Ren trudged through the bushes of the over grown forest, getting his coat snagged on a branch of a cherry bush. The Retuson stumbled but looked back at his coat, rolled his eyes and gave it a tug. It came free of the branch, knocking berries from the bush. How on Ranelu am I going to find this place, Ren pondered. He had heard an interesting rumor of a place were great warriors from this world and others come to train. Of course it was the mindless babble of a drunk but the name of the place sent a chill up his spine. The Dome. The drunk had told him there was a way to enter it, lost somewhere in the Forest of Kelu. My friends must be wondering where I went off too…. Ren couldn’t help himself, but when his friends were busy trying to run from Nelu, the demon, he had purposely ran off to find the Dome. The Retuson was sure they would be okay, they were skilled fighters. They could take care of themselves.
Ren scanned the clearing he had tumbled into. Nothing but emerald-green grass and a tree that had been struck by lightening and was now laying in the middle of the clearing, slightly black from the lightening strike. The forest had hot and stuffy air even though the canopy almost blocked out the sun entirely. Ren sighed with a soft disappointment. He was never going to find it at this rate. The Retuson walked lazily over to the fallen tree trunk and sat down. His spiked mace landed softly on the ground with a light thud next to him, its chain clattering against it. His blood-red eyes scanned the flush and green forest as he ran his hand through his short, white hair. I wonder what kind of warriors are at the Dome…. If they were collected from all around the universe than they would be undoubtedly strong, probably stronger than the Retuson. Ren looked down at his clothing. I don’t even have any kind of armor, what kind of a warrior am I? This young fighter had no armor but wore a crimson shirt with no sleeves, black, baggy pants, a white trench coat with no sleeves and has red bordering, he kept a belt around his pants’ waistband that held his katana’s sheath, and two hard leathered boots.
“Where in the Dark Realm can I find the Dome?” the Retuson wondered out loud. To his utter shock there was a blinding flash of white light, it completely engulfed Ren’s surroundings. He hadn’t even had the time to gasp. When the light faded the Retuson found himself in an entirely new landscape. It was no longer a flush forest but a large and healthy garden filled with thousands of plants both known and unknown to Ren. He jumped to his feet and grabbed the chain of his mace, not even noticing that he had been sitting on a bench instead of a log. Ren scanned his surroundings, trying to find a rational explanation for what had just happened.
Very good for a first post, Shrub. I'll put you in my intermediate class for now. Go ahead with the first assignment there. Just expand the timeframe for posts showing, and you should find it on the second page.
Very good for a first post, Shrub. I'll put you in my intermediate class for now. Go ahead with the first assignment there. Just expand the timeframe for posts showing, and you should find it on the second page.
Woot! Intermediate! Sorry, just had to celebrate.
Anyway, I'm just a little confuse. Sorry I get confused easily, I'm a bit new to the forums, BA, and Battle School. What do you mean "go ahead with the first assignment there"? And "Just expand the timeframe for posts showing, and you should find it on the second page"? Ugh, sorry, I can be a bit airheaded sometimes (I can be smarter when I'm in the right mood), side affect of daydreaming too much.
LOL... It's okay. I'll just give you a link instead. Here you go.
But, for future reference, if you go down to the bottom of the main page on a forum, you'll find the heading "Display Options". There, you'll find an option that will let you see threads that haven't been posted in recently. Usually, this option is set for "Last month", but you can expand it to 2months, 100days, last year, etc.
Ren scanned the brilliantly colored flowers and green, mysterious plants with vexed eyes. What was going on? Where in the name of the six gods was he? The Retuson softened his grip on the chain of his mace, starting to become more relaxed for there was nothing there to threaten him. Though this did nothing to solve his question of where he was. A minute ago he was sitting on a burnt log in the middle of Kelu Forest. The teenager’s heart skipped a beat. Could it be? Had he found it?
“The Dome …” the young man whispered under his breath. A tingle that felt like electricity shot up his spine just by the sound of it. There was no other explanation for it. Though he still was unsure of how he got there but the warrior supposed it didn’t matter anymore. He was there and he was satisfied. Ren recoiled the long chain of his mace into a loop, this took a while because it was an extremely lengthy chain. When he had finished he hung the loop on his arm, the heavy mass of the chain did not even faze the boy. His dragon blood gave him unnatural strength for normal elves but Ren was definitely not normal.
