Always, always, always put your character's personal thoughts in italics. It makes it easier that way to separate them from the rest of the post.
**Try to put a line of space between paragraphs. That includes dialogue and the thoughts of your character. The separation makes it easier on readers to read through your posts.
**Be sure to proofread your posts before you post them. Read over them several times to make sure you've eliminated any spelling or grammar mistakes. Also, use proofreading as a way to go back and check to see if there's anything else you feel you should add or remove from your post to make it better.
That's about it for now. You may go ahead and do Lesson 1.
Kaifraz walked down the long corridor toward his room. Suddenly the little man in front of him stopped and, turning to him, said “Your room sir.”
“Thank you.” Kaifraz replied and went up to the door. The door was about half again his height, and made of good solid oak. The designs on the door were very familiar. When he looked closer at them he realised why. The patterns on the door where from his hometown. Mithan. He began to wonder if he would ever see his home again.
He looked at the door again, hoping to receive the letter from his mother saying he could go home, but knowing deep down it would never happen. He looked at the intricate patterns of ivy, diamonds, and emeralds. He looked at them for a long time before entering the room.
He pushed the door open and looked around, there wasn’t much in the room, but what there was made all the difference to Kaifraz’s thoughts about the dome. He looked around the room again and wondered how they had managed this. Everything in the room was exactly as it was when he was still in Mithan! In the room there was a bed, a wardrobe, and a chair. All made out of wood.
The room itself was pretty boring. The walls were a bland stone grey, and the room had no windows. The ceiling was so high up he almost thought it wasn’t there. But the good thing was on one wall there was a huge carving of a dragon asleep. He smiled and began to look at the furniture.
The wardrobe was made out of normal wood. Not the kind of wood you would find in Mithan. But he didn’t mind. The handles were made out of brass and in the shape of a dragon. He opened it and looked inside. He gratefully took of his cloak and put it on one of the hooks. Then he took the little amount of clothes he had in his bag and put them in there on the hangers provided. He laughed to himself as he looked at his clothes in the cupboard. They looked so smart, except for the fact that half of them were covered in mud. He would have to sort that out soon. He closed the door and sighed. He moved his eyes over to the next item that caught his gaze.
He looked at the bed closely. To anyone else it would have looked like a normal wooden bed. Nothing interesting at all. But to him, with his eyes, used to wood from Mithan, it looked like the best thing in the whole world. The wood seemed to ripple like water under his gaze. He still wasn’t sure how they did that but he didn’t care. All along the bed posts and across the frame there were dragons carved into the wood. Dragons in flight, dragons on the ground, even dragons protecting their eggs and young. Kaifraz had thought of meeting a dragon from and early age. He wished he could see one just once. Once would be enough. After looking at the bed for a moment longer he went over to look at the chair.
The chair was made out of the same wood as the bed, and even had the same carvings on it! The cushion was made in the same way his mother made them. He sat on the chair and the cushion, meant to make the chair more comfortable, didn’t have much effect. Kaifraz sighed again. Just like his mother used to make them.
He stood up and walked over to the bed again. He laid down on it and lay there. It was so soft. He could feel himself just drifting off into sleep. Just before he lost awareness of his surroundings he thought
[I/] So this is what I will call home for the duration of my training. I like it [I/] Then he fell asleep.
Very good job implementing my suggestions. ^_^ Be sure to check out that HTML, though. To put things in italics you have to take out that slash in the first set of brackets. That should fix it, hopefully. You also did a really nice job describing Kaifraz's room. I also liked how you gave us a glimpse into Kaifraz's thoughts and emotions. Try to do that more often in your posts. It really helps to develop the character and gives readers more of an idea of what the character is like.
Everything checks out. You may move on to the second half of Lesson 1. ^_^
Kaifraz awoke to the sound of knocking on his door. He rolled out of bed and walked to the door, and opening it slightly, looked out. The same little man who had shown him his room was standing there.
“Good morning sir.” He said “I have a message from your teacher. Sileya”
“My teacher?” Kaifraz asked, still a little dazed from his sleep.
“Did you think you would train on your own here? Oh no, no. That can’t happen.” The man seemed to talk to himself more than Kaifraz “No can’t have that at all.” He looked up at Kaifraz again “She wishes you to go to the gardens and meet her by the large fountain in the centre. But maybe when you’re a little more appropriately dressed.” And with that he walked away. Kaifraz closed the door and turned around.
On the chair there was some food, the same kind his mother would give him. A simple breakfast, a small loaf of freshly baked bread, with butter, a little cup of water, a jug of water, and some kind of meat. With this there was a little knife to cut the bread. He promptly made sandwiches and wolfed them down quicker than anything else. It had been nearly six months since he had eaten bread of any kind, let alone freshly baked. The meat tasted sweet in his mouth, and when he ran out of it he tore chunks off the bread. Soon all that was left was the water. He gulped that down as quickly as the bread had disappeared, and then he set out to find the garden in the dome.
[I] Whoa [I/] he thought [I] It wasn’t like this before, was it? [I/] He started down the corridor that led toward the garden, he hoped. He didn’t look at the walls as he walked down the corridor. He figured that he would see a lot of them while he was here. As he walked down the corridors, there were far too many to count, he saw various people. Some elves, some humans, he was even sure he saw a centaur somewhere. But he ignored the lot of them.
After what seemed like an age of walking down corridors that all looked the same, he finally arrived at the domes garden. The hot, thick, humid air was the first thing to hit him as he walked in. the next was the amazing beauty of all the plants around. Most of which he didn’t know what they were. As he looked around he soon saw the big fountain in the centre of the garden, and he made his way towards it. He soon saw a figure standing by the fountain, a figure that looked very familiar.
“Kaifraz.” She called out and walked up to him “As your teacher I will now set your first task.”
“My teacher?” Kaifraz quizzed, his brain trying to think of where he had seen her before. Then it hit him like a bolt of lightning “You’re the one who let me in here aren’t you?” the elf nodded
“Yes I am. But now I am Sileya, your teacher. Not ‘the one who let you in’. Now your first task to do is to get me some specific items from the garden. These consist of one white lily, one ripened tomato, and a pair of tulip bulbs. When you find them, bring them to me.”
Kaifraz walked away slightly confused. Why did he have to do this? And how did Sileya know who he was? He immediately discarded these thoughts, and focused on the task he had been given. It wasn’t long before he had found the ripe tomato. He took it and put it in his pocket, then, taking it out again, put it in a little pouch on his belt.
As he walked on down this line of plants he looked for a pond. It was covered in lilies. From what he could see of the water, in between the lilies, it looked calm and clear. Kaifraz searched the surface of the pond looking for a white lily to take back. It was five minutes before he noticed it. It was hidden underneath all the leaves of the surrounding lilies. He carefully took it out of the water and held it like a new born babe.
The next items on the list, the tulip bulbs, were the hardest to find. He searched and searched for over twenty minutes before he found a tulip. He was looking so hard he didn’t notice the other plants around him. After he had found the tulip, he dug around in the earth for a little, until he found two bulbs. He picked them up and put them in another little pouch he had. He looked up, and realised how far from the fountain he had actually gone to find these items.
He slowly made his way back, marvelling at the beauty of the plants there. When he arrived back at the fountain he carefully took the requested items out of the pouches and handed them over to Sileya. She looked at them for a while, then looked up, smiled and said
“Well done Kaifraz. These are what I asked for. Your first task is complete. Well done.”