the first chapter of a new sci-fi story made by me

hey guys

I'm making a sci-fi story this is 100% my idea, this is only the first chapter and it will give you a little bit of a backround too one of the main characters. Enjoy and tell me what I need to improve.

Chapter 1

Gandor’s story



Deep in a dark dungeon, in a universe far from ours... “there you go, gorzordian SCUM” said a Heathian guard who tossed food down into the dungeon, (author: Heathians and Gorzordians and everybody in this universe are in a war, a war known as the universal war, Gorzordians are humans and are trying to bring freedom to the universe, Heathians are in the war to become the rulers of the universe, their faces are similar to that of a lizards, their skin is red, they have three spikes sticking out of there heads and they were more muscular and taller than Gorzordians,) there was a reply back

“yeah, thanks for the cardboard” said the Gorzordian at the bottom of the dungeon who was in his thirties had a beard that hadn’t been shaved in long time, and his name was Gandor, at that moment someone was thrown down with him, “get down there you treacherous dog!” yelled yet another Heathian guard, there was a, thud, Gandor rushed over to him, it was a Heathian who must have rebelled against the other Heathians, Gandor could immediately tell that he had been shot but not in a fatal area, he helped the Heathian up, the Heathian said thanks as Gandor lead him to a bed and set him on it. “Hello and welcome to my humble abode, it doesn’t look like much but in time you’ll realize it’s worse… My name is Gandor” he said to the Heathian.

He laughed and said “ha, ha, my name is Kirk”

“well Kirk what did you do?”

“well I was in my bunker this morning and wondered about what we were doing, I realized that we’re greedy, pompous.... you know and so when I was lined up with everybody else for role call I thought of my family back home, the commander came up to me and I said ‘I’m not a slave to the Heathians any longer’ then he shot me, I was in pain but got out my blaster anyway, I fired in all directions, I’m not sure if I hit anyone but I do know that I was shoved down here... what’s your story?”



“I don’t really want to talk about it”

“Come on Gorzordian scum” Kirk said jokingly

“Oh fine, I was in one of the gorzordians many war stations just guarding it like I was supposed to, I was with a man... I mean boy named Chun he was twenty-one and we were both in the control room, we had just finished one of our transmissions with our general, when Chun was complaining that we had to make contact with the general every hour, of course he over exaggerated it and said it was every minute, when we heard a battle ship flying over us we heard a loud blaster shots followed by the sound of air leaking out of the ship. We then heard the computer say ‘warning, warning alert, there are air leeks in sector 1-87, evacuate, evacu...’ the computer just made a buzzing noise then was silent, Chun told me that there was a holo-message on the projector, I told him to bring it online, a Heathian commander appeared on the projection table he smiled wickedly at us then said ‘hello Gorzordian stooges... we just sent a barrage of fire from one of our fleets, to your ship, we also planted a bomb that will blow up at any time... we also got Heathian army robots on your ship... how did we get them on you ask? Well we bombarded a Gorzordian cargo ship, and we then came to your space station and easily made a landing inside... you really should have a better type of security... don’t bother with trying to get to an escape pod we’re going to launch them all in 1 minute anyway... well now when we have taken over your planet then we can take them all...’ (author: because Gorzord is in the center of the universe) the commander laughed evilly at us, Chun turned off the projection table and I think I heard him say under his breath ‘this is what I’ve been waiting for’ well I grabbed a blaster rifle and gave Chun a regular blaster, we then made our way out...we headed toward the launching pad, but we met up with a group of Heathian battle robots....Chun though that he could take them on I told him not to, but he went anyway....the Heathians had given the robots only stun blasters...(I guess so that we would experience the pain of being in an explosion) and the Heathian robots took Chun away to a prison cell while I watched from behind a wall... when all of them had left I used my blaster to get into the air vent system, I made my way to the weapons lab... there I found some new, untested, unused, plates of armor, I also found some new guns that were tested but weren’t in use for the military yet, I put on the armor and picked up one of the guns...I had a backpack that was attached to the amor...I put in one of the plates of armor in it then I put one of the guns into it, so then I had to get Chun out of the cell but the only way to open a locked cell was with a certain robot, I made my way over to the robot, a couple of Heathian robots were guarding him, I quickly started thinking of a plan, I shot the ground away from the robots making them think someone was hiding behind the wall, they quickly ran over to where the bullet had hit I did this looking down from a vent, so I came out of the vent and fired behind the Heathian robots backs, they exploded, reminding me of what might soon be my fate, I commanded the robot to follow me then I quickly ran over to where Chun was, only 2 Heathian robots were guarding him, I shot them, they exploded, I lead the robot that I saved earlier to Chun, Chun got out, and started ranting that they had taken his gun, I interrupted him saying, ‘no time to talk’ I then gave him the armor and the gun in my backpack, we were just about to make our way out when all of the sudden, a man with a what appeared to be a sword with laser going around it, came into the room, me and Chun quickly fired at him, he simply dodge most of our fire, but he deflected one bullet with his sword, it hit me hard, all I remember is things starting to get dark, but then, when I woke up I found myself in...” Gandor was interrupted by a Heathian guard, who shouted down to him.