The half dragon now took more time to bask in the presence of the very large and beautiful garden he was in. He found that he was standing on a dirt pathed circle and there was a dirt path leading to his right, one leading to his left, one in front of him, and another leading behind him. Ren guessed that now he was there he would explore the place.
“Hm … where should I go?” the Retuson wondered out loud. Suddenly a door popped out of no where right in front of him.
“Bah!” cried Ren in surprise and stumbled backwards, falling over and hitting his head on the marble bench behind him. A dull pain throbbed softly where he had struck his skull. The fifteen-year-old rubbed the back of his head as he cursed under his breath. He abruptly jumped to his feet as if the ground had shocked him and straightened his coat, looking around to make sure no one had seen him fall over. After getting over his shock, Ren took the time to examine the door before him. It was a plain, white door with a normal gold handle. The Retuson stared doubtfully at the door. What in the name of Faia …? Then he thought back on what he had said out loud and the words he had uttered before he came to the Dome. Perhaps one traveled faster by saying key words and the way to it would appear before them as the door had to Ren. The teenager shrugged and gripped the golden door knob, which was oddly cold. He disregarded the detail and twisted the knob, the door clicked open. The young man stepped into it and the door shut quietly behind him.
“What in the name of Akasha?” exclaimed the Retuson. When he stepped in the room he had stepped into pure white snow that went up to his knees. Not only was it full of snow but the room seemed to stretch on for as far as he could see, dunes of powdery snow surrounded him. The Dome was now officially the weirdest place he had ever been to. It had doors that popped out of thin air that lead to places full of snow that never seemed to end. What was the point to coming there at all? And as a matter of fact, how was he to leave the Dome? Ren wondered as he stood in the icy snow, his bare arms starting to get very cold.
OoC: By the way, Faia is the God of fire and determination in his land called Ranelu and Akasha is the Goddess of life and light. Just in case you were wondering.
Ren stared around the snowy landscape with a look of perplexity on his young face. His blood-red eyes scowled at the wind as it blew into him, chilling him to the bone. The Retuson wrapped his arms around himself, struggling to keep the wind from stealing his warmth as it tossed his hair that was as white as the snow. The metal of his mace wasn’t helping him to stay warm either, it absorbed the cold and stung his flesh.
What was he doing here? He should have left this room by now but he continued to stand in the snow … feeling as if he was waiting for something. Though, he wasn’t sure why he was waiting or what he was waiting for. The Dome had led him here … maybe it had a reason to. There had to be something he was supposed to do here. The teenager stepped forward into the snow until he was a good length from the door. He squinted as he scanned the area … nothing. No one was here. The boy sighed to himself as a fierce wind began to turn in the icy air around him. He turned around to walk back to the door but as he did a large amount of snow whacked him on the back of the head, so hard that it sent him flying face first into the snow. Ren pushed himself up onto his knees with his arms, pulling his face out of the snow. What the …? He sprang up to his feet and whipped around. Standing ten feet tall in front of him was a small giant of a snowman. Something like an icy statue that could move freely, the fifteen-year-old knew it could because it must have been the one to throw the snow at him. A smirk tore into his lips and his crimson eyes narrowed.
“So, you wanna have a go?” he s♥♥♥♥♥♥ed. The snowman did not reply. But Ren was going to take that as a yes. He knew it wasn’t a good thing to do, attack even though it hadn’t said anything (though he wasn’t sure if it could say anything), but the guy started it. The young man uncoiled his mace and began to swing it over his head. The ice statue swung its arm and fired another snow ball. The Retuson dodged it and tossed his mace at the big hunk of snow. He allowed the chain to flow through his hands like water as it flew towards its target. The metal ball crashed into its chest, taking off half of the giant’s powdery body. Ren pulled his end of the chain to force the mace to swing back around, he allowed the chain to coil itself around his leg as it swung back around. The spiked ball swiped the rest of the giant’s legs out from under it, making the remains of its snowy structure to crumble in a lumpy pile of ice. The teenager simpered to himself. Too easy. The boy, believing his job to be done, retracted the mace and coiled it into a loop again and hung it on his arm. He turned, yet again, to leave but then something very cold grabbed his ankle from underneath the snow.
