[Puck] Padme's Training

Padme was finally doing it. She was on her heroic mission, the greatest haschen warrior ever to leave her honorable tribe. She hopped through the forest with her head held high, hardly noticing the strange quiet that had befallen the place. Her head was filled with dreams of honorable battle, huge struggles that only a hero could accomplish. Yes, Padme was on a mission no normal creature could ever achieve…

“What that?” Padme stopped suddenly, her eyes fixated on a strange gray wall a few yards away. It gleamed strangely in the moonlight, sticking out terribly from the rest of the forest. The clever haschen warrior ran up to it quickly, sniffing it cautiously to find its origin. “Well, it not be wood. Not be stone…what be it?”

Flexing her small but strong muscles, Padme hit the strange wall with her staff, awing at the strange hollow sound it made. “Big rock make strange sound. Me no hear of such thing…must be work of EVIL DOERS! NIAAAAAAH!”

The small creature began attacking the foreign object, the bangles on her staff jittering angirly against it. Rap tap tap…tap tap tap…Again and again the wood hit the metal, ringing viciously with each strike. When that didn’t make even the slightest dent, Padme attempted to bite and claw it, which made such an awful screech that Padme had to stop.

“No like Padme’s teeth? Good! Padme would kill but you complain too much.” The small animal carefully touched the small bright marks she had made in the metal, awing at their luster in the moonlight. “So pretty…but EVIL!” She hit the metal again, just for good measure.

After glaring at it for a while, Padme finally decided that even her full power could not break the strange wall. She would need to find another way to destroy it, perhaps from the inside. So, she jumped up with all her might, reaching about ten feet or so off of the ground. The only problem was when she tried to grasp on to it, for her paws would merely slide down the smooth surface.

“No break, no claw, no climb! Stupid wall! Not deserving to be called one! Humph!” Padme turned away from it, rubbing the staff in her paw thoughtfully. “Hmm…perhaps around? Must be entrance somewhere. How else EVIL creatures get out?” The yellow furred creature stuck the staff in her mouth, freeing up her paws so she could run quickly on four legs. She started to run beside the wall as fast as she could, sure that a door must be somewhere…

She ran and ran and ran and ran…but still nothing came! Padme ran until she could only walk, then walked until she could only crawl, and then finally, she sank to the ground, completely worn out. She spit the staff out of her mouth, panting heavily and glaring at the metal wall.

“No around, no up, no through…STUPID WALL!” Padme threw her staff at it, which banged harmlessly against the hard surface of the wall. “EVIL creatures make wall so EVIL that Padme no get past! But not long! Padme smart! She think of way…”

Then it struck her. “Not try under yet…KIAHAHAHA! Wall not so smart now!” Padme ran up to the wall again, sticking her staff in her mouth. With great dexterity, she clawed at the dirt, throwing up the dirt in large clods. It was not long before she was underneath it, and then finally…

“Mrhwa! Padmphme mrwd skit!” (her staff was still in her mouth.) The bright-eyed creature poked her head triumphantly from the ground, finally past the EVIL wall.

Hmmm...I need to see some more before I decide what to work on so...


Assignment Time
Nothing overly difficult at this moment; Now that Padme got around that evil wall thing , have her find her way to the large dome doors. On the doors will be instructions and a map showing her the way to her Teacher's room. Just for kicks have her get lost and get her to ask for help from a denizen of the dome(Remember this is the dome so the stranger the better). Lets say 700-800 words.

OoC: I think you might find I fufilled your request...I did, however, have to go 56 words over to accomplish it, though...

BiC:

Padme was surprised to see that the world was so different behind the EVIL wall. In fact, she could see that it wasn’t a wall at all. The metal sheet behind her extended high, high up into the air, until it completely covered the sky itself. Surprisingly, the blockage didn’t even make the place dark, for she could see that there was a giant light at the very top, just like a sun. But it was night.

“EVIL place indeed!” Padme didn’t like the unnatural light; not only was it the wrong time for such a thing, but it had a sickly white glow, as if it were an entirely different sun from the one Padme had known. Still, the grass on the ground was familiar enough, with colorful flowers springing up here and there. The air was perfectly fine, too, being a mixture of fresh grass and dew. In so many ways, this place was perfectly normal, and yet not normal at all.

The brave warrior narrowed her eyes to see if there was an end to this giant expanse of grass, but aside from the wall behind her, there didn’t appear to be one. The metal wall went high above her and far off, until it was completely lost in the grass that was growing everywhere. When she strained her ears, Padme couldn’t make out anything aside from the swishing of grass moving in a wind that came from some unknown place. She was just about to give up on believing that anything lived here at all, when suddenly—

“Wait!” Padme laid low against the ground, streching her ears up as high as she could to make out a sudden noise. Amazingly soft, but still there, Padme could make out the sound of feet tromping on the grass. Her superb ears could even detect that they were more claw-like feet, much like that of a bird’s.

