[Puck] Symphony's Training

OoC: Ohemmgee, finally! Good grief! Took me long enough. I'm gonna try to get stuck in this forever and ever, and kick me in the buns if I seem to stray away. This thing seems to come in short intervals. Halp.

---

The rain sounded faint, but it was frequent, and the wheels on the bus roared through the slosh roads. The distance between here and there seemed to dim, humming, closer. It was night, but the moon shone bright enough to kiss the ends of the raindrops as they hit against the windows. Waves of water obscuring any visibility to insider looking out. However, despite the rage of mother nature, the inside of the bus was quiet, and calm, just how Alex liked it.

Alex breathed deeply out of his nose as he closed his eyes, his body resting on one of the many beds found on his tour bus. A faint synchronizing of snoring could be heard from the Bhello Brother's quarters. Kaitlyn was wrapped snugly under her covers, and the only one that occupied Alex in his awaken state was Isabelle, who was not to far away polishing her hand bells. His head fell to the side, and as his eyes opened, they caught hold of Isabelle, who faintly smiled in reply.

Alex sat up and threw his legs over the side of his bed. His shirt was unbuttoned, his tie loosely around his neck, and his black leather dress shoes at the foot of his bed. He led his fingers through his hair just as Isabelle spoke, "How is she doing?"

Alex took a moment to answer, but answered nevertheless, "Last I checked she ached as much as I did."

"Why don't you bring her along with us sometimes?"

"She feels as though she doesn't belong. Besides, she has her life priorities to deal with as well."

"I'm aware of that, yes. However, I'm sure more frequent visits wouldn't be that hard to achieve."

".. sometimes, Bella' Alex breathed, "You'd be surprised."

Isabelle smiled and set the hand bell she was polishing back in it's case. She had gotten up and kicked off her high heels. She enjoyed hours like this. The hours following a grand performance, where she knew she had a few days of rest and relaxation, and a time to kick off her heels. She circled her bed and sat, opposite to Alex.

"I miss her." He spoke barely above a whisper.

"Go to her then." Isabelle replied, "I'm sure this symphony of yours won't fall apart on such a short absence."

"You make it sound easy."

"No," Isabelle sighed, "I make it sound logical. You make this more difficult then it needs to be."

The moment Isabelle rose to her a feet a quake shook through the bus sending her back on her bottom. The bus made a loud roaring sound, took some dangerous swerves, and finally settled to a stop making an unhealthy grinding noise upon arrival.

"Are you okay?" Alex shot up, grabbed Isabelle by the arms, hoping to provide some kind of protection.

"I think I'll survive." Isabelle said, freeing her arms and fixing herself.

Things were quiet a moment, but a smothered body moved not to far away, and shortly someone came busting through the main doors stating that the bus has broken down and we should all be thankful to be alive. Alex recognizing the voice to that of the bus driver sighed as he moved towards the exit. Isabelle gently shook Kaitlyn awake informing her of the news.

"Do you know where we are?" Alex asked the rather distraught bus driver, searching for his umbrella, "Are we close to a town? Or stuck in the middle of nowhere?"

"Well, sir," his voice shook, "I did see the tops of a few buildings through the rain."

"Very well then."

The cold night air broke through the warmth of the bus quite viciously, and Alex, recoiling back, grabbed his leather jacket and decided to fight against mother nature, even if for a few moments to search out his surroundings. The rain plastered his clothes of his body and it wasn't long before he felt a chill stab down to his bone. The product in his hair found a trail into his eyes, and as he tried to wipe the sting from his eyes, someone pulled on the collar of his jacket, sending him tumbling back into the bus.

"Are you mad?" Isabelle snapped, "It's bloody cold out there. Look at you! You're already soaked and you were only out there for several minutes."

"I don't think he expected it to be that bad, honestly." Kaitlyn spoke through tiredness.

"Well, there are buildings." Alex spoke, quick to take off his jacket.

"Any of them holding anything useful?" Kaitlyn asked, burying her face back into her pillow.

"Couldn't tell." Alex spoke, "Got distracted."

"Sir?" That shaking voice again.

"Yes?"

"Someone is coming. I think they're here to help us."

"And you can see them through that mess?" Isabelle asked, giving the bus boy a quick side glance.

The boy didn't even have a moment to answer before I loud rap on the door startled the lot of them.

---

OoC: Okay, it's horrible, and not quite done yet. It's late, and it's been a while since I wrote something. D:

Originally Posted by brokenjoker

OoC: Ohemmgee, finally! Good grief! Took me long enough. I'm gonna try to get stuck in this forever and ever, and kick me in the buns if I seem to stray away. This thing seems to come in short intervals. Halp.

All is forgiven...took me long enough to reply

Don't expect me to go easy just because your my BFF xP

The rain sounded faint, but it was frequent, and the wheels on the bus roared through the slosh roads.

Eh...Honestly this is a poorly worded sentence. Like choppy. Something like "The faint rain fell constantly as the wheels on the bus sloshed through the road," Something like that. Mine wasn't the best, but the idea is that so many conjunction words make it sound choppy.

Waves of water obscuring any visibility to insider looking out.

An insider.

However, despite the rage of mother nature**, the inside of the bus was quiet, and calm,* just how Alex liked it.

*Semi Colon here would work better. Everything before it is a complete sentence in and of itself, the statement afterward is a stand alone statement, but needs the rest of the sentence to be complete so a semi-colon works better. if that makes sense.

**No need for a comma here.

His shirt was unbuttoned, his tie loosely around his neck, and his black leather dress shoes at the foot of his bed.

What about his tie? You are making a list here but I am not sure what of.

Same here, I am not sure why you are mentiong his shoes. It feels as though you are missing some words.

"I'm aware of that, yes. However, I'm sure more frequent visits wouldn't be that hard to achieve."

I like this sentence...I don't know why.

".. sometimes, Bella*' Alex breathed, "You'd be surprised."

Should be quotations here, not an apostrophe.

Isabelle smiled and set the hand bell she was polishing back in it's case.

Unless her polishing the bell is important to the story, there is no need to mention that tidbit twice.

She circled her bed and sat, opposite to Alex.

No comma. I like shotgunning commas into my posts as much as the next BAer but ye must be careful.

The cold night air broke through the warmth of the bus quite viciously, and Alex, recoiling back, grabbed his leather jacket and decided to fight against mother nature, even if for a few moments to search out his surroundings.

Lotsa commas. I think you could write this again with less commas.

OoC: Okay, it's horrible, and not quite done yet. It's late, and it's been a while since I wrote something. D:

Not that bad, the dialogue felt a bit force at time, but overall fairly good. Fix them mistakes and call back for your next assignment.