Society pressures homosexuals into 'coming out'.

A boy in my year admitted being a homosexual for the first time a few months ago, and told us how much of an ordeal it had been to him, to admit not just to his classmates, but to his family too.

A couple of days ago, I saw a page on Facebook which said "You're gay and everybody knows it, just come out already." To be honest, I was absolutely disgusted with the group for many reasons.

Firstly, I wonder how it is anybody's business whether somebody is gay or not, and why should people care? Is it just curiosity? Or are they looking to single people out?

Secondly, I believe that 'coming out' is an incredibly hard decision for somebody to make, as this boy proved, and that nobody should be pressured into doing so. In fact, I think it's entirely their decision whether they want to tell anybody at all, or maybe just stay how they are.

So what are your views? Should homosexuals be pressured into coming out so that they can confirm any rumours or suspicions, or should they be left to do as they like, and do it when they're ready?

I don't think one Facebook page means "society pressures" people.

At the same time, I reckon it's obvious that no one should be pressured into doing something they are not yet ready to do.

I personally think that people that are holding some deep secret should not be forced to let out their secret, and that society pressuring them to do so should be considered wrong. People will learn about themselves and as they grow, and when they are ready, they'll do what they want.

Originally Posted by Super Nes

I don't think one Facebook page means "society pressures" people.

At the same time, I reckon it's obvious that no one should be pressured into doing something they are not yet ready to do.

There have been some other pages and statuses conveying the same message, that's just one I noticed. (After all, Facebook does make up most of our society nowadays.)

I imagine that "coming out" isn't just letting everyone know about you're orientation, but also as a means to help solidify the fact to yourself, so you feel more comfortable with it. That's my take, and everyone is probably different.

So, demanding for any homosexual who has not come out yet to do so before they're ready isn't just a rude invasion of privacy, but also demanding the person to sort out his thoughts and views of himself faster, which also seems rude to me.

Originally Posted by ManofRedHelms

I imagine that "coming out" isn't just letting everyone know about you're orientation, but also as a means to help solidify the fact to yourself, so you feel more comfortable with it. That's my take, and everyone is probably different.

You're right, the guy in my year did seem much more relaxed and confident since he came out, but there were also people coming up to him asking if it was true and then bullying him about it in class, so it's not all good.

There shouldn't be any "going in" to begin with.

Originally Posted by Hombre de Mundo

There shouldn't be any "going in" to begin with.

I get what you mean, but couldn't "coming out" also mean coming to terms with your orientation yourself? Couldn't you spend your entire childhood, adolescence, and even your adulthood legitimately thinking you prefer this, before having to think and sort things out before figuring out that you really prefer that?

At least that's my idea of it. I don't really think of it as just "telling everyone". It's just that I include that stage of acceptance of self within the "coming out" process, while others might not.

Originally Posted by ManofRedHelms

I get what you mean, but couldn't "coming out" also mean coming to terms with your orientation yourself? Couldn't you spend your entire childhood, adolescence, and even your adulthood legitimately thinking you prefer this, before having to think and sort things out before figuring out that you really prefer that?

At least that's my idea of it. I don't really think of it as just "telling everyone". It's just that I include that stage of acceptance of self within the "coming out" process, while others might not.

Although I see what you mean, I think they're two completely different stages.

When somebody has accepted themselves as homosexual/bisexual/transgendered/etc. you don't think of them as having come partially out of the closet. If they haven't told anybody about it, they are still completely in the closet. Coming out refers solely to telling others.

I've fully accepted what I am, but I am still, for the most part, in the closet because I haven't told most.

From what I see, this is my theory. Its not just only one thing that makes homosexuals feel pressured, it's just a little of everything that some people do that contributes to the problem. It's a bad perpetuating cycle that never seems to end. I think racism, homosexuality and other stereotype problems are slowly getting better, but unfortunately society changes slowly, and whilst it happens, it does make homosexuals feel pressured to come out in certain parts of society. This isn't fair, and that's not what it should be.

So, if you disagree with it, even if you don't want to advocate for any sort of equality, just don't keep the vicious cycle perpetuating.

I never felt pressured to come out. I'm not out and I don't feel pressured...

A couple of days ago, I saw a page on Facebook which said "You're gay and everybody knows it, just come out already." To be honest, I was absolutely disgusted with the group for many reasons.

If anything, the fact that people make such a big deal out of being gay is evidence of society pressuring homosexuals into staying in the closet.

A lot of the time, whilst it may be... "obvious" to others, that someone is gay, the individual themselves may also be deeply confused about their sexual orientation as well.

Many are simply unsure of whether or not they are straight, gay or other. Forcing someone to come out means forcing someone to make their mind up, on something they have no control over.