“NIAAAAAH!” Padme charged at the noise, her staff held high. She shook it violently as she ran, causing an amazing clatter that echoed off of the metal wall behind her. Her speed was truly amazing, making her a yellow blur against the grass. Unfortunately, Padme soon found that she wasn’t really charging at anything at all. She whipped around, her staff at the ready, but still nothing.

“Excuse me, but you are stepping on my foot.” A tiny voice chirpped from somewhere beneath Padme, causing her to jump.

“Who be YOU?” The small rabbit stepped back, using her staff to part the grass where the voice had come from. To her great amazment, she found a dark pink bird sitting on the ground.

“Ah yes, thank you.” The bird streched out its long neck, standing up on two long black legs. It reached no higher than the grass around it, and strangely enough, its legs bent backwards when it moved to stand up. “So, I assume you are the new student?”

“Huh? Student? Padme no student! She experienced warrior!” The haschen warrior glared at the small bird, angered that one would think for a moment that she was some inexperienced fool.

“Right, right.” The black beaked bird rolled its eyes and sighed, already tired of the strange rabbit. “That’s why you’re here, because you’re not a student, right? Go read the instructions before you start acting like you know so much.”

“Instructions? INSTRUCTIONS! Why Padme need those?”

“Because, those who survive in the dome live by the rules. Got that?” The strange bird talked like he had a bad taste in his mouth that he couldn’t quite get rid of.

“Dome? What be dome?”

“This is the dome, you idiot!” The bird shook its head disdainfully. “Honestly, to think that I have to be the one to deal with you people. Come now, I’ll take you to where you should have come in the first place.” The pink creature streched out its claw for Padme to grasp.

Padme laughed. “Small bird say he take Padme? You much too small!”

“For heaven’s sake, you hairbrained creature, take my claw already!”

Still chuckling, Padme grasped the claw in her paw. To her surprise, she suddenly found herself standing in front of two giant metal slabs with cracks on each straight side. On one slab, there were large scratches engraved, which Padme assumed was some sort of human writing. “What be all this?”

“The instructions, of course! Read them carefully, and then you’ll know right where to go.” The bird pointed at the engraved writing meaningfully, as if it were supposed to make sense.

“Those be human scribbles! Padme no read those!”

“Ugh! Why? Why me?” The bird slapped its small head into its wing, clearly upset. “You know what, rabbit? Just go! Go THERE!” The pink creature’s wing pointed to a small wooden shack with a white sign on its door. The shoddy building stood just a few yards away from the giant slabs, which Padme hadn't noticed until now.

Padme gave the bird a curious glance, but decided to follow its guidance anyways. She ran up to the wooden building, knocking her staff softly against the door. “Anyone here?”

OOC: Hello my dear! As Puck said in his homeroom, I shall be taking over your training in the dome. I will be using my character Neeko, whose link is found in my signature. I hope that I can be a good aid in further developing your roleplay skills.

Now, to start with the lesson:

First things first, my sweet, is a vital practice to have in roleplaying, and that is differentiating your out-of-character and in-character text. Here in the EH, it is most commonly done like this:

OOC: I think that in the next few posts, we should definitely get out of this cave.

BIC: John walked toward the edge of the torch's feeble light, his hand running against the cold, damp wall of the cavern. His fingers met a crack wetter than the rest, with what felt like a fern...

Although, on other RP sites, instead of using BIC, just IC is often used, although I have seen some other variants that don't need to be mentioned. So, if you would please edit your above post to signal where your OOC and IC text starts, and continue to do so, your first step is taking down the path of greatness! Also, if your post doesn't have any OOC talk, there is no need to state when you are starting IC. :3

Next, your character will be entering into yet another dimension of the dome, her first instance of meeting her teacher, if only for a fleeting moment. The next few posts, will be a twisted sort of Alice In Wonderland, in which the rabbit is doing the chasing. Your character is going to be lead through the dimensions encompassing an RP post, and hopefully end up in a place in which understanding of weaknesses and strengths in each of these areas is ascertained.

Puck's Assignment shall be deemed #0, for future reference. So, lets begin!

Assignment #1
Go through the door, having your character chase after Neeko. She will enter a Victorian-esque town, eventually finding a bright red door, and see him pass through it, closing behind him. She needs to knock once again to be let in.

The purpose of this assignment, will be Setting, and thus your writing needs to focus primarily upon depicting what your character passes through, how it changes, and most importantly how it characterizes the mood of the scene. Please have a minimal amount of dialouge, thought, or interaction with other characters in a significant manner.

Good writing! <3

BIC:

The door seemed to err open of its own accord inward, its small, oaken handle not bothering to turn nor did its hinges bother to groan as the warped wood met is weathered frame. From inside of the shanty, a thing lacking in windows or a portcullis of any sort so that its insides forever remained a mystery lest the door opened as it did now, a hazy light seemed to crawl forward like the oil that supplied it, combating a darkness that didn't seem to exist upon the side of the doorway that Padme stood, but was one of the few beacons that held back the night that did consume the other side. No visible walls could to be seen to signify that the shack whose door had a white sign upon it was actually on the other side of the door, rather, it seemed that the rabbit-woman had come to a place which lead to yet another strange destination on her journey.