“Gah!” Ren managed to yelp but was soon yanked into the air as the snowman sprouted out of the snow-covered ground. His mace slipped off his arm and into the snow. Oh no …. It began to swing him in a large circle.
“AAAAHHH,” he cried as it swung him as Ren had swung his mace around. He felt the snowman change the direction of his swing and the Retuson knew there was going to be a painful result. The ice statue smacked him down on the powdery ground with the gained magnitude of the swing and its own strength coupled with gravity. The teenager felt his brain thunk against the front of his skull and his nose break on the impact, his warm blood splattered the snow. However, he was yanked up again but only to be brought back to the ground with another agonizing impact. His brain was, again, jerked to the back of his skull with a painful thunk. The snow giant pulled Ren up and threw him. He went flying fifty feet into the air, too blinded with pain too care. He hit the ground with another thud, adding to the pain on the back of his skull and the rest of his body.
He laid there, his head throbbing with such pain he could barely see and even if he could all he would see was white. The snow around him numbed his body and even made the pain in his head die down a little. He could feel his hot blood ooz from his nose, that was also twanging with sharp pains. I have to get up … have to … get … up. He couldn’t believe he had let the thing surprise him like that. Ren bit his bottom lip and forced himself to a sitting position. His head gave him a particularly sharp throb, making him groan. When he looked up he saw the snowman was standing five feet away from him. Just standing there, waiting for him to stand up. Damn thing has more mercy than me, Ren thought bitterly to himself. That’s right … hadn’t showed much mercy to Tasuki when I killed him—don’t think about that. It only made his head throb harder. The Retuson forced himself to his feet but his body shook and trembled with the effort. His blood-red eyes stared blankly at the icy statue. He felt around inside of himself, searching for it…. There it was, so warm compared to this cold wasteland. White light erupted on his back and unfolded into the shape of two miniature dragon wings. When the light faded from him in its place were two pearly, white wings covered with hard dragon scales. The Tejison had resurfaced.
Ren knew his katana would be useless against the thing and he had lost his mace back at the entrance in the snow. How was he supposed to kill it? It would just regenerate itself with all this snow around, even with his Tejison power he couldn’t do anything to harm it. Perhaps fire would work … not that he had any. He didn’t even know magic to create some. Times like this he would have called upon Leita but that was the price he paid for leaving his friends behind. No … I can’t rely on my friends to save me all the time … I need to learn to take care of myself … like I once had.
The snowman made a move, it chucked another large snow ball at him. It was about the size of a small boulder and it landed at Ren’s feet covering his legs up to his waist. The young warrior found this odd, it could have hit him square in the head. It threw another one that wrapped the boy all the way up to his shoulders and he found it a little hard to move. The Tejison punched the snow away from him and it crumbled easily. But suddenly, all the snow on the ground around sprung up like a wave of ice. The young fighter stared up at the towering wall of snow that cast a shadow over him. His face remained in a tired expression, he was too exhausted to even run. The snow crashed down on him, encasing him so deeply with snow that he could not punch his way out. Maybe he could have if he had the energy too, but he had had that smacked out of him by the snow giant.
Ren couldn’t breath, he couldn’t move, he barely even think. Maybe it doesn’t really matter if I die … thought the boy. Maybe this was the price he had to pay for murdering his own brother…. The Tejison’s heart gave him a sharp jerk, but maybe that was because he couldn’t suck in any air. “Just don’t go dying on me, okay?” He could hear her words as if she was standing right next to him. Trisa … no … he didn’t want to die yet. He just wanted to see her happy face again. Ren felt something inside of his chest, something tingling with a pleasant warmth in his body. He reached out into it and let it fill him up. Suddenly, fire erupted around him, so hot it evaporated the snow instantly. Sending it up into the air in the form of steam and melted his icy cage. But it didn’t stop there, it turned around him like fiery dome, expanding and swallowing the snow around him so large it covered most of the ground in his sight. Then it came to a stop and retracted back into Ren’s body. He stood there, face blank. The Tejison fell face forward onto the dirt ground, no longer covered in snow. He didn’t even flinch at the pain in his face when it hit the ground, which surprisingly wasn’t muddy. In fact it was oddly warm and dry.
