Can you understand this?

I'm writing a report on Stars and Solar systems, and I was wondering if anyone could understand my first paragraph:

Originally Posted by Report

Stars and Solar Systems
This is my report on Stars and Solar systems, the main objects of the Milky Way Galaxy, in which there are many of Solar Systems just like ours! Before we do anything, let’s define a star. A star is a body that at some time in it’s life makes light for you and me to enjoy. It makes light and heat by using nuclear reactions, specifically by the fusion of hydrogen into helium under conditions on enormous temperature and density. When hydrogen atoms merge to create the next element (and a much heavier one), helium, mass of the star is lost, the mass, or M, converted to energy, or E, creates a familiar equation: E=mc squared, where c is the speed of light. Our Sun is powered by hydrogen fusion, and so are many of the other stars you see at night. The fusion may not take place throughout the star, but only in it’s deep interior, in it’s core, where it is hot enough. The temperature at the center of the sun is ho like Earth’s, but unlike Earth’s, it is 15 million Degrees C!! Not only that, but the density is 14 times that of lead! About 40% of the mass of the Sun, occupying about 30% of the radius, is capable of fusing hydrogen. Even through these extreme death-defying conditions, the Sun is still a gas throughout.
Yeah I’ve lost you…. and admittedly myself, too. Onward! Now we shall talk about how stars are created.

P.S. This is a Fifth-Grade report, so think like a 5th Grader.
EDIT: Or a science teacher ^_^

It's good. Just take out the "Yeah, now I've lost you" part, and that will be great.

Thanks! I was a bit shaky on that part. >.>

But really, this is in fifth grade? I'm in seventh, and they never told us anything about this stuff. Ok, so they sorta did, but not that much. I learned about what "E=mc squared" means from A Wrinkle In Time (It's good, you should read it)

Yup, 5th Grade. They didn't tell us any of it, though. I just re-worded stuff from here. All you need is a web-dictionary and this site, and you've got a good report on stars ^_^

Oh, that makes sense. I thought something was fishy about this. Well I might use that. Anyway, when're you going to post the second paragraph?

just two things:

remember, there are stars and solar sistems outside of the milkyway in every other galaxy, (I think you should add that)...


I'm not entirely sure, but I think many stars fuse hellium too (when almost all the hydrogen has been fused)... they go on on the periodic table two or three more elements (changing size and color every time they jump) until they finally collapse into a neutron star, (very "small" (compared with their original size)), and then they become black holes (when the radius becomes smaller than the swarchild radius (that has a different value for each star depending on the mass) AND.... hmmm, oh well, that's enough... just check if the color and size changing is true.... very interesting... hmmm

I think for 5th graders it requires a bit more explanation so it becomes more clear, but the organization and contents of the text are really neat ! You did a fine research.

I think that its quite a good report. IF tahts all of it, kinda small, but its 5th grade. But rember in a report, or a formal wrighting paper, never say "me" or "I". Why? I forget, but i just know that you never should. Also, if possible, try and use better verbs. like say you had "the dog ran.", make it into "the black and brown dog steadly scurried through the tall thick, lush, green grass". Use exciting verbs and good adjectives.

It does make sense and you sound like you know what you're talking about. One thing though, take out the "this is my report on..." Change it maybe to "Stars and solar systems are the main objects..." and continue from there. It doesn't really sound as good when you start things saying "this is my report on..."
Probably won't make a difference to your grade though. I'm just nit-picking on how I like to see reports written. The rest of it is great though, very good for fifth grade.

Makes perfect sense. I even learned something

Thanks. And yes, that is only the first paragraph. [Only two pages.] Anyway, I have no idea what to talk about:

Now to cover how stars are created. Space is filled with dusty gas. This gas turns into a nebula, which looks like a light show in the stars. They have the raw materials needed to make stars. If the conditions are right, parts of the nebula begin to contract, forming clumps of spinning gasses. These clumps get denser over millions of years. These pockets of matter are called protostars, and form a “baby” star. As this star continues to condense, there is gaining pressure at the center of the star. This causes the center to get REALLY, REALLY hot. As in, 15 million Kelvin hot. It is now a full fledged, shining star.
Now to take on the subject of a star’s life. All of the star’s life depends on how much mass it has. Our sun has average mass, for example, and it converts hydrogen into helium. Eventually, the fuel runs out, like a car, except the star doesn’t need to go through extreme gas prices. Now the core is made mostly out of helium, and it shrinks and releases energy until it collapses. This energy combined with the nuclear energy causes the star to expand greatly! It is now a red giant. After a long while, our sun will collapse into a White Dwarf, which still shows off a dim light. It will be pack together really greatly until it dies, and becomes a black dwarf, now even cold. But here is what would happen to a High Mass star: they are able to have a spectacular death. The early stages are the same as a low-mass, but they reach Red Giant much sooner. The outward pressure caused by the temperature of the core and the inward pressure of gravity, constantly fighting. This causes a lot of expanding and contracting. When all the fuel is used up by this, a supernova occurs. It is a huge explosion that can be seen throughout the galaxy! Then a new nebula is created for another star. But it doesn’t stop there! If it was an average high mass star, it will have turned into a neutron star, which has extremely packed material. A spoonful there is a billion tons here! Or it shall become a black hole.
Now to cover black holes with more detail. What would it be like to be pulled into a black hole? There is some info on this. At first, you don’t feel any pull. Everyone feels weightless in the ship. As you get closer and closer, you start to feel a little pull, but not much. You then feel stretched out and being tortured as it just gets stronger and stronger.
You don’t see anything, though. It is invisible. Then you only have seven seconds of life left. You try to fire your rockets, but it is pointless, and you await death. Not even light escapes.
Now let’s round most of this up into a representative scene. How about the Death Star. Yes, this is a fictional star in a fictional universe, but it will work. The Death Star plans would be like a nebula, the beginning of the star. And then, when it was unfinished and in the making[yet operational], it was a protostar. When it was ready to start destroying planets, it was a developed star turning into a red giant. Then it had two bombs thrown in and a giant supernova occurred! I hope you can all picture it now.
Time to cover star colors and temperatures! Blue is the hottest star class. It ranges from 11,000 to 50,000C. The bluish white color ranges from 7,500 to 11,000C.
Plain White is the middle temperature. It ranges from 6,000 to 7,500C. Then yellow is cooler but still hot. It is from 5,000 to 6,000C. Orange-red is second coldest with 3,500 to 5,000C. And Red is coldest but still hot with 2,000 to 3,500C. That’s all there is on that subject.
Some giant stars have the masses and internal constructions to bring by-products of deep nuclear fusion to the stars’ surfaces, creating carbon stars. Any mass lost from one of these enriched giants to a close partner can contaminate the companion with the giant’s new-found chemical elements(how evil….muahahaha). When the red giant becomes a normal White Dwarf, we are left with what looks like a single star with an odd chemical composition. Only with a good telescope can tell that a dim white dwarf is present. Among the most prominent examples barium stars, giants that have very strong absorptions of the heavy element barium among several others. All seem to be partners of what were once mightier stars that had become carbon stars that are now white dwarves.
Now to talk about our sun! The mass is 333,000 times that of out Earth! It’s diameter is 870,000 miles, or 1.4 million kilos. Among stars it is an average temperature, it holds in it’s belt an average size, and is an overall average star living an average “life” compared to other stars. Upon looking at the Milky Way Galaxy in which we live, you wouldn’t even notice our sun, which is in the middle of orbit around the center of the galaxy. (Wow this star IS average!) It is in one of the spiral arms of the galaxy, but that’s about it. Comparing that to our planet’s blue-sky atmosphere view, we cannot miss it. It’s the big white-yellow thing in the middle of the sky. Ever seen it? It’s the largest object in our Solar System, and all life as we know it depends on this ball of gas! We are advised not to look at it because of it’s magnitude of death, but when you use filters, we can see it’

A Thomas the Train addict deleted some of it

I thought I'd copy and paste some parts of your post and go through certain bits of it, mostly to do with the way you wrote some of it. I'm corresponding sentences with my comments by making them the same colour, so you can easily see what parts I'm talking about.