Not giving the warrior time to process what she was seeing, a man whose mop of carefully groomed raven locks made his bronze skin seem even more radiant popped his head forward from the side of the doorway which hid the rest of his lengthy body from sight.

"See you after the red door perhaps," he said, flashing her a broad grin as he stepped in front of the door, dipping into a deep bow. "Padme," he added with a tone of parting, waving with his right hand before turning sharply on his heel and walking into the dark alleyway that lay ahead and ended in a bustling street full of dark clad men whose hats were much too tight and mustachios dyed too dark.

OoC: Phew...that took forever! Hope you like it...

BiC:

Weird. Definitely weird. Padme didn’t like the strange oily light coming from within the old shack, nor was the odd void within the room appealing at all. She couldn’t make anything out of it; no windows, no doors, no walls…just what was this place?

The brave warrior jumped when a strange, black haired man popped his head from the doorway, smiling as if she was an old friend. Before Padme could even get a word in, the man said something about a red door, called her by name, then bowed and ran off into the mysterious void thing. This was stranger than weird. This was bizarre.

Still, a haschen warrior never backs down from an adventure, no matter how strange it is, so Padme leaped after the man. As she hopped after him, she found that the strange gold foggish stuff began to fade into solid brick walls on either side of her. The spacing wasn’t exactly narrow, but the yellow rabbit didn’t like it nonetheless. She hated enclosed spaces, especially when they smelled like sweaty humans.

In fact, Padme could see that there were indeed humans standing at the end of the strange alleyway, all clad in black suits. They were tall, too, as just about every human was to Padme, but these were more so than any she had seen. Perhaps it was their skinniness that made their height so obvious— they looked exactly like stick bugs, only very tall and black.

To the warrior’s dismay, the strange black haired man had disappeared into the crowd of humans. She rushed into the group, trying to avoid the feet that came tromping all around her while looking for the weird man. The rocky street didn’t help either, for the stupid humans’ shoes clacked against it clumsily, filling Padme’s ears with the noise of them. Why they even wanted to walk on rocks confused Padme in the first place. The stones were painful to hop on, unlike the soft cushion of grass that covered her forest.

Padme continued to doge between the noisy legs of the stick-like humans, who, strangely enough, didn’t even talk. The only sound was their feet tromping on the ground, going to some unknown direction at a quick pace. This made Padme even more uneasy, but she continued to run down the street until she came to a break in the river of humans. Smack in the middle of the street was a large oak tree, whose tall green branches reached high above the heads of the humans.

With a jubilant leap, the haschen warrior jumped into the tree, catching herself on a low branch. She quickly climbed higher into the thick tree, hoping that she would be able to find the strange man from a greater height. The broad leaves brushed gently against her as she moved, but the rabbit hardly noticed. Such was to be expected when traveling through foilage, and it was near to second nature to the rabbit. She gazed out over the river of humans walking down the street, but her attention was drawn from them when she saw the buildings standing on either side of the paved road.

They were tall, taller than any structure Padme had seen, reaching higher than even five of the humans stacked on top of each other. None of them seemed to have a normal shape, either, their roofs and walls slanting at weird angles. Some of these walls were even colored, their wooden sidings bright hues of pink and orange. Many of these strange buildings also had wooden platforms attached at their bases with some even poking out a few stories up.

What really amazed Padme, however, was the intricate arches and railings placed around the wooden platforms and windows. They were all a bright white and strangely delicate, like lace at the end of a colorful piece of fabric. In fact, every building seemed to be more like a work of art than an actual structure, their bright patterns shining cheerfully against the light blue sky above them.

One of the buildings that really stole Padme's attention, however, was a partiularly large one with a spire on the top. Its whole roof was steeply slanted and painted a lovely dark blue, looking exactly like a waterfall to the yellow furred creature. All around the edges of the smooth blue was a delicate white lining, looking like foaming bubbles against the shingles. It was…lovely…

Padme had always been fond of waterfalls, for of many things in nature, they were one of the strongest, the purest, the most beautiful. Seeing it painted in such a way was so pretty…but there was something wrong. Waterfalls were supposed to be free, to let the water pour down from them in great, thunderous showers of blue and white. That waterfall on the building wasn’t free. Nothing around here was free. Everything was too perfectly shaped and colored, too delicate to exsist anywhere else.

With great curiosity, Padme climbed to the top of the tree, which reached higher than even the huge buildings around her. She loved the rough touch of the bark, the sweet scent of its sap leaking from its branches. At least this one thing was real, untamed, even in this painted city. She poked her head out of the leaves, gazing at the seemingly endless expanse of black and green slated roofs. It was so much like a forest…a giant forest of these brightly colored buildings…

A brilliant flash of red on the street below suddenly caught the warrior’s attention, drawing her eyes to the river of humans. There was a black haired man wading through the crowd, his flashy red shirt sticking out like a sore thumb against the black stick men.

