How are you today?

It's a question we ask each other every day out of common courtesy, however, very few of us actually care how the other person is doing and most of the time we say "good" even though on the inside we may be extremely stressed out. From my own experience, I've deducted that people who are open about their feelings go against the societal norm.

If you ask how someone is doing, and they honestly tell you they are having a bad day when you don't know them that well, you tend to think they're a little weird. People who are open on forums or the internet about their problems are either viewed as strange or accused of trying to get attention.

However, is it necessarily bad to try to find people you can relate to?
Is it really "mongering for attention" if you're just being honest about your feelings?
Is it wrong? Is it right?
Should people be honest and open about how they feel on the internet?
Or should they keep their feelings to themselves until they get to know certain people better?

Basically, how do you feel about people online or in person who are open about their feelings?

Discuss.

Hm, I wonder what thread brought this idea on

I am actually a pretty good example on this one. Here on ZU, and on the web in general, I am WAY more open and talkative than I am in real life. As to why, you can take your pick of pretty much any reason and at least be somewhat right. In real life I am quiet, I keep almost entirely to myself, I'm shy, I hate crowds, public speaking freaks me completely the hell out (which is weird considering I'm a musician), and unless a situation just really REALLY bugs me I'm not one to cause conflict at all. On the web it's totally different. I'm completely open verbally and mentally. I even speak with a better vocabulary online then I do in real life (mostly due to the fact that big words are just plain funny when my accent accompanies them).

I personally am a more interpersonal kind of person, I don't like to share feelings. This doesn't mean that I won't share thing about myself I just won't do so unless someone asks me. Now how do I feel about people who share their feelings? Well I think its fine but sometimes it can get to the point where it really just seems lik they just want attention and this can get pretty annoying at times. I think that people are more opening on the internet becuase you can choose to remain faceless and just be who you want to be or justy be yourself and if someone doesn't like , oh well I mean its not like they can do anything about it. It really isn't a good thing to keep your feeling inside because one day all those feeling will come out and something bad might happen but at the same time I think that being to open about them will lead to being to dependent on others to try and help you with your problems, sometimes you just need to figure things out for yourself.

I find it greatly ironic that you mention this now, largely because Alonely and I had only been discussing this yesterday. XD

I prefer to think of myself as a passably polite individual, so I do ask "How are you?" or any other variant of such a question whenever I initiate conversation with someone. I do admit I'm far more open on the internet than I am in real life, however, so - contrary to popular belief - I do pay attention to what they respond. I actually do prefer people give a rather lengthy reply when I ask "how are you", because I'm a poor conversationalist, and when people give a decent answer - whether or not it may be positive or negative - it gives us something to talk about, because I probably couldn't think of a good conversational topic otherwise. XD

I don't really ask "how are you" as much on the forums as I do over instant messenging, and - if my refusal to put on IM information on my public profile is any indicator - I prefer to provide the details of my username to those I know to be reasonably friendly and level-headed. When I do, however, I do develop an interest and concern for the well-being of the people I'm talking to, if only because I'm afraid of sounding offensive. I don't really find it "attention-mongering" this way because it's strictly on a personal basis, one person to another instead of one person trying to gather the attention of so many. Besides, I was the one who asked; I should respond to the response given to me, no matter what it was. I'm quite alright with people being honest with their feelings - even though I am sometimes not honest with my feelings and prefer to keep my emotions in check - and being open. It's great to find people one can relate to, and I'm personally quite pleased when someone asks me how I am as an expression of their concern for my well-being...even if I'm not certain they mean it. At least I try to give them a comprehensive answer that they might not give a constructive reply to. ^_^;

Originally Posted by kreebby

However, is it necessarily bad to try to find people you can relate to?
Is it really "mongering for attention" if you're just being honest about your feelings?
Is it wrong? Is it right?
Should people be honest and open about how they feel on the internet?
Or should they keep their feelings to themselves until they get to know certain people better?

Basically, how do you feel about people online or in person who are open about their feelings?

Discuss.

I think the line for me between being open and looking for attention is how one's feelings are brought up. If someone has an issue, and they make a thread about it, or discuss it in a reative thread, or evn if they find somone they think can related and go to them privately, I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm not one to do those things, but I know other people are just more open on the internet than I am. Howeer, when people start just randomly bringing thier issues up in totaly un related threads I see that as looking for attention because why else would you be doing that?

Personaly, There are very few people I'm open with. It's not because I'm trying to be cool or hide the fact that I have emotions, it's because I spent a long time doing nothing but crying and complaining about my life to everyone I knew and decided I was going to start doing for other what they all did for me. Because of that I tent to smile and try to cheer people up even when I feel like crap. I also try to not open up too much on the internet because I tend to become slightly protective of people I get close to. There are two girls on the forums I'd consider myself protective of already.