First off, I don't think anything posted on Facebook should be taken literally. About 99% of what's posted on there is a load of stupidity anyway.

Secondly, could someone explain this "coming out" to me? Was that FB post suggesting homosexuals "come out" as a way to remove themselves from what they are? My interaction with homosexuals is close to zero, because I don't know any in my social circle. I hold no fear or aversion against it; it's simply not for me. Nevertheless, I'd like to understand this so that I can develop a worthwhile response to this.

Originally Posted by Thareous

Secondly, could someone explain this "coming out" to me? Was that FB post suggesting homosexuals "come out" as a way to remove themselves from what they are? My interaction with homosexuals is close to zero, because I don't know any in my social circle. I've hold no fear or aversion against it; it's simply not for me. Nevertheless, I'd like to understand this so that I can develop a worthwhile response to this.

The phrase 'coming out' is almost as old as the word 'homophobe'. It just refers to somebody revealing themselves to the rest of the world.

Even though some people have defined it as 'coming to terms with their own sexual orientation', I do not believe this to be the case. For example, some users above me have figured out who they are, but still remain unseen by the outside world. Coming out must be admitting yourself to other people, even if it is just your family.

I also agree with your statement about the internet being stupid, but this certainly was a popular page. Maybe I just have ignorant friends.

Originally Posted by Double A

If anything, the fact that people make such a big deal out of being gay is evidence of society pressuring homosexuals into staying in the closet.

This is true. I have never felt pressured to come out as much I have indirectly been pressured to stay in. "Coming out" is NOT coming to terms with ones self in terms of sexuality. It means telling the world who you are; personally, I don't believe in it. If I ever met a guy that I "liked" I would just date him and tell my parents fairly nonchalantly that I'm dating a guy. It's their problem how they want to deal with it, not mine. And also. There is no such thing as true sexual confusion. You always know and you are in denial or you just haven't started experiencing emotions for the same sex yet (which in many cases, does happen).

I bet you'd be awfully confused if you suddenly fell in love with a woman.

Originally Posted by Khal Drogo

I bet you'd be awfully confused if you suddenly fell in love with a woman.

I'm bisexual. It's not a rare occurrence . Say I wasn't though, I wouldn't be confused weather I was attracted to the woman, I'd be confused why. I should have been a bit more specific but it's hard to explain. People who feel truly confused usually feel confused about their feelings about being attracted to someone (weather it's admiration, infatuation, etc), anything beyond that is more on the denial side, where they have trouble accepting their attraction all together.

Goldfish, I don't think you are in a position to claim that someone else could never be confused about sexuality.

For instance, I suffer from OCD, and that means I get instrusive thoughts come into my mind. They are generally things that I find extremely uncomfortable to visualise.

At times they have been concerned with death, gruesome death, murder, homosexual behaviour and other more embarrasing and difficult things to tlk about.

Someone with a case of OCD may imagine themselves kissing another man they just met, and indeed be repulsed by the idea of it. This may lead to confusion, because they are not attracted to the man, they have never been attracted to men, and they are rerpulsed by the idea of kissing a man. Thus when the intrusive thought of such a thing enters the mind of such an individual, they may begin to question their sexuality and be left in a confusing mess.

That is just on scenario where an individual may be confused about their sexuality. I am certain there are many others.

Originally Posted by AzraelBlack

Goldfish, I don't think you are in a position to claim that someone else could never be confused about sexuality.

For instance, I suffer from OCD, and that means I get instrusive thoughts come into my mind. They are generally things that I find extremely uncomfortable to visualise.

At times they have been concerned with death, gruesome death, murder, homosexual behaviour and other more embarrasing and difficult things to tlk about.

Someone with a case of OCD may imagine themselves kissing another man they just met, and indeed be repulsed by the idea of it. This may lead to confusion, because they are not attracted to the man, they have never been attracted to men, and they are rerpulsed by the idea of kissing a man. Thus when the intrusive thought of such a thing enters the mind of such an individual, they may begin to question their sexuality and be left in a confusing mess.

That is just on scenario where an individual may be confused about their sexuality. I am certain there are many others.

I agree, that would be considered confusion. I'm not trying to be all knowing, I was trying to say...hmm...well say you go through life liking the opposite gender and you develop attraction (emotion or sexual) for the opposite gender. A lot of people say "I'm still straight, I'm just confused." which I know from my own and many many of my friends experience did the same when they were younger. Now in your example of kissing another man, where you really are repulsed by it, you're confused about your feelings. Why you are feeling that way. No real attraction exists. When attraction exists, it's there. I meant it to be as if sexual confusion and orientation confusion are different. Sorry if I'm not making sense but I'm doing the best I can!