Nothing special, just... a lost guy's thoughts.

[Hombre de Mundo]

I never posted here before, and I don't plan to do so ever again. It's just not my field, this... I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts as of late. I wrote this just now, it's not really a poem by any means, I haven't edited it a bit since I started writing it, I just kept on, that's the best way to get your feeling out, I suppose. Well... here it is:


What makes me sad?
Not having her around
No tears to wipe from my cheek
Cause I can’t cry

Felling worries, feeling unsafe
Feeling abandoned.
Alone I am, strafing in the dark
Trying to find my way out

Why she had to leave
My dearest, my love
No one left I have
I feel so empty, I feel so cold
I feel you, the way you used to be
Your warming embrace, your beautiful smile
You finger tops against my cheek

Telling me I’m gonna be fine
Telling me you’re here for me
Telling me you love me

For no reason
All in a sudden
...Did you hide the truth?
Answer me… I have to know
Who you are, who I am

She won’t answer, silent she has gone
Turning her head away, the way she saw me do
In her nightmares
She dropped a bomb on me
Too weak to show me mercy
She left me, dying on the couch, struggling for breath.

Never can I trust her again. She betrayed my trust
Which she sworn never to do
How… why?
I don’t know her anymore, it seems
I sense her in there, but out of reach
Her soul is weak
Maybe…
She was better without me.

[Szerenade]

I think anything can be a poem. Well, perhaps not anything, since I'm not the edgy, radical sort when it comes to writing. I like how you started with a simple question - "What makes me sad?" and then let it build into something more complicated.

Originally Posted by Hombre de Mundo

She won’t answer, silent she has gone
Turning her head away, the way she saw me do
In her nightmares

That stood out to me, the way you described her nightmares, and not just the narrator's.

Her soul is weak
Maybe…
She was better without me.

And how you made her seem not just an antagonist, but also injured, in her way, by the relationship. And, I don't know what else to say, but your poem is very sad.

[Malo and Talo]

I really liked the self-realization at the end. Good work!

[Hombre de Mundo]

I thought I'd never post here again but... thanks for the feedback, guys. Really.