Basically, how do you feel about people online or in person who are open about their feelings?


Well. I'd say I'm happier than ever.
If they say they're feeling bad, I try to make them feel better. Even if I don't know them that well.
But I'm the one who's a "rice ball". But you know. I've accepted that. And I try to make people happy. And I've finally found happyness. Through the few people that have accepted me and through myself.

I send thanks to all of you that have accepted me on this forum.

Originally Posted by Mattocks

I think the line for me between being open and looking for attention is how one's feelings are brought up. If someone has an issue, and they make a thread about it, or discuss it in a reative thread, or evn if they find somone they think can related and go to them privately, I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm not one to do those things, but I know other people are just more open on the internet than I am. Howeer, when people start just randomly bringing thier issues up in totaly un related threads I see that as looking for attention because why else would you be doing that?

Personaly, There are very few people I'm open with. It's not because I'm trying to be cool or hide the fact that I have emotions, it's because I spent a long time doing nothing but crying and complaining about my life to everyone I knew and decided I was going to start doing for other what they all did for me. Because of that I tent to smile and try to cheer people up even when I feel like crap. I also try to not open up too much on the internet because I tend to become slightly protective of people I get close to. There are two girls on the forums I'd consider myself protective of already.

This is mostly true actually. It can be said that if one starts a thread specifically to post an issue they had, that they are looking for attention. But, this isn't really a bad thing per-se. It's really just easier to talk about things and even admit to things on the web than it is in real life.

Originally Posted by Mr. Okami

Basically, how do you feel about people online or in person who are open about their feelings?


Well. I'd say I'm happier than ever.
If they say they're feeling bad, I try to make them feel better. Even if I don't know them that well.
But I'm the one who's a "rice ball". But you know. I've accepted that. And I try to make people happy. And I've finally found happyness. Through the few people that have accepted me and through myself.

I would say the same thing, but I would usually lie about how I'm feeling. (only if I am feeling like crap or just not in the mood.)
But I would care about a friend or a person that I wouldn't know if they are not feeling bad or not so good. I would just make sure they feel important and just try to help them in some way.

Originally Posted by Namine`

I would say the same thing, but I would usually lie about how I'm feeling. (only if I am feeling like crap or just not in the mood.)
But I would care about a friend or a person that I wouldn't know if they are not feeling bad or not so good. I would just make sure they feel important and just try to help them in some way.

I usually always tell the truth about how I feel.
I want it to be heard.
If I'm not in the mood, I say, I'm not in the mood.

I'm pretty good. And yourself?

Originally Posted by sage_of_fire

This is mostly true actually. It can be said that if one starts a thread specifically to post an issue they had, that they are looking for attention. But, this isn't really a bad thing per-se. It's really just easier to talk about things and even admit to things on the web than it is in real life.

The problem is, when threads like that happen, you get at least one person responding saying something along the lines of "wow stop being an attention-whore go somewhere else". I think that's wrong because, as I've previously said somewhere on this forum, I've seen cases where people think someone is "trolling" or trying to get attention and they flame the person to the point where the person breaks down.

That just isn't cool at all.

I would guess I'm a pretty personal guy, I'm pretty open about all topics and emotions. Most of my friends usually talk to me about stuff that was bothering them and what not, I like talking about serious things, having debates about politics and such.

Originally Posted by kreebby

The problem is, when threads like that happen, you get at least one person responding saying something along the lines of "wow stop being an attention-whore go somewhere else". I think that's wrong because, as I've previously said somewhere on this forum, I've seen cases where people think someone is "trolling" or trying to get attention and they flame the person to the point where the person breaks down.

That just isn't cool at all.

It's not, I agree. But, this comes back to being more open on the web. Many a flamer on the web is really just a quiet a-hole in real life. Maybe not even an A-hole, just some random person who never sticks out or says anything out of the ordinary.

Meanwhile, at the computer screen where no one can get them, they let it all out, pent up anger and what not. It's essentially the same thing happening on both sides. One is being more open on the web by talking about something that really matters to them but they're to scared or shy to say face to face, and the other side is being more open about their hatred/dislike/whatever you want to call it on said subject.

I can say that if one really does dislike what someone said then they're a lot more tactful ways to go about saying it other than "wow stop being an attention-whore". The internet does not exist simply so people can be douches towards one another. Rather that's what it's turned into or not is up for debate I'm afraid.

I think its completely fine to open up about your feelings to someobody else, even if its through the internet. After all, if a person wants to get their emotions out, they have to do it somehow, right? And they may be more comfortable talking about it with somebody that doesn't know them through something like a forum than somebody they know personally.

