Too American?

My father is fully Puerto Rican while my mother is half Puerto Rican and half Mexican. This makes me 25% Mexican and 75% Puerto Rican. I was born in Bayamon, but the vast majority of my life has been spent in the states, unlike my parents who had always lived in Puerto Rico until adulthood. I spent a few years moving back and forth between the states and PR because my father was in the Army. The times I had lived in Puerto Rico, we lived in Ceiba: a military base, which was considered US ground. Today my parents are both divorced and remarried to different people, and I'm still living in the states.

My mother (just my mother) often gives me a lot of grief because I can't speak Spanish, and to make matters worse, according to some people I: "don't look like a Hispanic". Because apparently all Hispanics are dark. I'm pretty light, yellow-ish even. I've been mistaken for White, Asian, and even Native American. I don't fit many stereotypes, either; I'd choose a cheeseburger over rice and beans any day & despite common belief my favorite genre of music is heavy metal... and don't even get me started on the fact that I like to play Zelda... Many people are surprised when I tell them of my heritage. These "stereotypes" don't bother me what so ever, though. The main problem is, as I've already mentioned, is not speaking Spanish.

It's odd that I'm being criticized by my mother for not being "Puerto Rican" enough for her, or for being too "American". It's hard to tell sometimes whether she's joking or being completely serious. I know she really means it, though. It really hurts me. I've told very few people about this until a few months ago: in English class we had to write a short essay about an experience we've had concerning racial discrimination, and I wrote about my mother.

I'm not going to change myself, because really, I haven't done anything wrong and don't need to change. What bothers me however is her constant bringing up about it. It happens every few weeks or so, which is too much in my opinion. It's not like I'm ashamed of being Puerto Rican or anything; I'm very proud to consider myself both Puerto Rican and American. I was just raised differently.

Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I love my mother dearly, and we get along fairly well. This is really the only problem that I have with her. She insists that it's my fault. I don't think she's one to talk, however, I mean, if she has such a problem with it she should of taken action, instead of merely bugging me about it. She apparently did try to teach my brother and I Spanish as little ones, but it didn't soak in and she eventually gave up. Really though, I'm kind of grateful she hasn't tried to change me, I just wish she'd stop criticizing me every time the topic comes up. I've been trying to learn Spanish, at a very slow place, since I was 15. My mother hasn't helped me, by the way.

I know that this problem (and even vise versa: "being too foreign") pertains to many people; being the first generation in their family to grow up in America, therefore being too "American" or too "different" in comparison to the older ones in their family. "Losing touch with their heritage" and all of that crap. It's highly ironic because it's usually the parents/ones before them that moved into the United States in the first place. Some people don't really take into the consideration that growing up in a different country can have that affect on people. I don't think that it's something to feel bad or guilty over, I mean, we are who we are. We do feel bad about it, unfortunately, because of the opinions of our loved ones.

Your thoughts? Experiences?

Well, I think you're just fine ma'am Have you brought it up to her that it bothers you?

I think it's just a matter of her being worried to "lose you" to something that feels unknown or unfamiliar to her. My ex-girlfriend's mom didn't like us being together because she felt my sexy swedish ways were taking her daughter away from her.

I can't give you any advice on how to fix it because my ex's mom still doesn't like me

I don't think there's any issue with you, I know a lot parents want their kids to act like a certain way, for example. I'm Polish, ad German on my dad's side, and Italian, English, Irish, and Native American on my mom's side, my mom mostly associates herself with being Italian though, so in school I wanted to learn German, but my mom got mad because she thought I should learn Italian. <-- just an example of some of the stupid little ways that parents have. In your case, you're just fine, and your mom needs to accept you for who you are; not who she wants you to be. Also, if it bothers you so much, get serious about learning Spanish, it's a fun language to learn anyhow!

Originally Posted by Golddron

Well, I think you're just fine ma'am Have you brought it up to her that it bothers you?

Why thank you~ No, actually. I've protested about it, but I've never really talked to her about it like I've done here. That's probably not a good thing...

Originally Posted by Hombre de Mundo

I think it's just a matter of her being worried to "lose you" to something that feels unknown or unfamiliar to her. My ex-girlfriend's mom didn't like us being together because she felt my sexy swedish ways were taking her daughter away from her.

I can't give you any advice on how to fix it because my ex's mom still doesn't like me

Heheh... sexy Swedish ways...

---------- Post added at 04:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:47 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Mandi

I don't think there's any issue with you, I know a lot parents want their kids to act like a certain way, for example. I'm Polish, ad German on my dad's side, and Italian, English, Irish, and Native American on my mom's side, my mom mostly associates herself with being Italian though, so in school I wanted to learn German, but my mom got mad because she thought I should learn Italian. <-- just an example of some of the stupid little ways that parents have. In your case, you're just fine, and your mom needs to accept you for who you are; not who she wants you to be. Also, if it bothers you so much, get serious about learning Spanish, it's a fun language to learn anyhow!

Hahah, thank you! My friend had a similar problem like yours; wanted to drop Spanish to be in Marine Biology. Never did unfortunately. Thanks for your feedback. & yes. I really want to work on my Spanish again. It's a great language and it's really handy to know nowadays. I'm going to start taking classes again soon. Hopefully it'll make my mommy a little bit happier. C:

The Swedish definitely have sexy ways.

I think your mum is being a bit unreasonable. While i understand she wants you to have pride in being Puerto Rican but you live in the US. Its just the way it is. You can still have Puerto Rican pride and still be an American.

Wait, your parents failed to make you "Puerto Rican" enough for their standards, failed to teach you Spanish and failed to instill their heritage inside of you and this is your fault?

Fact is you have the right to identify yourself as whatever you want now that you're older. You want to American? go for it, you want to be Puerto Rican? go ahead, you want to be both? enjoy. Fact is she had her chance to shape you, now its your turn to shape yourself.

i read the first two paragraphs and i instantly sympathized with you. i have a similar, but not as extreme story. my parents are from argentina. my dad and mom moved here because my dad started to work in the Argentine embassy. then my brother was born, with some complications with his birth certificate, which is a story for another time. then i was born and for a few months i lived with all my relatives that lived in argentina. almost none of my relatives dont live in the states, the ones that do live far away. my mom, a artist and spanish teacher, constantly wants me to learn spanish, which i speak very slowly but understand every word, but i just cant. i dont know why
also with the "looking hispanic", i dont look hispanic, and that is true with many Argentineans, so dont worry about not looking hispanic

Stop letting it get to you. As has been said - your mother had her chance to shape you and put the heritage in you. She probably just can't understand your side because she doesn't know it. Your ways or manner might seem alien to her because well, they are. It probably bugs her just for that reason, but you can't expect her to comprehend your position because she's never been in it. Be how you want.

About learning Spanish - go for it! Like you said, it really is a useful language to know nowadays in the States, especially if you aren't on the East Coast. I wish I had taken it instead of German, but whatever lol - I can understand some basic Spanish but native speakers are way too fast for my Kansas ears.

I feel where youre coming from; im biracial (my moms black and my dads white) so my mothers family often critisizes me on being "too white" and my dads family? Well my grandpa hates me because of my skin colot, so yea i get where youre coming from