OoC: I know the snow guy wouldn't have killed him but Ren didn't know that.
Very interesting. Times of mortal peril are always convenient for discovering hidden powers, aren't they? Perhaps Aurora could help him harness this power....
As far as critique goes, just little nit-picky stuff, really. Nothing an extra little proofreading couldn't fix. I always recommend writing, proofreading your work, then leave it alone for at least 15min. This break gives you a chance to clear your mind. Then, come back and look at it with fresh eyes and proofread once more before turning it in. You'll find that doing all your editing in one sitting causes you to leave more mistakes, especially if you do all your writing at the same time.
OoC: Um, you wanted that list of discriptive names, right? Here it is: Ren
The half dragon
The young fighter
The young man
The white-haired boy
BiC: Ren laid there for a few minutes, face down in the dirt not even trying to get up. His body ached all over and his head was still throbbing from being thrown around like a rag doll. The Tejison kept his eyes closed tightly, leaving only a veil of black in front of his eyes. What happened …? wondered the teenager. Where had all that fire come from? He was so confused and his head hurt so much. The half dragon was so distracted that he had not even heard her approaching foot steps.
“Well, looks like you’ve taken quite a beating,” said a voice, by the tone of it Ren would say it was a woman’s and it was coming from directly in front of him.
“Eh?” Ren muttered, his face still in the dirt. “… oh … yeah … I’ve had worse.” He was reminded of his fight with his brother, Tasuki, he would never forget the pain … With a crunch, Tasuki pressed down with his foot. Ren let out a scream but choked on the blood that sprang out of his open mouth. He felt his eyes burn but blinked the tears away before they could fall.
“Just hold still for a moment.”
“Wha?” stammered the boy. The woman said no more. A few minutes passed by and she still said nothing but Ren suddenly began to feel oddly warm. The pain in his head even started to fade, his body no longer ached, and his nose didn’t hurt anymore. Soon there was no pain at all. The young man shot up to his knees and blinked. What happened? That seemed to be a question he asked himself a lot lately….
Ren looked up and in front of him stood a woman. He would have guessed she was in her mid-twenties. She had curly, blonde hair that was coiled up in a large bun on the back of her head. She had the most beautiful blue eyes that he had ever seen. She wore gray robes that reminded Ren of the robes his friend, Leita, would sometimes wear. She was very beautiful, if Khaz was here he would have wasted no time flirting with her. But Ren had the feeling Khaz wouldn’t have a chance, her blue eyes were filled with a kind of wisdom he had never known.
“Yeah …” replied Ren, slowly getting up to his feet. Now that he was standing up, he noticed he was about three inches taller than her. His hand went up to wipe the blood off his face. “Who are you?”
“My name is Aurora,” she said. “And I will be your teacher here at the Dome.”
“My teacher?” said Ren, his eyebrows tensing with confusion. “Teaching what?”
“Fighting of course,” Aurora answered. She was about to say something else but the warrior cut her off.
“Fighting?” he repeated, he narrowed his crimson eyes at her. “Listen lady, I already know how to fight.”
“Indeed, since you defended yourself so well just now,” said the teacher. The teenager’s face glowed a soft pink and he scowled at her. “Besides … you will be wanting to learn how to control that power of yours, no?”
Ren’s face was slapped out of his glower and into confusion. He asked, “What power? I don’t know what you’re talking about. If ya mean my Tejison than don’t worry about it, I got that completely under control.” He pointed to his white dragon wings. She smiled again but said,
“You came here to train, didn’t you? Even left your friends behind to face great dangers alone to find the Dome, right?”
Ren felt as if someone had hit him over the head with a frying pan. How did she know that?
“How did you—” began the fifteen-year-old.
“We have our ways,” she replied before he could finish his sentence. The Tejison stared at her with suspicious eyes.
“Well, come with me,” said Aurora as she turned around to walk over to the exit. “I will show you to the room you will be staying in.”
