Having Children

One time, i was at a party and the subject of kids came up. The wife of my friend who was throwing the party was discussing it with some other party-goers.
I said: "Nah i dont think so. I dont think i want kids."
Wife of Friend literally flies off the handle: "OMG! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? THATS SO SELFISH! CHILDREN ARE AWESOME! Everyone should have them!"
I say this: "No, that is not selfish. Im not even married." (Here is when i turn to my ex boyfriend and he gives me a look of "D:")
Wife of Friend says: "So?"
Me: "So???"
Wife of Friend: "So, you dont have to be married!!!"
Me: "You are kidding me! (i, then, have a look of utter disgust on my face) You mean to tell me its perfectly ok to have kids from different fathers? Call me old fashioned but i prefer to raise children in a secure environment with both parents!"
My Then (now Ex) Boyfriend: "Seriously..."
Friend Who Was Throwing The Party: "...errr....i kinda agree with that... *flinches from backlash from his wife*"
Wife of Friend: "..." *getting angry* "My kids have different fathers and they turned out fine!!!"
Me: "...."
Other Party-Goer: *whispering* "Thats entirely debatable..."
Other Party-Goer's Girlfriend: "I want children but yeah, i want to be married first."
Wife of Friend: "What the hell! I think people who dont want children are ♥♥♥♥ing selfish ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥s!!"
Me: "Look. I need to take care of me first. How can i take care of a kid if im not financially stable and unmarried? Bringing a child into this world is a lot of work and full time job. My parents raised me with enough sense to realize that. Plus broken homes suck balls."
My Then (Now Ex) Boyfriend: "Yes."
Friend Throwing the Party: "Lisa (his wife) shut up."

That basically sums up my views on having kids. and yes the above convo did in fact happen. I couldnt believe the audacity of the Wife. She had 3 children, all from different fathers. One of them (the oldest) has huge psychological issues. The middle child has seperation anxiety to the extreme, and the youngest. Well, who knows about that one. He seemed good natured.
Stable environments are necessary and until i have that, im not having children. I was of mind to never have kids, but i may have one when the time is right. That time isnt now and may not be around for awhile.

^ I agree. Stable environments are a necessity. If someone wants kids just because they want them without looking at the consequences, that is being pretty selfish too.

Originally Posted by Beemnorv

^ I agree. Stable environments are a necessity. If someone wants kids just because they want them without looking at the consequences, that is being pretty selfish too.

+1 and infinity. That sort of attitude makes me literally sick.

Actually, it's very possible to raise children without being married, Florina. My mom had to raise me for many years by herself before remarrying and she was fine. So there you have it.

^ Same thing with my dad raising me and my brother by himself before remarrying.

I'm thinking about adopting as I get older. It would be nice to have someone to teach my values to.

Originally Posted by Golddron

I'm thinking about adopting as I get older. It would be nice to have someone to teach my values to.

Hmm. Good point. I'd love to instill my values and ideals into someone. Of course, I'd adopt a somewhat older child, to avoid the stress of taking care of a baby or toddler. Changing diapers is NOT sexy.

Originally Posted by Ikana General

Changing diapers is NOT sexy.

It is for some.... Just saying.

I might adopt as well, but I also want to have my own kid because I want to be able to see myself in something I created. So I think I'll have one child and adopt another.

Originally Posted by Crystal

Actually, it's very possible to raise children without being married, Florina. My mom had to raise me for many years by herself before remarrying and she was fine. So there you have it.

Being a single parent is balls. She was fine, yeah right. She worked all the time, didnt she? Stress levels to the max, right? Its ass. Did you see your father alot? Were you able to have a decent relationship with him? Also my main point is this: Having children with random people, just because, isnt cool. Like i mentioned in my first post: Broken homes suck balls.

Originally Posted by Beemnorv

It is for some.... Just saying.

I might adopt as well, but I also want to have my own kid because I want to be able to see myself in something I created. So I think I'll have one child and adopt another.

I was actually considering saying the same thing, more or less.

Originally Posted by Ikana General

This has been plaguing my thoughts for some time now. As the title implies, this thread is about sex and having children. What are your views?

I brought this up, because people always scoff at/condemn my adamant descision never to have children. Simply put, I want to keep the relationship between my girlfriend or wife and myself. No baby, and no pregnancy side-effects. Now you can call me "selfish" (maybe I am) or "immoral" all you want, but my mind is made. I want to keep the flames burning for as long as I can, and a child would ruin that. Aside from sex-related benefits, it will also be much more cost-effective to avoid having children, and I'll not be contributing to over-population. I just want to keep enjoying myself, and that is my right.

Discuss.

I agree with this. Admittedly, I'd be a selfish lover, and I just see a child as something with which I'd have to share a partner's love/attention. It also disturbs me to see people who have children together actually love their offspring/adoptee more than their partner. On top of that, like you mentioned, children are expensive. Food, clothing, insurance, toys, etc. are way too much for many people. Furthermore, they require a lot of time and attention that, in my opinion, could be better spent with your partner.

My dad told me he enjoyed raising me and my brother, but now that we've left the nest and his parental responsibilities are complete, he feels like he missed out on a large chunk of his life because he was stuck with kids. I can totally understand how he'd feel that way, and I really don't want to end up in the same situation. I'd much rather spend the rest of my life committed to another without some irritating child getting in the way.

