Sex before Marriage.

I'm aware that there was a thread earlier about this, but it seems to have died off or gotten locked.

I view virginity as a simple flap of skin. The hymen serves no anatomical purpose as far as I know, only to cause some pain on a woman's first time, and be a nuisance to get out of the bed sheets if by chance it bleeds.

I have no religious or moral beliefs, therefore I am impartial to virginity, and see no reason to keep it for the person you marry, while some have such an attachment to the hymen, and abstinince and the like due to religious/or other beliefs.

So, now that my thoughts have been shared, I ask yours.

(on an off-topic question, what defines the male virginity? if it's the first time he's orgasmed, then any young male who has masturbated is not a virgin.)

Hmm, my feelings on it are quite a bit more lenient than religion's but probably a little more prudy than most non-religious people. Though I think that sex has no spiritual significance, I still think that it is an intimate act, and as such I would not want to have sex with anyone that I didn't love. And I don't just mean the kind of love that a couple feels when they first get together and are very passionate about.

I would want to be truly, deeply in love with someone before I had sex with them. I would never want to have a one night stand or have sex with someone that I had just met at a party. Though I certainly don't think less of anyone who would. I am very much a moral relativist, so I only apply these feelings about sex to myself. Anyone else could do what they wanted to and I wouldn't think any less of them. That about sums up my feelings on this matter.

Originally Posted by Aralith

Hmm, my feelings on it are quite a bit more lenient than religion's but probably a little more prudy than most non-religious people. Though I think that sex has no spiritual significance, I still think that it is an intimate act, and as such I would not want to have sex with anyone that I didn't love. And I don't just mean the kind of love that a couple feels when they first get together and are very passionate about.

I would want to be truly, deeply in love with someone before I had sex with them. I would never want to have a one night stand or have sex with someone that I had just met at a party. Though I certainly don't think less of anyone who would. I am very much a moral relativist, so I only apply these feelings about sex to myself. Anyone else could do what they wanted to and I wouldn't think any less of them. That about sums up my feelings on this matter.

I agree with Aralith. I wouldn't even consider the idea of a one night stand, or like 'friends with benefits' or anything like that. I'd need to wait until I'm really, truly in love with someone. And even then, I'd have to wait quite a while before I was ready... its not something you should just rush into.

I don't think less of anyone who doesn't conform to my standards though. Other people can do what they like.

But, about the Marriage part. I don't think I'd need to wait until I was married before having sex with someone. Its more... waiting a significant enough amount of time... so that you're over the complete infatuation part, and are really sure you're in love with the other person. Whether this is before or after marriage is inconsequential really.

All I see abstinence as is a way of sugar-coating marriage; I believe marriage should be special in its own way, and I believe that if I I don't explore the sexual world before marriage, I would always be curious, and curiosity killed the cat['s marriage]- "Can it be different? Am I missing out?".

(I am in no way against abstinence- I revere people who have successful marriages having abstained from sex. I just feel that I'd be doing myself an injustice to abstain.)

I started writing here yearlier, but I had to leave.. So here goes (yet again)

I believe that both persons will know that the time is there, and want to. When that happens, it happens. At least after my experience.

I think that the point of waiting until you're married, is so that it will be a "nice" experience. It's somebody you love and that you're safe with. A person you want to share everything with. This is how it should be, so in theory it's a good thing.

But I don't really see the problem with not waiting. But I absolutely do not see the joy in a one night stand either.

I come to think of some christian relatives of mine. They married very quickly. They also believed that they should not live together unless they were married.
I honestly think that these things are one of the causes that divorces happen so often. People rush into marriage to be able to do things like this.

Today, there aren't many people who wait, and I agree with them.

I don't care about virginity all that much. Arguably it's not even a very attractive thing to have in a partner, despite what the media does to make it seem so, what with all its parading of female innocence. If you want to have sex before or after marriage, I have no problems with you.

