My peoms

Untitled
A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

Into my Head

Everything was perfect.
Everything was fine.
Knowing that you,
Will always be mine.

You loved me
and I loved you.
We kissed and hugged
and a little more too.

That was until,
one day we met.
My world you asked
me to forget.

Now you're out
and having fun.
Knowing that we
are finally done.

My heart you broke.
My soul you ripped.
You sent me tumbling,
into this script.

Sitting here alone,
inside my room.
Did you know,
My soul is doomed?

On the bullet,
I'll put your name.
Sure, you can say
that I'm insane.

My gun is pointed,
towards my head.
I lay here suffering,
Wishing to be dead.

My world is fading,
Here on my bed.
You're the last thing,
Shot into my head.

Tell me what you think, and what i should improve on plz. ^^

Gladly.

"Untitled": As finely woven as its metaphorical threads. I received a very clear picture from that. I found this line especially moving.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold

"Into My Head": The ending was unexpected, for my part; it began so happily. It's unsettling how things can suddenly change so much, and you expressed that very well.

all i can say is WHOA! those were really good! the ending for Into my Head was really awsome, i liked how the person wrote the name and how it was like the last thing shot into her head. nice job!

tankx. ^.^ anythin i need to do to improve?

not really, maybe you could make the rhyming 1st line and 3rd line and not 1st and 2nd.

they were really good so i can't tell you to make anything better!

thanks for the tip. ^^

They were good! Mt poems arn't as good...but yours are REALLY good!

Very nice. I loved the similic phrases in "Untitled" and the beautifully woven symbolism in "Into my Head." It was a poetic form a great love story.