The half dragon continued to gaze at her but shrugged his shoulders and followed her. White light covered his wings and the light shrank into his back, disappearing from sight. As they neared the entrance he stooped down quickly to pick his mace off the ground and hung it on his shoulder. They stepped through the door and came into a long, white hall way that split off into many different directions. Wait a second. Ren thought he had entered the door from the garden. He shook his head but said nothing to Aurora as she led the way down the hall. He was starting to get used to the odd ways of the Dome.
The way to his room was a silent journey, even though Ren had a lot of questions. The Retuson felt weirdly uncomfortable around his new teacher, he was not used to being trained by women. All his training had come from his father. Ugh …don’t wanna think about him. Aurora made no effort to speak to him either.
They walked for a short while and along the way Ren noticed the hall ways were filled with doors, thousands of them. His teacher came to a stop in front of a door. It was an interesting looking door, it was different from the door to the room of snow. It was painted a crimson red and the door knob was silver instead of gold. There was a small glass peep hole that one could use from the inside to look in those outside, it was in the middle of a small, white dragon painted on the door.
“Here you are,” she said. “You best get some rest.”
The white-haired boy nodded and placed his hand on the silver door knob.
OoC: I hope I didn’t mess up on Aurora’s personality.
No, you handled her fairly well. I can tell you actually did your homework! Impressive. However, one thing about the Dome is that ALL the doors are different. They usually indicate in some way what sort of environment may be behind them.
So, go back and describe the door again, then go on to the next lesson.
OoC: My, you seem have taken very many students, I noticed the very long list of Ry-san threads. Good thing I took a break on Ren for a while, you appear to be very busy.
BiC: Ren stepped through the doorway, unsure of what he would see next. He felt he could hardly be surprised anymore, he adjusted quickly to his surroundings but that didn’t stop him from being impressed. This room definitely made his crimson eyes widen with awe.
It was a fair sized room, since it was to be his bedroom for however long he would be staying at the Dome. The walls were a pearl-white and almost seemed to glow. The carpet had a soft looking texture to it and was a deep scarlet. To the young man’s right on the wall opposite him was a bed larger than anything he had been used to. It appeared to be a queen-sized, four post bed with a wooden frame painted jet-black. The sheets and pillows were white and the comforter was the same shade of red as the carpet and draping across the four tall posts were crimson curtains tied to the wooden posts. At the foot of the bed was a large, black trunk.
On the same side of the room and same wall as the Retuson, was a large fire place with a few white tiles around its proximity. On the right wall was another blood-red door, most likely leading to a bathroom. To his left, on the same wall as the bed, was a large wooden desk painted the same black color as the bed frame. In front of it was a large, black armchair with squashy looking cushions. Hanging above the desk was a square, black tapestry with a design of a white dragon that had frosty-blue eyes. On the opposite wall of the desk, but same side of room, was a tall and wide wooden dresser, painted black like the other furniture pieces.
There was a large amount of light glowing from the ceiling of the room. Ren looked up and gasped. It was a huge chandelier glittering and shining with thousands of tiny crystals. The teenager had never seen anything so breath taking, except maybe for his Trisa. The boy smiled tenderly to himself at the thought of the teenage girl. Ren walked into the middle of the room, deciding to explore it a bit more than just with his eyes.
First he strode over to the trunk and lifted open its lid, which was made of very smooth wood. Inside was two other pairs of black boots that were exactly like his own, and to the right of the trunk was an empty space looking as if he was supposed to fill it with something. Ren pondered for a moment but then his blood-red eyes brightened with realization. He took his mace and its chain from his shoulder and placed it gently into the chest. It fit perfectly.
The white-haired boy closed the lid softly and it clicked as it shut. He untied his katana from his belt and left it on top of the trunk. He turned to the left side of the room and waltzed over to the dresser. It had five drawers. He opened the top one to find it was full of white coats identical to his own. He pulled the second drawer open. In it was blood-red shirts that were, also, exactly like his own shirt. The third drawer had many of his black, baggy pants. The fourth held several of his black boxers, he closed this drawer quickly his face a light hue of red. How did they know what kind of underwear he wore? He shook the thought from his head as he opened the last drawer. It had very many white and comfortable looking socks.
