My friend's mother recently shot herself

I now have the dilemma where I must not say anything related to mothers, suicide, or guns. I am having difficulty and would like to request some tips on how to do this.
Thank you in advance.

oh wow.
My friend's mom passed away from cancer over the summer one year, and after we had been back in school for a few months, we were "picking on" eachother (in good fun) and I said "YOUR MOM!"........
Spent a good 2 days avoiding his sulking glances. He forgave me eventually though/

That's so tragic. As for advice... I really can't offer any other than maybe you need to just let him know that you're there for him, and ask him if he needs you to do (or not do) anything for him.

Has he said not to mention anything about mothers (guns and suicide are kind of obvious, and easier to avoid in conversation), or is that an assumption you made?

Honestly, I can't really offer any advice on how to avoid certain topics or words, but I do know that before too much time passes you need to make SURE he knows you care and that you only want to be a friend and not hurt him any more than he already is.

I think it would be best to let them know that you are there and asre willing to listen, I found that to be the greatest thing when my uncle commited suicide to just have a shoulder to cry on and a ear to listen

Just be a good friend. Listen to what he has to say and try to be with your friend to help him cope with this.

Okay, first of all, I forgot to mention that it is a she, not a he.

Second, she has a boyfriend, and is beyond crying. It just depresses her to remember it.

Let her know that you care and don't try to be some sneaky opportunist who's trying to get her to break up with her boyfriend. Just tell her you'll be there if she needs something.

it's basically impossible in any every day situation to steer clear of guns suicide and mothers in general

it's basically impossible in any every day situation to steer clear of guns suicide and mothers in general

Mothers might be a toughie to avoid. Guns?

Geez, unless we're gun-freaks or psychopaths, guns aren't something we discuss everyday...

As everyone else has said, tread carefully around the subject. Don't ever bring it up for a trivial reason - if your friend looks like she's really got some weight on her shoulders, and she's willing to discuss it, get her to talk about it. Gently. No harm in being patient

Argh. This felt like Community Thread stuff, but I guess it is serious too. ^_^'

~read~

Guns are never necessary, but unfortunately they are everywhere and extremely hard to stay clear of but I agree with that guy if you can talk to your freind about any of her problems.I sugggest that you do.

Thanks.
And I don't want to break the two up.
And honestly, she doesn't want to talk about it at all. So I would appreciate if people would stop saying "Tell her you're there for her," and all that.

What I want is tips on how not to mention the things I stated.

To be brutally honest.. There is nothing you can do to prevent upsetting her. There is no way to escape the topics/situations involving guns or mothers... In both reality and in the entertainment world (tv, film, video games).

Just be yourself around her. Acting awkward and strange wont help.

...

Tips on how to avoid a subject aren't helpful. If I told you "Change the topic everytime you're near guns, suicide or mothers" it's first going to sound really strange, then very obvious.

As Enuf3 said, you're not really going to be able to do much more than just get on with life. Life and media are peppered with violent culture - there's nothing you can do to stop her from seeing such things. It's not really going to help that you've suddenly changed your entire personality to accommodate her - that's just as awkward.

And if you're that desperate for us to NOT tell you to be a good friend, then I'm not sure what other responses you'll get.

~read~

Don't bring up the subjects of guns or mothers. (You won't control what she hears by herself, but if you don't bring it up yourself, then you can rest assure that if she gets upset, it's not your fault.)

I know this is far less than what your friend is experiencing, but my friend had cancer (twice) and doesn't like to talk about it, so I don't discuss it unless he brought it up.

So I'm thinking it's the same here. Don't bring it up/discuss it unless she does as it may be a single to you that she's ready to talk about it. Suddenly going: "Oh, nice day we have here!" may get her upset and think you're blowing her off, which is not what you want.

Obviously, don't try and talk about you saw on TV about war, or death etc. But I understand it can be hard to not accidentally say something stupid. A kid at my school died last year, it happened over the weekend, and on the monday, I still didn't know. When I got to the bus stop in the morning, there was a really sombre atmosphere, and as I didn't know what happened, I tried to lighten the mood a bit. When no-one responded I said "C'mon, lighten up, I mean, who died!" When I found out that someone actually had died, I felt like such an arsehole, so try to avoid a situation like that.

I can also understand how it feels to say something stupid, sometimes I wish someone would just stop me before I say something I'll regret. Last year this guy that went to my school drowned in a lake over the summer, this guy who was his friend told me what happened im like your kidding right? (the kid who died was quite funny, and always joked around) Anyways I didnt believe he died I thought the kid was just kidding until I saw it on the news, then I felt kinda bad, im like no wonder no one liked me in that school, I got over it real quick. But this other time I thought this girl was weird and stuff it turn out she had so many problems and she cut herself, I just wish I never said or did anything stupid in the past but I cant change the past, I can only do better in the future, it still kills me when I have all this rage build inside of me I start not to care about others. Im sorry about your friends mother.

Originally Posted by ribs935

I think it would be best to let them know that you are there and asre willing to listen, I found that to be the greatest thing when my uncle commited suicide to just have a shoulder to cry on and a ear to listen

I agree with this. But you must aslo remember that you can't avoid the subject forever. It will eventually come up one day.

Wow a friends mother of mine had a heart attack, but thank god, she is alright now. this just happened a few days ago.

This looks like the mother of all problems, and you wouldn't want to shoot yourself in the foot by misspeaking to him.

Originally Posted by Mirror Image

This looks like the mother of all problems, and you wouldn't want to shoot yourself in the foot by misspeaking to him.

And with that, this thread dies, I think.