“Niah! Padme found him!” The yellow rabbit jumped down the branches of the tree until she was level with a human’s head…or was it? The top of the creature’s head was covered in some strange black dome that stuck up from its black hair. The curve of it looked all too much like a turtle’s back…

“Turtle heads! Padme can use those!” Padme leaped onto the strange man’s head, using it like she had used turtle’s backs when crossing a river. It sank slightly just like those did, too, but the man let out a cry that sounded nothing like a turtle. Still, before the man could throw Padme off, she leaped onto another head, and then another, getting closer to the red shirt with each jump.

Quite suddenly, the strange man made an unexpected turn, running into one of the colorful buildings. He went through some bright red door, once again moving out of Padme’s sight. The warrior didn’t appreciate the notion, seeing as she had just barely found him again, but that was alright. She’d let the human know her frustrations soon enough. Padme kept leaping across the turtle heads until she finally came near the door, but something stopped her. The black thing she had moved onto…it wasn’t a turtle head!

The large rabbit immediately jumped off, landing lightly on the hard rock road again. Looking up, she could see that she had landed on some sort of black metal tree, though it had no branches. This one just barely reached above the heads of the humans, a transparent box at the top of it. It was thin enough to be a baby tree, but Padme was fairly sure that it was no tree. Trees weren’t hard and cold like that thing had felt…

Padme turned suspiciously away from the tree, finally moving to the door the stranger had gone through. It had a nice shiny handle on it, with golden human scribbles written in an arch above the door. Unable to reach the handle, Pame knocked solidly on the door with her staff.

OOC: Yes, I love it. I got a very good chuckle from Padme's antics. However, before we move on, we are going to be working just bit on the post that you just made. You cover the basics of the descriptive process well, of which I am very pleased, all the elements I was hoping for are there, and that means you need to start concentrating on moving it up a notch!

This is accomplished by including fine details! Detail provides a break in the overall pace of narrative, and expound upon an aspect of a dimension of writing (in this instance setting) that is important or symbolic. In my conversing with fellow writers, we have commonly agreed upon four levels of detail: Narrative Voice, Semi-Fine, Fine, and Super Fine.

Narrative Voice is the level of detail in which most of your writing is done, whilst semi-fine details should be used semi-often, fine occasionally, and super fine rarely. Your post is good on the usage of narrative voice and semi-fine details, but it is lacking in fine detail (and there isn't anything that needs any super fine details).

So, this mini-assignment is to go back through your post, and add further detail to important aspects of the scenery. For example, whilst your character is looking out at the houses, find an archway or something that she is particularly drawn to, describe the material it is made of, how light and shadow play with it, its texture, and then contrast it with further detail about the tree that she is, its smell, the feel of the bark and leaves against her limbs, the lighting provided by its canopy. Try and expand upon that paragraph to speak of the conflict that she is experiencing in such a contrived space whilst being used to nature, which you begin to do with describing all the houses as a forest.

Now, I don't want you to go all gung-ho or anything, as that would be changing your writing style too drastically. But just work in a smattering of them into the piece, and be mindful in the future to add a few here and there. Improvement is best done slowly, that way it is natural.

Good writing my sweet! <3

(Oh, and just reply that you have edited it when you have. :3)

So Padme survived and got force powers now? Never heard of a jedi holding a staff but ok. Also what about Anakin/Darth Vader and such?

OoC: I think I have added what you were looking for. And thanks for the help! ^^ I really appreciate that someone would take the time to go into the depth of my writing like you have.

And what's with this Darth Vador crap? Just because more than one thing in this world shares the name Padme doesn't mean that it's connected to Star Wars. Padme is just the perfect sounding name for my charactor. It's simple, but implies something deeper. In fact, the name actually has a Persian origin, meaning "lotus." Kind of fitting to name a rabbit character after a flower, eh?

OOC: You stay outta mah training thread Mr. Icky, unless you want a pinch on the bum you cheeky thang. ;3

Getting back on topic! It was exactly what I was looking for. Good work. The change in the flow of the piece is really notable with those simple edits. :3

Now, to move onto our next lesson! Dialogue! Now, dialogue isn't merely what your character states with their voice, it is also what your character thinks, known as internal dialouge. You already have a pretty good hold on this all too often botched area of writing, but it still needs to be covered nonetheless.

Assignment 2
Your character is going to have a conversation with the red door in which the door is trying to test her mettle and see if she is worthy of passing through it. Anything can be discussed, from the weather to quantum physics to which variety of carrots taste the best. Just remember that the door is red and thus antagonistic. After the conversation is finished, the door will turn yellow, open, and your character will enter through it into pitch black.

External and internal dialouge are to be included, broken occasionally by an action or whathaveyou.