“come up Gorzordian, your being taken to another planet, you to traitor!”

so Gandor and Kirk were taken out of the jail into the cells of a star cruiser and then into space...

ok here's chapter two, please reply and tell me what you think.


Chapter 2
Chun’s story

The room felt small even though he was on a giant military ship, he is Chun, and he was on a giant military ship on its way to the next battle. He had gone to his bunk which was one very small room, all that was there was a bunk bed, two small tables and one light. Chun just sat on his bed looking out of into space through the small window inside of his room. He thought of stuff that had happened in the past, how after Gandor had been shot how the guy with the laser sword had thrown some sort of nock-out gas at him, how when he woke up the guy with the laser sword was gone, and how Gandor’s body had disappeared with him, how he had ran to a ship and taken off into space only a few minutes before the space station blew up, oh how much had happened in between then and now, he reflected on these things until someone came inside of his room, it was his bunk mate cadet Bard, who at one time was a heathian soldier is now a gorzordian soldier, he could tell that Chun was in deep thought, he said “hey” quietly just to let Chun know he was there, Chun thought about how he had met Bard, it was quite a long time ago, it started after Chun had landed the ship that he escaped from the explosion in, on Gorzord. How he saw a merchant selling the laser-sword thing that he had seen at the space station, he was so interested in this device that he used what little money he had to buy it. Oh how he wished that he had known how to use it when the Heathians invaded Gorzord, how he might have prevented the Heathians from slaughtering thousands of innocent citizens and being captured and being sent to jail. How a heathian was bringing him food and how he had struck the heathian across the head. How he had grabbed his equipment and snuck onto one of the heathian army shuttles. How after a long while the ship had landed on some giant ball of metal that acted like a small planet, it thrived on its artificial air and gravity. He had snuck over to a tower where he conducted a little bit of sabotage; he set up a computer on the tower to tell the security turrets to fire at anything that moved. There was chaos on the mechanical planet when Chun had done this, soon after though a squad of Heathian robots flooded the room, Chun remembered reaching for his blaster but pulling out the laser sword he had purchased. He didn’t have time to switch weapons so he turned on the sword, the emitters of the sword gave out a blue beam of energy that surrounded the metal bar, Chun charged the robots swinging his sword like a mad man, next thing he knew he stood upon a piece of one of the robots while pieces were all over the room, not a single robot was still in one piece. Chun sighed and thought about what had happened after that, how the guy with a laser sword that had “killed” Gandor walked into the room, he turned on his laser sword, Chun attempted to fight him but he had only just started using it and never faced combat such as this, he only remembered swinging his sword in so many ways and suddenly being on the floor, and then someone’s foot hitting his face, he remembered waking up in a cell where he saw Gandor smiling at him saying “good day, old chum” Chun remembers being so surprised that Gandor was still alive he almost would’ve hugged him, but Gandor ruined this moment when he said “we need to come up with a plan, they plan on feeding us to a mechalion” Chun remembered planning something with Gandor, but they always would find a way that would screw it up. Soon enough they were brought to the mechalion Chun remembers running for his life and running into a heathian holding an electric bar. Chun picked up the electric bar and tried hitting the mechalion with it, it wasn’t working so he ran when he remembered from school, a mechalion’s weak spot is on his chest, Chun ran over to the giant beast and threw his electric bar, now electric spear, at the mechalion’s chest, there was a shriek of pain then dust from the floor shot up as a huge body hit the ground, for a few seconds no one could see anything. When the dust cleared Chun finally looked at where he was because he hadn’t before, he saw that he was some planet that he didn’t recognize, also he saw that he was in an arena, the seats of the arena were filled with heathians screaming in fury of the Gorzordians actually winning the fight. This was meant to be an execution so they sent out a battalion of heathian robots. Chun remembered being in despair for a few moments as he thought he was about to die, when out of no where there was an explosion then gorzordian warriors flooded the stadium Heathians were running for their life’s as blaster fire went everywhere. Chun couldn’t figure out what was going on, he could remember a hand grabbing him and tugging him to run a certain way, he didn’t have any choice and he was tired so he ran with the hand, when he got out of the stadium he could clearly tell that this was a gorzordian soldier, he kept running until he got inside some shuttle where they put him in a med-bay, he remembered falling asleep, and then waking up and no one being around, he half shouted “hello” the only reply was his own echo. He came to the bridge where a button was blinking, he pushed it and a hologram appeared in the holo-generator, in the hologram Chun remembered that it was a heathian general; he went by the name of Gohen. He remembered the hologram saying that he had sent a bunch of assassins on the ship to kill everyone but him, he said that he needed a little laser sword practice and that he was going to duel with Chun and that’s why Chun is still alive. He said that the ship was going to make a rough landing on his home planet of Gorzord. Chun was alarmed by this since he had only fought once with a laser sword. He remembers crashing into the planet and getting out of the ship, he remembers a laser sword being thrown at him and him catching it. He remembered Gohen’s figure coming out from behind a building, he remembered a fight that was hard for Chun to remember, he remembered getting a lucky slice on Gohen and him falling to the ground. He remembered Gohen saying that they would battle again and then he saw Gohen turn into a pile of green goop. Chun remembered searching for a ship or something he could use to escape the planet, he took a good look at what was left on the planet, he saw that most building were now rubble and he saw that nobody was around, which made himself ask the question “why did all the heathians leave?” but he looked through different building until he went inside one where the body of a heathian lay, he checked if the heathian was breathing, he was but barely, Chun dragged the heathian to a hospital where droids that took the place of doctors were still working, he let the robot tend to the heathian. When the heathian came into consciousness he looked kind of confused, he saw Chun and tried to figure out what was going on. Chun introduced himself to the heathian and then the heathian said weekly “my name is Bard”.