However, if you are going to have sex before marriage, I will object to the way you have it, the circumstances behind it, etc., if I find reason to. I think that promiscuity among males and females alike is a near-reprehensible trait; I view sex as something that should be done between consenting, loving individuals, and casual sex with miscellaneous partners falls completely outside of that definition. Part of it might stem from some fear of betrayal that I have, and part of it might just be my upbringing (my parents tend to hold the same view as me). Frankly, though, it really boils down to the fact that I see sex without love as being deprecating to one's self, but also to all others involved as well. You are lessening the value of yourself by doing it; cheapening yourself.

It's all a matter of choice to me. I mean, if you really value your virginity that much and value it in another partner, that's up to you to decide. As for myself, I'm in a happy relationship, have happy consensual sex with my partner even though we're not married yet. It doesn't make people depraved sex monsters to have a sexual relationship with their partner just because they're not married, compared to when somebody is married, it then somehow becomes all magical and right and cute. It's all the same whenever you wait to have sex or not, within marriage or not. Marriage is just an official relationship with a few benefits, and I don't need an extravagant ceremony and a piece of paper telling me that I love someone. One day, I'll get around to doing that in the end, however, but right now, I'm happy and am experiencing the best time of my life, sharing deep intimate love with my partner. I don't see it as 'cheapening yourself' either or 'lessening the value of yourself' either, I mean, we're not in the old ages any more where a person's worth was measured by their virginity, amirite?

I saved myself for my husband and it was so worth it. It makes marriage a much more special and sacred union. Plus, what is wrong with commitment? I don't understand why people just simply live with each other. To me that looks like they are wanting an escape route and they can't commit to one person and make it last. Sure, you can go in marriage thinking "there is always divorce," but who does that? I got married to STAY married, and so far nothing has gotten in the way to make me selfish enough to leave my husband. Anyways, thats a different discussion.

Having moral grounds (at least on this issue) shows that you have a lot of self-control, virtue, modesty, and a great sense of dignity. To me, sex shouldn't be thrown around. It is a strong act of love that should be saved for the highest level of love; marriage. I know many will disagree, but I'm just stating my views on it.

But, like sea said, if you want to have sex, whatever, go ahead. But if something happens like pregnancy or any problems, don't go whining. I don't hate the person that does it, I just hate the act. I think much higher of those who do have strong morals though.

Originally Posted by sugarpoultry

I saved myself for my husband and it was so worth it. It makes marriage a much more special and sacred union.

Much more special than what?

I agree with sugarpoultry, and also believe in abstinence until marriage. Sex isn't something to "throw around," but should be saved for your eternal companion in marriage.

Originally Posted by sugarpoultry

I don't understand why people just simply live with each other. To me that looks like they are wanting an escape route and they can't commit to one person and make it last.

Well from what I see it as (and why I do it) is because it's actually financially (tax wise)better to live together but not married.

On the topic of sex before marriage, I personally don't see anything wrong with it, but if you don't want to have sex before marriage that's cool too.

Sex isn't something to "throw around," but should be saved for your eternal companion in marriage.

But say there were people who simply didn't like the idea of marriage, or did not view it as a huge thing. Would they be throwing sex around?

Having moral grounds (at least on this issue) shows that you have a lot of self-control, virtue, modesty, and a great sense of dignity. To me, sex shouldn't be thrown around. It is a strong act of love that should be saved for the highest level of love; marriage. I know many will disagree, but I'm just stating my views on it.

However, can we at least agree that not everyone agrees on what the highest level of love is, and that this is a matter of personal preference? It seems to me that this is the main difference between your/Blizzaga's posts and everyone else's. Some people view marriage differently. If you mean to say that they are throwing sex around by not waiting for marriage, you are over-simplifying the situation and not thinking with an open mind.

Originally Posted by Igna

But say there were people who simply didn't like the idea of marriage, or did not view it as a huge thing. Would they be throwing sex around?

But say there were people who did like the idea of marriage?