Good writing! <3

BIC:

The soft knock echoed hollowly, reverberating back at Padme with much strength. Nothing seemed to happen for a moment, until it seemed as if the door had turned to a standing wall of blood, rippling uncontrollably as its golden handle moved from its customary position to one dead center in the middle of the door. Around the single point of gold, parts of the now liquid door seemed to bulge forward, creating a cresting plane of brow under which two golden "O"s from the arch above which had read "WELCOME" formed eyes, the "L" a nose, "E"s ears, the "W" moved under the "M" to sandwich the "C" which had turned on its side to form a tongue between two lips.

"You are not getting in," the door declared in its high-brassy voice, strange lips moving in eerie tandem with the tongue that prissily clicked against its non-existent teeth. "Now, if you ask me with a please, I will let you rot in front of me and not harass you with insults, but that is the best I can do."

OoC: Well, I suppose you could call this testing someone's mettle...or sanity...

BiC:

“How rude!” Padme growled angrily at the strange red face in front of her, already very much aware of how EVIL it was. One thing a person should never do is insult a haschen warrior. Not if they wanted to live long. The livid rabbit smacked her wooden staff into the strange door, which surprisingly imbedded itself into the red substance wilth little resistance.

“Oh, well that was effective. I have not seen such a pathetic attack since that old man tried to hit me with his cane.” The door smiled mockingly down at the rabbit as it spoke, its whiney metal voice full of contempt.

Padme barred her teeth with rage and attempted to pull her staff back out, straining all of her small muscles as hard as she could. “Errrrrugh! Let...go...of...staff!” Without warning, her oaken stick suddenly came out with a sickening pop, causing her to fall backwards on the stone pavement. Her bangles hit against the rocks with a loud jangle as her soft body fell with a thud. “STUPID DOOR!”

The red face burst out laughing so hard that waxy tears formed from its golden eyes. “What a fool! You really think you are any match for me?”

“ARRGH!” The brave haschen warrior lept at the mocking face, throwing her staff right inbetween its eyes. “I KILL YOU!” Her weapon sank deeply into the door, a good few inches of the top sticking itself into the waxlike red. This time, however, Padme didn't try to pull it out. Instead, she maliciously dragged the end of her staff around the innards of the door, distorting the letters that made up its face. To any onlooker passing by, it would have looked like she was mixing some strange sort of soup with noodles that were formed into letters.

“Ugh...this is...er...somewhat disconcerting.” The door's voice became deeper as its mouth was streched around its perfectly O shaped eyes. Padme had mixed it up so much that it could no longer be called a face. Instead, what remained was a strange mix of bulges and dents with letters poking out at odd angles.

“Well,” said the yellow rabbit, puffing herself up proudly, “door not so tough now! You no match for great Padme.” She tugged her staff out again with another loud pop, this time catching herself on her deft feet before falling.

“Uuuuuugh.” The red door moaned nauseously, its golden letters slowly oozing around its distorted face. “I am going to be sick. Neeko will not be happy when he hears about this, you know.”

“Neeko? Who be Neeko?” Padme voice was filled with sudden interest, and she leaned in closer, gazing curiously at the O that once been the door's eye.

“Neeko is the greatest living man on the face of the earth,” the door announced proudly, though sounding like it was on the verge of throwing up. “He is going to do awful things to you when he finds out what you did to me.”

“Ha! Padme do awful things to him for running off. All EVIL cowards fear wrath of Padme!” This time it was the small rabbit's voice that was full of contempt. Those who ran from a brave warrior hardly deserved to be called great.

“Running off? Honestly, even for a rabbit you are extremely dense. He led you here.” The strange door rolled its eyes as it said this, sounding entirely annoyed.

The hascen warrior's paw clenched tightly around her staff, an overwhelming urge to hit the door again building up in her small body. So, door think Neeko so great? Padme show it! She defeat him!

The door gazed at the furry creature, one of its eyes widening suspicously. “Oh no. You've got that bloodthirsty look on your furry mug again. What do you want, anyways?”

Padme scowled at the strange red door, her teeth barring. “Padme want to get through, stupid door!”

“Oh.” The letters suddenly snapped back into a face, the dents and buldges of the waxy red fluid twisting back into their former shape. “Why did you not just say so?” With a metallic click, the door changed into a bright shade of yellow, opening itself inwards by just the teeniest crack.

The yellow rabbit peeked her nose in just the tinest bit to see what was behind the door, but it was completely black. Hmm...very strange. Stranger always lead Padme to strange places...

“Well, are you going in, or are you afraid? I cannot wait to see what happens when Neeko is through with you.” The red door had a drift of mocking laughter underneath its words, no doubt expecting the worst for the small creature.

Padme's ears twiched irritably, but the door had a point. As a hashcen warrior, it would shame her tribe to back down now. With a deep breath, she slid past the door, leaping into the darkness with her bravest face on.

