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Originally Posted by Bradapalooza
OoC: Immri is supposed to sound like he rambles and talks very fast, hence the odd commas, run-ons, and repetition with his talk. On another note, I didn't count how many words I used to physically describe Immri, but I feel you get a good idea of the character.
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I never critique grammar during actual speech as it would take away from the characterization.
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He didn’t sense anything large enough to be a man around but perhaps more than humidity had tampered with his body.
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I have no idea what this sentence means.
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“Ah! An Inculata,” the voice exclaimed* “I don’t suppose one of you has been here for . . . hmmm . . . six veras. This is just delightful!”
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*Comma here. This whole thing counts as a single sentence as it continues one though thus it needs a comma.
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It sounded undoubtedly feminine as it exclaimed and descended to a gravelly and slow bass as it had paused to think before returning to the clear feminine tones of its exclamation.
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Once again I have no idea what this means. It's a long sentence without a clear thought.
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The color of the orb* that floated a foot from the ground in front of him** was hardly justified by the word “black”.
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Comma here* and here**
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Simultaneously, millions of fine black hairs came into view on the creature.
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How can you see black hairs on a pure black creature?
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The creature talked rather faster than most humans would.
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Rather...That word, it's useless and distraction. Destroy it plz.
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Well then Molk, I would absolutely love the opportunity to talk to an Inculata! I’m a scientist of sorts you see. I study the Dome, and interdimensional travel, and magic and-“
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You're missing a quotation at the beginning.
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“Yes! But, you see, no one really knows anything about it. In fact, I’ve studied this place for ten veras now and I’m not entirely sure it is a Dome at all.
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huh?
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The tiny hairs on the bottom moved back and forth slowly, as if they were keeping his in the air.
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him
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“Where are we going?” quipped Molk as he glanced around for some kind of discernable path through the field.
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That's not a word, spell check plz =3
A Lot of talk in this one, makes it hard to tear apart. Fix them mistakes and Ill be back.