This causes the center to get REALLY, REALLY hot. As in, 15 million Kelvin hot. It is now a full fledged, shining star.
Is there another way you can give this information? It sounds a little informal for a report.

Now to take on the subject of a star’s life. All of the star’s life depends on how much mass it has. Our sun has average mass, for example, and it converts hydrogen into helium.
You don't need this sentence
Change to "A star's life".

But here is what would happen to a High Mass star: they are able to have a spectacular death. The early stages are the same as a low-mass, but they reach Red Giant much sooner. The outward pressure caused by the temperature of the core and the inward pressure of gravity, constantly fighting. This causes a lot of expanding and contracting. When all the fuel is used up by this, a supernova occurs. It is a huge explosion that can be seen throughout the galaxy! Then a new nebula is created for another star. But it doesn’t stop there! If it was an average high mass star, it will have turned into a neutron star, which has extremely packed material. A spoonful there is a billion tons here! Or it shall become a black hole.
Great paragraph before this sentence. I'm not sure what you're trying to say in this sentence.

Now to cover black holes with more detail. What would it be like to be pulled into a black hole? There is some info on this.
No, no, no. Use full words, so "information".

You don’t see anything, though. It is invisible. Then you only have seven seconds of life left. You try to fire your rockets, but it is pointless, and you await death. Not even light escapes.
This sentence is a little dramatic for a report.

Now let’s round most of this up into a representative scene. How about the Death Star. Yes, this is a fictional star in a fictional universe, but it will work. The Death Star plans would be like a nebula, the beginning of the star. And then, when it was unfinished and in the making[yet operational], it was a protostar. When it was ready to start destroying planets, it was a developed star turning into a red giant. Then it had two bombs thrown in and a giant supernova occurred! I hope you can all picture it now.
Good. Put a question mark after "How about the Death Star", though.
Delete this sentence. It's not needed.

Plain White is the middle temperature. It ranges from 6,000 to 7,500C. Then yellow is cooler but still hot. It is from 5,000 to 6,000C. Orange-red is second coldest with 3,500 to 5,000C. And Red is coldest but still hot with 2,000 to 3,500C. That’s all there is on that subject.
Delete this sentence, too.

Some giant stars have the masses and internal constructions to bring by-products of deep nuclear fusion to the stars’ surfaces, creating carbon stars. Any mass lost from one of these enriched giants to a close partner can contaminate the companion with the giant’s new-found chemical elements(how evil….muahahaha). When the red giant becomes a normal White Dwarf, we are left with what looks like a single star with an odd chemical composition. Only with a good telescope can tell that a dim white dwarf is present.
Sounds funny, but not for a report.

Among the most prominent examples barium stars, giants that have very strong absorptions of the heavy element barium among several others. All seem to be partners of what were once mightier stars that had become carbon stars that are now white dwarves.
Among the most prominent examples ARE barium stars

Now to talk about our sun! The mass is 333,000 times that of out Earth! It’s diameter is 870,000 miles, or 1.4 million kilos. Among stars it is an average temperature, it holds in it’s belt an average size, and is an overall average star living an average “life” compared to other stars.
Use "its", instead of "it's". When you say "it's", you are implying "it is". Note this rule is only for when you are using "it". Usually, if you want to talk about something to belonging to Joe, for example, you would say, "Joe's cat" or "Joe's brother". But the rule is different when you use "it". You don't use an apostrophe, if you want to say something belongs to "it".

Upon looking at the Milky Way Galaxy in which we live, you wouldn’t even notice our sun, which is in the middle of orbit around the center of the galaxy. (Wow this star IS average!) It is in one of the spiral arms of the galaxy, but that’s about it. Comparing that to our planet’s blue-sky atmosphere view, we cannot miss it.
You don't need these sentences, again.

Your report was very informative. I suggest you fix up the minor errors I picked up on, but apart from that, all the information was excellent, and you have researched well. Great work . I learnt a lot!

Thanks, MoonPheonix! You know what this means? You just made it into the bibliography! ^_____^

Originally Posted by LinkN64

Thanks, MoonPheonix! You know what this means? You just made it into the bibliography! ^_____^

No worries. Good luck with it and I hope you do well!