Originally Posted by Florina Belmont

Being a single parent is balls. She was fine, yeah right. She worked all the time, didnt she? Stress levels to the max, right? Its ass. Did you see your father alot? Were you able to have a decent relationship with him? Also my main point is this: Having children with random people, just because, isnt cool. Like i mentioned in my first post: Broken homes suck balls.

I agree that having children with random people "just because" is really screwed up... unless, of course, you get a sperm donor and don't just get pregnant from some random guy. Many women don't want a partner. Many men don't want partner, so they adopt, and that's just fine, too. Who cares if they came from a stranger? If they want a child that badly, they should go ahead and find a way to have one... just, don't sleep with random people to get pregnant. That's not right. Many parents raise children alone and everything ends up just fine. My father did, and he enjoyed working a lot. His stress levels weren't very high at all, and my brother and I were very close to him. It wasn't a broken home at all. It was fantastic.

Originally Posted by Zeruda

I agree with this. Admittedly, I'd be a selfish lover, and I just see a child as something with which I'd have to share a partner's love/attention. It also disturbs me to see people who have children together actually love their offspring/adoptee more than their partner. On top of that, like you mentioned, children are expensive. Food, clothing, insurance, toys, etc. are way too much for many people. Furthermore, they require a lot of time and attention that, in my opinion, could be better spent with your partner.

My dad told me he enjoyed raising me and my brother, but now that we've left the nest and his parental responsibilities are complete, he feels like he missed out on a large chunk of his life because he was stuck with kids. I can totally understand how he'd feel that way, and I really don't want to end up in the same situation. I'd much rather spend the rest of my life committed to another without some irritating child getting in the way.

It's very sad indeed. Even more sad is how much I've seen it. Even in my parents.

Originally Posted by Florina Belmont

Being a single parent is balls. She was fine, yeah right. She worked all the time, didnt she? Stress levels to the max, right? Its ass. Did you see your father alot? Were you able to have a decent relationship with him? Also my main point is this: Having children with random people, just because, isnt cool. Like i mentioned in my first post: Broken homes suck balls.

Single parent family != broken home. Single parents often have their own parents to provide support, and the children can grow up quite happily. Often, the absent parent was never around, and so is never missed (wondered about, sure, but not missed). I've not found people who grew up in single-parent households to be any more dysfunctional or unhappy than people who grew up in two-parent households; they just turn out to be a DIFFERENT kind of neurotic.

I grew up in a single-parent household and look at me. Technically I was raised by my grandparents, but...

Perhaps down the road. I live in America and I would absolutely hate to raise a child here. Not to mention parenthood is an incredible responsibility. I still forget to feed my fish from time to time.

I can't believe people here are assuming that there's only one thing on the opposite of "married", and that's a "broken relationship". Disgusts me.

Originally Posted by Discussion

I totally would love to have a kid of my own. I'd name her Charlotte, rear her on a steady diet of Marx, Lenin, Kropotkin, Goethe and Hugo, then I'd make sure she was a proper atheist and not a servant to the catholic church.

I like to think of raising a child as an opportunity for experimentation. If we are to take Nietzsche's philosophy into consideration, then it is my responsibility to prepare the world for the overman. I think we need one more step.

Then I'd assume you have no qualms with religious indoctrination correct? Or perhaps even nationalist indoctrination?

Just a warning to all you guys who say you don't want kids-
there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, and there are plenty of women out there who don't want kids either, but...
Please be aware of the fact that a woman's body starts doing weird things when she hits about 25 or so. The woman's natural biology can change her mind. I used to swear I didn't want kids, but lately I've been feeling the little voice in my heart whispering....
yup. So just remember that there's a possibility that you and your girl will both adamantly agree going into the marriage that you don't want kids, but she could change her mind, and that puts a strain on a relationship even more than sexual changes after a child comes into the picture.

Also be aware of the fact that some women are actually naiive enough to believe they can change a man's mind. they think that "Once we've been together for a few years, we'll be so cozy and happy in our home, and he'll realize the only thing missing is the pitter-patter of tiny feet,and he'll change his mind..."

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you for not wanting kids, I'm just warning you of some things that can happen.

Also, I have 2 friends who have been together 8 years and have 3 kids together and are sexy and madly in love with each other. It's possible to have kids and a great sex life.

The key is to remember that women are sexually aroused by more than physical things. having a stable home, loving relationship, precious children, good man and feeling truly cherished are enough to make a woman desire you.

You must also remember that the non-sexual aspects of your relationship must be a priority over sex, because you cannot have good sex in an otherwise dysfunctional relationship. you can have hot sex, but the rest of the relationship will be unhealthy and destructive. cultivate your relationship and keep your bond strong, and the good sex will come with it.

I enjoy the thought of having kids. Raising them, teaching them about the world, helping them be the best they can be until they can go out into the world on their own. I enjoy the thought of it. Sure, it would be a huge challenge for me since I'm not so great with children, but I think it would still be worth it.

I really would like to have a girl. =)

I might want children. Depends. They seem to require a lot of work and money to raise and I want to stay in love with my wife and be able to do it passed the age of 30 (because I think I might have kids around that age). Kids seem to take up so much time that time between a husband and his wife is minimal.