Reflection

[Kouten]

If anyone needs to know, my idea is simply that poetry is a reflection of one's deepest thoughts and is meant to make people truly think. Other than that, I love poetry a lot and write as often as I can. Unfortunately, my old poetry was erased when my computer got infected so this will all be new work from this year or last. Criticism is accepted and encouraged.


Snowflakes

Softly at first,
The frozen tears of the sky
Speak the winter harmony.
We see their beauty
And sometimes hear their melodies.
Gentle and quiet,
They bring no fear,
But purify the air with serenity.

Millions, billions,
Too many to count
Dancing in the sky –
Like us, so beautiful and unique.



There will be more later.

[Sailboat]

That's a great poem. It really makes you think about the world and stuff.

Pretty damn beautiful.

[Kouten]

Thanks. That's my aim for all of my poems, hence "reflection." lol. I was kind of hoping for some more criticism but I guess I'll just keep posting my poems until others see them.


Downfall

The birds’ songs, unsung,
The trees’ whispers, unspoken,
The mountains cease their wailing,
And the oceans quell their rage.

Nature mourns our ignorance.
Earth despairs our pride.
We refuse to listen,
And everything goes silent.

[Knightmare_63]

*sobs*
*sniff*
Wowie.
I wish I could write like that....
Keep it up!!!
*sobs again*

[sephie23]

Ok (gentle crit) I really like your snowflakes poem. It is beautiful and very descriptive, and the flow of the first part is great. It kinda gets disrupted with the second part. I don't think you should cut it, but maybe extend it so that they are of equal length.

Also in second reading it seems like the theme of the first part is music- soft, quiet, harmony, melody, gentle, serene.... while the second totally goes away from that, talking about individuality, can you maybe combine the two?

[Kouten]

Actually, both are as I meant them. I'll think on what you said, but I've never liked symmetry. lol. I know I did it in the Downfall but that's because I think it flows better with four lines in each stanza.

Originally Posted by sephie23

Also in second reading it seems like the theme of the first part is music- soft, quiet, harmony, melody, gentle, serene.... while the second totally goes away from that, talking about individuality, can you maybe combine the two?

Actually the contrast is to accomplish 2 things.
1st. shows how something so seemingly soft or appealing can really be devestating or horrific.
2nd. Catches the reader by surprise (more or less).

So I don't think I'll be changing them, but thanks for the suggestions. None of my poems are finished until I die though I prefer to keep moving forward with new ones. And I'm also glad that this gives me a chance to explain all that.

And thank you everyone for your critiques, opinions, etc.

[Kouten]

Sorry for the double post.

Here's another.


Standing at the Falls

Bright waters sweep down,
Rushing and roaring under the soft blue sky.
The cool fog and majestic rainbow
Dance across the sun-kissed falls,
Stealing away all pain and sorrow.

Yet looking again,
Such beauty escapes my sight,
As I find no more than the bedrock below.
The empty colors, like raging waves,
Crash against my weary soul.
Drifting back,
I’m left forlorn,
Viewing a distant and faded memory.