OoC: Sorry I didn't include a whole lot of thought in this. It'd be kinda weird for Padme to sit and think when she's arguing with a...er...door.

OOC: Alright, sorry it took me so long to get to this my dear, I have been terribly terribly busy. But, it shall not happen again! <3

Now, the dialouge that you have shown has been severely limited in range in this assignment. The type that you are writing, is often referred to as action dialouge, which is dialouge that is really only supposed to be used in moments of extreme action, as it does not denote voice or emotion. Regular spoken dialouge, needs to be qualified WITH an action. Example:

"I love the warm summer rain," she said cheerfully with a sigh, arms spread as if to embrace the dark clouds that hovered above in the clouds. She opened her mouth and spun slowly in place, letting the droplets cascade in to wet her throat, not minding that her shirt had become drenched and began to cling to her shirt or that an occasional sprinkling of moisture jarred her vision.

"I hate rain..." her father exclaimed in response, voice tinged with disgust as he hurriedly tried to shove the book he had been reading inside of his shirt to protect it from moisture unleashed by the sky, moving backward under the awning of the building they had just passed. "Stop acting like a child Madeline, you look ridiculous."

Now, this is merely an example of typical integration of dialouge. There are situations in which extended scenes of dialouge is needed, and done by merely stringing such lines of quotations together one after another, occasionally intersected with dialouge combined with action and depiction.

So, please edit your above post so that a majority of dialouge is of the typical variety, and keep only the action dialouge where it is absolutely needed.

Good Writing!!

OoC: Mmkay...I'm just a little confused. I understand what you're saying, but I don't quite get how I should change things up. The small portion I wrote flows fairly smoothly to me, the action, details and dialouge moving at the pace I wanted them to. Can you show me how you would edit a portion of it?

This:

“Neeko? Who be Neeko?” Padme leaned in closer, gazing curiously at the O that once been the door's eye.

To this:

"Neeko? Who be Neeko?" she quipped with interest, leaning in closer, gazing curiously at the O that once had been the door's eye.

Things like that. Albeit, your own wording, as I am unsure if you would use quip.

OoC: Okay, I think I got what you were going for. I generally like to avoid the 'he said softly', 'she yelled angirly' sort of phrases because they get just a little bit redundant. It's fun to convey emotion in more subtle ways (though not to entirely replace the former), where dynamic dialouge and detailed action show what the character feels. But I get your point, and I've added more emotional depth to the post. I think.

Again, thanks for the help!

OOC: Just one more thing on that post, something that my teacher (Shrub), oh so many years ago, taught me, and that is to read through your post a few times after letting it sit for a bit so that you catch the grammatical, spelling and syntax errors. There are a bunch in the post, the first I see being the misspellings and lack of noun between "angrily" and "lividly" in the first paragraph.

Run through and fix all of those bitty errors, and we can move to the next assignment. :3

Yay! I finished the editing!

OOC: Lovely lovely darling! Sorry I forgot to mention I went on vacay! Hope you didn't think I abandoned you!! But, that assignment is much better now with all my finicky demands. :3

Now, for the next assignment, I want to focus on what is perhaps the most important aspect of playing here in the EH, as I am sure you have realized by now, and that is motion, most specifically combat motion. Assignment timeee!!

Assignment 3

You are to write a post in which your character battles her teacher. As they are going to be engaging in this most intimate form of communication available to warriors in a most significant manner, the setting is going to be totally lacking in everything. It is simply a black space with an insignificant floor, and non-existent walls or ceiling.

As your character is so heavily based upon the paradigm of being a warrior, I am assuming that it is imperative for her teacher to be her better, so albeit the battle may be heated, you are to demonstrate ultimately to your character with this post, that Neeko is her superior in battle, and has valuable training for her.

Good writing. <3

BIC: The door closed with a soft click, cutting the sliver of lighting afforded by its cracked-open state off, leaving the Hashcen in the suffocating blackness. When her eyes adjusted, she would be sure to see that in all totality, the space wasn’t lacking totally in light, rather it had a vaguely dim atmosphere that suggested some form of light source high above, but was invisible in the black space above. If she were to walk, the sense that she wasn’t actually heading anywhere would occur to her, as if she had merely been traversing the same five feet or so over and over again, the only sound accompanying her the soft pad of her feet against whatever material the hazy floor was composed of and perhaps her breath depending upon her rate of respiration with the occasional jingling cacophony of the bangles adorning her staff, often done on purpose to assure her that she was still sane and aware.

However, Padme was not given such an opportunity for exploration or madness, as not a moment after the door closed behind her, the notably harsh sound of footfall filled the space, as if it came from all directions. In the near distance, through the fog of seeming darkness, a raven haired figure walked forward with deliberately exaggerated steps, his knees coming waist high before the according foot was placed down with some force, the loose fitting white pants revealing and hiding simple slippers that were tied with some care to the man’s long feet. A roughish smile was splayed upon his lips, eyes fixed upon the warrior that he was swiftly approaching, holding two wooden swords of a single-handed variety in each hand as a toy marching soldier would.

