[Altamira] Thalos Duilwen's Training

"Good morning, elder."

The man only glared at Thalos as he approached.

"Are you traveling well?"

No response. He hadn't minded being ignored the first time, but he was put off by this obvious disrespect. This man mystified him. His aura was so strange to those Thalos had seen in his own world. While most were soft, flowing in waves, his was firm and solid. Thalos could not imagine what this meant.

Thalos stopped at the tree opposite where the man was sitting. He set his bag down and laid his staff against a bush before coming to rest on the soft fertile forest earth. He sat and stared for a few minutes. The garb of this man was strange too, patterned strangely in reds and oranges. With a start Thalos saw a large matching sword was stuck to the hilt in a nearby tree. The man laughed.

Now slightly indignant, Thalos busied himself by going through his things, sorting plants as he pulled them out of his bag. Dinner would be nice about now. He fancied some ebony shade tea to go with some spiced stew. Having chosen his ingredients, he mulled about the surrounding area for some firewood. He managed to find a few fallen limbs.

Placing the wood in a small clear area, he prepared to cook. The first thing he did was dig a shallow pit. The inside of this pit he coated with a mixture of saps known as Grace's dew. Essentially, this allowed Thalos to use the pit to cook in like a pot. He poured in water (he had to conjure this because he could not find a nearby stream), dried venison, some rabbit meat, and his choice spices. Afterwards, he dug a trench around the pit and built a fire there, directing the heat with his magic. He then proceeded to make a second 'pot' and set water for the tea to boil. By this time night had fallen.

He looked at the man again. He hadn't said anything the entire time Thalos was cooking. The smells arising from the meal was certainly interesting the man. Thalos caught a hint of longing in his aura. He decided to try to start a conversation again.

"What is your name, good elder?"

The man murmured "Rethin" quietly. He shifted position slightly, and his aura wavered. Thalos caught a glimpse of something, but it was gone too fast for him to recognize it.

"Do you play chess?" Thalos pulled his set out of his bag and began to set up the pieces.

"I have seen..." Rethin cleared his throat. "I have seen a game like that before. But that board... is different. Long ago I knew people who played a game with those pieces on a board that had seven sides."

"Would you like to play?"

Rethin hesitated, and then nodded. Thalos ran through the pieces and their moves, and then carefully picked up the board to move it closer to Rethin.

"Stay back!" Rethin yelled and his aura wavered again, this time with such sharpness that Thalos was shocked. He put the chess set away.

Thalos was silent while he waited for his food. As soon as the stew was ready, he ladled it into two bowls and set one as close to Rethin as he dared. Closing his eyes, he pushed it with magic until it was right next to him. Rethin eyed him suspiciously and did not touch the bowl. Thalos waited for a moment, but as Rethin did nothing he began to eat his own stew, lifting the bowl to his mouth. He was almost done when he was shocked by Rethin's aura again. He looked up to see that he was leaning over to reach the bowl. He smiled to himself and ladled them both some tea.

When they were done Thalos laid down with his head on his bag. Rethin remained seated where he had been, and suddenly asked "And what is your name?"

"Thalos Duilwen" Thalos was glad to be talking to someone after a long time alone.

"What are you doing out here? You don't seem to be the type."

And so Thalos told him about how he had learned to travel worlds, and how he had set out simply to explore. He rarely told anyone much about his past, and the things he had discovered about his birth, so he tried to be very vague. Rethin sat and listened to his tales, and didn't say anything as Thalos went on to describe his world, and other places he had seen. Thalos was enjoying himself.

Then Rethin fell over, his aura suddenly emanating a terrible feeling with great strength. Thalos rushed to him, and saw his back, which bore two large wounds. Had those been there the entire time?

"You're hurt!" Thalos was shocked. He had noticed nothing in his aura of pain. Or had he? He remembered how Rethin's aura had wavered to a terrible... pain. Thalos then realized how strong Rethin was, to not only hide his pain physically, but also in his aura.

Thalos snapped to action and rushed to his bag, and quickly pulled almost all of his medicinal herbs out. He mashed them on a nearby rock as fast as he could and carried his poultice to Rethin. He pressed it on his back. All, if not most of his pain would be stopped with that rushed variety of plants. Rethin sighed and passed out. Thalos finished applying the poultice and went to sleep himself.

Thalos awoke with Rethin's sword at his throat. "It is my habit to kill those who I come upon. I came to this meeting of worlds to do so. I hate you. I hate you because you ruined that. I can't kill you and enjoy it. I am leaving now. I never want to see you again. If I do, you never helped me. Understand?"

Thalos was struggling to comprehend this. He nodded.

"You're an idiot. You can't try to be nice in a place like this. Go and seek the dome. Maybe you'll learn something there. I have never been there, but I have killed plenty of those who have." At this Rethin turned away and strode into the woods.

Thalos sat up. Daylight was streaming through the trees. He was more shocked than ever to see Rethin act like this. He had shown nothing of such a personality the night before.

He decided he would try to seek this dome that Rethin had spoken of, however briefly. He certainly didn't want to kill anyone, but this sounded like an appropriate exploration. That is just what he wanted.

Thalos Duilwen packed up his bag, picked up his staff and strode into the woods. Starting to hum, he made a note to himself to keep his guard up.

[Ooc: I'm not quite happy with this, especially the ending. Go ahead and grade it, but I am going to redo it later.]

To begin, there's a small formatting problem in the first part that seems to get corrected for the most part later on. This...

"Good morning, elder." The man only glared at Thalos as he approached.
"Are you traveling well?" No response. He hadn't minded being ignored the first time, but he was put off by this obvious disrespect. This man mystified him. His aura was so strange to those Thalos had seen in his own world. While most were soft, flowing in waves, his was firm and solid. Thalos could not imagine what this meant.

...should look more like this...

"Good morning, elder."

The man only glared at Thalos as he approached.

"Are you traveling well?"

No response. He hadn't minded being ignored the first time, but he was put off by this obvious disrespect. This man mystified him. His aura was so strange to those Thalos had seen in his own world. While most were soft, flowing in waves, his was firm and solid. Thalos could not imagine what this meant.

Be sure to separate the action of one person from the dialogue of another. If the dialogue and action are from the same person, then it's generally okay in that case to clump them together into one paragraph, but if not, keep them separate.

There's about one other instance of that in this post, so be sure to catch it when you're making your corrections.

That's it for errors worth pointing out this time around. Good work! Rethin sure was an odd and interesting fellow. Since you don't have many errors to fix, I'll give you your next lesson now. Your teacher will be Cadenza Madrigal, but for now Hunter Merridale will be filling in for her.

Have Thalos wander about the Dome for a while, visiting whatever areas are of interest to him. Be creative and descriptive with who and what he sees. Eventually have him run into a strange creature of your choosing who will lead him to a large training room full of students, where he will be told to wait for a teacher. 600 words minimum.