I think sex is a pleasure of the flesh, nothing spiritual or even necessarily emotional. As such, I don't think it has a sacred value, or even a semi-sacred value.

And as far as I'm concerned, marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper declaring your love for someone, which is not necessary, and certainly shouldn't regulate whether or not you can stick it in yet.

Now, the consequences of sex may be a different issue, i.e. the child conceived. If you're not married, or at least not in a committed relationship, you should be taking measures to ensure that you don't have a child, whether or not you want one, because that child needs to be looked after, and a one-off sexual encounter resulting in a child probably means it won't be brought up properly.

Also the issue of STIs, but there are all kinds of infections you can get from all kinds of bodily contact, even kissing can transmit all kinds of infections, and sex is no different. Some of them are a bit more extreme and/or unpleasant than others, but there are measures you can take against those, too.

But say there were people who did like the idea of marriage?

If people view marriage as a sign of true love or discipline, then what you say is true. But if people view it as a nice ceremony or something of no great importance, than what you say does not apply to them.

Originally Posted by Igna

But if people view it as a nice ceremony or something of no great importance

I.e., celebrity marriages?

Yes, I mean true love, discipline, and working together throughout the rest of life as a couple.

I.e., celebrity marriages?

I'm sure many have this view on marriage, but many simply lack true love, and I have a sneaking suspicion that you are failing to see the difference between the two.

I myself, don't plan on holding onto my virginity until marriage. As much as I'd like to, I just really don't see it happening. However, I am a strong beleiver of only having actual sex with someone who you could marry. The risks are just much too high. Playing a game with such high stakes isn't something I'd do simply for sexual pleasure. I would only go as far as to have sex with someone who I could actually raise, and want to raise a child with. Between messing up her's, mine and the child's life, well, I just couldn't do that.

Sure, waking up with some girl who I've never met before seems awesome, but I just wouldn't want it. Not even a random hook up or one night stand. Sure, other sexual activities such as oral and the like would be fine with me, but never full on sex, even protected. Sex is restricted to someone I love, not an object of unbridled lust.

So, for all intents and purposes, I will only have sex with someone I could marry, such as a very strong and solid relationship.

Originally Posted by sugarpoultry

I saved myself for my husband and it was so worth it. It makes marriage a much more special and sacred union.

much more special and sacred than what, and in which way?

do you consider your marriage to be in any way better/more special/more sacred then others simply because you didn't have sex before the wedding, and if not, what did you mean?

Plus, what is wrong with commitment? I don't understand why people just simply live with each other.

There is nothing wrong with commitment, but you really don't need to get married to have a strong and committed relationship.

To me that looks like they are wanting an escape route and they can't commit to one person and make it last.

that is a very judgemental way of looking at couples who does no choose to get married.

Sure, you can go in marriage thinking "there is always divorce," but who does that? I got married to STAY married, and so far nothing has gotten in the way to make me selfish enough to leave my husband. Anyways, thats a different discussion.

so, regardless of what may happen in your marriage, you would never consider divorce?
there is nothing in the world that would make you give up on the marriage?
if there is no love left in your relationship in a few years, will you still stay married?
and what do you mean by selfish?

To me, sex shouldn't be thrown around. It is a strong act of love that should be saved for the highest level of love; marriage. I know many will disagree, but I'm just stating my views on it.

well, to me, sex isn't love, marriage isn't love, and confusing the three can be really dangerous.

But, like sea said, if you want to have sex, whatever, go ahead. But if something happens like pregnancy or any problems, don't go whining.

so...unmarried people having sex should not be allowed to talk, or "whine" as you put it, about problems like unwanted pregnancy and such.
do you think married couples should be allowed to?

I don't hate the person that does it, I just hate the act. I think much higher of those who do have strong morals though.

you hate the act?
that's a big word.
why?

I've been through this entire thing before with you Snapdragon. There is no point going on about it. I came in to simply state what I believe.