Chun snapped out of his little dream in history when the shuttle he was in shook. He and Bard ran into the control room where the ship captain was “we’ve taken on damage from something, I don’t know what it was but we’re going to have to crash land on that planet!” Chun and Bard were in horror when they saw what planet they were going to crash in. It was yoothalim, home to the savages…

ok chapter 3 is done but I would appriciate it if someone would comment.

Chapter 3
Breaking free, literally

Gandor and Kirk were both in the jail cells of a heathian military shuttle. They both were in separate cells, actually separate sectors of the ship, Gandor was just sitting thinking about how after he had been knocked out on the space station he found himself being questioned about gorzordian technology in some interrogation room. Of course he didn’t know anything because he was only a guard and of course the heathians didn’t believe him. After a long time of interrogation they gave up, but then they did something weird, they stuck a needle into one of his veins making sure it was painful and sucked out a lot of his blood. He remembered putting his hand on the wound that the heathians had just made when the pulled out the needle, after that he was just inside of a cell for the rest of his days. He wished that he could see Chun, because he had become friends with the young lad while he had been on the space station, ever since the destruction of the space station he hadn’t seen him. He just sat in his current cell quietly waiting to be put into the next cell, when he heard foot steps, he prepared to poked and prodded by an electro-bar but what came in front of him was a familiar face.
“Kirk! But how did you esca-“ Kirk interrupted Gandor and said
“shhhh, I’ll explain it all later right now we need to get out of here, but be quiet.” Kirk pulled out some sort of key and opened the door. Gandor walked out of the cell then they both snuck out of the prison cells, they went into a hallway and looked around, no one appeared to be there, so Kirk and Gandor made their way to the escape pods made it out of the ship. Gandor wondered why their escape had been so easy, but he was just happy to have escaped so he just thought of it as luck. Gandor looked at Kirk and said
“How did you escape?”
“well, someone had come in to feed me and I hit him across the head, I took his keys and ran over to where you are avoiding countless different soldiers.”
“I don’t know they went to a different part of the ship I guess.”
“Ok then… so where are we going to land?”
“we’re going to park this thing into a space colony ship, there are so many people in those that we shouldn’t be found”
“well all right then, I’ll trust your judgment.” So Gandor and Kirk landed on a space colony ship, which is basically just a space station with a bunch of different apartments and business associations. When they got there they were asked for a parking fee, Gandor had nothing but Kirk somehow conveniently had some money. Gandor asked him “exactly how do you have money? I mean you were jailed as I was” Kirk looked slightly confused for a second and said “oh, yeah, uhm…I took it from the heathian who I knocked out back on the ship” Gandor simply said “mm, hmm” and followed Kirk to where there were cheep apartments. They bought an apartment that had two beds and rested for a little while. A while later they got up and decided to take a look around the ship, they went inside of a restaurant to go get a little something to eat and drink, Kirk pulled out more money and paid for everything which made Gandor think “how much money did that heathian guard have?” but he was so hungry that he didn’t think about it for long, he ate his food in a slight hurry not wanting to be in one place for too long, once they had both finished their food they both started to walk out of the restaurant when they passed the bar at the front of the restaurant, a big man wearing a stained white shirt walked out of the bar and said “hey you with the funny red head, I don’t like people with funny red heads.” The man was obviously drunk because he was pointing at a wall while trying to point to Kirk. The fat man wearing the white stained shirt then said “I think I’ll