Help with game programming please

Does anyone know if there is a game tutorial anywhere on the internet for complete inattentive and brainless laymen such as myself? All the ones I can find start like: Basics: setting up x/ y axis crossvectors. For some reason which we are to lazy to explain, this makes your dude move. (It does not state where to put the graphics for the guy.) Then it continues: if we accept gopalot's third law to be true, the laws of physics state that the airborne velocity of an unladen swallow... etc. etc. Well, maybe thats a bit of an exageration, but could somebody please link me to a site that acctually is for complete noobs with no concept of what html is? Thanks so much.

The first thing you should do is learn a programming language. I'd say probably Java. There are plenty of online tutorials for that, so learning it will hopefully not be too hard. Once you've learned the basics of Java programming you can move on to the more advanced stuff, eventually you'll reach the stage where you can start making simple games.

I know how you feel dude. I am trying to teach my slelf how to use Blitz 3D. Learning things by yourself is tough but once you do it is worth it.

Go for C#. XNA is going to be the future of homebrew games, whether you like Microsoft or not. Its a very easy language to learn, as its quite similar to Java. If you've ever programmed before, you could probably learn most of C# in a day or two just by browsing example code.

Really, though, check out the things people have done with XNA. There really isn't a better solution for home-built games right now.

Edit - C# is OO, however, so if you haven't ever done OO programming before, you should probably browse a bit of the philosophy before you start, or things might be confusing.

To summarize - there reason those sites don't tell you WHY you're doing the graphics the way you are is because they're assuming you DON'T know how to program. If you really want to make a game, learn to program first, and then make a game. Any programmer can tell you - making a game is much, much harder than it sounds like its going to be.

Thanks, I'll try that. If anyone has a link to a good coding tutorial site it would be appreciated.