A Tale

Phoenicius Philosphorum

This cyclic tale begins with death by fire,
Brighter than Solis when powers clash,
Flesh and bone and feathers consumed in ire,
Subsiding, all reduced to nigredo ash,

Airy Sylph moves the cloudy skies about,
Drops of aqua vitae for rain and fell,
Washing away the ash, quenching its drought,
Revealing an egg of albedo shell,

The clouds depart, drain from their tempest brawl,
And Solis, in his splendor, warms the clime,
The lustrous egg basks alone without call,
Yet it stirs then hatches on three days time,

Sustained by the yoke of aqua fortis,
Now hatched from its shell , a piece on its crown,
Young eyes burning like ember-lit torches,
A fledgling chick in citrinitas down,

As Luna sails through the starry ocean,
And circles the world axis three times ‘round,
The hatchling lives off Undine’s potion,
And growing to its striking sight and sound,

Its wings stretch forth from shoulder to pinion,
The fiery envy of Athena’s loom,
Grown and fettered to no one’s dominion,
The proud Phoenix in its rubedo plume,

The noble avian takes to the blue sky,
For it holds a heart that shall never die.

The rhyming scheme seems very odd. Almost as if there is none, and you just pieced together sentences that rhymed.

And the words are sometimes hard to read. Big words are good, but don't overuse them.

Originally Posted by LunchboxZU

The rhyming scheme seems very odd. Almost as if there is none, and you just pieced together sentences that rhymed.

I was never good at that. I tried to keep to it to ten syllables a line. Pentameter is not my forte however.

I thought it was pretty good; there was an interesting story to the poem.

Wow, that was interesting. It took a lot of Azzy-brain power to read it properly and process the scene you're depicting. Luckily for you, I'm in a good and patient mood. I enjoyed it, even if it was a challenge to read! I'd also like to see more, for I am now very interested.

I've revised it some now.


Phoenicius Philosphorum

This cyclic tale begins with death by fire,
Furiously redder than Solis abash,
Flesh and bone and feathers consumed in ire,
Subsiding, all reduced to nigredo ash,

Airy Sylph moves the cloudy skies about,
And as the drops of aqua vitae fell,
They washed away the dead ash and drought,
Revealing an egg of albedo shell,

The clouds now depart, drained from their squall,
And Solis, in his splendor, warms the clime,
The lustrous egg basks alone without call,
Yet it stirs then hatches on three days time,

Sustained by the yoke of aqua fortis,
Now hatched from its shell , a piece on its crown,
Young eyes burning like ember-lit torches,
A fledgling chick in citrinitas down,

As Luna sails through the starry ocean,
And circles the world axis three times ‘round,
The hatchling lives off Undine’s potion,
And growing to its striking sight and sound,

Its wings stretch forth from shoulder to pinion,
The fiery envy of Athena’s loom,
Grown and fettered to no one’s dominion,
The proud Phoenix in its rubedo plume,

From death to life it has come to circle full,
The noble avian takes to the blue sky,
Free of any doubt in light of death’s rule
For it holds a heart that shall never die.