Anyway, I personally am not too open, whether here on in real life. Thats just the way I am, I'm quiet. But I am more personal here, though. I don't mind if other people are very open, but thats just not they way I would be.
But, of course, there are limits to everything. If a person just spends hours complaining about little things in their life, they really need to learn to shut up. Same thing if they make post after post on here about their life. Also, if a thread is made about a completely pointless and unneccessary event in a person's life that nobody really needs to know about, that also is annoying. For example, telling us that you had your first experience using drugs is completely idiotic, nobody really cares. If they actually had an issue with it, and needed advice, then thats fine. Otherwise, keep quiet, I don't need to know that you had your first high.

Originally Posted by kreebby

The problem is, when threads like that happen, you get at least one person responding saying something along the lines of "wow stop being an attention-whore go somewhere else". I think that's wrong because, as I've previously said somewhere on this forum, I've seen cases where people think someone is "trolling" or trying to get attention and they flame the person to the point where the person breaks down.

That just isn't cool at all.

That's going to happen though, wether it be on the internet or real life, there will always be somone complaining. I don't know why, I see threads all the time I roll my eyes at, but I ignore them (unless of course they're in my CC, in which case I come down with the fury of moderator rrraaage!). But if it's just a post, ignore it, t's really stupid chances are a mod will delete it anyways. But if it continues then anyone being harrased should go to a mod and proper action will be taken.

Originally Posted by sage_of_fire

The internet does not exist simply so people can be douches towards one another.

You're right, we all know why it exists.

Originally Posted by GoronWarrior25

But, of course, there are limits to everything. If a person just spends hours complaining about little things in their life, they really need to learn to shut up. Same thing if they make post after post on here about their life. Also, if a thread is made about a completely pointless and unneccessary event in a person's life that nobody really needs to know about, that also is annoying. For example, telling us that you had your first experience using drugs is completely idiotic, nobody really cares. If they actually had an issue with it, and needed advice, then thats fine. Otherwise, keep quiet, I don't need to know that you had your first high.

This is true. I'm more than willing to help anyone who needs to talk or something. However they need to be willing to help themselves. Complaining constantly won't fix anything, and the people you ask for advice can't do anything. It all comes down to the person with the problems. It's up to them to make descisions and take action to try and better the situation. Even if they try and it doesn't work, it's still better than just complaining all the time.

When I'm asked this question by people I know well, I'll usually try to think of what answer would be true, but if asked by anyone else I'll just say "Okay, I guess." Unfortunately, it sometimes takes me a while to think of what the true answer would be. In this way, I don't know myself very well.

Originally Posted by Mattocks

That's going to happen though, wether it be on the internet or real life, there will always be somone complaining. I don't know why, I see threads all the time I roll my eyes at, but I ignore them (unless of course they're in my CC, in which case I come down with the fury of moderator rrraaage!). But if it's just a post, ignore it, t's really stupid chances are a mod will delete it anyways. But if it continues then anyone being harrased should go to a mod and proper action will be taken.


You're right, we all know why it exists.



This is true. I'm more than willing to help anyone who needs to talk or something. However they need to be willing to help themselves. Complaining constantly won't fix anything, and the people you ask for advice can't do anything. It all comes down to the person with the problems. It's up to them to make descisions and take action to try and better the situation. Even if they try and it doesn't work, it's still better than just complaining all the time.

.........where do you find these videos?

Complaining constantly doesn't really fix anything no, complaining just once really doesn't FIX anything no, but it does help. Other wise psychiatrists wouldn't get paid a million dollars an hour just to sit down and doodle on their notepad while they pretend to listen.

It boils down to this, would you rather tell a room full of complete strangers about your hardships so they can offer you advice and others can shoot you down, or would you rather come to a familiar place, such as a forum you frequent and know people on, and do the same there. It may just be personal preference really.

Originally Posted by sage_of_fire

.........where do you find these videos?

You've known me for a while. Now think about it, is that something you really want to know?

Complaining constantly doesn't really fix anything no, complaining just once really doesn't FIX anything no, but it does help. Other wise psychologist wouldn't get paid a million dollars an hour just to sit down and doodle on their notepad while they pretend to listen.

No they wouldn't, then they'd be psychiatrists. Bu I digress, that's a whole different thread...

Originally Posted by Mattocks

You've known me for a while. Now think about it, is that something you really want to know?



No they wouldn't, then they'd be psychiatrists. Bu I digress, that's a whole different thread...

I thought the difference between psychologists and psychiatrists was that psychiatrists have been to med school along with having the qualifications to do psychology, as well as being able to subscribe drugs/medications (which comes with finishing med school).

I tell the truth when someone asks how I am. Even if it's the girl checking me out at the super market. Some people ask what's wrong (if I'm having a bad day) and I get a chance to kinda vent on them (depends on how much I know them) and it helps me feel better. I hate when I ask a person how their day was and they just say "good" or "fine". I want details about whatever went on. Which is why I freakin' asked in the first place :|