Once he shut the last drawer, he stepped over to the desk. On the surface of the desk was a stack of parchment to the right and a small, round silver clock with maroon hands and numbers to the left. There were two drawers, one on each side. They both had a tiny silver knob on them. He grasped the knob of the right drawer. It was completely empty but he had a feeling it was vacant for future filling. He closed that one and opened the other which held several, fair sized bottles of black ink and large, white quills for writing with.
After investigating the desk, the fifteen-year-old’s eyes caught the red door on the other side of the room. He wasn’t quite sure where it led to but he had a feeling it was a bathroom. So he walked over to it, gripped its silver handle and turned it. He stepped in and, again, was amazed.
Ren had been right, it was a bathroom. A very large and glorious bathroom. All the walls, ceiling, and floor was white marble. To his left was a marble toilet with a silver handle to flush with. Next to the toilet was a large stone counter of marble with a large sink built into its surface. Above the counter was a very large and wide mirror. On each side of the mirror was a hanger with a fluffy, white wash cloth on it. There were two bars of white soap, one on each side of the sink.
The boy’s eyes drifted over to the right side of the room. There was a large, white cabinet, no doors, holding a lot of towels of many different sizes. They were all white and fluffy looking, folded into neat piles. On the far end of the room was extremely huge bath tube. It looked more like a small swimming pool to him. It was an oval shape and had many silver knobs along the right end of the tube. Though, he didn’t know why there were so many knobs.
“Wow …” breathed the Retuson, his voice echoed across the room. The room temperature a warmer than his bedroom, which was very pleasant considering he had been smacked around by snow just a half an hour ago. Ren fancied a bath would be even better than going to sleep, besides he was too excited to sleep. A bath would help him relax too.
The teenage boy began to strip off his boots and other items as he made his way to the tube. He stopped, however, when he caught his reflection in the mirror. There was dry blood smeared under his nose and random smudges of dirt on his face. Ren rolled his scarlet eyes at himself and stepped up to the counter as he shed his coat and shirt. He grabbed the wash cloth on the right of the mirror, turned the sink’s silver knob and got it wet. After cleaning up his face, he resumed his journey to the bath tube.
When he came to the tube’s edge with the many knobs, he found they had little crystals on the ends in different colors and two larger knobs with, what looked like, diamonds on them. Ren turned the two knobs, which made water run from the silver spout of the tube. He adjusted them to his preferred temperature. The boy then played with the other knobs while waiting for the very large tube to fill. He found some add perfumes to the water and some were bubbles of different light colors. After he was satisfied with his bath water’s ingredients and it was filled, he stripped off his pants and underwear, slipping into the tub.
It was so deep that it almost came up to his neck. The Retuson basked in his warm bath, full of wonderful and flowery scented bubbles. The temperature of the water was perfect after his adventure in the cold snow. And as he washed himself it began to make his eyes heavy with sleep. After he was content with his bath, he got out and dried off with one of the towels provided. He gathered his clothes and went back through the red door, towel wrapped around his waist. He dropped his things in a pile next to the door and walked back to his dresser. He pulled out the underwear drawer and grabbed a fresh pair of boxers. After putting them on he threw the towel on top of his pile of clothes. Ren swept over to the bed, which looked very welcoming after his bath and sleep sounded marvelous. However, he noticed the lights were still on. Retuson searched the wall for a light switch of some sort. He found a silver one right next to the door. So he flipped it down and the lights went out immediately. As he crawled onto his bed he noticed something he hadn’t before.
Above the front of his bed was a medium-sized window. The young man could barely take his eyes off the stars that danced in the black space outside his window. It seemed to open up into nothing but sparkling lights, some that shot from one end of his view to the other and out of sight. Though, the Dome was an odd place, Ren was sure he could get very comfortable here.
Without farther thought, he toppled over onto his back and slid, at last, under his smooth silk sheets of white and red. He fell a sleep almost as soon as his head touched the soft pillow. His last thoughts were of her and how he had almost been unable to see her ever again. Ren's dreams were filled with the smiling face of the young girl he left back home.