“What a lovely afternoon for a proper battle young Padme,” Neeko declared robustly, stopping a few feet away from the Hashcen, but continuing to march in place. “I think this time I will make the first move.”

Rigidity seemed to melt from the Rysme’s form, in its place a tranquil stillness emerged, his plastic grin morphing into a loose lipped smile, arms blooming downward amidst the voluminous white sleeves that contained them, their mock weapons held with their points toward the floor in which his feet seemed to have rooted themselves, the balls splayed outward of the heel, the ankles hovering above as if at any moment he would leap from his place like a grasshopper.

He struck swiftly and without power, the bronze coloured wood flashing across his body as his left arm extended in a diagonal chopping motion, the thumb of the hand switching from its place along the bridge of the hilt at the back to encircle its girth. The broad side of the blade with which he struck was met by the resonating thunk of weapon upon weapon, the vibration passing through the fluidity of his form and the force aiding his slide backwards and to the side, his unused sword assuming a defending position with the left held at ready.

The rabbit advanced.

OoC: Oi...I felt like I was writing in slow motion. I've never put a lot of effort into battle motion cause' I just don't have the patience for it, but here's my best effort!

BiC:

The attack was not entirely unexpected, but Padme was now convinced that the strange man was indeed insane. Watching him with his cat-like movements, the large rabbit was reminded of an animal predator, and she barred her teeth in response. It almost felt like she was participating in a game of cat and mouse, but she wasn't here to play games. She was here to teach this troublesome lunatic a lesson.

"You PAY!" Padme charged forward, sticking her staff in her mouth so she could run on all four paws. Keeping her small body low to the ground, she barreled toward her opponent, ears flat against her head. Once there was only a foot of space between them, Padme leaped with her powerful legs, fully extending them into a leap that carried her into the man.

She hadn't expected that the man's sword hilt would be there to greet her.

With a sickening thud, Padme's head hit the hard wood, sending her sprawling back to the ground. Her back hit and made a horrible cracking sound upon impact, but the nimble creature managed to roll backwards onto her feet. With furious realization, she found that her back was now terribly sore, but Padme wasn't finished just yet. Sure, this Neeko was fast, but there wasn't a human alive who was faster than a haschen warrior!

With a ferocious growl, Padme advanced again, this time keeping her staff firmly in her right paw. She and her opponent were quite close now, the man expertly poised to avoid any more attacks the rabbit may try. With another leap, Padme jumped towards the man again, but this time, she anticipated his reflex. As his weapon came up to block her charge, Padme twisted her body in midair, avoiding the man's sword completely and slamming her staff into his chest. Her wooden weapon hit with a satisfying thud, its bangles clattering loudly as wood, flesh and metal met. As she had expected, the man fell slightly backwards, but he did not fall. No, this Neeko was too fast on his feet for something like that.

As if executing a strange waltz turn, the man twisted around, using the foot he fell back on to carry his weight. His left arm followed the motion, sending the shiny blade of his sword straight towards Padme's small body. Using the full extent of her physical training, Padme managed to sumer salt in mid air, her large feet hitting the flat of Neeko's blade and pushing it harmlessly away. This movement forced her down towards the ground again, but the large rabbit landed softly this time, her feet hitting against the ground as her opponent swept his blade at her again.

With another quick leap, Padme landed on the man's arm as his sword swept towards the ground, grasping hard at his shirt to stay on. She had a very good look at the man's playful smile before she bit his arm, her teeth piercing through the soft fabric of his shirt and into his skin. The rabbit soon found the warm taste of blood in her mouth, but before she could be disgusted with it, Neeko's hand soared into her side. Padme was thrown off of his arm and onto the floor again, her body rolling three or four times before it stopped skidding across the empty ground.

With a groan, Padme picked herself up again, her eyes narrowing viciously at the insane man grinning back at her. She immediately charged again, her small body a yellow blur as she came at him. Instead of leaping up at him, Padme dodged underneath his legs, suddenly turning once she was behind the man. He was only a fraction slower than she was, and the angry rabbit managed to send herself flying into his back before he could fully turn. Padme hit her back paws hard against his solid back, making him bend over forwards. With a heavy thrust, her staff went flying towards Neeko's head, but it never hit its mark. Neeko spun neatly out of the way, turning to face her with that stupid smile still on his face.

Padme couldn't believe it. It was entirely impossible. This human was entirely unphased, and now he stood between her and her precious staff, which had bounced across the floor after she had thrown it. With her yellow fur bristling, she ran straight towards the man, but instead of attacking, she pushed her feet as hard as she could against the ground, throwing herself a good foot or so over Neeko. She extended her whole body as she soared over him, her body shooting like an arrow through the air. In mere seconds, she made it back to the ground and over to her staff, grasping it firmly in her paws as she whipped around to face her opponent.

