Hitler Essay

Is anyone here really good on the subject of why he became ruler?

Here's my opening:

Hitler became the ruler of Germany, because in a time of great need the people turned to a man who promised them solutions to all their problems. The Treaty of Versailles’ Article 231 cost Germany $33 billion. Hitler Youth taught the people to be fascist at a young age. Hitler’s idea that Germans are a “Supreme Race” led the people to believe themselves as just that. Furthermore, the fall of the Weimar Republic gave Hitler of how Germany needs change.

You need to reword it. The overall idea of what you have is good, but if you are writing a formal essay the overall format needs to be much more detailed and structured.

Try starting the first sentence with "During a time of great need .... bla blah blah." What was the Treaty of Versailles and why did the Germans have to pay money? To who? What is Hitler Youth? Don't jump into things, explain them to the reader. You have to assume your educating them, you can't expect them to know what your talking about already.

A good place to find RESOURCES is Wikipedia or Britannica Online. Meaning don't look at what is said on the site and copy that. Use it to find OTHER sources, as everything on Wiki needs to be cited. At the bottom of the article there will be links and books you should look into. The best location is probably your school library/local library. Or even better a local college/university one.

If you don't know how to use the search system/need help finding things just try asking one of the librarians. They are there to help.

You're on the right track you just need a little bit of refining is all.

Try starting the first sentence with "During a time of great need .... bla blah blah." What was the Treaty of Versailles and why did the Germans have to pay money? To who? What is Hitler Youth? Don't jump into things, explain them to the reader. You have to assume your educating them, you can't expect them to know what your talking about already.

It sounds like the germans having to pay money and hitler youth are the main points of his essay, so you would introduce them in your intro paragraph, and use the following two paragraphs (or more) to explain them and the relevance to the topic.
What you have so far is good, but you need to lengthen it a bit. Don't go into much detail in your opening paragraph.

My next two paragraphs:

The Treaty of Versailles, having charged Germany $33 Billion for damages done to the world (even damages it didn’t do included), left Germany’s economy in ruins. This $33 Billion lost caused Germany to go under another “Great Depression” per se. People were unemployed leading to fear for themselves and anger at America. Hitler promised that as leader he would rebuild the economy and make more jobs for unemployed.

Hitler Youth was a program devised to teaching kids to become Fascists at a young age, in what could be speculated to be an attempt to affect the rest of their lives. In this program he also changed school curriculum to place a strong emphasis on physical education and stated that most other subjects were of greatly less significance. Hitler himself said “A violently active, dominating, brutal youth-that is what I am after” and that out of his program he would make the God-Man out of each child. Every other subject was mutated to his ideas of superiority. Each class was to start and end with “Heil Hitler”, the official Nazi salute. In Language Arts texts which did not support Nazi ideas were outlawed. History books were changed in favor of the Germans, and falsely stated that Greek Culture and the Roman Empire were all because of the German race.

The Treaty of Versailles, having charged Germany $33 Billion for damages done to the world ,even damages it didn’t do included, left Germany’s economy in ruins. This $33 Billion lost caused Germany to go under another “Great Depression” per se. People were unemployed leading to fear for themselves and anger at America. Hitler promised that as leader he would rebuild the economy and make more jobs for unemployed.

You shouldn't put brackets in an essay unless its citing a quote, so that's what i suggest changing it too, but it's up to you. Other than that, it sounds pretty good. Is there a specific length it has to be? something like 2 pages or 500 words?

get rid of the word 'kids' its too informal.

You might want to include the Holocaust, Anne Frank and the Socialist party. That'd get you a nice essay altogether. Also, Anne Frank information. Wikipedia is reliable here; trust me.

your facts are good but the form needs improvement.
your introductory paragraph should be a mini-statement of your viewpoint, and a mini-list of the reasons why. Each following paragraph should be devoted to explaining one of your reasons. narrow down the facts you are using to back up your statement, or categorize them per paragraph.

conclusion paragraph should be a restatement of the introduction, in different words, and prefferable with a fluffy-BS sentence at the end

hope you understood that.

BTW I was always a straight A Lit/English student, and senior year history had a required essay EVERY week. I know a thing or two about essay-writing.

It depends on your grade. But whether or not you're in a high or low grade I'm going to be very strict on this.

The form is awful. Now, I'm assuming it's not bad for your age, but I'm speaking generally. I mean, the way it's written is awful, really. Then again, if this is a school assignment, I'm not sure it's such a big deal. I BS papers all the time and get just fine grades.

Now, what is truly bothering me, is that I can tell you're not very historically-prone. Which is fine, not everyone must love history like I, but that just may be the reason why the form is bad. This sentence alone bothers me a lot:

The Treaty of Versailles, having charged Germany $33 Billion for damages done to the world (even damages it didn’t do included), left Germany’s economy in ruins.

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND: I'm not saying it's that bad. Let me clarify, what really bothers me is the history part. I haven't left advice because if you took mine you'd be lead astray and the paper probably wouldn't be about what it needs to be about.

Dude.

This site will be red flagged when your teacher checks for plagarism and you'll probably get an instant fail.

Edit now.

Originally Posted by Ringo Starr

Dude.

This site will be red flagged when your teacher checks for plagarism and you'll probably get an instant fail.

Edit now.

That's true. Something like that happened to a friend of mine.