smash you and then stuff you and put you on my wall” the man made a “hic” noise then raised his hands and let them fall down on Kirk, Kirk grabbed the mans arm and flipped the fat man with a lot of struggle. Everyone in the bar saw what happened and got out of their seats wanting to fight these new comers themselves, Gandor leaned over to Kirk and whispered “you take the ones on the left” and Kirk smiled and said “and you take the ones on the right.” The men at the bar charged at Gandor and Kirk all at least half drunk, Gandor and Kirk swung their arms wildly flipping, punching, and throwing people who were attacking them. After a long time of fighting back the drunk men Gandor and Kirk were the only ones left standing, Gandor looked at Kirk and asked “won’t we get arrested?” Kirk laughing from all the ‘fun’ he just had said “no we were only defending ourselves.” Gandor just then looked at a sign that said “brawl bar” he directed it to Kirk’s attention then they both started laughing hysterically. Once they had regained their composure they walked out of the restaurant when some lady wearing some type of battle armor came up to them and said “I saw that fight you had at the bar” the two of them looked at each other and snickered slightly, the women continued “we’re looking for new blood to fight in the arena, if you do you will be paid quite handsomely.” They both just stood there for a second, the sound of people walking and talking in the background of the many stores all around them. The women spoke up again “if you decide to come to the battle arena, it’s at the end of this hallway, when they asked who suggested you tell them that ‘Lairra did’ I’ll see you guys later, It’s always fun to beat some one to a worthless pulp.” She left and Kirk and Gandor said at the exact same time “what a creepy lady” and she was creepy, her face looked torn, her hands were gnarled, and she looked like she could take out anyone who dared get in her way. Kirk then said “well we could definitely use the money” Gandor nodded and said “yeah that’s true, we’re going to have to buy a ship to get out of here so I suggest that we do.” So the next day they came to where the battle arena was, they were just outside of the building, from outside it just looked like a door in a wall with the sign “the battle arena” above the door. They walked in and saw a lady sitting at a desk she asked “are you here to watch the fights or to be in them.” Kirk replied by saying “in them.” The lady asked “who suggested you” Gandor said “Lairra” all right walk into the left hallway and grab the armor and weapon of your choice on the way to the arena. So Gandor and Kirk walked through the hallway, first they passed an area with weapons. Gandor chose to duel wield some blaster rifles while Kirk chose an electro-bar. They walked further down the hallway to come to the section where they had to pick out armor. Gandor picked out some light and more flexible armor while Kirk picked out a stronger, heavier armor. They walked farther and came into a room with a bunch of people sitting on benches waiting to get inside of the arena, A man standing in front of the gate to the arena told them to sit and a bench on the left side of the room, they sat down and saw Lairra on the other side of the room. “Glad to see you boys could make it, I hope that you survive long enough to work your way up to me.” Gandor and Kirk both looked at each other wondering what they had just gotten themselves into. The Guard called on Gandor and someone named Hetrum. Kirk wished Gandor as Gandor walked through the gate, once he got through the gate for a second the light in the arena seemed blinding then once his eyes went into focus he could see he was in a circular room, above him were stands in which people watched everything, the ground of the stadium was just dirt, but Gandor could make out a few spots of blood on it. Gandor looked ahead of him taking a good look at his opponent, he wore some mid weight mid flexibility armor and was holding an electro-bar Gandor and him just stood there for a second then an announcer said “let the game begin!” there was a loud honk and then the Hetrum guy charged at Gandor, and Gandor got into a battle ready stance.