"DIE!" Exerting the full force of her small legs and feet, Padme charged, her staff swinging at Neeko as if she were chopping a tree. His wooden sword met her staff with a heavy thunk, and the rabbit was surprised to find out just how strong the man was. Their blades locked for a moment, until Neeko's other sword came whistling towards her. She lept backwards to avoid the attack, but barely managed to avoid the swift blow. Before she could even think about making another move, Neeko's foot came rushing towards her head, and she found herself flying backwards, stars flashing before her eyes as she went skidding across the ground.

This time, it took a good long while before Padme could get to her feet again. She leaned heavily against her staff, glaring once again at the man, but she did not attack. Her small chest was heaving, numerous scratches on her fur bleeding from hitting the ground so much. The small creature knew she was beat, and as a haschen warrior, she had to face her defeat with dignity.

"Neeko...Neeko beat Padme honorably. Padme fight no more."

OOC: UGH! I was just going to post this when they took down the forums and then I had to go to a party! So, here it is! :3

Beautifully done. No changes needed.

So, now that we have covered these three base components, lets move onto getting Padme acquainted with the dome and show her to her room.

Assignment 4
The Dome is a vast multiverse of its own, the interior and exterior all linked together through the power of innumerable doors that could appear anywhere, anytime, many of them however are stationary and predictable and lead to more familiar areas of the Dome. However, all of these doors are unique in and of themselves, with none the same and very few similar.

The purpose of your next post, is for your character to find the door that leads to her own room, one of those that are stationary. The door itself should speak to a base representation of your character and will change as she develops as a character in subtle ways, with the room reflecting an environment that she is comfortable in.

IC:
He snapped, the sound permeating the entirety of the space as if it were a knife ripping through a thin sheet of ice, the space behind him wavering and solidifying, taking the shape of a pure white door with a golden knocker. Turning from his bloodied student, the Rysme gently lifted the knocker and let it fall back to what could have been marble or even bone, its noise pantomiming that of his earlier snap.

"Student's Corridors," he declared nonchalantly, stepping to the side as the port swung inward, revealing a brightly lit hallway with more doors that one's eyes could count, torches, electric lamps, and baubles of blazing magic all lining the walls indiscriminately. With a motion of a muscled arm, he motioned for Padme to step through, following her inside. "Your room should be around here somewhere, I mean, there are only fifty thousand corridors like this, or was it five dozen. Never the less, I am sure you will find it swiftly! Just be sure to clean yourself up and get acquainted with this area, I am sure that you will be staying here for a little while, and it would be no use getting lost all the time."

Neeko walked with the more than likely exhausted Haschen up to where the corridor they were in intersected and ended in the midst of another, at the right hand leading to a single, large door of simple oak, the words "Cafeteria" embossed in its frame. To the left, another hall lined with rooms that intersected others as far as one's eyes could peer.

"So, when you are finished, I will be waiting so that we can get something to eat before you sleep. Tomorrow is a busy day."

With a small wave, the dancer left the warrior and entered the Cafeteria.

OoC: No setting details, no combat, no dialogue requirement? I must be dreaming!

BiC:

Student? Student to him? Student to the guy that had led her into crowds of strange humans with turtle heads? Student to the warrior who had beaten her senseless? Student to the man who just walked off after no words of honor after their duel?

This was not the learning experience Padme had had in mind.

Sure, there were supposed to be trials, great tests of strength only the mightiest could endure. There would be bloody battles and bone chilling scenes, things that would scare any decent haschen silly! This was why Padme had left, why she had heeded the advice of the elders to go on a journey. She was supposed to gain honor, experience, bravery, all of the things an honorable warrior needed! But no, not this time. Padme was going to be taught by some strange human in a bright red shirt. It was a good thing the elders didn’t know about this.

With a resigned sigh, Padme hopped down the long corridor of doors, her disinterested gaze passing over them like one counting sheep. They were all tall enough for humans, towering over the large rabbit like great wooden walls. How had Neeko expected her to open any of them?

And then she saw it. Just two more doors down, there was a sudden gap in the wall, a stone interruption between the large doors. A passerby of human size would not notice such an insignificant thing, but at Padme’s height, it was fairly obvious. At the bottom of this stone wall there was a small door, the top of its curved frame reaching only an inch above the tip of Padme’s ears. With great curiosity, Padme stopped at the small planked door, which had no handle. Engraved right at eye level in fine haschen print was “Padme”.

“Hmm. Very strange.” The yellow furred creature sniffed cautiously at the door, its wood smelling very much like the oak trees from her forest. The scent was very familiar, causing a strange ache in her chest. Who knew how far her forest was from her now?

With a good deal of caution, Padme pushed against the door, and it swung inwardly with very little resistance. Upon opening it, a bright light streamed through the doorway, filled with all of the wonderful smells of her home. There was the cheerful perfume of daisies, the succulent scent of strawberries, and the sharp smell of pine, all within one breath of the world behind the door.